I usually digitally edit the drawings that I post here — smoothing out wonky curves, filling in white spots in black areas, erasing rogue lines. I did this drawing over the weekend, planning for it to be a holiday card for a coworker. But many things about it displease me.

I didn’t edit this scan at all. The things I don’t like aren’t as easy to see here as they are IRL. There’s a smudgy blob right in the middle, a result of the paper not coping well with the amount of ink I laid down and turning kind of “fuzzy.” The tape also peeled off a layer of paper around the edge when I removed it, and the bottom left corner inking leaves something to be desired.

Aside from problems with material, I also don’t like how the fronds along the bottom look weird and cyclops-ish, and the fingery leafy patterns in a couple of places creep me out.

But it’s OK. The more videos I watch of other people drawing, the more I see the mistakes they make. Everyone makes mistakes. No one has to live up to someone else’s standards or be “as good as” someone else, to be GOOD.

I’m learning how to give myself a break, how to pivot. Features I dislike can sometimes be reworked into the drawing in a different way. I’ve done that. Sometimes, though, I’m just too unhappy with the work overall, like this one. So, it’s a failed experiment. One of my lifetime quota of bad works, that’s now out of the way, making room for a good one.

I’m reimagining the holiday card project. I don’t have to draw them. Or maybe I will. I haven’t decided yet. I’m lucky to have money to spend on supplies. I’m learning to stop rationing. I don’t have to berate myself for spending $11 on these cards that can’t take the ink. It’s fine. I’ll use them for something else, or give them away. I’ll try again tomorrow.

I hope you can let go of perfectionism, have compassion for yourself, make something you think is beautiful, and be at peace this holiday season.