almost 90!!
32 days
Detox, and a short stay in rehab, and longer sober than I’ve been in a very long time.
Day 5
and i will stay sober today. Likely I’ll eat a pint of ice cream as well, but I’ll do it soberly.
——–
Ate half a pint of ice cream. Accidentally shot the tail of a spicy shrimp into my eye, which was insanely painful and naturally made me think, is this all I get with sobriety? Dumber screw-ups than when I’m drinking? But who knows what dumb stuff goes on in a blackout.
One more down.
After a brief hell hiatus
I’m back on day 4. I will not drink today, no matter what.
Day 2
It’s always recommended to keep a gratitude list in recovery, and I’ve never actually done it. So I’ll do that here.
- This morning’s yoga class, and the message of rebirth
- My partner is still supportive of me
- Cat is more energetic on appetite stimulant
Beyond that, I bought Erica Spiegelman’s Rewired: A Bold New Approach to Recovery, and I intend to work the exercises here.
Alcohol -0, yoga -led, meditation – 10
Peeved
It’s been like this before, I’ll have to constantly remember. I’ve gained weight in the relapse, and I feel rotten. My hair is falling out and I’m confused. I’m skeptical of everything. Routine is a very strong tool, and I need to make one; need to get my eating and sleeping sorted out. This is depressing but I’m staying sober today.
Unrelated, but who cares: I did find an AA meeting I somewhat liked, a women’s meeting. I had an alienating experience on maybe my 8th day, as the whole meeting became about mothering, and I don’t have children. There were two of us without children in the room. It seemed the mothers had a special incentive to get sober, and I couldn’t relate. I went to a couple more meetings, and that was it. not sure if I’ll go back.
I don’t want to be blacking out, gaining weight, and losing my hair and creativity.
Millionth Day One
I’ve been here before, and even writing these words or making this statement makes me sick. I’m distracted, nervous, angry, anxious, and dyspeptic. That’s ok; it’s happening again, I’m quitting drinking. Topamax has been my most helpful ally in this, but I’m currently unmedicated. I had nine months once, and I’ll get it again. Here it goes, writing my way through this.
redessicated 