Reflections of a Doctor

The Timeless Value of Family: Why Nurturing Relationships Matters

In a world bustling with distractions and obligations, amidst the constant pursuit of personal and professional success, the significance of family often gets overshadowed. Yet, at the core of our existence lies an undeniable truth: family is the cornerstone of our emotional, psychological, and social well-being.

In this thousand-word exploration, we delve into the profound importance of looking after your family, transcending time and cultural boundaries.

First and foremost, family provides a sanctuary of love and support. From the tender embrace of parents to the camaraderie of siblings, familial bonds offer solace in times of adversity and joy in moments of triumph. Through the ebbs and flows of life, knowing that there are individuals who unconditionally accept and cherish us fosters a sense of belonging and security unparalleled by any other relationship.

Beyond emotional sustenance, family serves as the bedrock of identity formation. Our earliest memories, values, and traditions are deeply intertwined with familial experiences. From learning the art of resilience in the face of challenges to imbibing cultural heritage through generations, familial influences sculpt the essence of who we are and shape the trajectory of our lives.

Moreover, nurturing family ties cultivates empathy and compassion, essential virtues in fostering harmonious coexistence within society. By prioritizing the well-being of our loved ones, we cultivate a sense of interconnectedness and empathy that extends beyond familial boundaries, fostering a culture of kindness and understanding in our communities.

Furthermore, the significance of family transcends individual benefits to encompass societal resilience and stability. Strong family units serve as the building blocks of flourishing societies, fostering environments conducive to holistic development and progress. By instilling values of mutual respect, cooperation, and responsibility within familial dynamics, we contribute to the cultivation of socially conscious citizens capable of effecting positive change on a broader scale.

In addition, the care and support we extend to our family members ripple outward, influencing future generations and shaping the course of human history. By modeling healthy relationships and nurturing familial bonds, we lay the foundation for a legacy of love, resilience, and intergenerational harmony that reverberates through time.

However, the importance of looking after one’s family extends beyond altruism; it is also a matter of self-preservation and personal fulfillment. Research consistently demonstrates the myriad health benefits associated with strong familial relationships, including reduced stress levels, enhanced immune function, and improved mental well-being. By prioritizing the cultivation of family bonds, we invest in our own physical and emotional health, reaping the rewards of a support network that sustains us through life’s trials and triumphs.

Furthermore, the act of caring for one’s family fosters personal growth and fulfillment, offering opportunities for selflessness, sacrifice, and unconditional love. In nurturing the well-being of our loved ones, we discover a profound sense of purpose and fulfillment that transcends individual pursuits, enriching our lives with meaning and significance.Moreover, the legacy of love and compassion we leave behind through our familial relationships serves as a testament to our values and priorities long after we are gone. By investing in the well-being of our family members, we contribute to a legacy of love and resilience that endures through generations, shaping the course of human history in profound and meaningful ways.In conclusion, the importance of looking after your family cannot be overstated. From providing a sanctuary of love and support to fostering personal growth and societal resilience, familial bonds are the bedrock of our existence, shaping our identity, values, and legacy. As we navigate the complexities of modern life, let us remember to prioritize the cultivation of family relationships, for in doing so, we enrich not only our own lives but also the fabric of human society itself.

The High 5 Habit – a summary

The High 5 Habit is the latest self-help book written by one of the most booked public speakers on the planet, Mel Robbins who is most famous for her book “The 5 Second Rule”. In The High 5 Habit, Mel aims to help us take on our self-limiting beliefs and for us to use positivity and confidence to achieve our greatest ambitions.

The begining of the book focusses on developing the habit of High 5’ing ourselves in the bathroom mirror each morning. The idea behind this is that we should be our own biggest supporters and what better time of day to cheerlead ourselves on than the morning. Mel Robbins believes this can help train the brain to have a more posotive, victory-orientated mindset. At the very least, we can remember this high 5 moment for the rest of the day as an acnhor of posotivty despite what the rest of the day may bring. It can bring control to our lives. We all love getting high-5’ed, so why not do this for ourselves she argues.

The next portion of the book focusses on ridding our minds of negative beliefs, doubts and unhelpful self-talk that often can infect our general mood and outlook on life. We often torture ourselves by thinking we’re going to fail, tellign ourselves we’re not good enough or listening to the naysayers. This can end up making us feel like we are broken and always destined to fail. It’s this fear of failure that can lead us to becoming paraluysed, paralysed to the point of inaction. She argues that the more we focus on the negative, the more true it becomes. She urges us to love oursleves for who we are and what we are, flaws and all.

This leads onto the final portion of the book where she teaches us about the Reticular Activating System, or RAS for short. This is the filter mechanism of the brain whereby it helps keep only relevant information/stimulus in the forefront of our mind. Have a think about the last time you were hunting for a particular car to buy, did you start suddenly noticing that car everywhere you looked? This is the RAS at work.

Mel wants us to use our RAS to our advantage. How can we do this? By focussing on all the positive and being optimistic about the outcomewe are hoping to achieve. She uses the example of her book launch and her desire to buy a particular painting that was very expensive. By focussing and visualising us achieving the goal and the very steps that will get us there (the hard work and all of it) we can slowly but surely achieve even our wildest goals and dreams.

She finishes by encouraging us to put ourselves first by taking control of our mornings, celebrating ourselves with a high 5, making our bed, telling ourselves we are loved and then visualising all our upcoming successes.

Overall, this was a very uplifting idea based a lot of previous self-help books that have come before it. The main takeaway for me was a reminder to always train our mind to look for positivity, to look for love, to look for hope. It reminded me to visualise all the hard work I need to do to achieve a certain goal as this forms as a rehearsal for when I will actually do the hard work. Finally, it encourages us to be our own biggest supporters, just as we are to our close family and friends.

The importance of maintaining family ties

When was the last time you had a falling out with a family member? If you’re anything like most of us, sadly it probably wasn’t too long ago. Why does it pain us when we lose the connection with our family? Why as we grow older does it get harder to maintain family ties? Why should we even care to maintain ties? How can we always keep our family bond strong?

These are the thoughts and questions that constantly enter my mind, especially at times of separation from family or in times of heated moments.

Families form the basis of our life. We are all born into a family, grow up with a family and then a large proportion of us go on to produce even more family members. When I use the word “family”, it doesn’t necessarily mean our biological family as a lot of us have people in our lives who we consider as family though we may not share the same genetics.

Maintaining strong family ties has physical, mental and spiritual benefits to our health and happiness. When it comes to physical benefits, studies show that family time can reduce levels of stress, lead to better nutrition habits, improve our immunity and also prolong our life expectancy by having this sense of community. Moreover, the mental benefits of a family cannot be overstated. Families offer a huge support system for us when we are feeling low, angry or stressed. They can be the ones we seek safety and an empathetic ear from as well as any practical help and support. Finally, there are also spiritual benefits to maintaining family ties, namely doing good deeds for each other and the larger community around you as well as focussing on your religious practices as a family, helping each other with spirituality.

As we grow older and become more “busy” with work, responsibilities and relationships with others, it can be easy to steadily drift away from our family. This is why we must keep a strong mindset and make the intention to work hard and proactively strengthen our bond with family members. This year I made it a goal to travel and see my family members in three different areas of the world including Asia, Middle East and the USA. Despite the huge financial cost associated with this, it was the best investment I ever made as nothing can beat quality time with family members.

Ways to maintain family ties we can start today:

Let them know you’re thinking of them. Whenever the thought of a family member enters your mind, let them know by sending them a quick text message or a voice note. It can be short and sweet, but it goes a long way in making the recipient feel loved and cherished.
Buy a loved one a gift. It doesn’t need.to be fancy but these gestures can work miracles in reminding someone that they’re important to you and that you are thinking of them. Recently my elder sister bought me a beard comb and now every time I use it I am reminded of her and it makes me happy.
Sit down and have meals together at least once a day. Nothing beats sharing the stories from the day over a delicious warm meal. Try it and see how much more enjoyable your evenings become.
Plan outings with your family. At least once a month, go out with your family. This can be as simple as going to the park to planning activities such as bowling or theme parks. Time spent having a fun adventure is great for boosting everyone’s well-being and can often make things a lot more comfortable and easy-going.
Always forgive each other. Having arguments or disagreements with family members is inevitable. Not only should we all work on our communication skills to help with these moments, we should always be willing to apologise when we’re wrong and also accept the other’s apology. Forgiveness is the easiest way to ensure peace within us and also around us.
Do small favours and acts of service for each other. This can be as simple as offering a lift or helping them with a job that needs doing. Putting in this physical effort shows a lot of loyalty.

These are just some of the ways we can not only maintain but strengthen our relationship with our family members. Let’s not live our life with regrets that we didn’t spend enough quality time with our family, or that we weren’t there enough for our family or that we squabbled over minor issues. Instead, let’s be the driving force for injecting life, energy and happiness into our family so we can all grow, develop and succeed together.

Always do justice for your patients

Having been the on-call doctor a lot recently where I’m covering half the hospital by myself in the evenings, I have sadly realised how many times patients have been managed in an untimely way or even unsafely.

These on-call shifts should mainly be for managing acutely unwell patients and true emergencies but recently I’m noticing that more and more of my time is being spent on cleaning up the mess made by the doctor’s during the day time and ensuring patient safety is being enforced in situations where I feel it hasn’t been.

In this world of healthcare, where staff and resources are stretched thin and where our pay is being cut left -right-centre, mistakes happen and empathy can go out the window. However, we must fight this urge. We must never forget the “care” part of the word “healthcare”. To this end, spend the extra minute holding a scared patient’s hand, document any concerns properly as well as escalation plans and ensure ultimately that patient safety is being maintained at all times by double-checking they’re on the right dose of their medication and that any relevant scans and blood tests have been done.

We never know when it could be us or our loved one in hospital. How would we want them to be treated? That’s how we should treat all our patients.

A great doctor needs to have competency, confidence, empathy, compassion, awareness of limitations, proficient communication and a positive mindset. Every day we must strive to achieve this and once we do, we’ll realise how much more we enjoy our career and how much better we sleep at night.

Die with Zero

As someone who has primarily been caught in the trap of having a super high savings rate at the expense of the finer things in life (this isn’t always the case though!) the past few months have been a real eye-opening experiment for me.

The sad truth is that too many of us delay gratification for too long, or indefinitely. We put off what we want to do until it’s too late, saving money for experiences we will never enjoy.

“Die with Zero: Getting All You Can from Your Money and Your Life” written by Bill Perkins is an extremely thought-provoking book about maximising our life experiences and happiness by spending our money in a way that aligns with our values and interests rather than saving for a day that may never come.

Prior to the last few months/year, I had been someone who, when traveling, would do so on a budget, or buy clothes/trainers only when needed and only buy barista-made coffees as a treat here and there. Don’t get me wrong, I still absolutely enjoyed every single experience and thus far have traveled to 30 different countries by the age of 28, drive a decent car and have a good selection of clothes and outfits. However, I would never be one to splurge out on extras at a hotel, or one to pay someone else to wash my car when I can do it myself or even buy subscriptions like Spotify.

As long as I can remember, I have always valued experiences over material goods and this will never change. The importance of this prioritisation is stressed further by Bill Perkins who writes: “When you look back on your life, the richness of those experiences will determine your judgment of how full a life you’ve led. So it stands to reason that you should put some serious thought and effort into planning the kinds of experiences that you want for yourself. Without that kind of deliberate planning, you’re bound to just follow our culture’s well-trodden, default path through life—to coast on autopilot. You’ll get to your destination (death) but probably without having the kind of journey you would have actively chosen for yourself”

Furthermore, what’s crucial is that we plan these experiences at the right time rather than purely thinking about it from a financial point of view. For me, a keen traveler, it is important that I travel to the countries that require me to be physically fit whilst I’m as young and healthy as possible. How will I enjoy mountain-climbing, jet-skiing or skydiving when I’m old and decrepit but with plenty of money in the bank?

This is why planning and balance is vital. We want to be healthy enough but also financially stable enough to have these experiences, beyond that, the extra money we accumulate probably won’t get used up any way before we die and instead will go to the taxman.

By having experiences, you not only live a more engaged and interesting life yourself, but you also have more of yourself to share with others. We need to start investing in experiences early, this will pay off massively in dividends and memories. Don’t worry about scrimping and saving, be deliberate with how you spend your money. Invest in experiences rather than things.

Some may question this philosophy and ask “shouldn’t we aim to have savings when we die so our loved ones can inherit it”. But this is a fallacy for a couple of main reasons. The main one being that by the time you die, your loved ones’ ability to benefit from your money will probably be diminished as they’ll likely already be financially stable by that time. Secondly, by the time your loved ones pay the inheritance tax etc etc, there may not be much left over. For this reason, it is better to allocate your capital to your loved ones whilst you’re still alive so they can benefit from it when they actually need it e.g to help your children to buy a house and then you can rest easy knowing all the remaining money is yours to spend of life experiences. The same principle can be used for charities – those people in poverty-stricken areas need your money NOW; not when you die.

I have thoroughly been enjoying spending my hard-earned money on experiences, on my family, friends and loved ones and have never once thought that it has been a waste of money or worried that I should be saving more for the future. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still important to have financial goals and not live a “YOLO” lifestyle everyday, but let’s all relax our collars a little bit.

Something we can do right away to free up our most valuable asset, namely time, is to start paying for services that allow us to “buy back” our free time so we can use that time doing what we enjoy. To this end, paying someone else to wash our car or paint our house or tidy our garden can be a worthy investment as long as we then put that time to good use. Similarly, treat yourself to the nicer hotel or that nicer pair of shoes if that’s what will make you happier depending on your values. Set aside funds for your family members or favourite charities now rather than waiting until you die. Finally, once we realise we need less money than we actually think, we can even cut back the amount of hours we work so we can spend more time living. Let’s all aim to die with zero.

Identify Your Life Changing Moments — And Use Them To Change Your Life

We all have moments in our life where we come to a crossroad and we have to decide what to do next. Do we let that moment defeat us? Do we let that moment linger on and be passive about it? Or do we use that moment as a slingshot to catapult us to greater heights?

The journey towards extraordinary achievement often starts with a spark or unique moment. These are your Pivot Points where you make a choice that significantly affects your life outcomes.

Muhammad Ali used the moment he got his bike stolen to hone his punching skills to defend against any would-be thieves but went on to become the GOAT. Michael Jordan had a pivot point when he wasn’t selected for his high school basketball team and used to as fuel to help him become the greatest basketball player of all time.

When faced with a pivot point, the elite few take specific actions that drive them towards achieving their goals. Most others also feel the pang of a pivot point but do little or nothing, and quite soon, like every other experience, these crucial moments pass.

Identify these moment:

These pivot points come in all different shapes and sizes. Sometimes they are an opportunity as when Bill Gates realised he couldn’t pass up the emergence of the dot com bubble. Other times people let these opportunities pass them by as when Blockbuster decided not to buy Netflix at a cheap price.

Sometimes these moments are having a realisation that you’re extremely talented at a certain skill e.g. certain Olympians who initially try developing careers in a certain sport but realise they are much better at something else and have to choose between what they’re passionate about and what they’re elite at.

Other times a life changing moment appears at your door step due to a life event, which may be either positive e.g. finding a new mentor or negative e.g. losing a loved one or going through a painful breakup or a medical diagnosis. These moments are there, just as the iceberg was there for the titanic, to make you change course or make a bold decision.

Reacting to your pivot points:

Once you’ve identified a potential life-changing moment, you must be courageous enough to grab it firmly with both hands and make a decision and put all your energy into ensuring it works out. We cannot be passive. We cannot be weak. We cannot be lazy. These life changing moments are far and few between.

When you feel that twinge of desire pulling you in a particular direction, you need to follow through on the urge. Most likely, it is a pivot point prompting you to do something extraordinary. So, grab hold of that opportunity when you hear it knock, but don’t beat yourself up for missing it. If it is something you truly desire, it will appear again soon.

Tools to aid making your decisions:

Journalling. Tim Ferriss made popular the practice of “fear setting” whereby we write down what we want to achieve and what the downsides are of doing it and more importantly the downsides of not doing it as we often regret actions we did not take rather than actions we did.
Reflect. Use a little quiet time to reflect. I often enjoy doing this whilst surrounded by nature. It’s important though to differentiate between reflection which is an active and structured process vs overthinking which isn’t helpful.
Seek counsel from people of wisdom. Use mentors or trusted individuals for advice, not any Joe Blogss from the street.

Conclusion

We all face moments in life which have the potential the break us or scare us or re-awaken us. We must take full advantage of these moments with bravery, vigour and conviction.

The courage to be disliked – book summary 📚

I recently read: “The courage to be disliked” which is authored by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi. This is a Japanese analysis of the work of 19th-century psychologist Alfred Adler, who established that happiness lies in the hands of each human individual and does not depend on past traumas.

Most of us have heard of Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud; both of whom are considered the founding fathers of psychoanalytical psychology. Freud’s main theory is that the external traumas from our past can dictate and mould our futures, meanwhile Jung believed our actions are more determined by our inner thoughts and beliefs.

Adler however, was the third brother, if you will, in this trio of psychoanalytical psychology founding fathers who’s primary idea was that each individual is in control of their own life and it all relates to feelings of inferiority/superiority and interpersonal relationships. Unlike Freud, Adler believed we are not determined or bound to our past. He postulated that we can make of our lives what we wish and that past traumas don’t have to define us.

In this easy-to-follow book, the authors present a conversation between a young man who is full of questions on life’s problems and a mystical philosopher who practices and propagates Adler’s teachings. I want to mention several key lessons I learned from reading this book.

1. It’s harmful to believe your past determines your future.

Imagine how helpless it would make us if we thought our lives were bound to pan out a certain way simply due to how we were raised? Freud argues most of our adult lives are spent overcoming our childhood traumas meanwhile Adler supports that we can change who we are at any given moment.

Adlerian psychology is a psychology of courage. Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment. And it isn’t that you lack competence. You just lack courage. “One might say you are lacking in the courage to be happy.”

When we live in the realm of “if only it was such and such a way..” we will be relegated to a life of learned helplessness. He teaches that no matter what has happened in your life, it should have no bearing in you moving forward and consciously deciding how you are going to think and live. “At some stage in your life, you chose “being unhappy.” It is not because you were born into unhappy circumstances or ended up in an unhappy situation. It’s that you judged “being unhappy” to be good for you.”

We must choose to become who we want to be and have the courage to always choose happiness.

2. All problems are interpersonal problems.

Essentially, all problems boil down to interpersonal relationships. In the book, we are introduced to the idea of “tasks” whereby we have our tasks in life and others have their own. Where there is intrusion onto your tasks or you try to intrude on others’, problems arise. An example of this is: my task is to become the best version of myself, it is NOT my task to determine what others think of me – that’s their task. Do not seek other people’s recognition or approval or satisfaction.

As Adler says, “Children who have not been taught to confront challenges will try to avoid all challenges.” e.g. let them tie their own shoe laces as this will have a more profound effect on their learning. In every instance, no matter how much you might think you are right, try not to criticise the other party on that basis. This is an interpersonal relationship trap that many people fall into.

Adler argues, if we maintain this separation of tasks, we can avoid most, if not all problems.

Personally, this part of Adlerian psychology makes a lot of sense and I often find myself getting frustrated when others intrude on my tasks but also when I try to intrude on others by advising them on certain aspects of their life. However, when we have children, of course we cannot take such a black-and-white approach to “their tasks” in my opinion and we must guide them, but perhaps a more hands-off approach is better where they learn through their own mistakes and trials.

3. A competitive mindset destroys your mental health.

These days society has constructed such a competitive mindset within people that we believe if someone else is doing well, it means we are losing out. This paradigm has only worsened in the social media era where people have a curated version of their lives online. Instead, Adler proposes that we view each other as comrades and embrace an abundance mindset whereby we believe there is enough for everyone to “win”.

Mark Twain remarked that “comparison is the death of joy.” But, and this is worse, it’s also the birth of misery.

Moreover, we should actively contribute to our fellow human and help each other to succeed as we are one big community. We need to look at each other as equals in a horizontal relationship rather than vertical interpersonal relationship, and know that we are all walking side by side with one another rather than trying to climb on top of each other and push others down in the process.

Conclusion:

I really enjoyed this book and by the end of it, I realised that it truly does take a lot of courage to live the life we desire and to choose happiness no matter whether others like us for it or not. I highly recommend this book as it is full of gems.

I feel like I’m not doing enough with my life

Recently I watched a Youtube podcast on the importance of working hard, being financially successful and taking many risks in life to gain the potential rewards.

After watching it, I immediately felt like I’m not doing nowhere near enough with my life. I felt like I was playing it too safe by choosing the well-forged career as a doctor. I felt like I should be doing more with my time rather than just nurturing close relationships, training in the gym, reading books, writing blogs and traveling.

From my own values and the way I want to live my life, I currently am living pretty much my dream life. So why was I now suddenly feeling less-than after watching a couple of random guys talking about how much Youtube money they make.

Below I want to mention a few reasons that apply to me as to why sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough with my life.

The trap of comparison

I often feel like I’m not doing enough because I compare myself to other people. In reality, whatever I see from other people is a highlight reel, a curated version that they want me to see. I don’t know the struggles and the lows and the sacrifices they go through. This is why, I don’t often compare myself to my friends or family members because I have a clearer idea of what goes into having the life they have whereas random people on social media can present a very cushty life.

You have to remember all your own personal strengths and all the challenges you’ve been through to get to where you are. Ultimately, I would not really want to be living somebody else’s life, although sometimes I may desire aspects of others’ life. Another practical tip may be to simply delete social media like I have done for the past five years or you can unfollow any accounts that may be boasting a lifestyle that may not necessarily be accurate. Remember, everyone has shit parts of their life. EVERYONE.

Fear of failure

A lot of us are perfectionists. We want to write the perfect blog post, we want to upload the perfect instagram photo and we want to portray the perfect life to others. However, this is all a facade; there really is no such thing as perfect. We cannot allow this fear of imperfection or failure to paralyse our thoughts, decisions or actions.

We can often feel like we’re therefore not doing enough with our lives because we’re not taking any risks, even in a small way. This is something I’ve had to work with over the past few years to slowly overcome and writing this very imperfect blog has helped me lived better with uncertainty.

We can never know all the information but we shouldn’t allow that to make us indecisive or too afraid to take a leap of faith. Of course, we should always do our due diligence and put in genuine effort, and then use that as a launch pad to move forward and grow in different areas; be that self-development, taking business risks and taking a chance upon uploading your creativity online.

Forgetting how far we have come

Invariably, most of us are living in the future. We are always looking at what’s next on our to-do list. What task do we have to complete next? How can I be even more successful? What things are lacking in my life?

We rarely stop to “smell the roses.” When was the last time you sat and pondered about how far you’ve actually come in the past 5-10 years? How much better is your health, your finances, your relationships with loved ones, your understanding of other cultures, how much you’ve learned etc etc?

I don’t think we should reflect often on our achievements but a practice I’ve developed since last year is to have a “monthly check-in” with both my “wins” and “things to improve” from the previous month. When I give myself this dedicated 5-10 mins to sit down and write these out, I go through my gratitude journal and I’m often so amazed how many small wins I’ve had from the previous month, let alone when you look at the past year.

For me, just yesterday I was reflecting on how my college Biology teacher told me I’d never become a doctor because I didn’t have the drive to do so. She wrote a letter detailing that to my parents. Fast forward a few years and through God’s grace I’ve now been a doctor for three years. What successes have you had?

Not defining what success means to you

What does success look like for you? Is it having a certain amount of money or material items? Is it having a tight-knit family where everyone loves and supports one another? Is it being able to use every day as an opportunity to share what you have with others and be involved in charity projects?

I encourage everyone to write out what their ideal week looks like and I am confident many of us would already be more than halfway there in living it. It would not take many more adjustments to completely live our own definition of success. The things important to me are spirituality, family and relationships, helping others and financial stability. Along the way to these destinations, we must enjoy the journey by living out our ideal weeks.

These are some of the reasons why we can feel like we are playing it too safe in life or not getting the maximum out of our days. We need to manage these feelings with realistic compassion and approach it with a more balanced outlook.

Reflections of a 28 year old

One of the roadblocks in writing consistently, for so many of us, can be struggling to find a topic either worth writing about or one that you feel hasn’t been written about enough already. So here I was trying to decide if I should write about an amazing book I just finished reading or about the fascinating medical complexities I see on a nearly daily basis at work as a doctor. Then I asked myself – why am I putting unnecessary pressure on myself? I use this website as my own personal storage space to allow my thoughts to flow freely – nothing is planned ahead of time and it is precisely this lack of pressure that allows me to truly experience the cathartic nature of writing.

Having recently turned the ripe old age of 28 last week, I’m currently in a very reflective mood. As such, I wanted to chronicle some of the vast wisdom(!) I have accrued over the years.

Health > Relationships > Mission – in that order.

As I was venturing through medical school, I mainly prioritised my “mission” – which at the time was to not only succeed in graduating as a doctor but to also come at the very top of my year in the exams. This would often come at the expense of my health and relationships with others around me as I did not waiver in my focus on my goals. Fast forward a few years since then, I have realised, the hard way, that our primary focus needs to be on our own health as when this suffers, everything else in our life suffers too. What kind of relationships or missions could we have if our health is so bad we cannot leave our own home for example.

Second on the list of life priorities is relationships. This, for me, includes relationship with family, friends, partner and last but not least, with yourself. As humans, we are social creatures and with the right circle around us, we can harness so much energy, warmth, love, fun, happiness inspiration and growth by nurturing our relationships. Finally, to put it simply, mission is last. On our deathbeds, we are not going to wish we made more money, or sold more products or got more views – we will simply be wishing for healthier times to spend with our cherished ones.

Healthy lifestyle and self-care concept with food, sports and nature icons arranged in a heart shape

Focus only on what you can control.

Life’s challenges can broadly be split into two categories: things you can control and things that you cannot control. The philosophy of stoicism which I’ve been intrigued about for the past five years or so drives home this message as one of its core tenets. The famous ancient philosoper Epictetus taught us that “happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not.” Meanwhile, following on from this, brilliant Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius said: “you have power over your mind – not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength”.

There has been a lot we haven’t been able to control over the past two years, the pandemic of course being one of the key world events. But on a smaller scale, there are day to day things we cannot control that still get us frustrated or drain us of our precious energy. This may include things like the weather that ruins our plans for a hike, roadworks which get us late to work or simply people not thanking us when we feel we deserve it.

What if instead of becoming frustrated with traffic jams (of which we are partially responsible!), we accepted it as an opportunity to practice patience? What if when people don’t thank us, we stay content with the knowledge we did the right thing regardless? What if when there’s a pandemic, we take stock of what’s truly important and increase our efforts in pursuit of those things and decrease our attention on things less important?

We cannot always choose what happens to us, but we can truly choose how we respond. This is by no means an instruction to allow injustices to occur freely, rather it’s about responding in a calculated, clear-headed manner to optimise our efforts. So next time we experience injustice at our workplace, we must not tolerate it and on a wider scale if we see the police racially abusing Black people or we see our government waging wars against innocent countries – we do everything that’s in our control to stop it.

Never stop learning.

“Today if I don’t earn, best believe I’m gon’ learn.” I still remember this Big Sean lyric from ten years ago and to this day I still live by it. Life is a journey of discovery, education, exploration and curiosity. I am a strong believer of we only truly die when we stop learning, growing and bettering ourselves. There are so many tools and avenues through which to accomplish this. Books, mentors, podcasts, documentaries, travelling, speaking to people and finding out about their story, movies, conferences, using role models, practicing.

In my profession, it can be extremely dangerous to patients if you feel like you know all there is to know about medicine, especially when there are so many advancements being made. Having a curious mind and trying new things really keeps the energy of life thriving. On a day-to-day basis for me, this can include listening to podcasts when I’m training in the gym, reading daily, using a language app on my phone daily and getting advice and mentorship from the very people I want to emulate in a certain aspect/skill. Then there is also a different type of learning which takes place in the confinement of your own solitude, where you take stock of your values, dreams and hopes. You work through any mental traumas you may have, often needing the help of professionals.

One of the funnest ways to learn is immersing yourself in a different culture when travelling abroad, learning about its history, way of life and how the people interact with each other.

Conclusion

We can get so caught up in just trying to survive each day, we often forget what our true purpose should be and how we can live a life we can be proud of. Each day should be a step in the right direction of who we want to be. True happiness is the absence of desire. When we realise most of us already have enough, we can concentrate on the intangibles of life – namely relationships, values, wisdom and health.

Family is Everything

I just returned from the most incredible three-week holiday in Qatar yesterday where I was blessed to spend quality time with my sister and her family who live out there. The priority for going there was always to maximise quality time, especially with my nieces and nephew who I absolutely love to bits.

To put it mildly, life is very different in Qatar compared to the UK, as long as you have a professional career e.g. doctor, teacher, engineer. The lifestyle Qatar offers is unrivaled for those with such careers as your housing, your salary and your way of living is massively better. The country is built for luxury, comfort and enjoying the finer things in life, but all in a way that centres around family.

Omm Ali with a view- my favorite dessert in Qatar!

I was blown away by how family-friendly the malls, parks, supermarkets, mosques, museums etc etc are. It really made it a lot easier for me to optimise my precious time with the kids. Every day we could play games, go out exploring in the parks and zoos, go to escape rooms, do bowling or tee off at golf ranges.

Qatar is the richest country in the world and it is easy to get caught up in the glitz and glamour and to want the lifestyle the elite of Qatar have. But once you get beyond the need to worry about your monthly bills, you realise true happiness and life satisfaction comes from spending quality time with your family.

I knew I only had three weeks to spend with my family there. This made it a lot easier to avoid wasting time on screens or sleeping or generally being lazy. By doing so, every waking moment was spent being fully present in the company of my family and I was able to build even deeper connections and bonds with each family member, whether it would be through the medium of a fun game, great food or a physical activity.

Now that I’m back in the UK, it’s easy to get caught up again in the rat-race of life and the hustle culture, but this detracts from the important thing in life which is your loved ones.

I am my most happiest when spending quality time with my family and loved ones and going forward I need to consciously make the effort to be more present in family get-togethers, or simply just relaxing in the evening with them and being more present in the conversation.

Do I really need a screen between me and my family member when talking to them? Do I really need to work over time when I could spend the time with my family? Am I really too tired to play with my nieces and nephews or am I just being lazy? Will constantly remembering that I will die help to focus my time on my family properly?

Amazing surprise my family organised for me at Mall of Qatar

Don’t get me wrong, I have always been proactive in and appreciated family time but these are some of the questions that, going forward, can help to re-focus my time and energy on the thing that’s most important to me. I am beyond grateful to God for allowing me to have an unbelievable time with my family in Qatar and a massive thanks to my sister for hosting me so perfectly!

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: