Thatz her Name! Not until 12th Oct 2010, did I realize how much I loved her and missed her. It was the day after my Birthday, around 6 in the morning, my mom called me. I could hear her weeping and she said it. My grand mom ( my dad’s mom) had passed away. She was 85+. I woke up with that call, I wasn’t sure if I actually heard what I had. I checked the phone’s received calls a couple of times. Yes, it was true. The Next thing I remember doing was booking the next flight to Chennai. I called my Dad, to tell him I would reach by noon.. actually to check on him. He seemed quite composed. I always thought in our family we never told each other how much we cared and loved each other. Well, I do agree actions speak for itself; but that day I felt a strong sense of disagreement to that thought. Well, duties and responsibilities also bring about certain actions. I wanted to tell my Grand mom so badly then that I loved her and I am what I am today because of her. It was late, too late. Her influence and support has been so immense that no amount of words would do justice.
My parents were both working. On reaching home the first thing from school, I remember seeing her with a glass of boost. Not a day did she miss regardless of how well or unwell she was. This went on for 17 years! She was always the first victim to our mood swings once we (my bro and me) were back from school. I have had my worst fights with her for being so protective about us, fighting with the rickshaw guy to the milk man since their delay caused a delay in her grandchildren’s schedule. I was often embarrassed with the attention. To think of it today, I only feel how blessed I am. Never did she budge from her responsibilities regardless of how harsh our fights were. I remember my mom coaxing me that change for her age was difficult to manage and it was we who have to get used to it. She often would say with a smirk, that as a child I don’t change a lot of my actions and hence she would not expect my grandmom to change. Although those words were quite annoying at that age, I hold it very close to my heart even today, it has helped me understand why elderly people behave the way they do.
While there was recap running in my mind. I got ready to catch the flight to Chennai. My uncle then called me and offered to drive me to Chennai. Next I remember, I was at my uncle’s home. He was feeling sorry for what had happened. I hated to hear it, it reminded me of the loss. It was for the first time I broke down.
We left to Chennai, reached a little post noon. I was thankful for the company of my aunt and cousin. I realized what moral support could do and how important it was. I reached home – it was silent than normal and it was killing. It was a scary silence. She was made to lie in the living room (what an irony!) in an ice-box . I wanted to wake her up and tell her that I am so Thankful and Blessed for having her in my life. I wanted to tell her – I love her, I wanted to apologise for all the hard times I gave her. Well, It was too late..but something was telling me, that she was listening to me.
I was an above-average student in school who stuck to studies and not much extra-curricular activities. It was in 8th Standard when I was first exposed to one. My Language Teacher announced an Elocution Competition in 2 weeks. I have never tried my hands on elocution competition. So I never enrolled for it. It was the last day for enrolling, my teacher walked into the class and read out the names of the girls who had to prepare for the competition. To my shock, my name was in the list. I walked up to her and told her, I did not want to participate and she was like why? Well, not expecting that question and obviously I did not have an answer and had no choice but to prepare for it. I won the second prize. I came home with the prize. For the first time, I saw my Grandmom so happy. She was happy for the kind of competition I won. She always felt.. “Vaai maye Vellum” – meaning you have to Speakup to survive in this world. That was the beginning, I went on to win the Junior, Senior and Super Senior Interschool Elocution Competition hosted by the Leprosy Mission, Chennai. My granddad passed away when my dad was 7 yrs old. Hence she firmly believed in survival of the fittest and vouches on the importance of education. I was amused since it was more encouraging than pressurizing to excel in studies . She was my alarm clock in all my morning study sessions.. regardless of the time- be it 3 or 4 am. To have a company at that time is THE most encouraging thing! Truly one has to experience it to know what I mean…
While I was looking at her lie there, I was telling her hoping she was listening, that she was my greatest encouragement in life. To think of it, until few months ago - I have spent more time with her than my parents. In one of the conversation I had with my mom later that week, she mentioned how she had spent more time with her mom-in law than her mom and she missed her immensely. I have always been in awe of the relationship my mom and my grandmom shared. It was never the stereotypes sorts that you hear and has been abused on TV. Both of them were not perfect people – none of us are. But what worked well was the mutual respect for each other and care. My mom’s view was, I love my husband and so I respect my mom-in law and care for her. Well, my grand mom thinks – My son loves her, so I respect and care for her. I have heard this from both of them separately. I have thought then, if I get along with my mom-in law (whenever that happens!) I will dedicate it to my mom and grandmom who demonstrated it silently through all these years.
It was time when my Grandmom had to be taken for cremation. The Gents ( Relatives from rurals areas) screamed to take one final look at my Grand mom. I looked at my dad and said, I am coming with you. To which he nodded - ok. My distant relatives this time my aunties mentioned ladies don’t walk up there. I gave them a stare and said I don’t care, to which my dad responded she will be coming no arguments. The least I could do for a human being who dedicated her life for bringing up her son, followed by her grandchildren and nothing else, who reaped pleasure out of small moments in life and told us that is all is required to be happy in her own way!
Note: My Next Tatoo is a “lotus” which is Kamalam in Tamil dedicated to my Grandmom who is gonna be watching! She would love it . She loved it when I called her by her name J
