Day 56 of 108

 Good Lord! The day went by so quick that I did not get a chance to do all that I wanted to. 

To now move on to other things:

1. Papa is well.

2. Lots of occasions to lose my temper but I managed a few things well. If not well, slightly better than before. 

3. Got a haircut today. Really happy with it! Check for Sikandar at the Ten salon in Bandra. I have been going to him for a while now. A few times for haircuts but mostly for detangling hair, some hair spa treatments and the like. (I don't own a comb...in case you needed context as to just what kind of disrepair my hair falls into.) I have always found him to be...wise about my hair. I can't explain. It's not just snip and shampoo. There's a certain acknowledgement of an old code of trust. 

4. Had a tasty croissant with butter and jam.

5. Ended the day with some degree of accomplishment but with a lot of things undone. But maybe that's what we give thanks for today ...unfinished business that keeps us going. 

Day 55 of 108

Have been really scattered today. But I did start something that I intend to be consistent with in the future. I am somewhere getting the feeling that the future is going to steadily get tougher, rougher, and more uncertain. I sometimes do wonder how might I actually get through it with some sanity intact. I don't have the answers. I am not even sure if I have a coherent question. Still I hope that things go well. And if or when the pain does come, it's gentle.

Here are all the things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. I went to meet him in Vashi today and he looked pleased. He enjoyed his dosa and mudi with me.

2. I found out about something going on st home that I was not at all happy with. But I did not lose my temper. I soothed myself down and decided to deep breathe through the whole thing. Problem is not resolved. But it's not made worse. And I am just glad that I at least made a brave effort to break a pattern.

3. Almost had an accident on the way back but the auto guy stopped right on time before he collided with a truck. So so grateful for this. Neither of us were hurt. Although I seemed to have locked in the shock a little more. Our auto friend happily got back to flitting about in no time.

4. I got my order of the Fenty beauty gloss bomb sticks. I love them! They actually fill my heart with cheer and hope and a nourished will to live! It's really worth the money! And for vegan products to be this creamy and lovely, they are gorgeous! 

5. Have a home to get to. There's water, electricity, and food.

6. Had the Arabian pudding from Pakeeza. Gosh! It was gorgeous! The layer of bread was drenched in that creamy rabdi-type milk, topped with flakes of almond and pista, and tender sweetness of custard. Yummy in my tummy! 

Day 54 of 108

 Today was an emotionally heavy day. Actually which day isn't. But the heart felt like it had molted lead poured into it. But a day was lived and gone through. Some beauty must have registered in the nervous system to be retrieved later.

Here are all the things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. He sounded happy today. Happy and healthy. It was the sweetest sound I heard all day. 

2. Cook is on leave today so my cleaning lady made the food. Her chhole was damn good! Better than my cook's actually. I love chhole. 

3. Went to my friend's house to collect some old newspapers. I had a nice, peaceful couple of hours. He has a nice, peaceful sweet home that looks lit with amber glow when the sun goes down. We had black coffee with sugar and heard the sharp, sweet whistle of some strange bird. There was part in the evening when my friends were watching cricket and I was looking outside the house at the shadows cast by trees...where I felt that this scene could be part of a European film. Life goes by...slowly.  The world spins and in the weird randomness of moving apart and waltzing around, three people share a common pocket of peace. With the occasional birdsong. That's a gift.

4. I ordered for a few things from a neighborhood milk centre called Pakeeza. I love their phirni (which friend cited in point number 3 had introduced me to). But they were out of that. I got their malai lassi, caramel custards, Arabian pudding, and fresh curd. I just had their malai lassi now as I write this. Too good!

5. Managed to go to the gym. 

Day 53 of 108

 Today passed okay. Some sweetness did come my way. And let's see how much living we get to do in the coming weeks. Or even days. 

Here are all the things that I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. 

2. Ordered tasty benne dosa and podi idli.

3. Had tasty banana pancakes.

4. Had an interesting garlic sandwich. A tad dry but okay.

5. I had a difficult moment with my neighbour. Still counting it as something to be grateful for because it shone light on something that needs to be fixed.

6. Managed to go to the gym today. 

Day 52 of 108

Today was a mixed bag, as far as days go. I got into a mighty salty mood for a bit. But that's in the past. A lot of cloud and storm in the chest area but we will soothe ourselves in a bit. I have so much to do that it is crazy shit. And next month will be a roller-coaster as well.

Anyway a little at a time. Here are all the things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well.

2. Both cook and cleaning lady came over today.

3. Quite enjoyed my first cup of tea. 

4. Got some clarity at work today.

5. Neighbour came over and we sketched a bit.

Sketches from today:

Day 51 of 108

 Today was a busy day. Mainly meetings. But somewhere a needle moved. Or so I hope. Here are a few things that I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well.

2. A friend came over to meet me and he gave me soorma and a lovely bottle of attar. It's lovely and fresh.

3.  Enjoyed rice and daal. 

4. Woke up earlier today.

5. Enjoyed my outfit. 

Picture references from Pinterest.

Day 50 of 108

 I am really really upset today. But it was a peaceful enough day with some good things.

Here are all the things that I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. He sounded happy when I spoke with him.

2. An old trigger resurfaced. I handled it with wisdom.

3. Had a good, happy chat with V. He told me about some nice medu wada place. Should go and try it out. I love medu wadas. Apparently there's a place next door for puri bhaji. I like puri bhaji too. I will maybe get my cook to make some tomorrow. 

4. Managed to go to the gym today.

5. Had a nice time at Starbucks. Read a little. People-watched. Had a lovely apple refresher and headed home.

6. Got ricks to and fro.

Day 49 of 108

 It was a nice enough Sunday. There's a lot of ground to cover and am sure things will happen. But here are all the things I am grateful for...may the list continue:

1. Papa is well. Did not talk to him today but there were no frantic calls from Vashi. So that is good.

2. Met a friend for dinner and we went to P.F.Changs...a place I remember eating at in the US on my daily allowance.

3. Managed a workout today.

4. Both my help came today. The cook was late. I am not happy about it But she turned up.

5. Had really tasty dosa today.

6. My friend got me some pretty blossoms! They are a soft terracotta-peachy colour...almost onion pink. Really pretty!

Pictures from today:

5.

Day 48 of 108

 Today was a strange day and I learned or rather relearned a lesson. - when it is really dark and tough, take the first step.

I did not go to Vashi because I had to wrap up something. Have been feeling quite low on energy. Today was just so hard. I have been feeling really stuck lately and I just want to sail away somewhere - little suitcase with some books, some money, cotton clothes, sturdy shoes, a few bottles of attar, Mum's jewellery that I am wearing now, and take on a new name. With a fresh new identity, I will make new friends, have new hobbies,, learn music, maybe help out at a daycare center by the beach, feed little kids jam and butter sandwiches, and just sit by the shore and keep watching the sun go down. 

I was really feeling the burn to head out somewhere. I tried getting in touch with a few friends and they were either out of town or they didn't respond. It is unreasonable but I was just feeling that it is steadily getting heavy and cumbersome to get in touch with people, make plans, then have them decide whether they want to meet you, etc. etc. But that's a mental spiral I did not want to go down. So I had been sketching a fair bit at night. So I slept off. When I woke up, my neighbor who I had messaged. So we went to a little cafe below my building for a coffee and cookies. I had a ginger biscuit and she had an oatmeal cookie.

Then we got back and he burn to just go away started flaming up again. What I have learned so far in life is that when things start feeling overwhelming, one must begin with the body - either movement or massage. I hadn't worked out for a while so I went to the gym. Did a bit of cross-trainer. That's when another friend messaged and we headed out. I was so grateful for that - we checked out Banng, Toto's, Doolally, and Therapy. It was just so crowded! Then we went to one of my favorite places to hang out in Bombay - Juhu. I love Juhu! We went to Bora Bora, got a place to sit (Hallelujah!), and could even see Juhu beach from where we were sitting. Had herbed onion rings, French fries, a Bora Bora Disaster and Guava Spice mocktails, listened to 90s and early 2000s music, watched music videos of 50 cent and Pitbull from ages ago, and headed back. Bombay is just perfect nowadays. I was a little worried that the security in y building would be asleep and it would be a hassle getting someone to open the gates - but thankfully, the dude was awake. 

I hope I remember the lesson from today - that whenever things feel walled in, something or the other opens up and some joy creeps in.

Here are all the things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. He sounded good.

2. Both help came today.

3. Had a couple of interesting outings today.

4. Managed a stint at the gym, even if it was for a short time.

5. Had the resources to go out and get myself out of a slump.

(All pic. references - Pinterest)

Day 47 of 108

 I am truly exhausted today. Really, really tired! So I will just type these out quickly, fic myself something to drink and sip it watching the twinkly lights of the city. Or just crumple into bed. So much got left out today. Uff. Didn't go to the gym. This weekend will not go to Vashi. I am a little sad. Still life is rough and tough. And we need some mercy and gratitude to get things going. Or to get through things.

Here are all the things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. Spoke to him today.

2. Both help came today.

3. Have a home.

4. No outage of electricity etc. 

5. Have running water and such things. 

Life's good. 

Day 46 of 108

I have a steady amount of annoyance today. But it is par for the course. C'est la vie, as they say. But in any case, we lived one more day and there's much to be said for that. Here are all the things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. He sent me a picture of his. Looks so happy!

2. Cook had made really good sarson ka saag today.

3. Sudden turn of events and a friend and I made quick plans. We went through Juhu, Versova, had date and banana icecreams, and spent some time at the Versova beach. It was cold and crisp! Lovely, lovely evening!

4. Loved this post on Facebook about butterflies having memories from their caterpillar days. Ref: https://www.facebook.com/100080208082327/posts/pfbid0287y7Bu5b7VpCrNkpYgceEX7XL9AtqYT9NZqPbyWdPNHhF1opCpqXgXJ4Vd6geRDEl/?app=fbl 

To be honest, I hadn't paid much attention to whether the butterfly inherited the memories from the caterpillar. But it's an interesting thing to think all the same.

5. Juhu, especially JVPD, is such a beautiful road! Tonight, with less traffic and all, it felt like the road equivalent of a cashmere sweater. Really grateful for the ride!

This is a picture of ISKCON.