I started HRT a little over 2 months ago and I was feeling very positive about it like I was doing something in my favor but it is dawning on me now that it is in fact causing me problems.
I am more obese even though I’m certain I am eating far less and the phantom tingling in my feet isn’t phantom at all or in my imagination like I thought when it appeared some weeks back.
I did Google on it and HRT can induce diabetes so I am cutting my dose in half over the next few days and taking myself off of it.
I had so wanted it to be beneficial for me but it looks like it’s hurting me instead.
I am glad that I was paying attention and astute to these changes.
Asleep since 6:00pm, I woke up around midnight to have some scrambled eggs and a cold glass of Tang.
Yesterday I had a very bad case of laryngitis, a completely inaudible voice, and the day before that a sore throat and chills.
The eggs and Tang hit the spot and then I started sweating.
Lowering the heat in my apartment, “I am getting better,” I said to myself.
I was looking at the beautiful Christmas decorations on QVC online, but, said to myself, “I’ve already ordered my decorations for the year.”
I was proud that I didn’t buy them as a goal I have is to save money.
“My decorations at home are good enough,” I decided.
I am getting better in other ways as well.
I resolved my traumas sufficiently enough that I’m ready to move on as I have been out of the house more.
Which is how I caught the bug I have in the first place.
I went to church a couple of times and bought a tanning package on sale.
This gets me out of the house at least 3 days a week.
My dog has been at my side more as she is maturing and slowing down just a little which makes her more dependent.
Upon googling her breed’s lifespan, I was happy to learn that I can expect to have another 7 years with her.
She is wherever I am.
When I leave the house I turn on a lullabye for her to listen to.
I did decide to have a nice Christmas this year.
I have bought my Christmas cards and decided to mail a package out of State to a good friend of mine who has been supportive.
Not decorating until the Friday after Thanksgiving I have committed myself to cleaning up my apartment in the meantime in preparation for the indoor festivities that will take place.
I still listen to old tracks such as Bing Crosbys Christmas Classics.
They say you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.
She could be made to drink.
She is a mature woman and learned she never had to worry about being a bad person for she was much too good.
For her, most people aren’t worth it, she is better off with a dog.
People educate her.
She appreciates that angle.
She was never greedy or backstabbing so she finally had to get greedy or it will be too late.
Never behave in a way that you lose respect for yourself.
Even the freak at the freak show has her back turned as the people would gaze at her.
She had a mother who apologizing once was not enough.
She had to say it again, then a full sentence, what she was sorry for, and then in front of an audience.
She was so well behaved she would punish herself and deny herself rewards when no one was looking and then get mad when she would see people help themselves because she wasn’t allowed to do that.
It was never enough for the psychopathic biotch who taught her to sacrifice herself.
She ruined her once, twice and tried to kill her again anyway.
Actually make the girl kill herself.
Just to admit it when no one was around and then go on pretending in front of an audience.
Such a great actress she was that the girl would then doubt her own memory.
Saying to herself, “Did I really hear her admit that?”
The mother had the answer all along but watched her daughter break her neck to find it.
The mother would tell the daughter that it was about The Bible and Christianity.
40 years later the girl learned that Christians had rights.
It does no good to warn people about this type.
Few will believe it.
Even fewer will understand.
She worked so hard at furthering her own own life but she was actually building her own coffin.
When people matter, say your piece, say it in a variety of different ways, exhaust every possibility but then move on and don’t waste any more time.
Leave the door open in case one day they learn or change their mind.
So many will say that they can’t when in fact they won’t.
Air is absolutely free but even if the person knows CPR they don’t have to give you mouth to mouth to save your life if they don’t want to.
Moral of the story…
Don’t think that other people are like you.
There are the willing, then there are those who are not able to.
Stay At Home It’s More Cost Effective(Pexels Image)
We are good at this by now because so many of us had to do this already in the throes of the pandemic.
Ok, many people have to go to work so they must leave their house.
All I’m saying is that if you can work from home you are that much better off.
As many of you know I am a survivor of Narcissistic abuse.
They will both rob you of your money and abuse you further.
The exact opposite of what it takes to thrive, money and love.
So I only deal with a few people anymore.
There is less risk involved.
I am proud to say that I am selective.
In fact I turn to Instagram to hear from these lovely women who motivate us and get straight to the point as to save us from yet another hard lesson.
Their video clips are more than worth watching.
That’s only my opinion.
It’s what I need to hear.
But now businesses aren’t doing right by the customer either.
Because the laundromat didn’t work(too many broken machines), I had to drive 5 miles further which is more wear and tear on my car plus gas costs.
The maintenance man wants to save on gas himself so I have to live that much longer with a drippy faucet in order to accommodate him.
Cut back on baths to save money because the dripping faucet may cause an overage on the bill.
My smartphone provider the service has been very poor. More trips, 8 miles round trip to correct the service that I am paying for but not getting. I may need a new device. That could be the problem. I will find out once it is replaced.
I thought I would have Chinese food out last night and I ordered and paid and sat down in a booth and I waited and waited.
I got absorbed in reading.
I finally walked up to the counter and they apologized putting my food in a brown paper bag that I then unpacked at the table where I had been sitting.
They thought I was taking it home.
I visited a local urgent care as a way of avoiding a hospital emergency room. The purpose of the visit was informational.
What are their hours?
How bad of an emergency do they handle?
You see if I go to a regular hospital ER once they learn I take psych meds if I’m medically ill I will be sent home.
If I am perfectly sane I am admitted to psych.
So many staff reason that if the patient takes meds and the staff doesn’t, that means that they themselves are sane and qualified to play psychiatrist.
I carry a disability advocates phone number in my wallet, an attorney.
I don’t know how much good he can do because I spoke to him a few times about the awful things I’ve had to endure and he was a little shocked that my rights were being violated.
I spend more time dodging bullets than living life.
I’ve concluded that I’m just best off staying at home.
I do enjoy zoom online.
I get my face to face that way.
My priorities are different.
Whatever conserves time, energy, and money.
It’s certainly not worth pulling your hair out.
Moral of the story…The Less Said The Better.
It’s Oftentimes Not Safe To Speak.
So it’s not safe to leave the house or to open your mouth either.
I’m indoors on this morning, it is comfortable, my windows are open and I listen to the sound of rain outdoors.
Something that I love to do when I’m in a bad situation is asking myself what so and so would have to say about it.
What would my old best friend Mary have to say?
Even if Mary and I are no longer friends I remember when we were and I ask myself what she would have to say about it then.
What would Mary’s advice to me be now?
Then I go through 5 or 6 other people in my lifetime, they could even be deceased and I remember them and can just hear and know what they would tell me now.
Whether it was a waitress, or The Avon Lady, or a lower income woman who needed a ride Narc Mom was at her best self under those conditions because somehow the ‘inferior’ woman made her feel better about herself.
In fact the presence of such a woman helped to stabilize Narc Mom.
Eventually her daughter became that stabilizing woman.
It’s like she needs someone to pick on so that she can smile at someone else.
Always having to discharge aggression.
I guess Narc Mom was a bit of an alpha in that she would disrespect a particular woman in the group and the others would follow suit.
Kind of like the lead mare in a pen saying, “Me first,” in a condescending neigh or bray.
The truth can scare some psychiatrists. Rather than acknowledging it, they make the mistake of putting away the the sane and innocent victim because then they can sleep better at night.
The news is often bad, but, when they hear a story firsthand they just don’t *want* to believe it.
In other words, denying the truth doesn’t make your world safe.
I believe that most psych patients are in fact right.
It’s not that they are *crazy*, it’s that they are symptomatic.
Wouldn’t you be a nervous wreck too telling someone the story of what happened to you?
Also, hospitals make a tremendous amount of money off of a new admission.
A good question to ask is, If meds don’t work, then why prescribe them?
Finally, the doctor will change the patients meds and if the patient continues to tell the same story it’s not that the patient is right, it’s that they have a *fixed* delusion.
I’ve concluded that without solid evidence or seeing it for oneself, a psych patient is often not believed.
That goes for *regular* people too, but, moreso for the psych patients.
Rise Above Refuge By Ruby 