Paraquat Welcomes Careful Drivers

The Great Pets Pageant Bloodbath

One of Mayor Drompf’s morale boosting initiatives was his Domestic Pets Pageant Scheme. It sounded harmless enough but it led to one of the most violent and outright dangerous days work in Paraquat’s often bloody history. The main causes were Drompf’s ignorance of his civilian’s pets and his indifference to animal welfare or public safety.

**Mayor Drompf accompanied by various flunkeys and his personal robo duck bodyguard.**

The idea was a fairly innocuous one. Workers in the town of Paraquat were encouraged to bring pets to the military assembly fields during the middle of the mithering season, so called because it was the longest time between harvests, a period of empty bellies and frugal living. Not that the mithering season ever affected Drompf, he came from a privileged background where a 7 course meal was considered a light snack. The thought behind the initiative was to provide light relief from the third highest seasonally adjusted murder rates that occurred at this time.

**Various Paraquatian civilians with their beloved companions shortly before disaster strikes!**

A competition was planned where Imperial citizens could forget their miserable existences for a short time whilst meeting other deliriously deluded workers trying to forget their problems whilst hoping to win the coveted cash prize and win valuable food rations as well. The first few entrants went by without a hitch until Mox Gremblin’s bull spike hound attacked Bushel Furtive’s Bloodsniffer. The resulting fracas startled several other creatures causing many animals to break free and go on a rampage.

_b4dbe18d-30c9-4252-84ab-68765770f0b9

Many of the smaller pets were eaten by many of the larger ones and several squads of the Krablokistan Peacekeepers aided by the Paraquat Tidy Towns Miltia to were called in to restore order. This prompted the Krablokistan 43rd and 44th Astra Militarum regiments to earn the unwelcome moniker of ‘Pet Squad’. As is commonly the case in Paraquat, any civil disorder brings with it gawpers and loungers to observe the carnage. Of the many hundreds of Paraquatians caught up in the excitement an unofficial score was kept for some of the more vicious pets and many pets achieved temporary celebrity status. Of particular note was Turp Blaggard’s Beaked Wazzock who managed to eat seven pets, two bystanders and a robotic tranquilizer vehicle before being brought down with small arms fire. The undisputed ‘top pet’ youths sitting on top of a building watching military personnel battle large crablike aliens however was Joilet Musk’s prize Turdcrab. Nine pets, fifteen bystanders, six assorted peacekeepers and a riot vehicle felt the not so gentle caress of it’s claws before it escaped into the Paraquat sewers. Such was the entertainment value of the event there are calls to make it a yearly occurrence and a statue of the Turdcrab is currently being discussed for the central plaza in the town centre.

Bus Terminal Activity

There are a few non lethal means to enter Paraquat. The Bus terminal is one. In the surrounding botantical gardens resides Mayor Drompf’s secret weapon. The Transient Awareness Response Team or TART. Mainly ex PDF, these individuals form part of the ‘first line of defence’ against ‘miscreants, rabblerousers and dangerous free thinkers’. TART is made up of Paraquat militia that a) show an aptitude for stealth and b) have little compunction to inflict harm on order. Sadly, and unbeknownst to the Mayor is a third common trait of TART – that is c) they have a great fondness for receiving bribes.

So this was how some of the more undesirable elements of the Imperium’s underbelly strolled out of Paraquat’s bus Terminal to cause mayhem and other types of mischief. A considerable donation to the T.A.R.T benevolent fund (about 15 credits per humanoid) will get you in under the mayor’s radar.

**Colonel Hannibal Scheaffer and his unwashed 12 leave to make their fortunes in some of the seedier parts of town.** If you have a problem and no one else can help, and if you can find them, and if you are willing to pay their exorbitant fees, then maybe you can hire Team A.

With a casual wave of his hand and an intense stare; Gurps Khandle-Wormspag convinced T.A.R.T. he had already paid them and ambled off to find lodgings with his cousin Boxlar Khandle-Wormspag.

Three miners from “not round here” paid their bribes without complaint as they were in a hurry and didn’t want to waste time in the queue for the “genetic impurities desk” as they were sure to have to pay Extra Arm Tax.

Chalk up another 18 undocumented bipeds that are now residents in the melting pot known as Paraquat. So if you want some ‘stuff’ done, lowly grunts mind mugged or holes dug, then you’ve read the right blog post.

Strangler Arris Bid For Freedom

Following his rescue Strangler Arris and his saviors drove quickly out of Paraquat to the outskirts of the town and a safe house in the hamlet of Muckesh. An unused cottage that had been in use until 3 hours previously when Glib Trepzisg, a spiker plantation worker was evicted by gunpoint and thrown in the animal pen round the back. Trepzisg looked at the surely demeanor and visible weapons of his assailants and decided a career change far away from Muckesh was infinitely preferable to becoming spiker fertilizer.

Arris made himself comfortable, the lawmen would be watching the spaceport and the docks so the eastern edge of town adjoining the Blinder Desert seemed like a good idea. This was only a temporary solution though, the Marshall knows what I look like, mused Arris. What I need is a change of appearance. When mentioning it to Codder a crony of limited intellect he said “I know a guy.”. Sure enough, Codder made contact with the individual with “medical know how” who could for a fee, change a guys appearance “drastically”.

Whisking Strangler Arris off to ‘The Guy’s’ lab in the dead of night was simple. The ‘lab’ was little more than a disused basement in the shabbier part of Plight Row, the veterinarian’s quarter. A large sum of money changed hands and Arris was put under. Several growth hormones and Facemelder™ was pumped into his system. Many hours went by and Strangler Arris awoke. To say his features had altered would be an understatement. Never a looker the now 7’+ monster that Arris had become was truly horrific. After a quick scan through the Facial Recog Reader, Strangler was categorized as unknown. Now given a clean slate Arris decided to try to get revenge on the Marshall who tried putting an end to his fun – Viscos Labormartii.

Paraquat Gets A Landing Pad

The Paraquat Daily Informant

Written By Print Servitor 675/ABU7

Following the arrival of Shilum Drool, disgraced Astropath, Mayor Gonad Drompf has announced that the construction of a shuttle landing pad has been completed, and will be annexed to his private residence. As is common in most announcements of any kind, critics have claimed this is a waste of Tithepayers Throne Geld. When questioned about this our flamboyant Mayor announced that extra employment and economic opportunities would make the landing ‘almost certainly pay for itself’.

On the top of the landing pad Overseer Sansocranct with his measuring stick and rivet shotgun explains to the mayor where the money is going to. Lurking just behind the Drompf is his Killbot Pengoo, all purpose defensive apparatus that has been necessary since several attempts on the mayors life following several ‘misunderstandings’ between the guilds, the moneylenders and general populace. Continue reading “Paraquat Gets A Landing Pad”

But Is It Art?

Following Hive Primus ‘donating’ Astropath Shilum Drool to the settlement of Paraquat, it has received another ‘gift’. This time it comes in the form of ‘The Emperor’s Thumb’, a so-called work of art that represents the protection and benevolence of The Emperor. The item caused a storm of controversy as adherents to the Cult of Redemption protested it’s installation Slag Valley Bullett #11. Following the protests more sinister attempts to desecrate the sculpture were attempted Slag Valley Bullett #14. The sculpture’s creator; Paint Monkey, a former manufactorum hydro-stamp operator has been inundated with job offers since the relocation and is now believed to be attracting the attention of some of the noble houses in Necromunda and further afield.

Paintmonkey places some finishing hammer blows on to ‘The Thumb Of The Emperor’. Art junkie Mureble Swaffle looks on enraptured.

Continue reading “But Is It Art?”

Paraquat Welcomes Pervert Astropath

The Paraquat Daily Informant

Written By Print Servitor 675/ABU7

The good people of Paraquat have been given the dubious honour of having a member of Astra Telepathica deployed within our settlements walls. The name of the Astropath is one Shilum Drool previously of Hive Primus, Necromunda. However, Drool is not the best example of an upstanding servant of The Emperor as he was recently involved in a scandal where he first went missing Slag Valley Bullett #8 and the subsequently found some time later in a notorious den of iniquity Slag Valley Bullett #10. What is unclear is the circumstances behind his incarceration in The Last Gasp a famed knocking shop on Hive Primus.

sepia — **Shilum Drool welcomed by mayor Drompf, accompanied by a couple of flunkies and members of the Adeptus Arbites**

Continue reading “Paraquat Welcomes Pervert Astropath”

Just Arrived In The Bus Terminal

As is standard Paraquat transportation regulations, any or all visitors must present themselves to local officials for an integration hearing before being let out into the town itself. Here are today’s intake from the Blinding Desert coach services. Also part of the regulations are any person or persons wishing to inhabit Paraquat must have the means to defend themselves and for identification purposes have a functionality test of each weapon to determine expected life span of said individual.

First in is Little Marve a green skinned human mutant from the settlement of Rad Heap. Marve is moving to Paraquat to gain employment cleaning windows and fruit picking in some of the many Mindblewm Orchards on the outskirts of town. He has brought an antique Pickler & Smock stub gun, a quiver of throwing darts and a small dagger.

Little Marve

Continue reading “Just Arrived In The Bus Terminal”

Your Friend the Commissar

Your New Medical Kit

The Breakout!

diorama-001 — **Orrible Arris meets the breakout crew.**

Orrible Arris, Strangler Arris’ younger brother had paid for some off world ‘talent’ to spring his older sibling from the Black Hole of Paraquat. When the team arrived he was furious, some scrawny kids and a couple of small green skinned aliens were not what he had envisioned when he had given Slippry Cant – the fence, a substantial amount of Throne Geld to get them here. Meeting them for the first time behind Mungol’s Ratfish Cannery was a tense affair. A pronounced disdain for Paraquat and everything in it was evident. Orrible very nearly opened up with his guns in fury but something about the cold dead eyes of the ‘kids’ told him to do so would not be prudent. Continue reading “The Breakout!”