The morning was crap & I had to get Driver’s License since it expired on bday. I didn’t want to look like I just crawled out from under a rock so I decided to straighten my hair. By the time that was done, once again it was a waste of my spoons. I overheated and started to sweat… thus making my hair fuzzy all over again. *sigh* My hair hadn’t been cut since April of last year (2010) and it just fell flat no matter what. I looked in the mirror feeling disgusted with everything I saw. I can’t do much else to help the hair situation and I had to ration out my spoons for the other tasks I needed to complete.
Getting dressed was without incident. I just had to tolerate the pain from the movements of putting each piece of clothing on. I wasn’t going to complain about that because it could be and has been worse.
I dig in my closet for sensible shoes to match my outfit.. black.. easy. Nope. Pull out a pair that looked like they had a chemical peel. (again. WTH?) My favorite shoes! They were comfy and looked cool too. ARGH! I dig out my black boots. I got the first one on.. Struggled with enough muscle strength getting the second one on, but took a deep breath and pulled will all I could! Cool they still fit since I gained my fatness. Things are looking up! I stood up and walked back to the bedroom to look for something. UGH! My feet hurt! So, with hubby’s help.. off they come and back in the closet looking for another pair. I finally found a pair I could tolerate. By then, I am ready for bed and I haven’t even left the house.
I sat down, cooled down, and decided to do a little with my face to try to cover the rosacea on my cheeks & the malasma on my forehead that refuses to leave me!! So I began to put makeup on. Halfway through, I start with the sweating again! (WTH?) Again..another waste of spoons. I continued anyway..blotting the sweat away while trying not to mess up my work too bad. I knew that as long as I skipped using powder it wouldn’t look cakey if the temperature gauge in my brain continued to give me fits. I just needed to finish and get outside to cool down. Let’s not even talk about how I have never had the energy or arm strength to take care of my eyebrows. All I can say is I am thankful for those little tiny shavers for quick jobs and that cream foundation by Covergirl that Ellen always talks about with th little white swirl in it. It works well to cover the battle scars of the daily war with my body. If I ignored the chubbiness & sweat beads on my forehead.. I didn’t look sick! (The chubbiness & sweat beads are because of fibro/CFS.. but I need some silver lining!)
Ok, so off to the BMV..That was a pain at first because they had to have proof of my address and of course I had nothing! I’m disabled but don’t get disability, the bills are in hubby’s name. Luckily hubby thought about the informational letter from the IRS..but it was at home! ARGH!!! REALLY?? After all I went through to get there?!?! Walking out I took a deep breath and said “Oh well, everything happens for a reason.. there’s a reason it happened this way.” The bright side, I was out of the house & the sun was shining.
I decided I would like to get my hair cut since it hadn’t been done since last April. I needed a new style. Well, a style period… I had an angel from heaven as my stylist, Bethany! Scalp massage, conditioning treatment, waxed eyebrows… she cut my hair like I wanted without me having to think too much and get flustered bcuz the words wouldn’t come out. She was even the conversationalist! I was almost in tears when she twirled me around to face the mirror & I saw my new do. The fuzzy mess I walked in with was gone. I looked like… a “normal”. I thanked her for making my day such a wonderful experience. Hubby paid her and we left.
I was running low on spoons but knowing that bad weather is coming that will rob me of spoons anyway.. I wanted to make the most of today while I had the chance. It had been since June that ate in a restaurant and even longer since I have eaten in a restaurant with my hubby. So we went to eat Chinese. Our waitress remembered my husband from getting take out but had never seen me. She was so precious and doting. Told me how pretty I looked. She had no idea I was sick, or that I just had my hair done. Another angel adding to my sunshine.
I am not a vain person in the least but I have never thought of myself as being ugly either. Most have seen my pictures on Facebook of when I tried modeling. Truth be told.. I was that skinny only because my doctors had me taking amphetamines & was smoking cigarettes. However, 4 years I stopped smoking. My thyroid has slowly been dying since.. and that’s when the weight started coming on, despite taking the hormones…using the treadmill. I have never been a big eater. I rarely even clean my plate. I’m telling you this because that’s the story behind my weight gain. I think it’s fair to say that it’s not all my fault. It’s quite a knock to the ego to gain 80-90 pounds and have people leave me because of it. Yes, friends have completely stopped talking to me when they saw a picture taken with my friend Roxie after I gained weight. So, hopefully NOW you see why it meant so much to hear the waitress tell me I was pretty. A stranger with no obligation whatsoever thought I was pretty. No, it wasn’t for a higher tip.. we have gone there enough that she knows she will get a good tip anyway.
After so many gray days filled with pain, fatigue, frustration, and being trapped in the house by the weather…I finally got the recharge I needed! My spirit has been soaring since.
After that, we returned home to get the IRS letter and go back to the BMV to get my license. Even though I was tired and really started to feel my activities in my muscles.. I decided I would borrow a spoon from tomorrow and in the long run would be less spoons to use, because I would have to start all over with the hair, makeup, dressing and shoes to go another day. We walked in to the BMV, got called right up to the counter..a few questions, mugshot and about 2 minutes later we were headed home again. WOW! Really?? That was easy.
I seriously was doubting leaving the house after all I had gone through to just get ready.. but between Bethany, the waitress, the lady at the counter at the BMV, and hubby driving me.. my day has ended with me feeling so incredibly blessed that I had to spend the time writing about it!! My only hope was to survive it without suffering too much!
I hope there’s something for everyone who reads this to take away..but my message to you..You never know what someone is going through or being forced to endure when you meet them but the smallest gestures can deeply touch someone’s heart and raise their spirit to soar. My experiences with these people today have put me in a place that I feel strong again and able to deal with the pain from pushing too much today and the bad weather for the next few days.
If you are someone experiencing a difficult life like me, don’t forget to look for the angels you are given. They are all around you, you just need to appreciate them… they have more meaning that way. Sometimes..it’s a friend or two on Facebook or Twitter that reach out when you struggle.
I am sick.. I am tired..I hurt….but I am BLESSED.
Sassynurse's Blog 