seebellywrite

I was driving to work today and listening to Death Cab For Cutie on my mp3 player. Most of the trip I’m zoned out, thinking about the book I’m writing and how difficult the journey has been to get to this point. Not the writing mind you, (writing has never been what I’d call “difficult.” It’s one of the reasons I knew I was destined to do it. When someone is doing what she was made to do, it’s not “difficult,” it’s enjoyable.) but the belief I needed in myself to actually sit down and do it, to think I’d be successful.

When I say successful, I don’t mean “sell a million copies and become a NY Times Bestselling author,” though I would be fine with that, but instead, I mean creating something that I can be proud of and say, “That’s mine. I did that.” For the longest time, I couldn’t get past my own criticism. I didn’t believe I could produce something that “I” would like.

It was as I was contemplating this that “Amputations” began playing. For those who don’t know, this song is framed by a speech. Part is at the beginning of the song, and the rest is at the end. The speech, more than the song, sums up how I feel about the journey I had to take, and the process I went through to get where I am today. I thought I’d share that with you.

“If we seem nutty to you, and if we seem like an oddball to you, just remember one thing: the mighty oak tree was once a nut like me.

“And I pray to God that one day, He will grant me the power to reach out, and hold my hand over you and give you instant belief. ‘Cause you don’t have instant belief. You’ve been hooked, you’ve been crooked, you’ve been lied to so many times, that you’re suspicious-minded. And when the right thing comes along, you don’t believe in it.

“When I’m coming in knocking on the front door, you’re out the back door looking for four-leaf 

clovers. And when you find it, you think somebody planted it there to fool you. ‘What’s the angle?’ You look for an excuse.

“In this modern day and age, we have instant coffee, instant tea — instant disbelief. That’s the reason we will never become anything. It is because we will never believe in ourselves. We will always listen to the mass majority. If everybody’s making fun of you and criticizing you, then you know you’re on the right track. ‘Cause most people ain’t got it.”                                                        

                                   – Glenn W. Turner

Now, if you look this dude up, you’ll find that he was a shyster and a thief, rooking people out of their money. I don’t let that bother me. One thing you learn studying literature is that the author’s intent is irrelevant to the interpretation of the work. Once something is created and let out into the world, it’s no longer owned by the creator. It becomes a living thing all its own. People who read it, watch it, see it will formulate their own

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