You see before you a monster, a fatal weapon,
I see before me
the promise of freedom.
You feel fear, you feel anguish.
I feel happiness, I feel ecstacy.
When I look at the vast sea ahead,
I look at an escape, a refuge,
A place where I can drown my sorrows, drown my sins.
Don’t you see?
Death is welcoming me.
It’s calling me into its loving arms
It wants to shelter me in its darkness
It wants to take me away from this cruel, cruel world.
Don’t look at me like that.
No. I have not gone mad.
I am laughing because I am happy, because I am walking towards my independence.
I am laughing because you look so foolish, trying to stop me.
Stupid Man, you should be coming with me.
Don’t you see?
I see.
I see the light, and it shows me the bliss that lies beyond.
No I will not stop.
These tears are tears of joy.
Don’t you see?
Don’t you see?
I have found it.
A place away from this world, from these words, from everything.
The pain is just temporary, like the pain a mother bears
Before she welcomes her child to this world.
Don’t you see?
The moment you bury me in the ground,
Is the moment my life will begin.
Don’t you see?
No. No, I have not gone mad.
I have just been touched by
The promise of freedom.
I have a photographer’s eye
I fail to see reality.
Moments are meant for capturing, not living
Beauty isnt made for me, it’s not made for me to appreciate
It’s made for me to capture
A 100 beautiful people a day, all trapped inside my lens
I have but a photographer’s eye
I always wait for perfect timing
I always wait, I always wait
I wait and wait for the perfect shot
But this time it’s different,
Because this time I miss it, the perfect moment,
It slips right between my fingers
And I watch it disappear,
mesmerized, transfixed
It’s happened now, what’s never happened before
You’ve made me betray
my photographer’s eye.
Sun
I am the Sun,
Brighter than everything around me.
I am the Sun,
Flaming, raging ball of anger.
I am the Sun,
Beautiful, majestic, your worst nightmare.
I am the Sun,
My strength lies in solitude.
I am the Sun,
I don’t need anybody else.
You were my moon,
Nothing without me
You were my moon,
Prettier than I will ever be
You were my moon,
A new face everyday
You were my moon,
Always humble, matchless in grace.
You were my moon,
Or so I thought
Till one day you shone bright, but without me
And that day I realized
I am but a star, just like all the rest around me.
Death
What is this feeling
That has me begging for death?
Pleading for something everyone else dreads?
I cannot call it pain
Because it’s not something that’s hurting me
All it does is make me cry for no reason at all
Days go by, I’m a machine following routine
And this feeling looms over my head
Now I have just learnt to keep it to myself.
I cannot call it sadness, the word is far too weak
-it’s more like a murderer, all my hopes and dreams are dead.
All doors I see from afar
Are closed shut as I get near
And in that moment there is one I see, a Reaper stands there
I yearn for it, it’s open for me, waiting for me to pass
Death is a sweet, sweet thing
Ah, in the end I’m just an idle mind
Brewing poisonous thoughts.
Sun.
The Sun rises yet again but there are few who take time out to appreciate it. But that doesn’t stop her. She rises and climbs to her full glory and by noon, she is ruling the sky, her light brighter than ever. But then she realizes. No one cares about her. They’re only using her, taking her for granted. And so she descends. She is over half way through when a mysterious gloom, an indescribable disappointment blankets the world. Another day comes to an end, and takes all hope with it. She smiles as she slowly disappears into nothingness and darkness takes over. People leave their work unfinished and return, tired and with worn out determination, to their homes. The Sun watches from her hideout. You never know what you have till you lose it.
Thoughts
Someone please help me
Get them out of my mind
These thoughts,they’re like fighter jets
Crashing into my skull
This sick, sick migraine
Is nothing but their doing
These tears of blood running down my cheeks
Are evidence of the battles I have lost against my thoughts
I’m trying to pull them out of my head
But all that I can get is hair
Oh no my head’s bleeding too oh god now what do I do
A slideshow of my sins, flashing right before my eyes
I want to live
I want to live
Someone please help me
Get me out of my mind
Get me out of my mind
Nights fly by
Oh what a wreck I have made out of me
Days trek on
Sometimes blurry
Sometimes vivid
Always a catastrophe
My mind and heart are busy
In their own civil war
My thoughts and my words
Sometimes in sync
Sometimes my words
Are the opposite of what I think
Always destructive
always
Always destructive
I think they may be the reason why
I feel a little dead on the inside
Money
How is it that they say
Money can not cast your sadness away?
perhaps those who this way think
have never quite felt the joy it brings
make a request, my lord, no matter what the price
at your feet, my lord, the moon and the skies
all I require
is a little bit of your gold
money, you see, is how people are bought and sold
yes, it is true, love is one thing I lack
but its a fair price to pay for the bank notes stacked
and the foods of all kinds, broiled and baked
and the servants and maids running around in my wake
all my own, not a penny I want to share
I will cleverly tell them i have none to spare
but what frightens me is how, after I die,
will I protect it, keep it safe, far away from prying eyes
Burn it, throw it away? Bury it deep…
yes- my money will lie with me where I sleep.
Again
A severe stab in the chest-
It has begun.
Crying without tears,
A faint buzzing in the ears.
Eyes cannot keep themselves open.
Head pounding pounding pounding
Hands shaking shaking shaking
Room spinning spinning spinning
It has come, yet again.
I want to scream, shout
Till my voice is no more
I want to break something, everything.
Who knows when it will end,
Or if it will ever end.
Maybe it will end,
Only to come again.
And again and again and again and again,
To see new scars on my wrists.
The old ones hurt no more,
and only pain can drive away pain.
How should you react to body shaming?
Recently I got into an argument with a person I know: she made this really long post on Facebook about how people should stop body shaming and how she is body shamed for being short and about how a person came up to her and told her she’s too short to have kids. I told her it shouldn’t even matter if someone body shames you or whatever, you should be the bigger person and ignore them. I told her it’s you against the world and you cant change the world so you should change the way you react to what the world does. This really disturbed her so she went on a long rant telling me I shouldn’t say stuff like that I’m too young(I’m only 2 years younger than her) to understand then she defended herself by saying that she ignored all the bad comments that came her way but if a person gets raped is this what u would tell her blah blah blah. I wish I could post a screenshot here so we could laugh at her together but I can’t. Then she messaged my sister, who she’s good friends with, and told her to make me understand how wrong I am. Hell she even said I’m saying all this because I myself was a bully who body shames people. To be very honest, I am not. I myself get body shamed all the damn time but I laugh at it because I have other important things to deal with.
So anyway, my sister said no, so she went ahead tried to emotionally blackmail her by saying what would you do if a person told you you were too short to have kids would you ignore them so they can say the same to 15 more people. Actually this was kind of ironic because she herself said she ignored all the bad comments she got and it’s funny she should still get hyped up about what a gutless person once said to her. Also, it doesn’t even matter if you tell them to stop or not, they’re gonna go on anyway. You can’t tell a depressed person to stop being depressed or a bulimic person to just stop eating and similarly you cant just tell a bully to stop being a bully. They aren’t innocent little people who don’t understand how they’re hurting the other person or what effect their actions or words are having. They know this all too well.
I’m gonna confess: I have judged this girl and have concluded that she is very insecure and expected me to console her by telling her she’s beautiful and all that. She also thinks everything she says is right and anyone who opposes her is going against her prophetic mission to eradicate body shaming and, another very closely related problem, rape (note sarcasm). She was literally getting a panic attack when she was messaging my sister. She was going all ‘you must make her understand. You must’ even though her comments on the post said she was all chill and everything. I could write an essay on what I think of her and what she is but it’s not worth (any more of) my time.
Seventy Thousand miles 