Honestly Good

~ Vanessa ~ 2 Comments

They told us to trust authority,
To think empirically
To put two and two together,
To critically think,
And then they said no more.

They told us to look closely,
To see the hidden image,
To glimpse behind the curtain,
And then they said we can’t trust what our eyes see,

They told us to care,
To be invested deeply,
To train our emotional intelligence,
And then told us “no” to empathy.

May the lessons nurtured by a caring world outlast oppression,
May our skills of living, breathing, feeling, knowing, seeing, thinking be carried on,
And instilled in the young,
May we remain unjaded,
Steadfast and aware in our moral understanding of basic ethics,
A guide that filters right from wrong,
Sympathy from cruelty,
And in times like these make the heart ache deep into the night,
Ache for basic, human rights,


May we be a shield of love and light,
Of Hope withstanding;
Resiliently, defiantly
Knowing and illuminating the truth when observed,
By our senses, by our sight, by our awakening;
Trusting intuition, trusting truth laid before us,
Trusting in our hearts, what we know is
good.

Hate Being Right

~ Vanessa ~ 1 Comment

2016:

Pattern recognition,

Look, look! I said,

I saw the signs.

I know my histories, 

Histories that pump with both guilt, and defiant survival in my mulatto veins

Histories of Europe, of Africa, of brave new worlds of US,

Of capitalism and conquest,

Doctrine of discovery

Of colonization,

And enslavement,

And subjugation, 

And decimation,

Of erasure,

Of cruelty of the most egregious kind, 

The kind too sick to even imagine.

Only, I asked you to imagine it, 

to 

connect 

the 

dots,

To try to

Stop it!

–But I 

was “crazy”,

But I 

was “unwell”

…2026:

But I saw true,

Just maybe it took a little 

longer 

than foretold, 

But, here we are.

Distraught and livid,

 I’m still in it,

Just changed, 

Still trying to plan how to just be;

Survive,

And to help pull us, 

minister us through hell. 

I knew too much, 

Too soon,

Ahead of the times.

But, maybe for once the historians, the oracles, the crazies just needed the mic in the room,

To have kept us from this present doom.

And now the black truck wagons I saw circle,

In this Apocalypse of our own making,

it burns my tongue not to mention it,

And I don’t

(It is of no use now)

There’s No satisfaction in this “I told you so”

But, God damnit, 

I hate having been right.

Black and White Dresses

~ Vanessa ~ 2 Comments

Most of my dresses
Of Black and white
Are Red all over,
From heart poured out.
The polkadotted one you picked specifically,
But your memory is of yellow.
A yellow dress
Of a girl way back
At the beginning;
The nostalgia of the moment we took off.
I tried to be her again,
But she’s gone;
Grown,
Into dresses fit for me now,
Dresses that feel my shape
That know my sway,
Monochrome or multishade.
I own them, in my way.
Black and white,
Read me now,
I’ve come so far,
Crashed, never burned,
360, watch me turn,
Watch me now,
Hold my own,
I spell me out
And what I deserve,
Clear as day,
In black and white.

Rejection Sensitivity

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

For fear of rejection,
I have held back,
Hidden,
And as a reflex run
From sharing my love,
For fear, it will be sneared at
Mocked,
Rejected.

Scared;
I have long kept quiet 3 sacred words.
And created a negative self-fulfiling prophecy.

In doing so I have held back this gift,
From those who I love most.
Leaving behind only regret,
As there are some to whom
I know only now know my truth,
Because they are alas as spirit.

Before that time
Should pass,
You,
Being of my most beloveds,
Please now know,
I love you so.
Deeply,
Truly,
Even madly,
Whatever form or relation be it to me,
I love you still,
Body, mind, and soul.