Kailanman
“Di ko alam kung ba’t nandito ka pa.” Walang pag-aalinlangan kong sinabi sa mukha mo habang binuksan ko ang pintuan. “Umalis kana, please.”
I mean, wala akong idinulot na mabuti sa buhay mo. Ika nga ng iba, akong ‘yung taong makakasakit sa’yo nang di ko nalalaman. Pero tinitigan mo lang ako ng may luha sa iyong mga mata.
“Kung ako sayo, ngayon palang, iiwan ko na ako.” Di parin natitinag ang iyong mga mata.
“Pinapatawad na kita, everyone deserves a second chance.” Wow, ‘di ko talaga lubos maisip kung ano ang magiging reaksyon ko sa mga salitang ‘yun. Gusto kong tangapin pero alam kong nabubulag-bulagan kalang sa katotohanan. Gulo lang naman ang dala ko sa buhay mo simula ng nagkakilala tayo. Pero pilit mo paring winawaksi sa isipan mo ang katotohanang wala na akong pag-asa.
Oo, umibig ka sa pinakamasahul na paraan. Umibig ka sa isang taong walang direksyon sa buhay. Kaya ngayon magigising ka nalang na huli na ang lahat, ‘di kana makaalis dahil naging parte na ako ng buhay mo.
Pero bilib din naman ako sayo. Kasi, tulad ng sinabi mo, makikita mo ang kulay na bumabalot sa dilim ng aking pagkatao. Nakikita mo ang lahat ng ngiti sa malungkot kong mukha. Kaya hanggang ngayon ‘di ka parin nawawalan ng pag-asa na akoy magbabago.
“Walang sisihan dahil sinasabi ko sayo kung naghahanap ka ng langit, hindi ‘yun sa tabi ko.” Kasi kapag ‘di ka umalis ngayon ‘di na kita pakakawalan kailanman.
Random: on life, work and politics
You’re in the seed of Metropolis where all sorts of urban dynamism came to mind. I cant help but sigh when I can see all these stuff being sported with flashy tags and lines. Seems like everything had a price, even the air I breathe. I’m not sounding like Jessie J when I’m saying this. I dont have her bangs.
This is the city that enslaved me. All the sitting, tapping and scrolling that I do made sense, ’cause that’s the value of my work. Tweaking people’s mind to embrace this certain brand. But despite of my busy environment, I can still manage to conjure circles of smoke in my mouth. Yes, I can be stylish in my dimly-lit office. Style is the one that made me workaholic afterall.
Even now, I can’t afford to do all the pointless necessities. I have a lifestyle that is hard to keep up. But what I can afford to reckon with is this goverment that I, myself, considered synthetic. I mean I’m paying 12 percent VAT in every condoms that I buy cause they keep on strangling that RH Bill in their vault.
I think the only representative that might have voted YES to that RH Bill is Lolong. So please bring him back to his natural habitat! Bring him back to Congress! But that would be a profound insanity.
Alapaap, Emo Version
You, me and Dana
“Hey Chino, where’ve you been? Seems like you had a blast!”
You greeted me while I take off my sneakers, then you gave me my green Havs.
“Just fine, she called me…we hang out.”
“Who? Dana, your ex? Hah!”
“Yah….said she broke up with that brat. She asked to talk about it over coffee. So, just for old friends’ sake, I said yes.”
“Hmmm, of all people why you? Can’t she talk ‘bout it with her girl friends?”
“No idea, maybe she missed me, the last time we saw each other was in my last birthday….”
“The day you broke up! So what did you talked about? Did she say hi to me?
You were too excited about the details but I was dragging it somehow, “Yah, somewhat. I don’t know, she reminded me that I forgot to show up in her debut. And you know what’s funny? She asked me why I haven’t given her a call after the breakup.”
“Maybe she wasn’t over you yet.”
You told me with a grin. “And she gave me the details why they broke up…kind of weird. Don’t ask me again it’s a long story.”
“Uhmm, somehow did it felt like you were back into each others’ arms once again?”
You teased me but I shut you, giving you the leave-me-alone signal like I always you. “Uhhh, shut up…need to fix myself. Go back to sleep now.”
“Muling ibalik ang tamis ng pag-,”
You tried to tease me again but I threw a pillow in your face.
“Ouch! That hurts!
You looked like hitting back but you looked at me in the eye instead.
Maybe you’ve noticed that I’m not in the mood for a little pep talk. It’s just when I look into your eyes, I can’t help but remember my happy moments with Dana…makes me realize that I still love her. I still need her. I have to admit that I was deeply hurt when she dumped me.
Yet, I want to believe in everything that she said…want to hold her tight while she was crying in front of me earlier. I want to say that I love her but I can’t. My pride won’t allow me. And you know that very well.
Maybe I’ll talk this over with you but not tonight…I’m sleepy now. I promised to answer all your questions tomorrow…when I stand in front of the mirror again.
Sa Coffee Shop, kung saan libre ang Break-Up
“Sa akin mo na isisi ang lahat, syempre sa’kin lang.” Nakaupo ka sa aking harapan pero nakatingin ka sa labas na coffee shop habang sinasabi ko sayo ang aking nararamdaman.
Palaging busy, palaging may appointment. Alam kong di ka pa nakarining ng mga linyang mas marami pang gasgas kaysa shades na nagkukubli sa mga namamaga mong mga mata.
Oo, gasgas na nga ang mga linya ko, ‘di ko pa masabi sa’yo ng diretso. Sino ba naman ako para magsabing ‘di na nakakabuti para sa’tin ang mga nangyayari?
“Sorry, It’s not you, it’s me,” Kaya nga humihingi ako ng tawad ngayon…patawad sa lahat. Sinayang ko ang lahat, lalo na ang oras mo. Syempre hindi ko inakalang mangyayari ‘to…di ganun kabilis.
“I’m not blaming you, may kasalanan din naman ako. I know we can fix this”
Tama ba ang narinig ko? Eh di mabuti, pero ‘di madaling paniwalaan na magbabago tayong dalawa. ‘Di na siguro sa pagkakataon ito… ‘di sa larong ito. ‘Wag na nating isugal ang mga sarili natin. Alam naman nating matatalo rin tayo sa larong ‘di natin alam pareho kung paano laruin.
“Neither of us deserves the blame.” Pinagtakpan mo na naman ako. Kaya nga siguro kita nagustuhan noon, pero sayang, sa ganito rin pala mauuwi ang lahat.
“Sige, ibibigay ko na ng libre ang sisi sa’yo, libre ko rin namang nakuha ‘yun para quits nalang tayo.” Ang lalim ‘nun pero sa mga panahong iyon, ‘yun ang nasa isipan ko.
“Pero dapat libre din ang kape ko ha?” At ako’y iyong nginitian. Kahit papaano, nabawasan na ang tinik sa aking dibdib. Alam kong magiging maayos ang lahat simula dito.
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