A Loner\’s Ravings

I am now on some medications for my depression and feeling worthless. They have helped. I don’t feel as bad as before. But I don’t like the medicines. They do things to you. Like making you drowsy and tying up your tongue. And they dull your responses, physical and emotional. So sometimes I cheat. I skip the medicines. I can do that for up to one week. Then I need them again, or I become the old self. So here is the new avatar of myself, the loner forever.

I have a good mind to delete you forever. I will surely miss you

Today was real bad even by my standards. We had a fight so bad we are practically in hell now. I said something. I know that. It is just that I have no idea what i said. Sarcasm doesn’t go down well with some people.

Odd thing , this tongue.

I have this gift. I can blow any relationship to pieces. Just like that. I have no idea how I manage to do that, but I think I might have blown this one too.

Let the yearning stay. Nobody could care less !!

I don’t know what I did wrong. I guess I must have done something wrong.

Oh, all right, you can go your way. I do’t think I care all that much anyway .

The old insomnia is back again. You see I tried stopping the medicines. I guess I am stuck with those pills for life. Anyway I think I will try not to take any right now. Let me see how long I am going to stay awake.

I am sure I love her,
I tried to deny that,
But the yearning
Refuses to go away

It is almost a week since I wrote anything here. Are you wondering why? Guess. May be it is the medicines?

Just when I thought I had it all figured out, everything goes out of gear again. What a life !! I dont think the shrinks know anyhting about it. They are just taking you along for a ride. At your expense.

Fever doesn’t improve life any. Neither does cold.

I may not be very prolific, but I sure am ponderous , dont you agree !!

It has been sometime since I wrote anyhting here. Not deliberate you know. I wasn’t feeling bad enough to write about. But today is different. I have got a nasty cold and fever. The weather looks stupid. And I cannot reach her.

That isn’t new. And it isn’t news. But this is the kind of day I feel I have to write something.

Today is rather Ok. I am feeling better. Not on the top of the world, But ok. Must be the medicines.

I am feeling much better. May the medications are working. But I am tired, and not upto much. That must be the medication too!!

Rainy, cloudy, gloomy day. I feel reasonably ok.

Endogenous depression! What a word! All it means is the shrink doesn’t know what causes it. And the violence, manic phase of bipolar disease. They are good at inventing words, these psychiatrists!!

None of the above words mean a thing. Just look them upp in any dictionary, i case you dont believe me