starpasser

I love a good philosophical conversation. Time is really well spent discussing the secrets to life, the meaning behind life, and what is truth.

I can get lost in those conversations for hours.

Not only do I love the topic, but it requires a lot of thinking. And thinking seems to be a rare commodity these days.

I see so many people who follow the word of someone else because they don’t want to put in the effort to think about the situation.

But thinking costs you nothing. Every single person has the capability to think, ask better questions, and find truth.

A couple of years ago I bought the audible book The Road Less Stupid by Keith Cunningham. Its a business book with a big theme of thinking.

Each chapter introduces a subject and then poses excellent questions with instructions to carve out “thinking time”.

Everyone could afford themselves a lot more thinking time.

Thinking time is where you come up with new ideas, gain clarity on complex situations, solve problems, brainstorm, and find truth.

Its very intentional. And it’s a necessary component of life.

Trust me, you need more thinking time, not less.

We have the most amazing capabilities to solve problems, all you have to do is spend time thinking, or journaling, or meditating, or whatever it is that helps you think better.

The better questions you ask, the better you think. The better you think, the better things get.

Stress is not good for you.

You can eliminate quite a bit of it by having a few ideas in your back pocket. You just have to be mindful about incorporating them into your days.

You can get ahead of the stress if you don’t let it take over.

Here are some ways to beat holiday stress:

Be present – whatever isn’t done now isn’t likely to get done. But it will wait for you when you get back from the holidays. So let it go for a few days.

Eat well – over eating and too many sweets can take the fun out of holidays by giving you tummy aches and making you feel sleepy. If you choose well, you will keep your energy up.

Don’t sweat the small stuff – this is a time for being together. It’s not for bringing up issues or nit picking. Just enjoy the people around you.

Bring your smile – it lights up the room. So don’t leave it in bed. It might make all the difference.

Make time for fun – whether it’s puzzles, games, or ice hockey, games are a great way to connect. The time flies by because it’s fun!

Get outdoors – fresh air is good for everyone. And you’ll probably sleep better.

Plan ahead – last minute rushing puts too much pressure on and take the fun out of it.

I have pretty much failed at every one of these for most of December. But hopefully we can all be a little more mindful now that we have a list of things that help.

Speaking of help. Make sure you do that too. It’s much more enjoyable when all hands are on deck.

Happy holidays!

PS. I sent a letter to your inbox this morning. My best tip for getting through the holidays if you are around negative Nelly’s. If you aren’t on my email list and would like to be. Click the pink button in the black box above.

Don’t surround yourself with people who stop you, or try to slow you down. You’ll do that enough yourself.

Don’t allow yourself to be invested in people who don’t think you can do what you need to do. You’ll have enough doubts on your own.

Don’t put your energy into trying to please people who only criticize, ridicule, or condemn. Your feelings of being an imposter will look after that.

There will always be the haters, the doubters, and the critics… and you will probably be the the very biggest one of them all.

But there is a whole pile of people who want to see you rise, who want you to succeed, and who will pick you up when you fall down.

Lean on those people.

When things get hard, and you might not be your best self, these people will help you get through it.

You need them in your corner. Seek them out.

You can’t do hard things all on your own.

Every once in a while I like to share some of the things that I think have been excellent or that I am really enjoying.  Today seemed like a great day to do that because I have some really great things to share right now!

What I’m Reading:  Leadership & Self Deception by The Airbinger Institute.  I had lunch with one of my really smart friends Dan Duckering a couple of weeks ago and he mentioned that he suggests everyone he works with reads this book.  When I hear a recommendation like that I jump at it.  I just finished this book and it did not disappoint!  It captured me and I have noticed my worldview has been changed since reading it.  I am a better human for reading this book.  This book is highly recommended by me.

What I’m Listening To:  NPR How I built this Podcast .  This is an excellent podcast featuring all sorts of entrepreneurs and how they built their businesses.  He did an extremely inspiring podcast with Blake Mycoskie, founder of Toms Shoes that I listened to several times and my kids even enjoyed listening to with me.  Blake’s story is a really great story and if this doesn’t make you want to change the world, I don’t know what will.

What I Am Grateful For:  Canada Geese that fly low and talk to each other, warm winter mornings, fresh air, blue Alberta skies, belly laughs, art that moves you, connection with life, horses, indoor arenas, my health, my mobility, real food, family, and friends.

Quote I Am Pondering:  If you get careless or go romanticizing scientific information, giving it a flourish here and there, Nature will soon make a complete fool out of you.”
― Robert M. Pirsig

What I’m watching:  Lately I have been watching more movies than normal because I am trying to stop “doing” all of the time.  We went to see A Star Is Born with Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga.  I am not a movie critic, but I was so impressed with the acting.  Typically when you put a rock star in an acting role the performance is less than stellar, but Gaga was so believable I felt like we were getting to know the real her, and Bradley Cooper is a favourite of mine… who knew he could sing like that?  This beautiful song clip will spoil the movie, so don’t watch it unless you are ok with that.

 

They say that people come into your life for a season a reason or a lifetime.  They also say that we have soul contracts with every single person we encounter, even the most breif interactions can have a profound effect on us.

I have worked very hard over the years to sort out the lessons I’m meant to learn in difficult relationships.  I’ve learned that as the student my “teachers”  are helping me to love myself more which might mean better boundaries, more compassion, and there is always a dash of empathy.

Lately I have wondered what my role might be as the “teacher” may have been in those seasonal difficult relationships.  We can’t possibly know what someone else’s evolution needs but if I were to guess they would also revolve around love, compassion, and empathy.

When I think about these relationships I can feel myself almost begging to be seen, appreciated, and cared for and I can’t help but wonder… was I only needing to validate and care for myself better, or did the person on the other side need to learn the same lessons me about love, compassion and empathy.

I do think a major part of our time on earth is to learn and then unlearn about  separation from each other in order to find connection, compassion, and the highest level of love.

“Above all, keep a close watch on this—that you are never so tied to your former acquaintances and friends that you are pulled down to their level. If you don’t, you’ll be ruined. . . . You must choose whether to be loved by these friends and remain the same person, or to become a better person at the cost of those friends . . . if you try to have it both ways you will neither make progress nor keep what you once had.”
—Epictetus, Discourses, 4.2.1; 4–5

This struggle is real.

The power of peer influence is huge at all stages of our life.
The best we can do is keep moving forward, running our own race and hope to meet them at the top… realizing we might be leaving them behind in doing so.

You can’t take them with you because it’s a personal journey.

It’s one that everyone has to choose for themselves.

You can’t let them pull you down because it robs your progress, your happiness, your health, and your chance to evolve and level up in life.

Above all, keep a close watch on that.

My son has been doing Science for summer school.  He just finished all of his assignments.  It’s a 4 month course squeezed into just under a month.  It’s been intense.  

On top of that he’s been either working full time or taking a summer welding course.

It’s a lot for a 15 year old, he hasn’t gotten a break like most kids his age.

He’s been exhausted and in bed by 9:00 pm.

But his future self will thank him for it.

His future self will get to take mechanics in the first semester of school next year.

His future self will have some money to buy a truck when he turns 16.

His future self will be done school a month before most of the other kids next year.

His future self will be Australia while everyone else is writing finals.

What can you do that your future self will thank you for?

How can you make life a little easier for your future self?

What book can you read?

What boundary can you set?

What job can you tackle?

What phonecall can you make?

What step can you take that your future self will be pleased about?

Your future self will appreciate you, so let’s go!

My summer has been full of learning.

I love to learn and I am constantly trying to figure life out.

I usually choose things that line up with my current worldview, so it’s seamless and relatively easy.

The learning I’ve been doing this summer has been different.  

I have submersed myself into someone else’s worldview.

I have had my beliefs challenged, and my motives questioned.

I have argued in my head with my teacher while he’s speaking.

I have resisted and fought and struggled to understand through my lens.

I have wanted to quit, to run away, and to tell him he’s wrong.

Finally, I relinquished.

And I see a change in myself for the better.

I have learned a lot, but what I’ve come to understand is that it’s easy to learn more about what you already know.

But to have to stretch and dig deep, to think differently or change a belief… that’s a challenge.

It’s possible you also have some antiquated beliefs that need to be questioned.

This world is moving fast, and the ante is rising all of the time.

You might get left behind if you aren’t willing to go to new places in your thinking.

It’s not easy, but I’m telling you it’s worth it.

As a child I loved to play with fire.

We had burn barrels on the farm where we would burn all of our garbage.

Once it caught on and engulfed the barrel.

It was alive, and the flames would grow, shrink, wave back and forth and dance to its own music.

It had a mind of its own, and because of that I was so afraid of fire.

Our school would hold fire safety prevention week where the firemen would come in and talk to us about smoke detectors and escape plans in case of a fire.

I would have nightmares for a week.

When I got married, bought a house, and had children of my own, I would have full blown panic attacks if I was at home alone with the children at night.

With my fight or flight in full effect I would be in a cold sweat, sick to my stomach and shaking like a leaf the whole time spinning thoughts around in my head about how I couldn’t save everyone and escape if we were all asleep.
I knew at a certain point the fire couldn’t be controlled.

I wasn’t coddled by my husband which seemed so awful to me at the time.

I was at home often by myself with the kids at night.

The more I was home alone, the more success I had at being home alone and keeping everyone alive.

Slowly I began to realize there wasn’t going to be a fire, and it wasn’t likely to engulf my house.

I had been forced to face my fear.

It wasn’t easy.

It wasn’t fun.

It wasn’t even my choice.

What I wanted was for someone else to protect me.

But it was the best thing in the world for me.

The world isn’t as scary as it seems.

When I see someone with crippling anxiety, I remember those monsters.

I know how the stories in our head can become larger than life, even if they aren’t rational.

I’ve learned that the only way through it, is through it.

One success build on another and another until you have a new story to tell yourself.

My preferred lifestyle is to now be at home alone with my kids every night.
Had I not ever dealt with that fear, I don’t know where I would be.

When you get to the other side, it’s never as bad as you thought.

What is your fear and how is it holding you back?

22 years ago I teased the valedictorian of our graduating class about trying to boil water in an electric kettle with a plug, by putting it on the stove.

She was exceptionally smart when it came to school, but struggled with what I called common sense.

As an adult I’m finding a chasm between what I “know” and how much I apply what I know to my own life.

Learning is the easy part.   The application is the hard part.

My marketing seminar is starting to wind down, and I’m beginning to feel anxious about applying what I’ve learned.

I’m beginning to grasp the concepts, but as soon as I try to apply it… my brain shuts down.
The more I thought about this, the more I could see ways in which we all struggle with it.

You might know how to eat healthier, but does that mean you always do it?

I think everyone who smokes knows cigarettes are bad for your health, yet they keep smoking.

You might know to drink 3 litres of water everyday, but are you doing it?

I remember my piano teacher telling me that if I went home and practiced what I had learned in my lesson, I would retain 75% of what I had learned. The longer I waited, the less I could retain. If I waited 3 days most of it would be gone.

It’s important to always be trying to apply what we learn, in order to become what we are seeking to become. 

 If we don’t, it will be lost and our growth will be minuscule to what it could have been.

Learn first, then seek to apply.

That is how we become. 

We are in an age where information is everywhere and at our fingertips.

“Finding out” isn’t the problem, applying it is.

What is hard for you to apply to your life?

“The essence of acquiring knowledge is not just to have it, but to consistently apply it in your day to day life.” 

― Edmond Mbiaka