I recently watched the movie Thappad (a Bollywood movie; means A Slap) that brings into focus the subtle patriarchy that exists in our society.
*Spoilers ahead*
Starring the bold and beautiful, Taapsee Pannu, the movie shows the emotional journey of a woman who was slapped by her husband. She is caring, maintains a perfect household, and does everything that the patriarchal society demands of a married woman. Yet, there’s an attack at her and her self-respect when her husband cannot control his own emotions over work politics. Now the big question is whether she should bear the brunt of the couples problems alone, or whether she should walk away and never look back at a person that holds no respect for her. Everyone around her, except her supportive father, brushes off the incident as a one-off episode and advises her to “move on”. Nobody bothers to ask her how she is feeling and what her thoughts are about the incident.
When she decides she no longer wants to continue being married to her husband, she is met with criticism on all fronts, including from her divorce lawyer. The lawyer, who faces a deteriorating marriage herself, questions Amrita (Taapsee) whether there was an affair or any other “legitimate” reason for the divorce application. This is where the movie delivers a strong message, one that everyone needs to hear. Amrita says, “It was just a slap, but he shouldn’t have. That’s my petition.”
Amrita isn’t trying to slander her husband or for any financial compensation, all she is looking for is love and happiness. Going into the marriage she had no idea, he was going to turn out this way. Even if she did, she had overlooked the qualities that could have been warning signs. But that one slap brought everything into perspective.
Even as we speak of this, a horrific case has surfaced about the Instagram group called “Boys Locker Room”. Not going into too many details, this group involved a bunch of teenage school-going boys who defamed girls by sharing their pictures and passing crass/indecent remarks about them. They even showed intent of rape. When patriarchy is so deeply embedded in our society that we get to witness such atrocities by school boys, it makes me wonder if I should’ve voiced my thoughts each time I was subjected to harassment.
How many of us have been Amritas in our lives, being trampled upon by a patriarchal society that deems it okay to defame girls/women just because they seek happiness? How many of us have been slut-shamed for breaking up with a boy and finding someone else who makes us happy? How many of us have had our names slandered because you upset a boy’s ego? How many of us have been threatened by emails, text messages, and calls for not conforming to the rules of this patriarchal world? How many of us have been body-shamed for being too fat, too thin, too curvy, or just not ever enough?
I believe, the victims should stand up against these subtle patriarchal misdeeds that lay the foundations for much larger crimes that take place in the society. Not many of us have the courage of standing up like Amrita who had no support from family, but we can do our part by weeding out such people from our lives altogether and educating our sons and daughters that it is NEVER a victim’s fault.
To the men & women who have at some point harassed another – it could be defamation, a criminal intent, or slut-shaming – know that YOU are not just a part of the bigger problem, you are the very problem of our society.
To those who aid/support these abusers, you are also as much the problem as the abuser themselves. If your opinion is to support the perpetrators, you have been blissfully ignorant about the patriarchy that you’ve helped sustain.
Amrita, it will never be just a Thappad. He shouldn’t have.
Rustic Rumination 