Mindfulness

I love to give a slow soft lap dance

It pleases my soul

I lightly rub my soft against your growing hard

It’s purely selfish

Highly emotional and passionate love making with clothes on

I’ll leave your balls aching

You and I both wanting more

I’m a bastard coated with sugar

A see’er once saw pain in my eyes

She shed a tear for what she saw

My eyes green with gold speck or maybe just plain yellow because I’m just basic

I see my bare skin in mirrors

I’ve bent over before just to see what the view would be

It’s not bad

My nipples are perfect and pink, a slight beige from age, the same colors as my tender spot

They protrude just the right amount to latch on to

My fingers cannot resist checking them

My hair brunette with a red tint I guess that’s the Irish in my blood

And so are my freckles

My Cherokee ancestors gave me high cheek bones

My legs always smooth and one of my best features

My favorite smell is sex and Chanel

But my mind is arsenic

It’s a steel trap of love and loyalty

It’s a pleasure and a curse

It’s a battering ram

It always pushes for more

But yet it gives no more

Even when my heart pulls the “you owe me card”

My laugh is what draws you though

I’ve seen men’s faces change when I laugh

And Ive seen their body language suddenly change when I smile

————-

 

Just Being Your Wife

Stella's avatarStella

I’m talking to your shadow that I barely remember

I lay on top of you just six feet below

My head falls to the side

Hot wind blows sand in my face

There’s peace on these grounds tho

I’ll just sleep here for a bit

Right here with your skin and bones

Thinking how your last breath made me stronger

And how it also made me frail and wrinkled

I’ve counted each moment and dedicated each breath to you

Today I wear the gold you placed on my finger

Just being your wife today

———–

I miss you in ways no one wants to hear anymore

In ways that I could never express

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Love, Lust and Heartbreak

I’m home. I have so much to say. I guess this is just a plain blog post….. who knows if anyone will read this. Not sure

I used to come here to make myself smile with a lot of silly stuff. If I made my readers smile it was a bonus.
My life has changed in many ways. My oldest moved back in and then married. Her and her husband are living here in my home. My youngest has 2 years of high school left. I do pretty much everything for them.
I work a lot now. Since I graduated I got the job I wanted and with work and my girls I stay busy. Too busy.
I feel blahhhh.
Personal stuff…#1 I have a close male friend. I don’t use the word friend lightly. When I say friend it’s a friend. At one time I lusted after him, dreaming that one day he would fall head over heels for me. Blah, hasn’t happened. I feel loyalty to him and I’ll always have him as a friend. Let’s just call him John. Not sure why I share this. Maybe just needed to tell someone….. is anyone listening? Enough of him.
#2 I have fallen in love and out of love and back in love with the same jerk…. Let’s just call him Ryan. You all know that I have one been with one man since my husband passed and that would be Ryan.
Ugh… Ryan. Why… do it do this to myself. I let him in and he does what ever he wants and then he is gone. I said that out loud.:( I answer him and I’m so happy to talk to him, see him and I do everything I can to make him feel loved and wanted. Gone. Gone. Gone…. Back. He’s using me right? I’m really not experienced in the dating world. He tells me things that makes me feel special. He does absolutely amazing things to me and I guess that’s why I let him in. But I’m hurting a lot and I feel like I’m wasting time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not wanting to be married but I do want honesty and consistency.
I’m not trying to tie anyone down because I love my independence.
What do you think??

Delusional

I’ll leave this world in love

My heart is full in love with a man that will never love me

I’m tore up and in knots

He’s a mixture of everything I want

He’s a lot of hellfire and passion

He’s all about me and then he’s gone

I constantly want to run to him but I know his attention is only temporary

Never has he been loved by a woman like me

I know that

He doesn’t know that I would do anything to make him always feel loved

I love a man that will never love me

In my mind he is perfect

He has made me feel more loved than I ever have been loved

But it’s all in my mind

It’s not real

And maybe he’s not real

Maybe I’m just lonely


not real..

I don’t know how..

I dont know how to post here any more

I don’t know how to not love either

I made a fire and Im sitting under the stars

There is a full glass of Stella Rosa

Im numb baby

Listening to Keith Whitley

Dont close your eyes

You know I have so much love that I still cant bring myself to give

Call me honey..

Lets talk

I can make you feel love

Or come here and let me kiss your neck

Im so lonely

So horny and lonely

Im numb

My conversations turn to fondling

Call me

I need conversation

Compulsion Loop

He contacted me

The one that graced my windowsill

The one that made me feel

Feel in all directions

In passion, in love

In excitement I had never felt

He one time licked my pain and it almost healed

I remember his touch

And I didn’t care that I would get hurt

And I knew I would

And I did

But he is speaking and every word gives me that feeling once again

The feeling that I could fall in love with this man all over again

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