My cooking is so crap I need one of these to beat sauces into submission otherwise they’re just a series of lumps.
But it worries me strangely.
It has a little blade that whizzes round and I visualise (without meaning too, in fact I have to try hard not to) putting my fingers in it. It’s the same with cigarette lighters in cars, that glowing red coil is so tempting to touch, I can’t look at it.
Not all sharp or hot things exert this fascination. I can use the chainsaw without the impulse to chop off a limb (except from a tree), I can use knives and I’m not a bad archer. I never have the urge to stab myself or shoot myself in the foot. But I can imagine only too well putting the barrel of a gun in my mouth (not against my temple though – but that’s probably a whole other psychosis!).
I can’t look over the side of the a ship without having the urge to jump, but don’t have the same urge on high buildings, mind you I won’t go anywhere near the edge of a high building I can’t even contemplate throwing a casual glance over the side let alone my body.
Am I doomed? or even mad? or does everyone have these inexplicable feelings? I know of at least one other potential ship-jumper and we are both agreed (I seem to recall) that it wasn’t 'depression' driven, just a bizarre inclination.
(And on a completely different subject I had a letter of apology from Lloyds Bank. I say me but actually it wasn't addressed to me it was addressed to someone with a similar name BUT NOT MINE! When do I give up?)
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STOP PRESS! In news just breaking, it is reported that a Wiltshire Woman has attacked her Bank's manager with a mini-mix! Sources close to the sauce tell us that the woman is known to be a witch, though not a very good one.
LASADO (League Against Sharp And Dangerous Objects)is calling for a total ban on the import and sale of these "weapons of mixed destruction."
shit. i had a comment all ready but i just read dinahmow's and there's nothing i can say now that can even approach witty in the light of that. it's like ice skating after kristi yamaguchi.
*wanders off muttering*
I have vivid dreams about standing astride striding edge wielding a chainsaw. (I'm terrified of heights and blood) I wake up wimpering (Mrs BW calls it snoring)in a muck sweat and have to listen to the World Service to calm down. (Some people have said that they feel sorry for Mrs BW)
It looks like an obscure sex toy but I'll take your word for it on the kitchen appliance thing. (You'll have to, won't you? says my kitchen.)
And Dinah -- brilliant as usual. Delete my last comment (she said shamefacedly).
Trust Andrea to say that what is clearly a mixer is an obscure sex toy...
In contrast to the lovely Dinahmow, I would say you are clearly a very, very good witch, as you have long insisted.
I'm on the ferry tomorrow, so will report back on the gangs of fierce-looking Norse types peering over the edge, thinking "if it's good enough for Ziggi. . . "
There is a definite condition in some people that causes them to think about jumping when faced with a drop - I read about it some months ago, and intended to blog about it (maybe I did, who can remember?) because I have it too.
I must admit, as soon as I saw a picture on your blog I assumed it was going to be a come-on to make us believe it was a sex toy, so I feel let down that you didn't even make one suggestive comment about it.
I have it too. I struggle to drive over the Humber Bridge on a foggy day without wanting to float off into oblivion.
I also have the urge to jump in front of trains.
I may never ever go to Niagara.
I guess that you are attracted to shiny colourful objects..perhaps you were a fish in a previous life?
The urge to leap back into the Ocean pretty much settles the argument.
I have no doubt that Lloyds will be sending you (or someone with a similar name) on a Cruise to make amends for their incompetence.
Just change your name for heaven sake! Take it as a sign...sheesh.. you're not being very open to the spirit world.
Dina :-) very very good although the weapon of mixed destruction is usually what I serve for supper!
CB - I can't wait till monday :-(
BW - I can see why some people would say that, but only some people
Andrea - how come you know so much about obscure sex toys eh??
WW - ooooo thank you kind sir
Malc - fierce looking norse types sound strangely attractive - in a Thor kind of way . . .
Dave - so sorry about disappointing you, it never crossed my mind but then I'm a good witch, in fact a very good witch etc etc also I don't have much of a mind for which it to cross so it probably bailed over the side
CP - my heroine! Phew! Glad someone admits to being bonkers as well, and I totally agree about fog, trains (although a bus or truck doesn't have the same pull) and waterfalls - actually particularly waterfalls. I enjoy photos of Niagara and that's as close as I'll get.
HE - you may be right, my particular genes have not evolved much since dragging themselves out of the primordial mud! I have written to the bank again today - we would be on first name terms if they could get mine right. I asked them if it took any particular talent to be quite so stupid. I await their reply with much interest, more than they're paying me (or someone who sounds a bit like me) I imagine.
i had that bad when I was a kid...any edge overlooking a tall fall kind of drew me. on the bamix front, i always imagine using that on my ex-husband. car lighter too. and the chainsaw. crossbow, chain feed board planer, industrial wood chipper, thresher-combine, savage hoarde of feral swine...
FN - hmmmm? Does that mean you're grown up now? Or I'm not? I do actually think the hand blender would make an awesome weapon - I'm just waiting for the opportunity!
my friend The Gorgeous Thea has a chld who took the top end of his finger off by inserting it curiously into the whirring blade - just to see what would happen
(his finger grew back, but I think she was damaged for life by the experience)
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