Mid Life Crisis or Just Maternity Leave Itch?

Posted on December 1, 2021 by Ophelie

A few posts back, I casually mentioned that I had applied to an opportunity to further my education.

That application was for a hospital residency, to develop my acute care and academic skills. The odds of being selected weren’t very good. Last year, placement rate was slightly better than 1 in 4 applicants with rates decreasing every year, and generally people who apply for residency are extremely high achieving. (This is different from the US, where pharmacy hospital residency is more established and rates are a little better than 1 in 2.)

I spent 2 months on my application, reviewing and rewriting every detail. I made sure that whatever happened, I was putting forward my absolute best.

I applied to 7 programs. Received 4 rejections and 3 “we’re not even going to bother acknowledging you”s. Didn’t even make it to the matching round.

It’s fine. I knew the odds were against me. I was 10 years out of school. I was slightly better than mediocre as a student, I didn’t participate in research (no there weren’t many opportunities to, but even if there had been, let’s be real, I wouldn’t have taken them) and I think I was the only person in my class who didn’t win a single award. I did lead some noteworthy projects which I probably could have highlighted better, but still, that was over a decade ago.

Since then, what have I achieved?

I got board certified in geriatrics. Which probably stands out, but geriatrics is mostly a primary care specialty. Otherwise, I haven’t really volunteered (voluntourism in Thailand for 2 months and walking dogs at the local shelter probably don’t impress), haven’t initiated any large scope projects and haven’t published anything. Even my practice interests which mainly involve providing care to marginalized and rural populations, are more consistent with primary care practice. So it makes sense that a selection committee would be like “thanks but no thanks”. If they were to choose between me and a go-getter, it would make sense to pick the go-getter. Beyond that, a go-getter would probably get more out of a residency experience than someone perpetually on survival mode like me. It sounds like there are lots of side projects available which would have a go-getter all excited while I would be all “nah, I need to focus on the main quest”.

So I looked up other education prospects.

I could do a Masters!

I’ve always been very interested in international development and crisis intervention. What about a Masters of Public Health with specialization in Global Health? Working for the government or non profits to plan health projects would be exactly up my lane!

But then I looked up the numbers. Only two Canadian universities offer the program. Neither have clear numbers posted, but it seems like admission rates are around 1 in 7 applicants. 1 in 7! Who would have thought so many people would be interested in public health careers? Not to mention that the application process is even more intense than the hospital residency.

No other Masters programs caught my eye. Perhaps the competitiveness of public health made me realize this kind of higher education just isn’t for me.

There is still the option of upgrading my degree to a PharmD. I don’t think it would do much for me career-wise (the prestigious hospital jobs require an residency and all other hospital jobs just require experience) and it is expensive (although a residency would have a bigger pay cut than the price of a PharmD bridging program). But after being out of school for so long, I do think a few years of part time structured learning to update my knowledge would be satisfying on a personal and professional level. There is also the fact that while my chances of being accepted into a PharmD program are better than a residency, it’s still not a guarantee.

Also, embarrassed at my lack of go-gettingness, I started looking up volunteering opportunities around me that would be compatible with my two very small children. I considered the board of directors for our local non-profit indoor playground. I was too hesitant, though, and all the positions got snatched up before I could raise my hand. I looked into translating for Pharmacists Without Borders. I decided to wait until I’m back at work, though, so I don’t take on projects that are incompatible with my work schedule. Then I considered the board of directors for a local festival. Again, too hesitant and not sure how it would fit with my work schedule.

Then I wondered, is this mid life crisis? I’m getting pretty close to mid life. (*cries* Feels like quarter life was just a few days ago!) I realized that I haven’t accomplished anything cool career wise. I’ve literately worked more or less the same job since graduation. Personal-wise, I’m so excited about my family and I did manage to work out a 2 year backpacking trip, but I haven’t done much else. I feel like I should be doing…something… just not sure what or how.

Or maybe it’s just the idleness of mat leave. I keep busy, but knowing that it will end soon prevents any kind of long term planning.

I guess we’ll see in like a month when I’m back to the daily grind.

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Our Little Collection of Halloween Crafts

Posted on November 2, 2021 by Ophelie

Hope everyone had a great Halloween!

Halloween ended up being really magical this year.

My two-and-a-half year old is just old enough to (mostly) get it. At first he was a little thrown off at the concept of knocking at someone’s door and not being invited in. He also wasn’t too sure about decorations that growl, howl or move. Poor little sweetie, it was just too adorable. He couldn’t have been too traumatized, though, since I pretty much had to drag him home when it was time call it quits.

Since I’m still on maternity leave, I had the time to put some effort into his costume (the fire truck was a hit, by the way!). Then, visiting all the neighbours again to show off my brood after being locked in for nearly two years was exhilarating. And to top it all off, the weather was GORGEOUS. I mean, I don’t think I can remember better weather on Halloween. It felt like the holiday gods were really smiling down on us. I had a blast. So did, I think, my two year old.

Normally I’m more of a Christmas hype kind of gal, but my little one loves to create. I know most toddlers do and I don’t know other 2 year olds to compare him to so I can’t say whether being creative is his personality or just his developmental stage. Every time we’re chilling at home, though, he asks again and again: “Can we do a craft?” And afterwards, his satisfied remark of “I made this” makes the very-inartistic me understand why so many love to create.

Anyway, here are this year’s Halloween creations:

My kiddo wanted to make a train. A Halloween train. I had (have?) no idea how to make a Halloween train.

I found this project on YouTube Channel love for art-n-craft. We swapped out the face for a pumpkin cat template (I wanted to go with a ghost but he insisted on this specific cat and after all, it is his craft), added pumpkin cutouts to the wheel and went to town with stickers. I forgot the chimney so our Halloween train looks more like a Halloween bus, but the little one is happy with it and that’s all that matters.

This specific creation of his has a special place in my heart too, as I noticed quite the evolution in his skills. I obviously still do most of the cutting, but for the first time, he saw the different parts in front of him and understood how they fit together. Without me guiding him, he knew where to glue the windows, he knew to put the pumpkins on the wheels and he knew what the cat face was for. I totally had a proud mom moment as I was completely blown away.

My husband was grocery shopping and saw that this house kit was on sale. He remembered us doing a similar one at Christmas, figured we’d enjoy it and brought it home.

It was great! Even better, I think, that some of the more expensive kits I’ve done over the years. They are super generous with the candies, as shown in the photos. (This is very different from the KitKat Christmas chocolate houses I made growing up….while KitKats are delicious, the kits are so stingy that you have to supplement with your own candy.)

My little one picked up on the concept really quickly, grabbing one of the icing tubes and just glueing candies everywhere. I had another proud mom moment. I remembered my own childhood. I was much older and still I waited for my mom to apply the icing for me.

The project was great to do with a two and a half year old but I think it could work with even younger kids, as long as you make sure they don’t choke on the little candies. The icing tubes are super fun and sensory to squeeze (and practically indestructible) and the candies are fun to play with. My kiddo spends a good part of our session actually just happily pouring the candies from one bowl to another.

There’s a bit of an expectation vs reality thing going on, but I think it turned out pretty good! Someone with moderate icing skills could make a really awesome house.

This pumpkin was….less enjoyable than our other crafts.

The pumpkin came in our farm CSA and is more of a culinary pumpkin than a carving one. I figured we’d decorate the outside and I’d cook it up after Halloween.

What I should have done is prepare 2-3 easy pumpkin stencils and have kiddo choose the one to go on the pumpkin. What ended up happening was him choosing a train design and only a train design. There are no easy train designs.

So the preparing of the very complex train stencil was annoying and time consuming. Both kids lost patience. The baby screamed and the toddler proceeded to break whatever he could get his hands on.

Then the drawing onto the pumpkin was also really tricky, so I ended up doing most of it while kiddo tried to wrestle the pen out of my hand.

After our terrible train was drawn, I handed over some washable paint, paintbrushes and stickers and let him have at it while I melted down in a corner.

Our results are down below.

I don’t know if the haunted house counts as a craft, especially since it was pretty much just me cutting along the dotted lines with a utility knife while my little one watched, but the end result was kinda cool.

Hello Bello diaper boxes are always a good time, well worth the premium we pay for their diapers. We get so much use out of them.

The cat toy is not an intentional part of the project. At times, there are also cats in the box but I wasn’t able to get a good picture..

I actually put the diaper-box-haunted house and the pumpkin out as our home decorations.

And now that Halloween’s a wrap-up, I guess it’s time to get the Christmas crafts out.

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When Your Truck Obsessed Toddler has Expensive Taste in Halloween Costumes

Posted on October 31, 2021 by Ophelie

Mid-September Conversation in my house:

Me: What do you want to be for Halloween?
2 year old: A firefighter!
Me: Good choice. Let’s pick a costume from the internet.
2 year old: *scrolling through costumes* No, no, no, no…. Yes! That one!
Me: That’s not a firefighter, that’s a fire truck.
2 year old: Fire truck! I want to be a fire truck!
Me: That’s too expensive. How about this firefighter costume?
2 year old: NO! FIRE TRUCK!
Me: Ok…

So apparently fire truck costumes for toddlers are a premium product and, when they’re available at all, the cheapest made-in-china garbage has a 70$ price tag.

Well, I thought, I am on maternity leave this Halloween.

I have no art skills whatsoever. Even wrapping presents usually ends in something being thrown across the room out of frustration. But maybe my darling baby’s Halloween wish is worth me learning?

So 70$ in craft supplies and 3 weeks later, we have a fire truck costume:

Not too bad for someone who has never used a glue gun by herself before though, right?

It was surprisingly not too hard to make, even for a beginner with no patients and subpar fine motor skills.

I drew inspiration from CIPTA’s DIY Fire Truck video (whose channel definitely deserves more subs and views, this guy’s DIY projects for kids stuff are incredible) as well as from browsing google’s “cardboard fire truck costume” image page. I guess I’m far from the first parent to have a toddler who insists on being the truck instead of the firefighter.

I used two shipping boxes. If COVID has done anything for us, it’s ensure we receive a regular stream of craft-worthy cardboard.

The measurements from CIPTA didn’t really work for us, so I guestimated a hole size for top and bottom and tried it out.

Kiddo helped painting the main box red using cheap, Crayola washable paint. Good thing it’s cheap because we used up our entire bottle. Unbeknownst to him, I ended up redoing the job with primer and acrylic paint, but I think that primer with a few coats of washable paint would have worked too. The end result just wouldn’t be as bright.

The black along the top and the white on top of the cab were done with the cheap Crayola paint.

All painted, waiting to be decorated.

The ladders, windows, headlights and exhaust grid were made with EVA foam. The siren lights are rolled up EVA foam strips. The wheels are EVA foam and cereal box cardboard, the front and back fenders are foil over cereal box cardboard and the lines through the sides are construction paper.

The straps are yellow ribbons and arguably the most annoying part of the costume to complete. There’s an alligator clip holding the straps together in the back to keep the fire truck from planting forward.

The firefighter costume and accessories are Melissa and Doug’s Fire Chief Role Play Costume Set. The quality is good and the sizing is perfect to fit over a winter jacket (since around here, Halloween usually involves a snowstorm navigating component).

And there we have it: my successful (if I do say so myself) attempt at making a Halloween costume for my kid.

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Reflections after not hitting the Publish button

Posted on October 18, 2021 by Ophelie

I spent the last week (ok, two weeks ago by the time I finally publish this) writing a Pharmacist Reacts (a print version of the popular “Profession” Reacts genre on You Tube) post in response to a (Covid related, of course) conspiracy theory article that was somewhat local to me and was getting a lot of attention even outside of conspiracy theory circles.

Half way through the post, I realized, I can’t post this here. I may have like 4 regular readers and up to 10 hits on a good day, but with “covidiots” resorting more and more to “coviolence”, my light reading personal blog about my vacations and my family is not equipped to handle the wrong sort of attention. I had actual safety worries, which for me, takes a lot.

I was enjoying the exercise and learning so, I figured I’d finish it anyway. Maybe share it somewhere more anonymous and link it to colleagues for feedback.

Then my husband and I reviewed the rough draft together to prepare for The Editing. Holeeeeeeee crap! Even after all the hours and hours of work I put it in, it would take about the same amount of time to make it presentable to my peers.

Into the draft bin it went.

Perhaps I’ll review it in the future, perhaps it will remain a personal study on critical appraisal, science communication, conspiracy theory strategies, scientific research ethics and Covid management guidelines. Either way, I’m actually super happy about the exercise and don’t feel like I wasted my time at all.

Some general lessons I learned:

1- There’s a reason “reaction videos” are a genre and “reactions in print” are not. Almost all my jokes came across the wrong way. Once I tidied it up, the post was dry, dry, dry.

2- Here is a very effective way of manipulating an audience: Present a true (or highly plausible) scenario or story where all the verifiable facts line up and that evokes a moderate to strong emotional reaction. Then end with a nonsensical or unrelated conclusion. Even I had to rip the original story apart line by line to figure out why it didn’t sit right with me. I can see how it works. A reader thinks “this is right” as they read through the true bits, then feels sadness or injustice as they read over the emotional bits. Their emotions and their feeling of security dull their skepticism toward the questionable conclusion.

3- Covid has created a perfect environment for health care workers with a worship fantasy to act on it. So many people scared, angry, confused and/or grieving. They want answers. Most of them not really understanding the inner workings of illnesses or health systems and their processes. (Because, really, unless you work in the field, why would you have needed know most these things until now?) Anyway, there’s a gaping huge opportunity for a doctor or other person with credibility to be like: “Hey, I tried to help and They went after me. They are causing this and lying to you {optional: insert questionable reason here}.”

Would I do it again?

The furious energy with which I wrote my now-draft binned post brought me back to my WoW Blogging days. While the social side of WoW blogging was probably the highlight of that chapter in my life, I really did enjoy writing the analytical posts. I was never one for creating new knowledge, luckily we had enough scientists with a love of theorycrafting for that, but I had a blast taking confusing knowledge and translating into something applicable.

I would actually enjoy doing some edu-tainment style writing but on not very controversial topics. I like not receiving death threats and I value the integrity of my driveway and front lawn. When I would find the time and energy to research and write, though, I have no idea. I can’t even bring myself to write trivialities on most days.

Actual education projects tho…

While reflecting on my recent writing, it occurred to me that one of the reasons blogging was so much easier while I was a student, other uber flexible university student schedules, was that the skills I used for blogging were much of the same ones I used for school.

I still do read up on information, analyze it and translate into plain language. The rest of it though: organizing into logical sections, choosing and designing supportive images, linking references, writing up a draft, editing editing editing…. Can’t say I do much of that anymore.

That said! Over my maternity leave, I felt the itch to further my education. You know, get more job satisfaction, open more doors career-wise, that sort of deal. So I applied to a program! I’m not in a position to put my life on hold for a few years, so it had to be work-and-learn-at-the-same-time program, but I’m super excited and terrified about. I spent two whole months putting together and reviewing my application. My chances of being accepted aren’t great. Last year 28% of applicants were placed and that percentage goes down every year. Still, I’m super proud of myself for applying and if I’m not among the lucky few, I’ll know to seek knowledge elsewhere.

Anyway, that was my blurb for now. Hope anyone who stumbles upon this is being safe, is avoiding conspiracy theories and has a great next few months.

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Expectations Vs Reality: Toddler Edition

Posted on September 1, 2021 by Ophelie

Thursdays are best days. The toddler is at daycare while it’s my husband’s day off so he can watch the baby. Usually I just sleep. This week, though, my toddler had been home for a long stretch due to a (not Covid) runny nose. He went for a day on Tuesday, then was home Wednesday because we only pay for Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. I had big plans for my Thursday…

Thursday Expectations:

Take toddler to daycare. Drink coffee and browse phone while baby plays in the living room. Put baby down for a nap. Make tea. Do some writing, do some continuing education (currently studying for a Diabetes Educator certification). Pick baby up from nap. Have nice lunch with husband. Organize kitchen while baby plays with daddy. Put baby back down for nap. Make more tea. Finish house chores. Maybe make good food with some of the CSA veggies in the fridge. Pick up toddler from daycare.

Thursday Reality:

Toddler emerges from room: “My arm hurts.”

Me: “Why does your arm h- wait, why is your arm dirty? And smelly…. Did you puke?”

Toddler: “Yes”

Give toddler shower. Check his bedroom. Corn, everywhere. Poor sweetie probably threw up and went to sleep. (I have vague memories of doing that as a kid. I’m sure my parents felt as horrified then as I did on Thursday.) Husband points out that our little one ate 3 ears of corn at supper the night before, that’s enough give anyone an upset tummy.

In hopes that my expectations were not too ruined by indigestion, I text his head teacher. No dice. Almost all the kids are sick. And could I please have him tested for Covid before he comes back? Cases are up and apparently lots of kids have puking as their only symptom.

Figures the ONE DAY he goes to daycare in the past week he gets exposed to something (spoiler: it was probably Norwalk).

Shake out bedsheets outside. Wash bedsheets and rug. Sweep and wash down room. Washed bedsheets are still smelly. Wash bedsheets again.

Kiddo pukes a few more times during the day. More cleaning.

At least the weather was nice. Spend a few hours hanging out on the deck with the family.

Day ends and I’m so tired I go to bed shortly after baby is down.

Weekend Expectations:

Toddler is feeling better, we go for a walk, harvest potatoes from the garden. Maybe go for a drive. Get some rest from the week while husband watches the kids.

Weekend Reality:

Toddler had Norwalk on Thursday. Of course by Saturday I’m puking everywhere!

Husband gets up. Before I have time to complain, he announces he has a migraine and is also puking everywhere in addition to being blinded by the lights, deafened by the noise and collapsing under a heavy headache. We decide he’s worse off than me so he goes back to bed and I watch the kids.

For some reason, my arms hurt. Remember that my toddler had complained of sore arms too. Weird.

Also bring toddler to his Covid test, which means no outings until we get his results Sunday evening.

At least the baby was somewhat understanding and actually slept pretty well, waiting until everyone felt better before starting her 8 month sleep regression Sunday night..

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I Survived the Heat Wave of the Century with Two Little Ones and Took Notes!

Posted on July 13, 2021 by Ophelie

It was a long, long week of sweating on the floor in the dark, waiting for the days to end.

The temperature soared in the low 40Cs (104F+), even overnight, only dipping to comfortable weather for a couple of hours around 5am. Which would be fine if we lived in a place where that’s normal, but for our tiny basement, no AC, built to keep heat in not out house, it was rough. Especially with a toddler who doesn’t understand why he’s uncomfortable and what he needs to do about it, and with a baby who has trouble sleeping at the best of times.

But we made it! And I took notes! Maybe someone looking for tips will stumble across them, or maybe I’ll want to refer back to them next time this happens (but hopefully it will be far enough in the future that I won’t have a baby to worry about).

1- Get up early and open everything.

The coldest part of our day is 5am, so I would get up between 5 and 6. (The baby demanded my attention then anyway, which helped.) I would lock up the cats, open the windows and doors and place fans strategically throughout the house to blow the cold air in. Yes, having the doors wide open at 5 am made me nervous, but I found the house wouldn’t cool down otherwise. (Like I said, our Northern Alberta houses are designed to keep heat in.)

2- If you need to use the stove or oven, this is the time.

Besides it being way too hot by lunch or supper to stand in a kitchen over a hot stove, adding heat to our already smothering house was probably a bad idea. Since I was up in the early, early morn anyway, I might as well hit two birds with one stone. I’d make rice in the rice cooker, cook whatever we planned to eat later in the day on the stove or in the oven and prep whatever was going to be thrown in the microwave or Instant Pot later on.

3- Once the heat outside matches the heat in the house, shut everything down.

For us, this was around 8am. Windows and doors closed. Shutters drawn. We even eventually added blankets as extra covering for windows that didn’t already have insulating curtains. We needed to make our house’s insulation work for us instead of against us. We actually got to test the difference, since the first day, our instinct was to cover up the windows but leave them open (until then, our experience with heat waves in usually cold climates was with low 30Cs/90Fs temps, where air flow is still useful). While the temperature indoors peaked at roughly the same point each time (32C or 91F, according to our thermostat), it took much longer to peak when we had everything bolted down.

4- Compartmentalize your home

Rooms heat up at different rates, so the best way to keep some rooms cooler is to shut them off from the rest of the house. For us, this meant the basement and main bedroom (where baby sleeps). We made sure we didn’t retreat to our (tiny) basement until we really needed to, so our body heat wouldn’t warm it up too early. And we made sure baby didn’t overheat by keeping the bedroom door closed. (For the record, the room would eventually reach the same temperature as the rest of the house but it was slower, which was good for naps.)

5- Preserve your sanity by partaking in shaded or watery activities before it gets too hot.

We had breakfast outside most days (our toddler’s idea, actually). On the days where the toddler went to daycare, I took walks with the baby. On the days he stayed home, we went to the spray park (we bought one of those shade tent thingies. 10/10 would recommend) with half the town. One of the mornings was Canada day, so we walked to the town center for pancake breakfast, parade and cupcakes. Around 11am, we could feel the heat ramping up so we’d retreat to our living room.

6- Avoid heat generating things

Our morning sanity-preserving methods would come in handy as we spent the rest of the day sweating in the dark on our living room floor. Lights, even LEDs we found, generate heat. Most cooking methods generate heat. Computers generate heat. This part was awful but what can you do?

7- Integrate cool baths into baby’s naptime routine

Before each sleep time, I gave baby a quick splashing around in a cool/lukewarm tub. This seemed to help a lot and ensured she got a decent amount of rest.

8- Ice water is totally underrated.

I mean, I know we all love ice water. What I didn’t know what exactly how wonderful, incredible, amazing, brilliant ice water is. I actually had trouble keeping up with the ice making. Dehydration is your enemy in high heat, so always keep a glass of ice water in your hand. It’s actually been about a week since the wave ended and I’m still hooked on ice water!

9- Also, cool facecloths.

Because you can’t always take or give baby a cool bath, cool facecloths are your friend. Putting them on the nape of the neck or on the back (or wherever else needs cooling off) was really helpful in cooling us all off. Fun anecdote, I tried making some ghetto air conditioning for baby by blowing a fan over bowls of ice. I don’t think it helped, but it did create a great bowl of cool water for wetting face cloths, for when you don’t want to give baby a bath at 2 am to cool her down.

10- Use the basement strategically

3pm to 8pm would be the hottest part of the day (I’ve always been told noon is the hottest part of the day but perhaps because we are pretty far north, late afternoon is always the warmest time of day for us in the summer). We would retreat to the basement around 4pm and sit there until supper, cooling off. We let the toddler watch some cartoony music videos (he doesn’t usually get screen time – we’re not obsessive about screens but we avoid it for now since he has geeky parents and will get tons of screen time later on in life) and had baby crawl around with toys in the pack and play. (We would let baby sleep in the pack and play in the basement with dad in the room, but baby was not interested.)

11- Microwave and pressure cooker don’t generate a ton of heat and are great for cooking. We even used the slow cooker once which sounds bonkers, but our slow cooker is part of the Instant Pot so it keeps its heat really well. I just did all the prep and meat searing during the cool hours of the morning. We discovered how awesome pressure cookers are and have starting doing our “heat wave” recipes regularly.

12- Once outside temperatures are cooler than indoor temperatures, open up again.

I found I could open the windows and shutters somewhere between 8pm and 11pm. Early on, I tried locking the cats up and opening the doors, but couldn’t cool the house down at all before having to go to bed. I don’t think it got cool enough to really bring the house temperature down until 5am, so it wasn’t worth the effort to try.

13- Accept that baby’s sleep training will go out the window.

Our youngest is a terrible night sleeper and we had made so much progress over the past two months. But her health comes first, so for the duration of the heat wave, I nursed her to sleep every time she woke up. Which was pretty much every hour. Between that and the 5am wake time, I was exhausted by the end of the heat wave, but at least I knew baby wasn’t dehydrated. It took about a week to get baby’s sleep back to where it was pre-heat wave, so it wasn’t entirely starting over.

And there we have it! How we survived a week of unheard of weather! It was exciting and annoying and I am so glad to be back to normal.

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What is this Heat? I can’t even.

Posted on June 29, 2021 by Ophelie

Move to Northern Alberta, they said.

It’s cold all year round, they said.

*cries in no air conditioning*

It’s the heat wave of the century. Perhaps the heat wave since people have lived here. And boy are we miserable!

We haven’t hit the worst of it (that’s supposed to come on Wednesday) and we’re a mess. I’ve lived through other 40C+ (104F) weather before (I’m actually not that sensitive to heat, oddly enough), but never with kids, especially not with a baby and toddler!

If it were just me and Ed, we’d probably just marinate in our (partial) basement (he even works from home and our tiny basement is his office), eating ice cream and popsicles. With kids, it’s different. They want to go about their day and don’t understand why they’re so uncomfortable. When I try to teach them (well, teach the toddler at least, baby is not receptive yet) how to cope, they don’t get. What do you mean lying around and staying still will make me feel better?!? What do you mean, I can’t walk to the park to play on the swings?!?

As for the baby… At the best of times, she runs warm (I haven’t finished writing up her jaundice story yet, but in it I tell about how her incubator temperature had to be set way below any published recommendation, because she’s a hot, hot baby). Also at the best of times, she’s a terrible sleeper. I’ve been working with her for nearly two months and we were slowly making progress, on the verge of going from 3 wake ups to 2 (down from originally like at least 8) and a “good” morning time of 7am instead of 5. She went from the occasional 30 min nap while eating to 2-3 naps lasting 1-2 hours alone in her crib. All that hard work? Poof! Baby not napping, barely sleeping at night and hysterical at 5 am again.

*Shrugs* At least 5am is the coolest moment of the day, might as well get up and get stuff done. I’ve gone this long without proper sleep, what’s another week?

Our house is built for cold. Which apparently means the insulation should help. Except for that Ed and I both have heat wave experience with less heat or in houses with bad insulation so our instinct was to keep the windows open… Oops! Also, the giant windows facing south, the lack of a proper basement, the missing air circulation-only function on our furnace and the fact that once the house is hot, it is hot forever make me terrified about the real heat.

During the two months we spent in Ranong, Thailand, we lived in a third floor apartment with fan-only cooling. Instead of the heat spikes and cool nights that we have here, the temperature is just consistently in the low 30Cs. The building had a clever climate control trick:

What you see is an opening through the middle of the building, all the way down to the crawlspace. It keeps the cool air circulating. Some vegetation probably helps as well.

So far, our strategies have involved:

  • Avoiding the stove and toaster oven. Our pressure cooker doesn’t give off much heat so we will be trying that. Also supporting local businesses via restaurant delivery.
  • Ghetto air conditioning involving a fan and a bowl of ice.
  • Cool baths and showers (also a strategy in Thailand: when we were there we were told it’s not unusual for Thais to shower like 8 times a day)
  • Downing glass after glass of ice water (I’m actually going through ice faster then I can make it)
  • Cool, damp “blankets” (facecloths wet with cold water and applied to the back or nape of the neck, tends to work better for the baby then the toddler)
  • If we must go outside, umbrellas keep the sun from scorching our skin (another trick we brought home from South East Asia)

On the bright side, my (Aerogarden) tomato plants are loving the heat. Didn’t know plants could grow so fast…

Anyway, here’s hoping the heat lets off soon (forecast says Friday, fingers crossed). And while I totally feel sorry for myself and my small children (while also feeling a little bit exhilarated because I love this kind of problem solving), I definitely feel for the seniors in our non-climate controlled nursing home. I‘ve sometimes felt sick from the heat working there and that heat was nothing like this. I also feel for our farmers who are seeing their animals suffer and are losing their crops – months and months of hard work as well as their livelihood. And finally, I feel for the people all over the world who are dealing with situations like these more and more frequently, beyond what they are equipped to handle. For them, there is no end in sight.

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Powering Through Writer’s Lack of Motivation

Posted on June 14, 2021 by Ophelie

I can’t really called it writer’s block because I’m not blocked, I’m just not, you know, writing.

I’ve been really wanting to practice my writing again while my toddler is at daycare, now that my fussy, fussy baby finally takes decent naps and I find that, like many activities, I far prefer the idea of writing to actually writing.

I started typing up our experience with a jaundiced newborn, partly because I love to talk about these things and partly because I see a lot of parents looking for others’ stories about jaundice. I got really bored of it real fast. I do expect to finish it…someday…

Since brain dumping has worked well for me in the past, here’s a quick run down of what’s on my mind:

1- I ordered a new phone!

My Samsung Galaxy *checks* S7 still does what I need it to do (take pictures of my kids and my cats, browse Facebook and Reddit and, you know, make phone calls), but the battery is getting hot and seems to be trying to escape (aka bulging). So new phone it is. I debated between the Galaxy S21 (how did they get from 7 to 21?) and the Pixel 5. In the end, maternity leave is expensive so I’m broke, long battery life is a priority for me and I prefer a smaller screen, so I’ve got a Pixel 5 heading my way. I’m looking forward to taking more pictures of my kids and my cats.

2- Precious Little Sleep is a gift from the Gods.

Dubief’s ebook is the only reason I’m able to blog, or do anything really, again. I bought it in between sobs at 4am with a screaming baby, and ever since, my life has improved 100%. If you’re struggling with a baby WHO. DOES. NOT. SLEEP, I 10/10 recommend. A write up on my baby sleep experience is in the plans, but who knows who my plans will play out.

3- The pandemic has sucked, but one of the silver linings is that I’ve been able to explore a lot of our local family-friendly outdoorsy stuff

Since my oldest was born, I’ve wanted to “take him hiking” and “go to the beach”, but “never got around to it”. The pandemic shut down all indoor and other easily accessible activities. Little guy only goes to daycare part time and needs a ton of stimulation the rest of the time. Unfortunately, until recently, I had a possibly demon-possessed newborn which made it hard to give my oldest enough much needed attention. One day, out of frustration, I tossed both of them in the car, cranked up the music and drove the hour to the next town over. I bought gas, then turned around and came home. It felt magical! So I did it again and again, with other destinations. I found plenty of great stroller and curious toddler friendly spots and now we’re going on adventures several times a week.

4- Beaches +Toddlers = Win

I don’t have a ton of experience with toddlers, but I suspect I’m safe in assuming that most toddlers love water, sand, throwing and dumping. (My little guy even asks me whenever he’s holding a filled container: “Want to dump?”) I hadn’t given the beach much thought beyond “we should go someday when it’s hot but not during a weekend because it’s crowded”, but during one of my favourite hikes around a lake, I let him stop at the beach to throw some rocks in. He glowed! Now, rain or shine, cold weather or hot, we go to our local beaches all the time. Poorer weather is actually best because toddlers don’t care and we get the whole place to ourselves. Baby hangs out on a big towel or in a carrier and it’s great!

Here are some (poorly edited – perhaps learning some basic photo editing skills would be a good project for what’s left of my mat leave) memories of our adventures:

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Birth Story #2 – Plan, Smlan… but Still Exciting!

Posted on June 4, 2021 by Ophelie

I love reading birth stories! Since Baby #2 showed up, I’ve been eager to share mine, despite that I’m pretty sure only people who are about to give birth, have just given birth or MAYBE are students in the obstetrics field want to read them.

Also never mind that Baby #2 is 5 months old and I’m only getting around to it now.

(When my first was a baby, I constantly wondered how anyone manages a baby and a toddler at the same time. Now that I’ve been doing it for 5 months, I still have no idea. Actually, I have no idea about anything. I AM JUST SO TIRED.)

On a side note, I just discovered a lovely comment on the blog that I had missed. I’m so so sorry! I don’t expect anyone to comment these days since I went like a year without posting. I answered now…better late than never, right?

Ok, back to exciting birth story. Fortunately, unlike birth story #1, this one doesn’t call for any content warnings.

I didn’t get a good just-born photo (you’ll find out why if you keep reading!) but here’s our itty bitty sweetie getting ready to come home from the hospital.
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I Spent Almost a Year as a Working Mom

Posted on March 22, 2021 by Ophelie

When I went back to work in February 2020, I figured I wouldn’t have much time outside of work and family.

I wasn’t wrong.

What I didn’t realize was how I would have pretty much no time outside of work and family. In fact, the only reason I’m writing here now is because I made another baby and am back on maternity leave!

It was a weird year for sure. Between the pandemic, staffing issues at work and an uncomfortable pregnancy, boredom was definitely a problem I didn’t have.

So how did being a working mom go?

Daycare was a way easier transition than expected

My now-toddler has always been very social and around 8 months old, I felt like he reached a point where he needed more stimulation than I could give him. He started daycare at 11 months and other than a week of crying at drop off (and once, on his very first day, at pick up), he took to it like a fish to water.

He made it through almost two months until Covid shut everything down.

When our three months of lockdown ended, his daycare had changed owner and the new management couldn’t accommodate our 4 days a week schedule (and I’m cheap and didn’t want to pay for 5 days) so we switched to another provider. Little one was too young to care but I had a good cry. I really liked his classmates’ families, dammit. New daycare provided meals, though, so that was a win. Packing lunches and snacks for a young toddler is stressful as heck. Hands down worst part about daycare, other than the cost.

Anyway, starting again at 17 months was another week of crying at drop off, then everything was great. Little one receives tons of stimulation, gets to interact with other kids as well as adults who are not his parents (it takes a village after all and the pandemic made it impossible to socialize with other families) and can we talk about his development? His language exploded, he started saying please and thank you (having been isolated during my own early childhood, I remember having a lot of trouble understanding manners. Growing up around other people seems to make it easier for my kid than it was for me), he comes home with new skills (like one day he started counting to 10. I never taught him that!) and every day he gets better at putting on/taking off his winter gear. It’s been so amazing that even though I’m on maternity leave now and money is tight, we’ve kept him in 3 days a week. (And yes, there’s also that managing a, ahem, curious, toddler and a newborn by myself full time is a misery I can afford to, if barely, not put myself through.)

I found reassurance that I am not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom

Growing up, I watched how miserable my own stay-at-home mom was (and now that I have both a toddler and a newborn, I can definitely see why – and she even had a third child to worry about, plus dads back then were less involved than they are now) and I told myself that life wasn’t for me. I also felt that I missed out by not attending daycare early on. I did want to raise kids, though, and fill their childhoods with fabulous experiences. I thought perhaps part time work would be the best way to balance both aspects of life so I choose a career that could make that possible.

I ended up trapping myself in a really demanding (but fairly well paying) job cycle of burning out, taking a break, then coming back for more punishment (and money). In the haze of burn outs, I sometimes caught myself envying stay at home parents… I wished I could do crafts or bake with my kid, or take him to do fun stuff.

Then Covid lockdown happened. Little one didn’t have childcare anymore so for three months hubby and I tweeked our schedules so that one of us was on baby duty at all time. I learned very fast that I love the idea of being a stay at home parent. The reality of it, though, is not as pleasant. I didn’t want to plan crafts. We didn’t bake. I had no energy to take him to do anything more complicated than walks around the neighbourhood. I know it wasn’t exactly a stay-at-home parent situation since I was also working full time, but heck, I looked forward to my work days!

I enjoy being home for the baby stage. I am loving my maternity leave and don’t miss work in the slightest, but I think being full time mom to the toddler stage and beyond is not where I shine the brightest.

We’re baking now! And that mess in the background…let’s keep that our little secret, shall we?

And, what do you know? These days, with my toddler in care 3 days a week and with me 4 days, we do lots of crafts, baking, gardening and more. We even do some activities outside the house, Covid permitting. My instincts were right: the middle ground between work and family brings out the best in me. It is something I will keep in mind as I shape my career (and hopefully break the burnout cycle).

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