Creature Of Habits

This one’s is for u,
U fairweather friend.
All smiles when it was sunny
But clocked miles when stormy.
U are the worst addict I know and won’t add to nothin.
I wouldn’t even use u if u were heroin.

U piece of shit, used me to keep me up all night.
Got me using, wanderin around my room all night.
Got me wonderin what about using that wasn’t right.
I still looked up to u, despite what I had left.

Right?

Left right left and my knee buckles
I hated my guts while u dusted your knuckles.
I shook while u stood over me
Alpha to a beaten beta.
Now look who’s down and dizzy?
Alphabets got u beaten?
Here’s some fast facts for your deep fried brain.
There was a time when I regarded u as a brother.
I would’ve bled for you
would’ve stuck my neck out for you
would’ve gone broke for you
would’ve broke my fucking back for you
would’ve stood for your wrongs, am I right now?

Alright now.

Shut your mouth while I shout into mic.
U use your hands for violence and to dominate,
I’ll use my mouth in silence, so u taste bitter hate.
U spun the numbers and rolled me like dice
Now the odds are even, n I wouldn’t bet on your lies.
U fed on my debts, like how a cat preys on mice.
Now feed on my facts, it’s best u pray to christ.
U spun lies, demoralized, disgraced n spat in my face.
Now I’m spittin truth on your deserts while u say grace.
U sat me on a throne when I had cash to be thrown
Then throw me out when I needed cash loaned
Now lemme cash in your throne and spare u some sense.
You have no cents of loyalty,
Your gold isn’t worth glitter in all your royalty.
You call yourself a gangster?
And ink the logo on your tummy with pride?
Yea, if gangster was a gag and couldn’t stomach puke.
Bout time u layback as I remove your crown like dental,
I’m getting tools and I’ll dismantle your mental.

Physically I am no match for u.
Emotionally I am afraid of u.
U have a roof over your head to hide, to call your own
But I have heart and hands that are willing to work for what I own.
U were too much of a bum when u satisfied your highs
Bet you’d have sold your butt
or gave a blow to get thru your lows.
Yes we were addicts, but u, seriously were a dick:
always stood for nothing.

Now let this ink bleed out while u read aloud,
Hope I’m not mumbling, and I definitely ain’t mincing,
These words, as they flow from heart to this verse.
It’s how I converse.
Call it a blessin or curse
I’d b singin it at your hearse.

U wanna hear what I have to say,
But never here to listen to what’s not said.
Here’s one for you to hang up on your wall
Just another Rembrandt. Mint. Conditioned.
Just like I remember. Love. Is Conditional.
Wasn’t present then when I screamed for u to wait.
Wasn’t your presents, but the lack of presence that unwrapped this peasant.
Wasn’t your presence in my future that you’d relate.
But showing up to my past mistakes you never were late.
Was already visiting me in prison when I stood begging, OUTSIDE your gates.
Was me you left in a paper bag like trash at the gate at 138.
Wait, now I know. I was deadweight. Wait, no. Dead.
Well I interpret every sigh you’ve ever let out.
Will it be tonight you tell me to get out?
Will I be the cause or the cost of bein a let down?
Why, am I a
disappointment?
If so, use
dis point to pent down your disapprovals, not to diss,
but this to prove to u and the world.
You’ll wander how I walk thru your subtle put downs.
And you wonder how I can’t stand thru your let downs?
Hear, dot this down in your diary,
Fold this origami into your memory.
So ears me dropping bombs on a4,
See me tear this tree up like c4.
Here’s something for you to digest as I digress.
I’m depressed, I must confess.
Often depress gas till it starts to quake,
Pedal to the metal, it’s how from my nightmare I wake.
Rubber to tarmac, it’s friction, no fiction, no fake.
Just a fraction of a division, from a sum of multiplied hate.

Someone tell me

Why do I hate myself so much

Why do I walk with this crutch

Why am I parched, but still drowning,

Longing for a hand yet disgusted with self when u touch.

My eyes and mirrors are met with detest

And I must confess, cos it’s a weight off this chest

Note that this isn’t my chest

Not my treasure to keep from the east to west.

This vest I wear is a mess

Jest to prove and not bullet proof