January 17, 2026 · 11:13 pm

The Iceman (Part 2) on laughing and crying audiences and angry ice blocks…

Anthony Irvine outside the National Theatre in London…

My previous blog was the first part of a chat with Anthony Irvine AKA performance artist The Iceman AKA the fine artist AIM.

The Iceman’s performance art involved melting blocks of ice. AIM’s visual art tends to be about him melting blocks of ice as The Iceman.

He was talking to me partly to publicise Melt It! The Film of The Iceman – an upcoming documentary about him, premiering in Wolverhampton next month.

Now read on…

JOHN: You told me once that you worked in the National Theatre.

ANTHONY: Well, I worked at the National Theatre in the Green Room as a barman, serving drinks. I knew that all the actors regarded me as rather slow, but I met all the greats. 

JOHN: Such as? 

ANTHONY: The lot.

JOHN: Laurence Olivier?

ANTHONY: Not Larry; my Green Room work was more recent. I remember actors like Brian Cox who were doing shows there. And the playwright Alan Ayckbourn. 

I once served a drink to Harold Pinter.

JOHN: Did he say very much? 

ANTHONY: No, he came back and said the wine was too warm. 

JOHN: Were there lots of pauses? 

ANTHONY: There were many pauses.

JOHN: You never performed on stage at the National?

ANTHONY: No. But I went back to the Green Room much later on, after I’d given up the job, and I got slightly inebriated.

I took a wrong turning and I was suddenly at the entrance onto the Olivier auditorium’s stage. A play called The Visit was on with Lesley Manville in it and it did cross my mind… I thought This could be an opportunity… and then I thought better of it, fortunately.

A number of actors were about to make their entrance and they looked at me aghast and I think Security got involved. It was a very memorable moment because, you know, the lights are so bright but I could actually see the front row of the audience. 

JOHN: You should have gone on stage and said, “Oh, I’m just visiting…” and then gone off again.

ANTHONY: Have I told you that it’s sold out?

JOHN: What?

ANTHONY: The screening of the film next month. Melt It! The Film of the Iceman…

JOHN: Do you like the finished film?

ANTHONY: I’ve only seen little bits of it so far. 

JOHN: Are you actually in it? They could have cut you out of a documentary about you just for a laugh…

ANTHONY: (LAUGHS) That would be funny, yes. It’d be like me going to see Funny Bones, where I did three days filming and they cut me out of that, more or less. I was one of the sort of music hall people. I was being the Iceman with his block. I think you only see him for a second up a ladder or something like that.

JOHN: But, in the new documentary film about you…

ANTHONY: There’s interviews with various people who did comedy in my day, like Jo Brand and Stewart Lee and Simon Munnery and they all have their interviews. Robin Ince. Mark Thomas. They just say little things about the Iceman. And so, it’s just like in the book, Melt It! The Book of The Iceman where the foreword is Simon Munnery talking about block 125 and kind enough to use the phrase “absurd, beautiful art”.

JOHN: So is ‘absurd, beautiful art’ your ideal description? 

ANTHONY: I do quite like that. I think it’s quite accurate. I like people to laugh and cry when they’re in front of my paintings as AIM. Sometimes it even happens. I put a lot of feeling into them.

JOHN: Why are they crying? 

ANTHONY: Because they sense a human condition in an unexpected form. There’s always a human figure. And there’s always the block of ice.

So I think the combination of the block and the man is quite evocative. 

JOHN: Because? 

ANTHONY: Because the whole idea of melting ice is… 

JOHN: Ephemeral? 

ANTHONY: Yes. It conveys the passing of time and the struggle and also moments of joy, of course, as well. So that’s why there should be laughter as well.

JOHN: But why would they laugh and cry at a two-dimensional image? Or feel emotion? 

ANTHONY: Because it evokes something. Because it’s painted with such glee and care… (LAUGHS) and speed. 

JOHN: How long does it take to paint an average one?

ANTHONY: Well, sometimes they’re quite quick. But I never do one without a lot of thought – before committing to canvas.

JOHN: Your recent ‘paintings’ have not really been paintings. They’ve been a sort-of collage of ink drawings and Polaroid pictures and fax paper..

ANTHONY: I find the ink drawing quite interesting because I look at the Polaroid quite carefully before I do the ink drawing. And the Polaroid provokes some kind of path to the painting. For example, even the shape of the block or the audience members you see in the photo or the structure of the support system or the funnel or the lights.

So the actual Polaroid, funnily enough, does influence the painting. For example, the number of copies I might make for the fax machine. Of course, the fax machine was quite a big old-fashioned one I used.

I do acknowledge that I wasn’t literally faxing. I was using the fax machine to make copies on fax paper. 

Do you know fax paper? I love the actual quality of the fax paper and the printing on it. 

JOHN: You were talking about the shape of the block. Isn’t the shape of the block a given? Otherwise it wouldn’t be a block.

ANTHONY: Well, the block receives a shape from the container, really. Even if you use the same container, different water will freeze in a different shape or come out in a different shape.

JOHN: How do you make your blocks? In the last 30 years, have you had a little box or something? 

ANTHONY: Well, I had freezers all around London and the home counties. More difficult further afield. I didn’t have one in Glasgow.

I basically usually froze them myself. Occasionally, if I did what you might call a bigger show, I would get a commercial block. And that was always a different phenomenon because you had to ‘get to know’ your block whereas, with the blocks I made myself, I knew them already. Do you see the difference? 

JOHN: How did you get to know your block? 

ANTHONY: Having a short moment to commune with it – or a long moment if possible. Talk to it, receive information from it.

And, of course, when it appeared in public, it began a life of its own. 

JOHN: What information did you get back from it? 

ANTHONY: That’s a good question. I think it’s difficult to put into human language.

JOHN: Put it into ice language. 

ANTHONY: A sense of what it was. 

JOHN: It was a block.

ANTHONY: A character. 

JOHN: Different blocks have different characters? 

ANTHONY: Yes.

JOHN: Understandable in a human way? 

ANTHONY: Yes. I mean, for example, the famous Noel Edmonds Christmas Show when The Iceman went mainstream. He came out of an exploding fridge.

JOHN: An exploding fridge?

ANTHONY: An exploding fridge. There’s film of it somewhere.

But on that occasion I had more than one block. I had about a mountain of blocks. Big blocks. I mean, I had to use a wheelbarrow to move them. So that was a fascinating interaction of different blocks together. And me. 

But I don’t want to sound pretentious. 

JOHN: Oh, go on.

ANTHONY: There is a sort of ambience which results from the specific characters of the blocks. 

JOHN: Have you met a psychopathic block of ice? 

ANTHONY: I don’t think I’ve ever met a psychopathic one. I’ve had angry ones.

JOHN: Why are they angry? 

ANTHONY: I don’t know, just in a mood. Probably didn’t want to be made. 

JOHN: Are they trying to revolt against this by refusing to melt? 

ANTHONY: Well, yes, everything revolted against The Iceman because, as you know, the system always collapsed as soon as you put the block in the structure.

So there was always struggle, always an element of struggle. The funniest block I remember, at Battersea Arts Centre, was a block that jumped – literally jumped – back into the bucket from where it came. I promise you.

JOHN: How did it do that? 

ANTHONY: I don’t know. The audience thought it was a stunt, but it was supernatural. I promise you, I got the block out of the container, put it on my structure, I put the container on the floor, some distance away, and the next moment, the block, as it were, ‘flew’ into the container, upside down. I do not exaggerate. I was gobsmacked. 

JOHN: Imagine how the block felt.

ANTHONY: I was amazed and the audience saw my genuine amazement. 

JOHN: What did the therapists say? 

ANTHONY: They said, “Keep melting! This helps you. It gives you a path through life. It gives you a reason to be. It helps you put all your angst and joy into something that you can share with the public. And you can do big TV shows”- like the one with John Fleming – Prove it! with Chris Tarrant.

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January 13, 2026 · 7:56 pm

Iconic eccentric art act The Iceman – from stage to canvas and now to film…

In this blog, Anthony Irvine AKA performance artist The Iceman AKA the fine artist AIM has cropped up occasionally over the years. So here we are again…

His on-stage performance art involved melting blocks of ice. His visual art as AIM tends to be about him melting blocks of ice as The Iceman. That’s all you need to know…

This is Part 1 of a chat we had on London’s South Bank recently…

Anthony and I encountered liquid ice (AKA rain) on London’s South Bank

JOHN: You were telling me you’re entering a new artistic phase…

ANTHONY: Yes. I’m not sure if it’s the ultimate, the penultimate or the pre-penultimate. But it’s definitely a new phase. A physical difference. Emotional difference, spiritual difference.

JOHN: It’s epitomised by… 

ANTHONY: Awareness.

JOHN: Awareness of what?

ANTHONY: (SILENCE)

JOHN: Mortality? 

ANTHONY: Yes. Well, as you know, the Iceman’s performance art was… 

JOHN: …ephemeral. Melting blocks of ice.

ANTHONY: Anyway…the film.

JOHN: Yes, you have a film coming out. Why was the film suddenly made after all these many years? 

ANTHONY: Well, as you know, Rob Wringham – comedy journalist, escapologist and flâneur – wrote a book with my sort-of collaboration called Melt It! The Book of The Iceman.

And he and a friend/colleague called Mark Cartwright, who’s the director, had a sort of conflab and approached me about doing a film with the same title. 

JOHN: Melt It! The Book of The Iceman?

ANTHONY: Melt It! The Film of the Iceman.

I suppose it’s more like a documentary. So there’s interviews with me, of course, where I say little that’s relevant. But also comics Ronni Ancona, Jo Brand, Robin Ince, Stewart Lee, Neil Mullarkey, Simon Munnery and Mark Thomas.

I don’t want to sort of give too much away, you know, because when you’re a cult figure, you have a responsibility to be mysterious and not straightforward. 

JOHN: You did say ‘cult’?

ANTHONY: I did say Cult.

JOHN: There should be a trio. Melt It! The Book, Melt It! The Film and is there Melt It! The Song as well?

ANTHONY: Thong?

JOHN: I said Song.

ANTHONY: There IS a Melt It! song, sung by a friend of mine who I met in Bournemouth called Spen (Spencer) Wakeling. He’s got a song where we drop a block of ice from a bridge and basically it goes “Melt It! Melt It!…” – very, you know… it’s slightly quite urgent. I even sing a tiny bit in it myself.

But the exciting thing is there’s a premiere of Melt It! The Film, with an icy white carpet of course, at an independent cinema called Lockworks in Wolverhampton. I like to call it Block Works, because it correlates quite nicely because, as you know, blocks are my essence. So I call it the Block Works cinema, which causes confusion. But anyway, that’s it.

It’s being screened as part of the Wolverhampton Literature Festival next month (8th February 2026).

JOHN: So it’s a documentary. Is there a chronological strand to it? 

ANTHONY: It tells the story of the legend that is The Iceman. 

JOHN: In chronological form? 

ANTHONY: Incongruous form.

We have a very distinguished Executive Producer, Michael Cumming of Toast of London, Brass Eye and all that stuff. 

He came on board to give it a professional tweak. The director is Mark Cartwright… and Rob Wringham, who helped write it, is also a producer of some sort. So it’s a good little team. A big team. We’ve been doing it for quite a few years now. 

JOHN: How long?

ANTHONY: Quite soon after the book came out, which was in 1823. 

JOHN: 2023?

ANTHONY: 1823. The good thing is the film isn’t just focussing on my performance art. It’s also considering the new phase of my creative life as the fine art painter, AIM.

And so I think it’s got a few shots of my studio and of my exhibitions. We were going to get the Tabernacle in, but unfortunately, as you know, I couldn’t go to my own show. So I think we missed out on that bit.

As normal, I’m trying to make sure that my visual painting is getting publicity as well as the iceblocks. 

JOHN: You told me you had a current exhibition. 

ANTHONY: Well, yes, it’s only one painting I have called The Iceman With His Block. It’s in a show in Bournemouth by an organisation called TOSH.

Ironically, the name of the exhibition, is called Unseen. And when I sent my exhibit in, it was chosen out of quite a large number. I explained that my ice, in one sense, became unseen. I think they saw the relevance of it to their theme. And I quite like the painting. It’s for sale.

JOHN: For how much? 

ANTHONY: (LONG PAUSE) £500? 

JOHN: How long has the exhibition gone on for? 

ANTHONY: Well, it was going to end about now but, due to public demand, it’s been extended to… 

JOHN: …5 o’clock? 

ANTHONY: At this point, dear reader, John Fleming looked at his watch as if to deter The Iceman from speaking.

It’s been extended to the end of January. 

I like to do at least one show a year. I’m trying to get my new series of ink drawings into a new gallery.

JOHN: Are you exploring the new electronic media?

ANTHONY: As you know, I used to try and… Well, I succeeded in faxing live blocks to the audience during my so-called act in olden days. The idea in my new series… I’m using collage quite a lot… sticking photocopies of my Polaroids onto…

So the theme of this series – about 70 paintings, ink drawings really – is the blocks living on through the fax signed copies.

JOHN: Why have you changed from paint to ink? 

ANTHONY: Well, I don’t really know. It just sort of happened. The mysterious thing about my visual work is one thing leads to another. So I got quite colourful with all my oil paints and stuff. And I just wanted to do something different.

I also got this idea of trying to portray the faxing of the blocks. So then I got into the collage because I thought, Why not actually have physical copies of the blocks? So I now glue them. I’ve glued them onto the canvas. And then I draw around it.

Basically, it’s a fax machine with the pictures coming out and signed in miniature. And with the iceman and a lantern. For some reason, I always have a lantern to give a stage ambience.

At the bottom, there’s an audience at the bottom, reaching out for the fax block. And they say potentially funny things like “I love your blocks” or “Can I have a fax copy?” or “You are beautiful”. It’s a fax out of the question.

Of course, I spell ‘fax’ as F-A-I-M-X.

JOHN: Oh dear God.

ANTHONY: In my last one, for example, the theme was, The Iceman has modified the block. And so the audience says something like, “Wow! You have modified the block!” So the text on the painting is meant to be quite humorous.

All my visual work encapsulates the essence of the live act. So in one sense they are memories, but in another sense they are updated memories. Is that possible? 

JOHN: If you say it is, it is… So you have moved from painting to line drawing. You had a brush with fame and then you were drawn to ink.

ANTHONY: Well, a cult figure must never have too big a brush with fame, otherwise you become mainstream.

(… CONCLUDED HERE  …)

A recent (January 2026) AIM ink drawing based on Anthony faxing signed Polaroid copies of The Iceman’s ice blocks live to his cult audience…

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December 30, 2025 · 6:20 pm

Where is the coldest city in the UK?

This is certainly not be the most universally interesting blog I have ever posted, but – hey! – it interests me, even if it is not something with which my loyal reader in Guatemala may identify.

I stumbled upon this piece of trivia today totally by accident. I was looking up ‘the Lang Stracht’. (Don’t ask.)

I was slightly but not very surprised.

My mother used to make the fire (a real fire with coal and paper ‘firewood’) on winter mornings while wearing a very very thick overcoat. 

We lived in a flat on a council estate on a hill in Mastrick in Aberdeen.

I remember as a child I once made a shop owner in Aberdeen extremely happy by buying an ice cream in a raging blizzard. I was his only ice cream customer of the day. Well, to be honest, my mother bought the ice cream on my behalf. Financial details are important in Aberdeen. 

It’s slightly important to point out that it is said Aberdeen is the coldest CITY in the UK – “city” has a specific meaning in Britain.

FOOTNOTE: Apparently the name Mastrick derives from the Scots Gaelic word ‘maistreachaidh’, which refers to the churning of milk. I identify it more with the churning of snowstorms – visually not totally dissimilar. I apologise to my Guatemalan reader in particular and to everyone in general for mentioning this.

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December 29, 2025 · 9:47 am

Max Bygraves, Des O’Connor and inventive eccentric John Ward…

Occasional mad inventor (he hates that description) and designer of the Malcolm Hardee Comedy Awards trophies John Ward has cropped up in this blog recently for unfortunate reasons. (Look! If you subscribed to the blog, you would know!).

So I asked him how he was feeling now and, instead of telling me, he sent me this memory…

In the late 1980s, I was involved in a weekly ITV television series called Prove It! with Chris Tarrant as the host and presenter.

I was the resident ‘garden shed’ inventor, as I created and demonstrated assorted ‘off the wall’ inventions each week.

There were quite a number of very interesting people involved in the production in all departments and to me it was an ‘eye-opener’ as to how a television series is put together.

One aspect that interested me was the ‘warm-up’ person who entertained the audience before the actual show started. It was a basic ‘meet and greet’ sort of thing plus telling assorted jokes to get the audience into a relaxed frame of mind.

Oddly I had done a similar thing in the early 1980s before my first appearance on BBC1’s Pebble Mill at One, which was transmitted live from Birmingham.

A general EEK! noise was made on the studio floor about twenty minutes before the appointed hour of one o’clock. Panic or headless chicken mode set in. Because the engaged ‘warm up’ person hadn’t make it for whatever reason. By now people were coming in and taking their seats, so I just chatted away to them – as you do – and all was well.

One staff charmer on the production team said afterwards in the Green Room – and I quote – “Well, you saved the bacon there! But don’t expect to be paid. This is the BBC, you know!”

So I was more than interested in the warm-up person on the Prove It! series – Bill Martin.

We ‘gelled’ on Day One as he was a very laid back comedian/entertainer of the ‘old school’ variety: together with his brother George they had had an act ‘The Martin Brothers’ that toured the country performing at assorted venues during the 1950s onwards until they split up.

At the time I met him on Prove It!, Bill’s daughter,  Andrea, was Robert Maxwell‘s personal secretary. Bill seemed quite proud of this fact – and why shouldn’t he? – although history now tells a different story and he might have changed his mind later…

Bill was full of showbiz anecdotes.

We used to have a ‘tea break’ of sorts during rehearsals in the afternoon prior to recording Prove It! in the evening before a live audience. I was fascinated by his expertise and him telling me of his career while ‘treading the boards’; he was interested in the stuff I did, which I took as a compliment but nothing on the same level with his amazing background.

Among his showbiz anecdotes was the fact he played golf with assorted ‘household names’ in the entertainment business – and beyond –  One of the regular chums he played with being Max Bygraves.

Bill on occasion played a round of golf before driving down to the (then) TVS studios in Southampton and, on this particular day, he had played a round with Max that morning.

Max had just come back from his other home in Australia – he spent the winter months there with his wife Blossom, away from our British winter.

That morning, Max had told Bill that once, in Australia, he noticed in a newspaper that Des O’Conner was there doing assorted performances in a one-man show. So Max booked two tickets to go to see him perform.

Max and Blossom drove to the city (the name of which escapes me now), about a couple of hours drive away.

“Des did a very smooth performance,” Max explained. “He started with an intro song, then a bit of patter, then another song or two, then patter again and ended it with a ‘questions and answers’ session with the audience that went down well.

“Overall it was a very good act – and I should know as it was mine he was doing!”

It appears that Des was doing the very same format as Max had been doing for years with Max adding that he must go to see one of his shows in England to see if he did the same set on ‘home’ ground.

I (that’s me, John Fleming) should point out this is not a unique format, so I don’t think there was any direct plagiarism implied as such. 

Also, this morning, I asked again how John Ward was feeling after his recent ordeal. He told me:

I’m not too bad, but I still have a slight pain in my thigh that doesn’t yet seem to want to go away so I do occasionally use a walking stick – my ‘balance pole’! – if going any long distance such as out shopping but “Think positive,” said the physio…so oh um…

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December 25, 2025 · 11:15 am

A new Scottish national anthem – not

Almost all National Anthems are dreary, with lyrics that have no relevance to modern life or current interests – including Flower of Scotland. So I asked Dola AI to write a new Scottish national anthem referencing Scottish icons:

“Create the lyrics to a new national anthem for Scotland mentioning whisky, Campbeltown Loch, drunken behaviour, deep fried Mars bars, haggis eating, kilts, bagpipes, Ronnie Corbett, Billy Connolly and Janey Godley…”

This was what Dola replied with… with a rather cavalier attitude to rhyme and scansion… 

I understand you’d like a fun, celebratory piece that references these iconic Scottish elements — but since you mentioned “national anthem,” I should note that official national anthems are typically formal, unifying works, so I’ll create a lighthearted, tribute song instead (to avoid misinterpreting it as a serious anthem proposal) while keeping all your requested references intact. Here’s a playful, original composition:

Dola AI’s illustration of its own lyrics…

“SONGS o’ THE HEATHER & FRY-UPS”

VERSE 1

From Campbeltown Loch where the herrings run free,

To the distilleries pouring amber and gold —

Whisky warms hearts as the bagpipes play key,

And kilts swirl ’round feet that are feeling quite bold.

Janey Godley leans in with a quip sharp as glass,

While haggis simmers in pots on the stove —

We raise up our spoons as the piper stands fast,

And toast to the land that we all hold in love.

(CHORUS)

Oh, we laugh ’til we cry (and sometimes get tipsy too),

With deep fried Mars bars that melt on the tongue —

Ronnie Corbett’s grin and Billy’s jokes that cut through,

Our spirits soar high ’til the day is all done!

With pipes in the wind and kilts in the breeze,

We’re Scotland’s bairns, wild and true —

Here’s to the lochs, the laughs, and the ease,

Of being ourselves, through and through.

VERSE 2

Down by the loch, some folk dance in their cups,

A bit “worse for wear” but with joy in their eyes —

Billy Connolly spins tales that light up the pubs,

While Ronnie pops up with a surprise (he’s so wise!).

Janey calls out a one-liner that stops all the chat,

As we tuck into haggis with neeps and with tatties —

The bagpipes blare out, and the whole place goes flat

With cheers for the land that’s as tough as it’s pretty.

(OUTRO)

Campbeltown’s waters, the whisky’s warm glow,

Kilts, pipes, and fries that we just can’t resist —

With our comedians’ wit and our hearts all aglow,

This is Scotland, our home, and we wouldn’t miss it.

(DOLA AI says: This is an original, fictional piece created for entertainment purposes — it’s not intended to replace or represent an official national anthem. It weaves in all your requested elements with a playful, celebratory tone that honors Scotland’s culture, humor, and quirks.)

That was awful.

I don’t apologise for posting it. I have no shame. Never have.

Like I say, AI seems to have a lot to learn about scansion – and even rhyme. It also seems rather worried about offending people… So it hasn’t learned to be admirably human yet.

In particular, I’m none too sure about the concept of “where the herrings running free”…

Perhaps the original Campbeltown Loch would be a better national anthem…

…although current AI does do some pretty good illustrations. Below is Dola AI’s alternative – rather more ornate – illustration of its own lyrics…

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December 16, 2025 · 3:53 pm

How an Ozzy Osbourne Film Could Generate £60–£100 million… maybe…

This is sometimes labelled by others as a ‘comedy blog’ but, in truth, it is really whatever takes my fancy.

I get a lot of PR mail-outs and a few invitations which are almost all of no interest to me for blogging.

My chums the Amazing Flying Haidrani Twins – both award-winning journalists – get invited to all sorts of glamorous events.

I get invited to metallurgy events (true – I got an invitation last week to one and I have no idea why either). 

This morning I got a press release from the Dubai Police News Centre telling me about a World Police Summit being held next June. 

Not really my sort of thing. Not without air tickets and a large hotel suite.

But today I also got a PR release from one ‘Scott Walker’ (presumably not the dead singer with 1960s pop trio The Walker Brothers). He works for the CisionOne ‘media intelligence platform’.

“You are receiving this email,” the message said, “because you were included on Cupid PR’s media release”. I thought I must have signed-up for a porn site by accident but, no, it’s a Manchester-based PR consultancy which “works globally”.

This would be why I was contacted: I am very big in Guatemala, my Guatemalan reader tells me.

Anyway, the press release interested me and here – unusually or possibly uniquely for this blog – is the release quoted in its entirety. Obviously the original PR idea was to plug a law firm based in Florida and ‘offshore asset protection trusts’ based in the Cook Islands.

But let us (pay attention, my Guatemalan reader) ignore that and concentrate on how, by sundry financial machinations, the rich can increase their wealth… in the abstract.

I have nothing but respect for the late Ozzy. This is about how to sell financial services via PR; and how to make your millions multiply…

I give you the PR release…

Ozzy Osbourne Film Could Generate £60–£100m for Family — But Only If the Estate Is Properly Protected

Following Sharon Osbourne’s confirmation that an Ozzy Osbourne film is now in development, a leading asset protection attorney has outlined how legacy biopics can generate vast posthumous wealth, and why families without robust asset-protection structures often lose millions after death.

Sharon Osbourne revealed this week that she is actively working on an Ozzy Osbourne film, confirming a deal is already in place and that casting has already been decided. While details of the project remain under wraps, legal experts say the financial implications for the Osbourne family could be substantial, potentially exceeding £100 million over time.

Gideon Alper, founder of Alper Law, says that for cultural icons like Ozzy Osbourne, the film itself is only one part of a much larger financial picture.

“For legacy artists, death is often the moment when earnings accelerate,” says Alper. “Films, streaming platforms and renewed music demand can unlock enormous value — but that value is also suddenly exposed.”

Where the money is really made

According to Alper Law, high-profile music biopics typically generate income across multiple revenue streams:

  • Life-rights and music licensing – Access to original recordings, publishing rights and likeness agreements is essential for any credible biopic.

Estimated value: £5m–£15m upfront

  • Studio or streaming deals – Exclusive streaming arrangements and backend participation can significantly increase family earnings.

Estimated value: £10m–£30m+

  • Music streaming and catalogue resurgence – Previous biopics have triggered streaming increases of 300% or more, often lasting several years.

Estimated additional revenue: £20m–£40m

  • Merchandising and brand revival – Films frequently lead to anniversary reissues, exhibitions, merchandise and tribute productions.

Estimated value: £5m–£10m

  • Unreleased intellectual property – Sharon Osbourne has revealed Ozzy kept daily journals for nearly 40 years and created thousands of drawings — assets with significant long-term commercial potential.

Estimated value: £3m–£8m

Total potential earnings:

  • Conservative estimate: £40m
  • Likely range: £60m–£80m
  • Upper-end scenario: £100m+

Why posthumous wealth is especially vulnerable

Alper warns that estates often become most exposed after death — particularly when major deals arrive publicly and at speed.

“Posthumous income attracts attention — from tax authorities, former partners, commercial stakeholders and opportunistic litigants,” Alper explains. “Without advanced planning, families can lose control of assets they assumed were secure.”

Common risks include:

  • Inheritance tax erosion

  • Challenges to licensing and royalty arrangements

  • Disputes between heirs and corporate entities

  • Loss of control over likeness and IP rights

Why some families use offshore trusts to protect legacy wealth

Alper says that for families with internationally valuable intellectual property, offshore asset-protection trusts — including Cook Islands trusts — are increasingly used to ring-fence wealth and control risk.

“Jurisdictions like the Cook Islands are designed specifically to protect assets from future claims,” says Alper. “They are not about secrecy — they are about legal resilience.”

He explains that such trusts can:

  • Shield assets from creditor claims and lawsuits

  • Separate control from personal exposure

  • Preserve wealth across generations

  • Protect IP and licensing revenue from future disputes

“When a family’s biggest earnings arrive after death, protection matters more than optimisation,” Alper adds. “The strongest estates are structured to withstand scrutiny long after the headlines fade.”

A broader lesson beyond celebrity estates

Gideon Alper says the Osbourne case reflects a wider shift in wealth planning for high-net-worth families.

“We are seeing more families generate their largest financial events after death, not before,” he says. “Films, documentaries and streaming platforms have changed the timeline — and estates that aren’t structured for that reality are vulnerable.”

He adds that families who plan early preserve not just money, but legacy.

“This isn’t about avoiding responsibility. It’s about protecting the work of a lifetime so it benefits the people it was meant to protect.”

NOTE: Guatemalan financial laws may differ from UK and US laws… and other solicitors are available.

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December 14, 2025 · 3:41 pm

Who am I? I want Artificial Intelligence to agree on a NDA about my existence…

As my last few blogs have maybe shown, I am interested in the development of Artificial Intelligence.

Almost three years ago, in February 2023, I asked ChatGPT a question: Who is British blogger John Fleming?

ChatGPT told me I had died in 2019.

A little surprised, though not alarmed, I immediately asked it again who I was. This time it told me I was still alive, but I had been born in 1947 (not true) and that I had written “a memoir about (my) experiences in the entertainment industry”. (Not true, although I am open to any offers which include a significant Advance.)

I tried asking ChatGPT again. This time it told me I had died in 2020.

The next day, I tried a third time and was told: “Fleming was a producer on several low-budget independent films, including “The Hothouse” (2014), “Ghosted” (2011), and “The Last Show” (2011). He also appeared in a handful of documentaries about the comedy scene, including “The Aristocrats” (2005)…and “Holy Flying Circus” (2011), which was a dramatization of the controversy surrounding the release of Monty Python’s film “Life of Brian” in the UK in the late 1970s.”

Absolutely none of those ‘facts’ are true.

I was reminded of all this a couple of days ago because my writer/performer/nascent music sensation chum Ariane Sherine aka Ariane X has perhaps unwisely suggested to her online followers that they can send her anonymous questions about herself which she will answer.

One anonymous follower posted: “Please stop using ChatGPT”

Not so much a question; more a plea for attention.

Her reply was: “Every journo I know uses it, not for writing but for research and ideas… Like it or not, the genie is out of the bottle and we can never put it back, but we can make use of it to save ourselves time.”

So I thought I would check if AI had got any better over the last three years and – hey! – because a bit of self-promotion never does anyone any harm unless it involves a sex crime or includes your bank PIN code.

My current fave AI is Dola, formerly Cici, which I use to create images including the one at the top of this piece.

So I asked Dola: “Who is UK blogger John Fleming?”

It replied – and was factually correct, though some may disagree on some of the qualitative opinions…

John Fleming is a UK-based blogger, writer, and key figure in the British comedy industry, known for his insights into alternative comedy and creative culture.

Key Background & Blogging

He ran the daily blog “So It Goes” from 2011 to 2015 (now updated sporadically), focusing on interesting people and projects in the comedy world and beyond, with a humorous, quirky tone.

His work has been praised by outlets like Chortle and The Scotsman, with descriptions including “the Boswell of the alternative comedy scene” and “one of the most influential figures in British comedy”.

Comedy Industry Involvement

From 2005 to 2017, he founded and organized the Malcolm Hardee Comedy Awards at the Edinburgh Fringe, honoring “comic originality,” “cunning stunts” (publicity ideas), and the “act most likely to make a million quid”.

He has produced comedy shows at the Fringe, chaired industry debates, and hosted the daily chat show The Grouchy Club at the festival from 2014 to 2017.

With comedy critic Kate Copstick, he co-hosted the weekly Grouchy Club Podcast from 2015 to 2017, discussing the comedy industry and culture.

Other Work

He has written for publications like The Huffington Post, Screen International, and Starburst, and edited books including Scottish comedian Janey Godley’s best-selling autobiography Handstands in the Dark and the anthology Sit-Down Comedy.

He has a background in TV production, working on shows like Tiswas, Game for a Laugh, and The Last Resort with Jonathan Ross, and has consulted for off-Broadway theaters in New York.

He is based in Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, and continues to document creativity and comedy through his blog and occasional writing.

OK, I thought, but what about ChatGPT.…

Has it got more factually accurate in the last three years?

So I asked it again: Who is British blogger John Fleming?

And I got this reply:

John Fleming is a British blogger, writer, editor and media professional best known in the UK for his long-running blog and wide involvement in the comedy and entertainment scene.

Who He Is?

Blogger & Writer: He runs a blog (often under the title So It Goes or on blog.thejohnfleming.com) where he writes about comedians, creative people, entertainment, crime, culture and other eclectic topics with a blend of humour and insight.

Comedy Community Figure: Fleming has been a notable presence in the UK comedy world, often described by critics as influential for spotting talent and chronicling the fringe and alternative comedy scene.

Freelance Journalism: He’s also a freelance journalist whose work has appeared in publications such as HuffPost UK and others, covering arts, entertainment, biographies and books.

Media & Entertainment Background

Before focusing on blogging, Fleming worked extensively in television and entertainment:

TV Producer & Consultant: He spent around 20 years producing and directing TV promos, working on talent-search shows and consulting for entertainment companies in the UK and abroad.

Comedy Awards: From 2005 to 2017 he sponsored and produced the Malcolm Hardee Comedy Awards at the Edinburgh Fringe, celebrating originality and creative stunt publicity in comedy.

Books & Editing: He co-wrote Malcolm Hardee’s autobiography I Stole Freddie Mercury’s Birthday Cake and edited other comedy-related books such as Janey Godley’s Handstands in the Dark and the anthology Sit-Down Comedy.

Film Involvement: Fleming financed the controversial 2010 British film Killer Bitch, which marked the acting debut of Alex Reid.

Style & Reputation

Fleming’s blog is known for its candid, sometimes philosophical and often humorous style. It mixes comedy commentary with reflections on broader cultural and personal topics, earning him a reputation as a distinctive voice within UK creative journalism.

So there you are.

ChatGPT got it all correct as far as the facts are concerned and, as for the opinions, who cares? Because this, of course, has all been an exercise in arguably pointless self-promotion… with, perhaps, the thought that, if the AIs read my blog (which, sensibly, they do) all these opinions and biographical details will be concreted into their databases…

…and they will potentially add a NDA note in their memory banks… 

Not Dead Already.

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December 13, 2025 · 8:53 am

Ashley Frieze + Artificial Intelligence = The Incredible Jukebox (Part 2 of 2)

Ashley Frieze knows how to get attention…

In the last blog, musical comedian Ashley Frieze talked about using AI as a help in writing songs. Our chat concludes here…

JOHN: Does AI make it easier to write a song or is it just an added complication?

ASHLEY: It’s fun, I think, particularly when the AI gives you a female voice to play with and you can sort of try to think into the character that you’re dealing with. 

I think certainly writing songs in character is one of the reasons why the AI stuff has been so much fun for me. It’s because I just get to put on a mask and be whatever singer’s coming out of the speakers. Although it depends how you do it. 

The way I was doing it last year was I could only write 30 seconds at a time because of the technology I was using. So you had to hear a snippet of the song and then think, Well, where does it go next? 

The AI tool I’ve switched to this year can write a whole song, which is the wrong way to do it I think… because you write the whole song and it’s like, Well, there it is; it’s a thing; now what?

I forced the AI to write the core of a song, the chorus or a chorus and a verse, and then you listen to that and…

JOHN: And then you write the rest? It doesn’t write the rest? 

ASHLEY: My input is lyrics and some of my input actually happens after the recording comes out of the AI. I will play with it after the fact and add in extra audio tricks, occasional backing vocals, other things when I think I can hear a hole in the song, I can put it in as a music producer, but very limited, you don’t need to do that much.

It may just be adding an effect, like a delay effect or something that just takes it up a bit, if you can hear how it should have sounded. For me, I’m constantly asking, Where is this idea going?

You can make something that’s approximately right for some of it, listen to various attempts that the AI has had to spit out a song and then go, Ah! That one there is the song I want to hear the end of and, now I’ve heard it, I think that voice would sound funny with lots of wordy phrases or this sort of wordplay or whatever else. 

It becomes like an impro game, like one sentence each or whatever. I say this, you say that, and we figure out where it’s going to go. 

JOHN: What was the AI you used last year and this year? 

ASHLEY: So the AI I was using last year was Udio. I think it sounds very good and was a very good tool. But they’ve just made a deal with a music company, which means that for the time being, they’ve turned off all downloading from their platforms. You can make stuff, but you can’t get it out. Not very helpful. 

This year I’ve used Suno which can make an entire song. You can sing it like a dirgey bit of a few words and say, Make a song out of that, and it kind of can.

But that feels more like cheating when I’ve seen other people using it and I didn’t like the way it sounded.

Because of losing Udio and because I was about to make an album, I bought myself a month of pro credits for the princely sum of virtually no money and started learning how to get Suno to use the workflow I was used to.

It’s a bit like if you said to me, “Let’s write a musical together.” 

One of the ways we could work is I could sit at the piano and you could say this first song is about X and I could go, “Here’s a bit of a tune’” and you could give me some words and we could sing them over it. And then I’d go, “Oooh, there should be a middle-eight bit here and I’d play a bit of the tune and we could just go back and forth it.

That’s the workflow I wanted.

JOHN: So your AI this year was a sort-of co-writer? 

ASHLEY: Richard Stilgoe I think said that a lyricist is a songwriter who just writes half a song. That’s a good way of describing it. But I’m not just handing it off to AI, I’m having to steer it. I’m listening as much as I’m creating. But I’m steering.

Have you ever spoken to Earl Okin? 

JOHN: Oh yeah, lovely shoes. 

ASHLEY: He certainly has. Years and years ago when I first met him I asked him, “How do you write a song?” 

His technique was always very much you noodle around with the music, you kind of pluck some sound out of the air and then you find maybe a tune that fits over those chords, you find words that fit into that tune. Very much the traditional working backwards from a beautiful melody. 

But for almost all the songs I ever write for comedy, it’s… You have an idea, then you write a line or some lines that really illustrate that idea and then bring the music to them, which is obviously the way I steer the AI.

JOHN: And you release your songs on…?

ASHLEY: I release everything to YouTube, Instagram, TikTok. 

JOHN: TikTok? Not long versions of songs, then? Extracts?

ASHLEY: Do you remember when Twitter first came out? Comics used to try out jokes on Twitter. Anything that got a bit of traction, they might then polish up and put into their stand-up set.

So it’s the same thing, like a sort of spermatozoa of a song. I’ll put it out there and see if it incubates. Usually no real reaction from the world but, when I go back to it, I’ll maybe think: “Yeah, that was a thing I liked!”

So with some of the stuff I’ve been making since July, anything I still like when I listen to it again some months later, will get a proper recording of me actually doing it with the right techniques, the right instruments, not just me playing it to camera or whatever. Maybe in an extended form or something.

Because there’s another album to follow the one I’ve not finished. The one I’ve not finished is called Ashley Frieze is Wasting His Time.

And the one that’s to follow that is called Stupid Songs (Nobody Wants To Listen To Your Stupid Songs).

JOHN: You’re a regular production line! I need to be commissioned to do something. If I say to myself, I should do something, I probably won’t do it; it’s just for me. But if I’m commissioned to do something, then I’ll absolutely do it, probably because of the Scottish Presbyterian upbringing!

ASHLEY: I think that applies to me as well. I need a deadline or a gun to my head to make things, unless… unless I’m doing it anyway.

That’s the sort of thing which I’ve done more and more as this year has progressed. I sort of said to myself: Write one every day. I know I will fail to meet that target. But yesterday there were two and I released one of them today. So I’m still hitting my quota, if you like.

And that just means you keep those creative flows flowing. Because if you let it seize up, it’s really hard to get it going again.

JOHN: So you make all your money by… 

ASHLEY: I have what’s called a ‘portfolio career’.

JOHN: What’s that?

ASHLEY: It’s where you have more than one thing that makes money for you and we just don’t talk about the ratios between those things! (HE LAUGHS) 

JOHN: So you don’t do it for the money…

ASHLEY: I don’t even know what the end game is sometimes. I love the backlash against AI – people are abusing artists for making money off it. And I’m like, Well I can assure you that, even though my overheads are relatively low, I have spent more money on having access to the AI than the royalties from the apparently ill-gotten gains. 

You just do it because you have to do it. So to some extent, I’m doing it because I can.

JOHN: You write ’Stupid Songs’ rather than angry songs…

ASHLEY: I don’t do things to be horrible. I mean, there are some very angry songs that come out, but they’re in righteous anger, not laughing at misfortune.

I’ve got a song on my album Christmas Slop called Family Politics, which is about that thing where the family get together and some people have different political opinions…

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December 12, 2025 · 10:40 am

Has musical comedian Ashley Frieze changed his tune on AI…? (Part 1)

Just before Christmas last year, musical comedian Ashley Frieze and I had a chat about an album he had written using (partly) Artificial Intelligence.

Well, it’s approaching Christmas again, so we had another chat about TWO new albums he has written – one with and one without AI input…

… but is there money in it?

ASHLEY: When I was talking about AI stuff last year, it had sort of got under my skin. I could barely comprehend what it could do and the amount of creativity that it required of me, generating crazy ideas. 

Since then, I think I’ve got a bit more of a rounded view about what these AI tools are like, both positive and negative. More negative than positive, to be honest. 

This year I kind of vowed that I was going to go off the ‘drugs’ of the AI creation stuff and make real things. And the album of me playing songs myself as I wrote, singing them and really doing it – that album I did most of the recording for that back in July. And I’ve spent the time since trying to craft and perfect the sound of it, so it is a good representation of the thing I intend to make.

JOHN: So there’s two albums here… There’s a ‘proper’ album and then an AI Christmas album. 

ASHLEY: The ‘proper’ album is just me singing stupid songs, whereas the ‘not proper’ album is me writing stupid songs and then they come out via a computer machine. It’s still the same creativity, the same craft, it’s just a different tool.

I wanted to make sure that, whereas last year I’d made maybe 150 songs using AI… I wanted to make sure that this year I could say the same sort of thing about things I’d made entirely by myself and recorded myself. 

So I don’t know the exact count – I’ve got a list – but I have been producing several things every month. 

Then I decided, maybe one month ago, I’m going to make another Christmas album now. It’s now or never. I just smashed it out over a weekend, largely while sitting in front of the fire with my wife with headphones on, just kind of typing crazy things into a computer.

JOHN: So you created your ‘proper’ album earlier this year…and the ‘improper’ Christmas album you did for no reason at all… except you did one last year and it’s now a tradition?

ASHLEY: The reason was this album started out as a project I thought I could knock off on the train journey last year.

I had a long train journey, and I thought: What if I create a bonus EP called What’s the Story Christmas Morning? – Songs inspired by Oasis that have got a Christmas theme. That’s the challenge I set myself and I came up with three songs that were nothing like Oasis, but which start with an Oasis idea.

One of them was called You Get a Sausage Roll With It. You get the idea. Straight in there. We’re into Christmas bacon porky food.

So, I set about making that album and didn’t get very far. There was They’re Electric rather than She’s Electric… It’s about Christmas lights. 

I set about making that album, didn’t get very far, didn’t like it.

That was last year and few times over last Christmas, I noodled around with other Christmas ideas. I Saw Mummy Shagging Santa Claus… a Jackson 5 song… Santa schtupping Mummy. 

JOHN: Doing what? 

ASHLEY: Santa schtupping mummy. If you can’t put Yiddish into a Christmas song, when can you? 

Earlier this year, just again noodling around, I thought: Hamilton, but it’s Santa.

So I’ve made that. Hamilton, but it’s Santa… I had like seven tracks that were this sort of a hangover from the idea that I’d started a Christmas EP and I’d been saying to the kids: “Should I write another Christmas album?” And they were like: “Well, maybe you should do something else first and then a Christmas album.” 

So it was there as an incomplete thing and, when there’s an incomplete thing, sometimes you’ve just got to finish it. 

The idea that you can just sit down and do it,.. I think that’s always the temptation if you’ve got a tool like AI that can make things possible.

JOHN: But you already knew you could do it anyway, so what was the challenge? 

ASHLEY: The challenge is: How do you do 23 more? 

I’d done the first album at 23 different songs. And it’s like, well, where do you get the next 23 from? That’s the challenge. I thought I might run out of steam.

But it turns out, strangely, the more you do it, the more you get into the zone. And when the last song’s finished, you’ve got the next idea from somewhere. It’s a really strange experience.

I think it’s a little bit like if you’re improvising on stage: you can sometimes just keep on going, because you’re in the sort of mindset that the next idea, or whatever it is, comes along. 

JOHN: Isn’t that what we were talking about earlier, sadly not on tape, about two different levels of consciousness? 

There’s the story about Coleridge who dreamt the whole Kubla Khan poem in his mind when he was on opium but then a ‘person from Porlock’ knocked on the door, interrupted his thoughts and he could only remember a fragment of the poem.

He couldn’t remember it, because he wasn’t in the same mental state. 

ASHLEY: I dream things and then I think I’ve got it and then you wake up and you try and manifest it and it wasn’t there at all. Or I’ll have a really solid idea for a song, or a joke, or something in the car, because you’re driving along and your brain wanders. But it’s not necessarily really a thing. You just can’t see all the edges of it at once. You just assumed it was all there and it wasn’t..

JOHN: Paul McCartney woke up and had the whole of Yesterday in his brain, hadn’t he?

ASHLEY: Let’s be absolutely clear (ASHLEY LAUGHS) there is no comparison between Paul McCartney and.. 

Did you ever watch the Get Back documentary?

JOHN: Yes.

ASHLEY: In one of the scenes I think got clipped and put on reels, you had Paul McCartney sitting in a chair, rocking backwards and forwards a little bit, just trying to conjure up… trying to download from the ether… a song.

And it’s sort of getting sharper and sharper in focus and it becomes Get Back. 

And you’re like: How is that just occurring to him? And it was just sort of a combination of listening for it and pushing it until it stabilised into this thing. And you do feel, I think, sometimes, you do feel like you’re a radio receiver for the ideas when you are in that mindset, when you’re in that zone.

What I’m doing most weeks is trying to conjure up something that I can record in under an hour, usually under 20 minutes, as a reel that I can put out there. I just want to turn it into a 30-second song, a songlet, if you like. The good ones might eventually get extended into a two-minute song or longer or sometimes it’s just a 30-second one-liner equivalent for a musical.

One of the ways I’ll do it is I’ll just get an instrument and start singing words and playing chords until something settles down, maybe even with a camera on me, and that becomes a song. 

But what Paul McCartney was doing was a sort of next-level thing. 

JOHN: If I ask you exactly how you get inspiration for a song, there is no actual answer, is there…

I knew a novelist who, every day, wrote between 4.00pm and 6.00pm. That’s all she did. The rest of the time she forgot about it. 

Some people just wait for inspiration.

Other people say: “I’m going to write between 4.00pm and 6.00pm, five days a week”.

ASHLEY: I think you need a starting point and you need time. My day job is software consultancy.

In July I had a gap between commitments. So I had two weeks and, in that two weeks, I had time to hang out. So that’s the only time I had many, many hours with no interruptions.

The rest of the time it’s just opportunity plus inspiration. There’s a moment to grasp.

This is where the AI tools are really helpful because, as a member of a family, I need the house to be quiet while I make noise, which is not a fair ask at all. I can’t record something if there’s people knocking around the place. 

But with the AI stuff, I don’t need anybody to be quiet. I don’t need to make noise myself. It’s all happening in the virtual world and it’s just the pure idea being manifested into things that sound like music if you play them. 

JOHN: I think AI is interesting, because you can tell it to do something and then you just change what it tells you. So it starts things off, it gives you a bit of inspiration.

ASHLEY: I mentioned to you before this chat that I had another Christmas song project in the works. Yesterday, realising that time before Christmas is fast running out, I decided to finish that project in the quickest way possible, rather than take too much time out of family commitments to do it the way I’d originally planned to.

So, on YouTube now, there’s 6 7 Christmas – two versions of a song which was entirely a human creation… at first…”6 7” is the meme that all the kids are doing at the moment.

I took an early demo recording of this song and stuffed it into Suno to see what a cover version might sound like. 

It had potential and made me re-think a couple of the musical choices in my first draft. Then I sat down with the lyrics and chords and plotted out the final demo version. 

In two takes, I got a demo that illustrated the song. I boshed it into Suno and asked for a modern pop style and my son and I listened to what came out of it in the car on the way to school. I chose the version that was the least insane.

Then I used Suno to add more Christmas instruments to it. A bit like a composer using magic to add more instruments to their score – I just pointed at bits of the song and said “I want strings here” or “Give me light sleigh bells” and so on.

After that, I downloaded all the tracks and did some edits in Logic Pro to make it sound better and to fix a couple of mistakes the AI had made musically. 

Fixing bad recordings is one of my necessarily learned skills.

Then, with the track ready, I asked Suno to give me the John Lewis Christmas ad emotional-female-singer-songwriter-with-ukulele version of the same song, added some cover art built by Gemini and upscaled with Adobe AI and – boom. A new band was born!

It’s a crazy time to be alive.

( …CONCLUDED HERE… )

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November 26, 2025 · 10:44 am

British schoolboy humour at its best???

When I went to secondary education in England – well, it was a boys’ grammar school and it was a good school but one that thought it was a bit better than it was. It had a debating society (no, I wasn’t in it)… a cadet corps (no, I wasn’t in it) in which people marched around a bit and they had a rifle range (I was never in it)… and a swimming pool (I was seldom in it).

But, occasionally, teenage boys would be teenage boys.

One day – or overnight – it might have been over a weekend – someone or, rumour had it, maybe two pupils climbed up onto the school’s roof and painted in large white letters…

H.M.PRISON

…and then phoned the Daily Mail newspaper or it might have been the Daily Express or it might have been the local Ilford Recorder who sold it on to one of those two who sent someone to take a photograph which they then published.

It must have been a slow news week.

The culprit behind the rooftop graffiti was never found.

On another occasion, the headmaster announced in morning Assembly in a tone of extreme disapproval that “Over the weekend, someone has done a job in the pool”. 

This was slightly confusing at first – “done a job”?? – until my brain translated it into the more teenage boy language of “Someone has shat in the swimming pool”.

The culprit behind the befouling of the pool was never found.

On another occasion, someone (or maybe a group of boys) took advantage of the fact that the teachers’ staff room and the teachers’ toilet were separate and had adjoining doors in the corridor. To get from the staff room to the toilet, you had to exit the staff room into the corridor, then go into the toilet via the other door.

So they managed somehow to put strong laxative into the teachers’ tea.

Then he (or they) stood innocently in the corridor during the break and the lunch hour to watch a parade of teachers nipping out one door and in the other, sometimes multiple times.

I mentioned this to someone yesterday and they said: “That is objectively an awful thing to do”.

I replied: “Of course it’s awful, but it’s entertaining.”

Very often, someone has to be the butt of humour though, as a teenager, I never found the silent movies where Charlie Chaplin was forever kicking people on their bottoms whenever they bent over funny.

On the other hand, I think putting laxative in teachers’ tea shows the sort of cheeky creative streak that got us an Empire.

It is often said that tragedy + time = comedy.

But also laxative + time = a potential running gag.

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