The Maxwell House

The beginning of September we received a request from CPS (Child Protective Services) for help. They had a family on their case load that they wanted to help get on their feet, and make a fresh, new start. Without any hesitation, our church jumped on the opportunity to serve.

What would God provide? Our small church had been giving abundantly for over a month now to several families. Would we have enough resources left to help this family in need? We knew this was an incredible opportunity to not only help a needy family, but to display the glory of God in the eyes of the State.

As the contact person, I got in touch with their case worker to determine exactly what they needed. They needed everything – furniture, beds, clothes, bedding, food, cleaning and bath supplies. God quickly began using many families in the church to provide for each need. The family also had a newborn. We were told the newborn was a boy – which obviously meant that God was not ready for me to give away our baby items. (After all, a boy would not want to wear a bunch of pink, girly clothes!!) God would have to provide for this little baby in another way.

A day or two before we headed out to deliver God’s blessings to this family, I contacted the mother to see if there were any other items that we could get for them. Sheets, pillows, specific sizes in clothes, toys and other items were mentioned, as well as their need for baby GIRL items. Their newborn was a baby girl!

As I was sorting through everything in our garage, getting it ready for the BIG delivery, I knew that Lydia’s baby items were no longer “mine”. I grabbed the rope hanging from our attic door, and pulled out the ladder. One by one, each box, carefully labeled and packaged, was brought down. We kept a few things – our baby crib (which was not needed because another family had already donated one), miscellaneous outfits that were family gifts or heirlooms, and a few other baby items that God would use later for other families. That day I JOYOUSLY put together this newborn’s crib, decorating it with all of Lydia’s baby bedding and animals that I had treasured for so long. I could not wait for this family to have what God had always intended for them to have!!

On Friday, September 21, at 6pm, we headed out, yet again, to shine the light of God’s glory. Trucks, trailers and cars filled the parking lot of their apartment complex. Folks were coming outside of their apartments to see what was going on. We met the family and began filling their apartment. God had provided so much STUFF! Their apartment was packed full! Some of the church sat in the living room visiting with the mom and grandmother, while others busied themselves, putting together beds and tables. What joy filled my heart as we moved their very special baby crib, full of new and used baby items, in the parents’ room. I remember looking at the crib and rejoicing in what God had done. I had no feelings of remorse or sadness as I saw Lydia’s stuff. “That precious baby girl was going to have the prettiest crib,” I thought. “And just look at those beautiful clothes . . . How lovely . . . how wonderful! God is so good!”

It was an incredible evening. We were able to not only share about God’s love through Christ Jesus with this family, but also with their neighbors. (This act of love also spoke volumes to their case workers who still keep in contact with our church.) There was another moment that night that I will never forget. As another woman and I were making up the bed in the parents’ room, putting on new sheets and a comforter that someone had donated, I saw that the comforter was VERY worn and dirty. Somehow, in the chaos of trying to collect all the items they needed (within a week’s time), this comforter had slipped by unnoticed. I had not opened the bag it came in to see its condition. I was embarrassed and ashamed that we had brought them something that was not “our best”. But another part of me reasoned through the fact that they had nothing, and this was better than nothing . . . It was a long night as I wrestled through many thoughts and emotions.

I got up the next morning and went shopping, determined to find the rest of the items they needed, that we either forgot or were unaware of. I remember passing by a large display of comforters. I must have stood in front of that display for 15 minutes. I was going back in forth in my mind trying to discern what I should do. I did not have enough cash to buy a comforter AND the other items which they NEEDED. But what does the comforter that we left at their apartment say of God’s glory? Did we give our best, or did we give them leftovers? I walked to the back of the store and gathered more items. I walked back to the comforter display. “Okay, so I will get one. It is the RIGHT thing to do.” So, I picked up one of the cheaper ones. I walked around the store with the comforter. It wasn’t right. Finally, after struggling in heart and mind about what to do (and what we could afford), I went straight back to the comforter display and found the prettiest, most durable comforter I could find. THIS was God’s best!

What joy it was to obediently and joyfully deliver these items. Did the family rejoice in the comforter or give praise to God because they now had a clean, pretty comforter? I doubt it. Honestly, they really did not seem that excited or grateful when I brought the rest of their items over that day. But that weekend God continued to stretch my faith. He called me to obedience, and though I fumbled a bit, I rejoice that I learned to let go and to just simply . . . obey!

We never know how God will use acts of obedience for His glory and our sanctification.

God’s mighty wave, roaring out in the distant sea, was just beginning to crest upon the horizon.

Let it be known, in September of 2007, God began calling me to greater faith. By His Spirit, He began leading me down paths that were always there, but never seen. (Chapter 4 entry)

After God provided for our friend, Rachel, we came into contact with another single mom who was in need. God was gracious AGAIN to provide an apartment full of furnishings, brand new clothes & uniforms for her three boys, gift cards, and so much more. I honestly don’t know who received the bigger blessing – the families in need, or our church who would gather faithfully to collect and deliver. What great teaching moments we had with Lydia as we shared with her that God has given us all things, and we are to share these good gifts with others, especially to those who are in need.

Indeed, God did many amazing, wonderful things back in September of 2007. He continued to provide more and more ministry opportunities. We live in a town just outside of Fort Hood. (Fort Hood is the largest active duty armored post in the United States, and is the only post in the United States that is capable of supporting two full armored divisions.) So as you can imagine, we are surrounded by military families. As we continued contacting families who were in need on Craigslist, we ran across MANY military wives in need of baby items. (A “Private” in the military makes very little money.) We ended up gathering baby items and money for about 5 families total. It was a joyous time!! Our garage was overflowing with baby supplies!! God was good to provide such a large harvest.

As a group of us moms went around the base delivering baby items to various families, I remember being overwhelmed as I saw how many needy families were around us. Each woman that we visited with was humbled as we sat in her home unloading items and helping her put together furniture. They were lonely. Their husbands were either in Iraq or busy with training. They were in an unfamiliar town with little money. I am so thankful that God used our small church to deliver the hope and joy of Christ Jesus to these homes. Some families we were able to stay in contact with, some folks we never heard from again. But I trust that God will use that day of “blessing” to be a continual reminder and light for Christ and His bride, the Church.

God was stretching my faith and using our home in ways I never imagined. We were learning the joy of holding all things loosely and we were finally stepping outside of our comfort zone. Instead of sitting back and waiting for God to bring opportunities to us, we were fervently seeking them! As we were coming into contact with more and more needs, God was transforming our home and church. We were ALL learning how to give sacrificially and to reach out beyond our walls of comfort.

But . . . God still needed to do a work in my heart. I still had “stuff” I needed to let go of. God was calling me to greater faith. Giving away furniture and clothes was easy . . . but I knew there was more that God wanted to use. He wanted me to give away all MY baby items – the baby stuff I collected with Lydia. But surely God was not calling us to give THAT away? Those things were precious to me, and they held so many wonderful memories. What IF He gave us more children? What IF we were able to adopt again?? We had collected plenty of baby items for the 5 families in need. Surely our baby things were not needed. I don’t mind sitting on lawn chairs in my living room, or giving up other things that can easily be replaced. But must I give up all my baby things? Those are mine. I mean, after all, I had a hysterectomy. Wasn’t that enough? Must I give up EVERYTHING??

God wanted to literally sweep clean an old, musty attic that needed to be crucified on the cross of Christ Jesus.

Monday, October 22, 2007

COME AND SEE THE WORKS OF GOD! Psalm 66:5

My heart has been in great despair and sorrow this summer, yet, the Lord has been kind to revive and uplift my soul, especially through His Word. One specific area that He is increasing and training is my faith. At first I thought He was teaching me about faith in trusting Him with having more children, but quickly God has stretched this into something far greater. He is teaching me to live a LIFE of faith – in ALL areas. Hebrews 11:6 has made such a profound impact on my life this summer:

And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.

Let it be known, in September of 2007, God began calling me to greater faith. By His Spirit, He began leading me down paths that were always there, but never seen. And this is where my friend, Rachel, comes into the picture. “Come and see the works of God”, and let me boast of His great mercy and power!
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Before going on our summer vacation, I was skimming through Craigslist, looking through the “WANTED” section. I remember running across an ad posted by a family who needed food and drinks. I did not respond. I thought that folks would surely see this cry for help and come to the aid of this family in need. We left for Corpus Christi and I was haunted all week by this need. Did anyone ever help?

When we got back home I decided to contact this family and see if they had received any assistance. Sadly, no one had helped. I was heart broken. I immediately got together some food and with great fear and trembling, Lydia and I ventured out into the unknown. I was terrified. Physical pain and emotional “baggage” had kept me at arm’s length with people for such a long time. A part of me had become too fearful to serve and love anymore. To reach out into “the unknown” was difficult for me. I was comfortable in my safe, little world, and numb to the pain and poverty around me.

But do you know that I after we delivered those groceries (being as scared as I was), God changed my heart? I was no longer fearful. God began working in me a heart of mercy and love outside of my small, shallow world. After that day I began contacting every person I saw on Craigslist who had a need. I must have contacted over 10 families all in one week. And with all of them I assured them that their needs would be met. I remember thinking one day, “What if we CAN’T meet all these needs?” But God crushed those fears in the days ahead.
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One need I responded to was a need for clothes. I kept asking this lady if she needed anything else, and finally she admitted that she also needed some food. BJ and I gathered some clothes and food (through the church) and proceeded to this woman’s house on a Monday night. My life (and her life) has forever changed since stepping through her front door.

This is where we met Rachel and her precious daughter. When we entered her apartment is was completely bare. There was nothing. She gratefully invited us to see “her stuff” in her bedroom, and all that she had was a blanket to sleep on, a pillow or two, and a few other random items. She had no beds, no furniture, no food, no toys, no shower curtains or bath supplies – nothing. As Lydia and her daughter played, BJ and I were able to spend time getting to know the heart of our dear sister. How beautiful! After about an hour or so of talking and praying, we told Rachel that we would be back the next night and that we were going to believe God to provide for her every need. We left trusting God to provide a house full of furniture, dishes, bath items, food, clothing, and two months worth of rent.

And do you know what happened?

The next night, we had a caravan of cars, trucks, a trailer and a Hummer, heading over to Rachel’s house and God blessed her beyond her wildest dreams. How I wish you could have seen and heard the excitement that night – not only with Rachel, but within our church body. In less than 24 hours, God used our church to funnel His great mercy and love to Rachel. In less then 24 hours we were able to round up a house FULL of furniture, toys, clothing, food, gift certificates, bath & hygiene items, and $950 in rent money. Isn’t our God so good? And do you know that within the next few weeks, Rachel would receive more money and even a car?

I have been so humbled to see how God has provided for Rachel, and for many other families we have reached out to. My faith has been stretched and pulled. He has called me to give away so many things that I held so close – my time, my money, my possessions, and my heart. And honestly, it has been painful. I have not always wanted to give it all away, but God has been kind and patient with my sinfulness. And I am learning that when I submit to God, deny self, and follow Christ – I am filled with greater joy. O, to TASTE the sweet, sweet joy of obedience and faithfulness!!

But – I have saved the BEST bite for last! When Rachel received all this “stuff”, she knew who to praise. She praised the name of Jesus! With shouting and tears of joy, she proclaimed the goodness of God. A few weeks ago, Rachel stood up in front of our church and shared her testimony of what God had done in her life these past couple of months. How I wish you could have heard her . . . O, the goodness and mercy of God upon her life! She wept as she talked about the impact of a single dish, a bed to sleep on, or even a simple bar of soap. She challenged the church to look beyond ourselves and to see and help those who are hurting and who have nothing . . . You see, my friends, they are out there. Everywhere! We just have to open our eyes, our spiritual eyes, and see them . . . With a heavy heart (full of joy, and yet full of sadness), Rachel revealed that before we came into the picture (before my little email that I wrote in faith), she was wanting to kill herself so that her daughter could have a better life. The only answer she had for her despair and their empty bellies was death. But now she is living in the light and JOY of Christ Jesus!! God heard her prayers of despair, and used a small, simple ad on Craigslist to shine forth His love and grace!
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This summer I sat in fear and sadness after having my surgery. I wondered if we would ever have anymore children. Would God allow us to leave foot prints on another child’s life? Could I find the strength to step out in faith believing that God’s will is more glorious than what I dreamed my life to be like?

The night Rachel shared her testimony God revealed something wonderful to me . . . Through the death of “self” God brought life and hope to a family. Through FAITH-fulness, He allowed us to be apart of His plan to save a child’s life.

How I pray that you see the GLORY of God through this post in both mine and Rachel’s lives. God has changed both of us for His glory and His fame!

“For we walk by faith, not by sight!” II Corinthians 5:7

Saturday, September 29, 2007

I experienced many dark days following my hysterectomy. It is difficult to explain the great sadness that I was experiencing, but I see now that it was a time of trial and suffering specially crafted for my soul – for my sanctification. God knew exactly where to break me and where I needed the most refinement.

On July 7, 2007, I journaled the following passage of scripture –
“You shall remember all the ways which the Lord your God has led you into the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.” Deuteronomy 8:2

When I wrote down this verse, I had no idea how much this verse would hold true in the weeks to follow. God led me to a place where I was humbled and tested. It is there that I discovered what was really in my heart. My heart had become calloused over by sin -apathy, fear, pride, idolatry, and bitterness. There were days of great sadness and weeping as I wondered if I was even saved. How wretched! But though God held me ever so closely to the fire, illuminating ever crack and imperfection, He did not let go. And though the heat of His furnace may have felt unbearable at times, the beauty of His work in me (and my home) far outweighs all the pain and anguish.

July 14, 2007
“The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the heart.” Proverbs 17:3

“He will sit as a smelter and purifier of silver, and He will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, so that they may present to the Lord offerings in righteousness.” Malachi 3:3

That same day I journaled the following question:

“What impurities does God desire to remove from my life so that I might present pure offerings of righteousness (i.e. acts of obedient faith)?”

It is simply incredible to look back through my journal and see a common thread through all of my entries . . . FAITH! And though I had forgotten about this entry (and particular question), God has forever seared this desire on my heart. Sure, it was a big step of faith (for BJ and me) to have a hysterectomy. And I believed that if we surrendered this area to God He would bring fulfillment in our longings to have more children. But how little my faith was in my expectations of God . . . for He brought about floodwaters of faith and fulfillment that have overflowed into pure offerings of righteousness!!

And let me say – I literally feel like a NEW WOMAN since my surgery. I physically feel wonderful. (I have not felt this good since college or even high school.) And spiritually God has taken me to new, greater heights of Christ exalting FAITH! I am no longer entangled in fear or sorrow. But each day is a glorious opportunity to worship! How marvelous!

Journal entry on July 19, 2007
“I must persevere even when it does not make sense. When I have lost my life, for God’s purposes, I will find greater life!”

I pray that I will always remember the month of September in 2007. For it was during this month that I began letting go, losing my life for God’s purposes. It wasn’t that I got up one morning and decided to “lose my life”. In fact, I wasn’t even really focused on doing this. But the Lord awakened my heart, day by day, to let go. What did I let go of? I do not even know where to begin . . . fears, time, my home, my heart, money, possessions . . . Every day has presented a new opportunity to lose my life to Christ Jesus. I pray that I will persevere.

God alone as revived my soul. He has breathed a fresh spirit within me. As I once felt like Jonah descending to the depths of the earth, I can now proclaim, “but you have brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God. I will sacrifice to You with the voice of thanksgiving!” (Jonah 2:6, 9). It was not I that decided to walk by faith . . . but rather, it was God who reached down and plucked me up from the pit of my despair and placed in me the ability and desire to live in Christ Jesus! Oh, the depths of His love and mercy! Praise Him! Praise Him! Praise Him!

August 5, 2007
“And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for He who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.” Hebrews 11:6

Monday, July 30, 2008

Life After a Hysterectomy – Week 5

Physically . . . Every day I am getting stronger. I have days of shear frustration because I cannot do the things I want to do (which usually stems from not being able to lift or drive). I am tired of being confined to our house. I long to do what I love best – serving and caring for BJ and Lydia.

BUT – I am thankful that I am beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel. My physical pain has turned into more of a “discomfort” as my body continues to heal; and I am hopeful that my days of fighting endometriosis are over, Lord willing. Soon things will be back to “normal” . . . I just have to be patient and let my body heal. I have one chance to do this the right way, and I definitely do not want to go through anymore surgeries or complications in dealing with my reproductive health.

Spiritually . . . I have had an abundance of time in the Word. I have been journaling daily God’s promises and I have been greatly humbled to see how He has addressed specific fears and questions that I have been struggling through. I am learning a great deal about what it means to walk by FAITH. What a blessing it has been to spend such intimate time with the Father.

Emotionally . . . There are days where I feel as if I have been swallowed up in a sea of death.

I often think of the words of Jonah as he plunged to the bottom of the sea (2:5-6):

Water encompassed me to the point of death. The great deep engulfed me, weeds were wrapped around my head. I descended to the roots of the mountains. The earth with its bars {was} around me forever . . .

I cry a lot. I cry every time I think about what has happened – I had a hysterectomy. It seems like a nightmare. Surely this has not happened. Did I really make the decision, by choice, to have this surgery? Am I really void of all reproductive parts? What have I done? What is happening to my body? Would God allow me to make the wrong decision? Was the pain of my endometriosis really that intolerable? Surely it was all in my head. Perhaps I deceived myself into thinking I could no longer handle the pain anymore. What if the pain was really not even there? Can I trust my own heart and motives?

On our way home from church the other day, BJ asked me why I was crying? It was an obvious question, but not an easy one to answer. I began sorting through this question – why do I cry? What is it exactly that makes me sad?

Is it just my hormones, or am I really sad?
Is it because we cannot have biological children?
Is it because I will never get pregnant, or that I will never see God answer my prayer of opening my womb?
Do I cry out of frustration and fear?
Do I cry because I am lonely, or that I just want to be left alone because I fear that no one will understand my sorrow?
Do I cry because I fear that I have destroyed God’s most beautiful gift to women – being able to bear children?
Do I cry because of God’s judgment, or because of His goodness?

The other day I told BJ how beautiful it would have been to see our image in a child – and then I started weeping. So, am I hung up on having biological children? As soon as I said what I did, I realized how much we see ourselves in our adopted daughter, Lydia Grace. How humbling . . . and so marvelous! We have been given this wonderful gift, by God, to steward and train. I truly believe that I am not hung up on having biological children. So, am I deceiving myself? We never pursued fertility treatments because we were confident that God would provide the children He wanted us to have – biological, adopted, or spiritual.

I am, however, cautious about clinging to the hope that God will give us more children, as so many people have been encouraging us in this manner. I am reminded of Peter, when he rebuked Jesus for saying that He would have to suffer and die. And then Jesus said to Peter (a beloved brother), “Get behind me, Satan, for you have your own interests in mind, and not God’s.” I pray that as I mourn and deal with the loss of my womb, that I will not leap from one stronghold (the hope of getting pregnant) to another (the hope that God will give us more children through adoption.) The hope that God has given me has not been His promise to give me more children. Rather, the hope I have is that I am, and will forever be, satisfied in Christ alone. He is my hope and ultimate joy.

I do not have all the answers right now. In fact, I may never know the full extent of God’s will and glory in this situation. But I DO know that I am running “the race” (the imagery Paul so often uses in his letters to the New Testament churches); and I want to feel every ache and cramp along the way (and not just brush it away with a short afternoon cry). God IS at work in me. I am not at a standstill or even wondering where God can be found. He has been here all along and I feel Him at work within me every day. It truly feels like a wilderness experience . . . I know that the “promise land” is just ahead. How far do I have to go? I do not know. Perhaps the crying and sorrow will end tomorrow, or, perhaps not. I have a lot of growing to do and a lot of idols and selfishness to be crucified. I want to feel the sting of my tears and I want time to hurt. How much time (as folks often want to know)? I don’t know. I DO know that I do not want to miss a single drop of what God wants to teach me, and how He wants to comfort me as I mourn . . . for I feel His presence every day through this trial. The trials that have made the largest impact on my life have been those times where I have struggled long and deep.

So, why do I cry? Am I void of the peace and joy I had before my surgery?

I believe I still have that same peace and joy within me, for the Spirit dwells within my soul. And though I struggle with the temptation to think that God is punishing me for past sins, I know that He does what is best for His glory and for the good of His children.

Perhaps the REAL reason I cry is because self does not want to die.

A life in Christ Jesus can be GLORIOUSLY painful. And though I see with such dim, tear-filled vision at the moment, I know that one day I will see how all of this was indeed the most gracious, and loving gift my heavenly Father could give to me.

Lord, help me to proclaim the praises of Jonah (2:6-9):

But You have brought up my life from the pit, O LORD my God. While I was fainting away, I remembered the LORD, and my prayer came to You, into Your holy temple. Those who regard vain idols forsake their faithfulness, but I will sacrifice to You with the voice of thanksgiving. That which I have vowed I will pay. Salvation is from the LORD.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

For the past 9+ years I have been struggling with endometriosis. This disease causes a lot of pain and sickness, and it also contributes to infertility. We have tried both hormonal and surgical therapy, but the endometriosis keeps coming back. Our last treatment option is having a hysterectomy.

We have struggled and prayed for many years on what we should do. The endometriosis has not attacked my body in any way that would threaten my life, but it has certainly affected my physical and mental health. We have always believed that if God wants to take this disease away, He can. And if He intends for us to become pregnant, He will do the work of opening my womb. This is such a small matter for our BIG God . . . So, we have tried to be patient and long-suffering, seeking and searching to know His will for our family and what He may be doing through this trial as He continues to perfect us into the image of Christ Jesus.

This past month has been an especially difficult month in dealing with the pain of my endometriosis. (Some months, or days, are better than others, so I praise God for those times that I do feel good!) We had seen my GYN doctor last July and knew that our treatment options were getting fewer and fewer; which meant that we were clearing the forest of practical helps and solutions, and the inevitable was just ahead – a hysterectomy. After leaving the doctor’s office last week, we were left to make the hardest decision of our life.

In my mind, having a hysterectomy seemed like the faith-less thing to do. After all, my life is not in any danger, it is just a matter of how much pain I can tolerate. I know without a doubt that God CAN heal me. I know without a doubt that God can open my womb and make us fertile (which is why we have not pursued fertility treatments.) So surely I can tolerate the pain until then. It just seemed that I would be throwing in the towel if I opted to have the hysterectomy. I have prayed for so many years for God to show His faithfulness by healing me. And especially as I have read His Word on how He opened so many closed wombs of godly women, I was encouraged to keep persevering and placing my hope in God (and not in medical “remedies”). But God has proven Himself greater than any of my thoughts and presumptions about Him this week. He has humbled me and brought me to a most important question . . . Is God sufficient for me?

I had always thought that God was sufficient for me. For 9+ years I had trusted that He would heal me and that He would be the one to open my womb. Isn’t that enough? But I realized this week that I have been focusing more on “the blessing” (the hope that God would open my womb) than the “Blesser”.

Perhaps I can better explain it with this analogy:

It is like being stranded on a deserted island. You have hope that one day you will surely be rescued. However, since there seems to be no way off the island, you strive to find contentment there. But, there is always the lingering hope of being rescued. That hope then becomes your end goal and ultimate satisfaction – nothing would be greater than getting off that island. So, I guess in the back of my mind I always thought that God would surely heal me and open my womb one day. My hope had become the idea that someday God would bless us with a pregnancy, instead of my hope being that God is all I need. He is my end all, be all. God is sufficient for ALL my needs.

I can choose to rejoice in what He is doing in me now (to make me more like Christ) – or I can sit around feeling sorry for myself because I think my life should have turned out differently. The trial of infertility has tested my pride, my selfishness, my trust in the Lord, and where I place my treasures and my heart. Is God sufficient for me? Or do I need babies, cars, homes, good health, and a large bank account to find fulfillment in this life?

This also comes down to another question: Is God sovereign over all things? Yes! God is sovereign over sickness, infertility, AND hysterectomies. If we believe God’s Word to be true, than we can believe that we CAN count trials as joy, knowing that the testing of our faith produces endurance and that endurance perfects and matures us so that we are not lacking in anything (Js 1:2-4).

Is pursuing a hysterectomy faith-less, as I once believed? No. Is God sovereign over my endometriosis? Yes! Does He answer the prayers of the upright and direct their paths? Yes! He has not abandoned me, leaving me without hope. Nor is He punishing me for bad behavior. But rather, He is leading me, as He has done all along, down the path of His GLORIOUS will for our family. So, we pursue a hysterectomy in FAITH, believing that God is sufficient for us. Praise God that He has brought us out of the darkness of fear and uncertainty and into the light of JOY and PEACE!!

My hysterectomy is schedule for Monday, July 2. It will be a great blessing to no longer, Lord willing, be in pain from the endometriosis. However, the thought of never being able to bear children is a hard truth to wrap your heart and mind around. Indeed, this has been the most difficult decision that BJ and I have ever made. But, we are trusting in God to be our ultimate fulfillment and satisfaction. Our end goal and hope is not having my womb opened (or even adopting more children), but our end goal is giving up all earthly gains and counting them loss – so that we may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His suffering . . . (Phil 3:10)

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus’ name.