themeynstory

I know Idon’t own anyone an explanation but I’m already tired of people asking me “may girlfriend na siya?” “Wala na kayo?” and worst, “masakit?”.

First of all there was never an us. Yes, hindi wala na kami but it’s actually walang kami. I/we don’t remember admitting or telling anyone that we have that kind of label. For those who expect, I am/we are sorry. I/We didn’t mean to give you false hope that it will someday eventually lead into that level. But no, it didn’t work that way. Not everyone has a Ned-Bujoy lovestory. But are still happy and contented.

I am afraid that aspiring for that level might lose him. So, I didn’t and I won’t take the risk because what we have is what i love.

Just please stay.

02.18.2018

12:45AM

Dearest you,

Thank you for making me feel whole again. There might still be scars but those reminded me that no matter how wounded you are, there will still be someone who will accept it. Thank you for making me feel that way. Thank you for giving me the attention I’ve always longed for. Thank you for the love and care that you showered me. Thank you for being there during my miserable times. Thank you for fighting for me… For us; without even knowing if it’s really worth the fight. I know I don’t deserve any of these because I can’t give it back to you. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who is willing to give everything to you. Sounds cliche but that’s the reality. I don’t want you to stay because I know exactly how it felt not to be loved back. I’m not saying I don’t love you at all… I just can’t and I’m sorry! I’ve been through a lot and I don’t want you to suffer with me. I have to rebuild myself alone. Yes, alone. Every night my conscience is nagging me. Telling me to stop. Asking me to please spare you. I wanted to but I can’t. It’s hard to let you go. I didn’t want to tie you up because I know how it felt to love a selfish person. I am being selfish now. I know all this time I’ve been praying for someone who will embrace all of me. Now that you’re there I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry, that’s all I can say. But please don’t give up.

Maybe in time. 

Sincerely,

The girl who’s trying to rebuild herself

11252016

11:23pm

Dear Selfish Past,

I want you to know how much I fell inlove with you. Yes, I did and I think that’s the most stupid thing I’ve ever done in my entire life… I gave you everything that I can. My time, effort and respect. I invested so much emotions thinking that someday I might get that back from you. Ofcourse I expected that. I expected too much. Back then I never knew that you were that selfish. I always saw the goodness in you. That time I still believe in fairytale stories. I thought I am the princess and you were my knight in shinning armor. But no. You were a beast. You broke me into pieces. You left me hanging. I was a damsel in distress. Then someone came along… He picked up the broken pieces and little by little he helped me rebuild myself. Now that I’m almost complete, you were like a nightmare that keeps on coming back. Every night I struggled fighting with that nightmare. I always win. I won’t let my guards down anymore. I’m tired of this bullshit. So please do me a favor, can you just be happy with your own life and leave me alone. I don’t think I deserve any of this. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,

The girl who’s rebuilding herself

11.15.16  4am

Pag ako jinowa mo hindi natin pagaawayan san tayo kakain kasi hindi pa tayo umaalis may nasa isip na ko.

Pag ako jinowa mo hindi ka mamomroblema sa date natin kasi may movie allowance ako.

Pag ako jinowa mo hindi ka mahihirapan ipakilala ko sa mga barkada mo kasi sure mas magiging close sila sakin kesa sayo.

Pag ako jinowa mo hindi ka mamomroblema pag uminom tayo kasi baka ako pa umalalay sayo pauwi.

Pag ako jinowa mo hindi ka mamumulubi kasi kaya kong gastusan sarili ko. KKB.

Pag ako jinowa mo hindi ka mabo-bore kasi ngayon palang marami na kong ideas na pang #relationshipgoals.

Pag ako jinowa mo hinding hindi ka magseselos kasi alak lang ang karibal mo sakin.

Kaya please jowain mo na kasi ko. PLEASE.

Sometimes all you need is closure for you to be able to sleep at night again… Goodnight world!❤

I am not happy nor sad.
I am not complete nor empty.
I am not in a relationship nor alone.
I am always in between and I hate this feeling!

I do not like him though I always want to be with him.
I do not own him but I don’t want to see him with others.
I do not care for him though I wish he cares for me.
I do not love him and I wish I really don’t.

We were not together but we are happy whenever we’re together.
We don’t usually talk to each other but deep inside we knew that there is something to talk about.
We both knew that there is something between us but we are both scared to take the risk.

05132016