TheRealB

Words

By letting those words roll off your tongue past your lips you are doing a very powerful yet risky thing. For those words escape your mouth or even your finger tips for the empty space before you. As they leave your world they may float beyond your universe into the world beside you. Entering the lives of those around you without a shield or wall to hide them. Those spoken or written words expressed with passion thought logic emotion entering other worlds with the unknown mark they make. Falling in an unforeseen way, they form an immeasurable ripple effect never to be seen in its entirety or to the end. Words.

4/3/2016

Remember when…

Remember when we were kids and we had no regards for other people. We did what we wanted to without much thought of what other people may think. We were able to be, breath, Live in any moment of time. Somewhere in time as we get older we lose that. We lose that spark and that feeling that we are immortal. Society says that’s a good thing and maybe it is good, to a certain extent. It is important to realize that you won’t live forever but somewhere in that idea (or maybe several ideas fed to us as we get older) we lose the ability to take chances, to take risks, to live in the moment and do what makes us happy. To me, this idea that sheds away our freedom, is worse than living as if you are immortal because at least you have lived! Continue reading “Remember when…” →

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June 21, 2016 1

1 year ago today someone I trusted destroyed a part of me that can never be repaired. Without any concern for my well-being, they ripped out the very essence of my existence. After that night I moved through life as if I was murdered to death yet somehow I was still among the living. Watching as everyone lived their lives while mine was in alternative universe. From that day on I remained a living, breathing, walking amputation for months on end as the body keeps the score of the physical and psychological damage done to the person. I was left with an open wound for the world to invisibly see. Although that evening may live with me for the rest of my life, I am happy to say that I still stand a year later stronger than ever before.

Now looking back I realize that scar where my essence was stolen from me may still hurt sometimes but it has healed in a way like no other scar before. I am not only stronger, I am a better person because of what happened to me. I have evolved and have began to repair wounds I never knew existed prior to this attack. I only pray that this person does not inflict this pain on other like they did to me. To all those that have experience a trauma as I did, I pray that they too heal with great strength gaining something extra and positive from their own experience.

I won’t deny that a part of me truly did die one year ago today as I laid restless in bed shaking uncontrollably. However, that is why I needed time to heal me. So much like in the Jewish religion and the way they mourn a death, that is how I experienced this trauma the past year. I mourned for 7 days shaking in bed in disbelief at what had occurred. I grieved for 30 days in denial of how my body was reacting and what had happened. I wept for the past year as I struggled with the loss everyday of that most inner part of my soul that is gone forever.

Today, a year later to the day, I get up from this mourning stage and begin a new life. I live knowing that it wasn’t a part of me that died, it was all of me that died. I may not ever be the person I was the day prior to the trauma, however, I have created a new me. One that is more resilient and complete. So it is ok if that I died a year ago today. It is ok that it hurts and I miss it, because I can in fact live without it. I can move on and live a new life and can still be happy again. I have been reborn with a new soul but with the scars of the person that died a year ago. These scars remain as a reminder of the pain and tears that created the new soul I am empowered with today.

This was possible (with G-d &) because most of all, I can now forgive and let go of the self blame and accept what has happened to me 1 Year Ago Today.

10/26/2015-10/26/2016

The Imperfections of Perfections

The world has gotten to a place where everyone is distracted by perfection.

As humans, we might understand the fact that we are imperfect humans and yet we all strive to be perfect! We all expect others and ourselves in certain aspects, to be perfect. And then we wonder why we are so unhappy. However, as humans, it is a part of our nature to NOT be perfect. We all have flaws and we all have limits. So why do we have such a desire to be perfect? Continue reading “The Imperfections of Perfections” →

June 22, 2016 0

Give and Get

Sometimes we are so broken that we forget that at times the only way to fix yourself is by giving others what you wish you were getting from them.

Original Date: 4-4-2016

June 21, 2016 0

PTSD

Dealing with PTSD is similar to dealing with grief. Except you’re grieving over yourself. You are grieving over the part of you that died when the trauma occurred. You are the living dead. You are dead within but you still breathe, walk, think, and function to a minimum. Cut from most emotions further strangling any emotions that come to light. Because you can barely function feeling dead how can you function with the overwhelming feelings that arise? So you push and you shove and focus on diminishing the flashbacks, the anxiety, the panic, the fear, and lack of sleep. Continue reading “PTSD” →

June 21, 2016 0

Introvert/Extrovert

Introvert vs. Extrovert although I recognize that there are many people who don’t believe in the idea of the two, I, a living Extrovert, strongly believes in these two words. That’s not to say that I believe that everyone falls solely into one category or the other. No. I don’t believe the world as a whole is black and white. But the idea that there are some that fall into these categories and others that lie between the two. As someone who identifies as being an Extrovert, it is a concept that is very important to my well being. Because not complying to the terms of being an extrovert does in fact affect my well being. Continue reading “Introvert/Extrovert” →

June 21, 2016 0