Noise, More Noise and Missed Signals
You know how sometimes the class clown or some random goth kid wins the high school class presidency, just to shake things up? That just happened to America. Continue reading Noise, More Noise and Missed Signals
The Friendly Confines: Notes on a Class Reunion
If I won the lottery, I’d travel the world for a while. But then I’d wander the Northwestern campus for the remainder of my days, spending hours reading in Deering Library on dangerously uncomfortable wooden benches. Continue reading The Friendly Confines: Notes on a Class Reunion
The They
Listening is a dead art, and changing a deader one still. Continue reading The They
Escape Now, Hug Later: The Nostalgia Awakens
J.J. Abrams should be enshrined in the French Legion of Honor, or whatever the U.S. equivalent might be. Continue reading Escape Now, Hug Later: The Nostalgia Awakens
An American in Paris, Now
We soon stumbled into small pods of humans, gathered around the makeshift memorials we’d seen on TV for the past two weeks. The scene washed over us and we were drowning, suddenly living an unnecessary history, enmeshed in solemn unity. Continue reading An American in Paris, Now
Nous Allons à Paris, Punks
Paris is burning. I wish that were some sort of metaphor. But it was literally true on Friday evening, New … Continue reading Nous Allons à Paris, Punks
Dept. of Just Sayin’: Peet’s Cups Are Pretty Festive
Now let’s discuss what’s really important here: Peet’s cups do a terrible job of delivering coffee to my mouth. Continue reading Dept. of Just Sayin’: Peet’s Cups Are Pretty Festive
The End of Things
I hate when things end. My father never cooked particularly well on the grill, but my most delicious childhood memories … Continue reading The End of Things
Authenticity, or Why Hipsters Love Old Stuff
I was recently wandering through Fells Point, a Baltimore neighborhood nestled staunchly between past and present, thinking about how old … Continue reading Authenticity, or Why Hipsters Love Old Stuff
An Ohioan Speaks Out
John Kasich, you are not Ohio. Forgive me, but I’m going to generalize. Ohioans are humble. You are not humble. … Continue reading An Ohioan Speaks Out
The Graffiti of Oslo
What If I Were Serious?
Today’s the day that I…do we still have ice cream? Continue reading What If I Were Serious?
A Taboo Financial Journey, With Soundtrack
I sit down to write with little focus, my digital tunes on random shuffle to provide inspiration, Sonic Youth crashing … Continue reading A Taboo Financial Journey, With Soundtrack
The Time I Sat Next to Adam Gopnik’s Parents on a Plane
The conversation began as it sometimes does, with me offering to help put a bag in the overhead bin. I’m … Continue reading The Time I Sat Next to Adam Gopnik’s Parents on a Plane
Fitbit Raises Serious Questions About My Whereabouts Last Night
Fitbit never lies, but I do sometimes, to get closer to the truth. Continue reading Fitbit Raises Serious Questions About My Whereabouts Last Night
Now That I Ride a Bike to Work
I morph into everything wrong with Silicon Valley and the world. It’s actually kind of pleasant. Continue reading Now That I Ride a Bike to Work
Things I Heard in Ohio, Explained
My parents don’t use the Internet, so it’s OK to make fun of them here. Continue reading Things I Heard in Ohio, Explained
Does Anyone Have a Banana?
I had a few thoughts while I was running a marathon the other day. I probably shouldn’t put them on the Internet. Continue reading Does Anyone Have a Banana?
Untitled, New York
A short explanation of the lack of explainability of things. Continue reading Untitled, New York
Things I’ve Been Doing the Past Two Months
I fill you in about what I’ve been up to because you’ve been so worried about me not blogging so much. Continue reading Things I’ve Been Doing the Past Two Months
Bad With Names? Read This
Tips to thinly veil your lack of empathy and terrible listening skills. Continue reading Bad With Names? Read This
Hello, My Meditating Friends!
Thank you, Oprah, for invading my inner peace with faux messages of commercialized inner peace. Continue reading Hello, My Meditating Friends!
A Regular Guy Looks at 40
On the cusp of the big four-oh, I try to remember what it was like to care. Sigh. Continue reading A Regular Guy Looks at 40
A Strange Confluence of Concrete and Water
A random memory buttresses a short opinion piece about Obamacare, sort of. Continue reading A Strange Confluence of Concrete and Water
A Poem? Yes, A Poem
Sometimes blog posts should be poems. Not often, but sometimes. Continue reading A Poem? Yes, A Poem
Brief Description of a Seminal Childhood Event
At some point in 1984, a year of great significance to Orwellians and Van Halen fans, I saw the video … Continue reading Brief Description of a Seminal Childhood Event
Everyone Is Shocked That Andrew Ross Sorkin Is Shocked That Wall Street Is Greedy
Andrew Ross Sorkin says something, presumably about Wall Street being evil. Yawn. Continue reading Everyone Is Shocked That Andrew Ross Sorkin Is Shocked That Wall Street Is Greedy
Pandora Follows Misfits and Bad Brains with Johnny Cash Covering Bob Dylan
Pandora lumps Johnny Cash into the same bucket as punk pioneers. Delicious accident? Methinks…I don’t know. Continue reading Pandora Follows Misfits and Bad Brains with Johnny Cash Covering Bob Dylan
A Reluctant Critic
A supposed review of The National’s new album, thinly veiling my frustration with my lack of a writing career. Continue reading A Reluctant Critic
Obama Reads My Blog!
Why all the fuss? My mama is so proud that the President is my biggest fan! Continue reading Obama Reads My Blog!
Alzheimer’s Humor
“Everything looks bad if you remember it.”–Homer Simpson Continue reading Alzheimer’s Humor
Applaud My Healthy Lunch
I’m eating healthy and working out, with furious anger. Must. Not. Eat. Reese’s. Easter eggs. But they’re on sale now! Continue reading Applaud My Healthy Lunch
The Dreadful Plight of the Upper-Middle Class (Ironic Headline)
Speaking up for the poor saps in the UMC. Sort of. With nested puns. Continue reading The Dreadful Plight of the Upper-Middle Class (Ironic Headline)
Pivoting to Leverage Jargon in the New Year
Exhibiting lily-pad-leaping logic to navigate the corporate waters with innovative pivoting. Continue reading Pivoting to Leverage Jargon in the New Year
Lessons from Ikuru
Pesky ground squirrels collide with classic Japanese cinema to further exemplify my short attention span. Continue reading Lessons from Ikuru
On 1K Status
Nothing makes me feel more at home than another inane, self-indulgent, three-minute Jeff Smisek video. Continue reading On 1K Status
The Trembling Melody of Our Phoniness
If J.D. Salinger finds out I put his picture on Facebook, he’s going to be very angry. Continue reading The Trembling Melody of Our Phoniness
Would You Eat the Deficit-Cutting Burrito at Mittpotle?
A random array of thoughts about taxes and class warfare tossed together to capitalize on the traffic inspired by a much-ballyhooed Presidential debate. Continue reading Would You Eat the Deficit-Cutting Burrito at Mittpotle?
Complaint Regarding “Decorative” Pottery Barn Globe
Navigate our fine earth with a decorative globe! It’s better than using Apple Maps! Zing! Continue reading Complaint Regarding “Decorative” Pottery Barn Globe
The Biological Fathers of Steve Jobs and Boo the Dog Commiserate
Two fathers who let charismatic spawn escape their grasp drunkenly ponder what could have been. Continue reading The Biological Fathers of Steve Jobs and Boo the Dog Commiserate
A Practical Guide to Meditating Poorly
Don’t have thoughts about bad thoughts about hating yourself because you have bad thoughts while meditating. Continue reading A Practical Guide to Meditating Poorly
It’s a Higgs Boson Party, Y’All
I am Gerald. You call me Higgs Boson. Let me help you understand your universe. Continue reading It’s a Higgs Boson Party, Y’All
Unsafe at Any Address
Just another drop in the bucket of anti-Comcast Internet-based ranting rhetoric. The company is inspirational, truly. Continue reading Unsafe at Any Address
How Do We Know?
I’m confused about how we know stuff, and how Wikipedia is destroying our minds. Continue reading How Do We Know?
The Great Romney/Kerry Stilt-Off
May the most stilted faux-everyman wealthy politician win! Continue reading The Great Romney/Kerry Stilt-Off
Holiday Still Life, With Infant
The Convenience of Generational Labeling
I haven’t slept in days. How could anyone sleep? Look at the headlines: The millennials are coming There are more … Continue reading The Convenience of Generational Labeling
The Smatter: To amuse and enlighten 