The Wicked Pen

So, I haven’t written anything in quite a while.  I mean a very LONG while. I was going to say not much has changed in my life or things are status quo, but that would be a lie.

Its odd because when things go awry that is when I used to write the most.  I guess I just needed to put my fingers to the keys and go.

Here is what has been going on the last few years… First and most notable, I lost my mom.  No, I didn’t misplace her.. she died. 

Sounds quick clean. It wasn’t, she suffered from Alzheimer’s and dementia. I still don’t know the difference between the two, but what I do know, is that its about the most emotionally painful disease that affects both those who have it and those around them. 

There was nothing worse than missing your mom so badly that you weren’t sure your heart could take it, while she was sitting right in front of you. We were lucky, she never lost her ability to speak, well until the very end, and when you physically, emotionally and for my sister who helped with all her finances and other state and county paperwork, you become so close and invested in your mother’s life. The mother that was your mom, your dad and your only go to your whole life and then just like that, she was gone. 

My mom was this tiny little funny bag of sass, humor and smarts.  I think we all have her sense of humor and light heartedness, and a few of us have her gift of saying things to people just to get a reaction or rise out of them.  I guess the bottom line is that I just miss her.  I really do.

Here is one thing I think my mom would have surely appreciated… She loved to do things that were a little mischievous. So, when my mom passed, she was cremated and buried with her parents in our hometown churches cemetery.  But we had the funeral director set a side a bit of her ashes so we could put some on the beach she lived near in Florida. Now my sister, the smart, has it all together, plays by the rule’s sister, never does anything mischievous, she was all in with gettin a little of Mom to her beach.

My sister, the good one, the plays by the rules one, carried the tube of my mom’s ashes with her, on her carry-on bag, on to the airplane, and we placed those ashes on her beach.  My mom would have loved that we did that, and by we, I mean, she would have loved that my sister did that. She would have expected no less from me.  I am my mother’s child of course.

The next big change in my life came when I couldn’t figure out why I kept gaining weight and diet and exercise wasn’t taking it off… I thought I was going mad for sure.  Luckily I got tough and decided to throw all the tools I could find in my personal tool box at the problem.  First I started dieting myself and walking on the treadmill… nothing.  Then I joined a gym and hired a personal trainer and meticulously tracked all food and exercise… still nothing.  Then I joined the “medical weight loss” program at work (a major health insurance company) and they ran a bunch of tests, and sure enough my thyroid was shit.  Diagnosis…Hypothyroidism. Shit, it could have killed me if not caught.  Many of the symptoms I wrote off as menopause, but others like my Afib, were all being caused by my shitty thyroid.  Well, now I have a barrage of meds on board, and now the weight is falling off, and I am becoming a beast at the gym.  YAY!

One really big thing I freed myself of this past year was “the George.”  I won’t use his last name, but if you have a run in with someone you think is him, please feel free to DM me, as I am sure I was not his only prey.

“The George” was someone I had fallen in love with years ago.  Someone I had met online, had a relationship with and it ended when I found out he was married.  Multiple multiple, multiple times. To be honest, at this point I don’t even know how many times he has been married.  He has bobbed in and out of my life for the better part of two decades and for those two decades, we were mostly just friends.  However, he always wanted it to be more. Even if he was married to a current wife.  What do I mean “even” he was always married to one wife or another.  I always thought we would end up together in the end, but this last year, as we talked and he continued to flirt and complain about his current wife (which he always did about his wives), I listened to more of what he wasn’t saying. 

It was an election year.  He was married to a stay at home (or so he said) wife, who he said claimed to be disabled.  Anyway, and she has two adult daughters.  He has a son from a previous marriage, and a daughter, of Hispanic/Mexican orientation from yet another.  He also told me he had a child with a woman of color in the military as well.  Well, he claimed to be a democrat. Claimed to care about women’s rights, and the rights of blacks, LGBTQ community etc..  Turns out he was “head up the Cheetos ass” Trumplican.  Not a normal level headed Republican, which most can work with across the isle, but a butt licking Trumplican.  Long story short, all he really cared about was the state of his finances, and his bank account.  Could not care less that children were being put in cages and separated from their parents.  Kids that look like his own and women and people of color were being marginalized.  No no…another misogynist asshole looking out for A-#1.  Himself and his check book.  And wifey, well she, like many others who have to rely on their husbands wallets were all in for that ride, so she wouldn’t lose her gravy train.

Its like the first time I saw him for exactly what he was.  Just another guy hoping to get a free piece of ass while on the road.  He has never been faithful to any woman, especially any of his wives, and as for all the complaining about his wife… all lies.  All lies to get you to feel bad for him, and make you want to think, “I would never be like that.”  The thing is, I took him for his word, so I will take responsibility for that, but really?  He complained about EVERY SINGLE WIFE and girlfriend he ever had.  Well baby, there is only one common denominator.  You.

That last go round with “the George” was just that.  The last. I literally felt like the chains of him dropped off me like an un-tethered anchor.  Boom..just like that, I was free of him.  It was like all the love I ever had for him was gone, never existed. Anyone I loved or could love would never for moment even think of supporting a president who wants to repress any human.  My god, “the George” has a Hispanic daughter, stepdaughters, and claimed to have friends in the LGBTQ community.  How do you even look at any of those people and say “yah, I am all for you having less rights, so it helps me financially.”  It makes me sick really. He should be ashamed of himself.  But I doubt it.  That would take a conscious, and I am sure with all certainty, he does not have one.

Anyway, the future is mine.. I have one child out of the house and he is on his own, and raising a family of his own, and by the end of this summer my youngest will be out of the nest as well. Then this old house that has served its purpose will be put on the market and my next chapter of traveling adventures will begin.  This past winter/spring, I wend to Florida, the Ft. Myers area, and next will be Las Vegas,  Hawaii, and then on to Europe.  I am sure I will pop in and out of Florida a few more times since I have many friends there on both coasts and North Carolina as well. For the first time in decades my life hasn’t revolved around my children, and their sports or school work and now it is time for me. It feels really wonderful.  No rushing home from work, making sure homework is done etc.. I feel like a new life is beginning.  A really fun, well traveled one.

Well, I think I am caught up as much as can for now.  Hopefully I keep writing with each of my adventures. So hopefully we will be back soon.

Peace to you all. TWP (the wicked pen)