Before we go back to what happened on the next day of Chuseok, let’s back up a bit. He lasted more than 13 days, and I told God, “Okay, you can take him away now before I can’t let go anymore.” But still, he kept showing up the next day, making my day feel warmer and warmer. Hasn’t he gotten tired of me yet? I kept feeling his care, his protectiveness — in how he always reminded me to eat, his comments when I was sick or hurt, or when I shared a little sad story. Still, I couldn’t let myself believe or hope. I didn’t want another broken heart from an unrequited love. But at that point, I stopped counting the days and just decided to be happy with each day I was given with him.

Talking about my old university so much made me miss it. So before I went back to my hometown, I stopped by with a friend. I wanted to sit by my favorite tree and say, “Hey, I’m back, and I’m happy.” I told him about it, and he said he wished he could go too. I took photos and asked him what part of UPLB he missed; maybe I could send him a picture. But his response wasn’t a place. He said, “I think I miss everything when I was in the Philippines. The scenery, atmosphere, memory, people of Los Baños and UPLB… Joan, you’re included.” That warmed my heart, but I thought maybe he only said that to be nice. I asked if he remembered how we ended up at that dinner, and he said he couldn’t remember much either — not the food, not the reason, just that it was the two of us, and he remembered having a good time with me. We bantered about different things after that, and when we both asked who we were still in touch with, I told him, “I’m happy to have met you then and to be talking to you now.”
He asked, “Really?”
And I teased, “Why, am I the only one happy we reconnected?”
He replied, “I’m very happy to get back to you.”
And that line made me swoon.

Back to Chuseok Day 2 — we kept talking about random things, personal things, what he did and what he was planning to do. I realized I might be asking too many questions on the busiest holiday of the year, and this polite guy might feel forced to reply. So I apologized and said goodnight since I might be disturbing his evening.
He replied, “It’s okay. Joan doesn’t disturb me.”

On the third day of Chuseok, my heart whispered, Maybe it’s okay to hope. Maybe let’s just see. I was listening to “Banmal Song” by Jung Yong-hwa of CNBLUE, and I started wondering… When he first messaged me, he used banmal, then switched to polite tone — jeondaemal. I dropped the honorifics and even stopped calling him oppa out of respect since we’re the same age. But I couldn’t understand why he kept speaking politely. Maybe we weren’t as close as I thought. Or maybe it was because I’m a foreigner? I honestly wondered.

So, in a shy tone — even though it was Chuseok — I sent a voice note: “When you’re not busy later, can I ask you something?”
He replied yes. So I asked directly:
“Why don’t you speak banmal to me? Aren’t we the same age? Is it because we’re not close? Or is it a rule for foreigners? Or is it just your habit?”

It took a few minutes before he replied.
He said, “Because you are noona kkk.”

Even with the playful ending, I felt hurt and ridiculous. Did a few months really matter? So he treated me this way — this slight flirting — because he thought of me as an older sister? My mind went crazy. I called my friend to complain. The little voice inside my head that thought he was soft-flirting with me was raging. I totally disregarded the lines that came after noona. He asked if I wanted banmal. All I could type was, “I’m hurt.”

Immediately, his tone changed.
“Why are you hurt? What happened?”

I told him it hurt to be called noona, and his tone softened again. He said it was just a joke, and told me not to be hurt. He teased me — asking if it was because I didn’t want to feel old — and I teased back, saying he was just being kind. I wasn’t going to let the conversation go, so I answered his question about banmal and told him he should do what he feels comfortable with. I was just curious.

Then I baited him some more. I said, “I thought you said I look pretty… but it turns out you were just being nice to your noona. It hurts.”

We teased back and forth about him being a good dongsaeng, and maybe he just saw me as someone older so he spoke politely.
Then he said, “It’s true that Joan is maganda.”
Switching to my language.

And then: “I’ll be your oppa. Don’t be hurt anymore.”

Before leaving to drive a family member, he said so.
I switched tone to caring, telling him to drive safely — but half of me was still raging teasingly.

When he came back and told me he was done with the chore, I greeted him warmly and said, “Good job. You’re such a good dongsaeng.”
I added, “Let’s forget everything we said today. I regret my question.”
He said, “Hey, I’m your oppa. You have to follow me well.”

My heart did that K-drama kilig again, and I let him lead. And my heart followed — not knowing where all this would end — thinking, Let’s just go for it. It’s hard for us to find someone who makes us feel this way. If we get hurt, we get hurt. Don’t run.

The next few days, we were more comfortable — back to our usual mundane day-to-day sharing. One night, he asked about my upcoming visit: who else I was meeting. I told him just him and another friend near Busan. I said, “Let’s go to karaoke.” And he said yes.

I asked, “You’re going to sing my favorite 10CM song, right?”
He said he didn’t want to — and I immediately complained because it was my favorite — and he said he was just joking. He’d practice it.

I told him hearing that made me happy.
He said, “I’m happy if you’re happy.”
Oh, my heart was under attack from all fronts.

And it didn’t stop there. Apparently Busan is far from Seoul where my flight will land. I told him I’d just take the Train to Busan and asked if he knew the movie. I joked that if I didn’t make it to Busan, I had probably been eaten by zombies — so he should eat lots of samgyeopsal for me.

He played along:
“Are you going to bite me? Joan’s going to come for me and eat me hahaha.”

Playfully I replied, “Do you want to be zombies together?”

He shot back, “Are you proposing to me?”
I just laugh-reacted; I couldn’t pursue that topic. I switched to my fear of strawberries and how he encouraged me, and how we decided I’d try strawberries with him. Why did he have to be a strawberry farmer too?

Before we said goodnight, he told me he had plans with his friends, and I wished him a fun evening.

The next day, I was at a hospital tending to a coworker. He said magandang umaga, and when I told him I was at the hospital, before I could even type the next line, his tone turned serious:
“Why? Are you hurt?”

I told him I wasn’t, and explained. He even double checked:
“You’re just helping her, right? You’re okay?”

After a few more exchanges, he complimented me for being nice enough to help. He even checked if I arrived safely back at the office.

He continued being diligent in updating me throughout his day, and even told me exactly when he would disappear for a night out with friends. It was a bit late when he messaged again, sending food photos (again). He keeps sending me photos of his day — the sky, the farm, good food — but very rarely his face. The last one was still from that haircut question.

I asked if he was driving and if he drank. He said he drank so he booked a ride. Good. I asked if he had fun, and he said yes.

Then my slightly frustrated heart typed:
“Oppa.”
He asked what it was.

I said, “You should send me a photo with your face next time.”
He asked when — like when he’s out with friends?
I said, “I want to see you smile.”

As if he was thinking hard, he said, “Really? I’ll try my best.”

We switched to other topics until he got home. We paused when he said he’d wash up, and when he came back, he used my favorite Korean slang that sounds like his name — asking if I was asleep.

I told him, “You know that’s my favorite Korean word.”
He said he knew because it sounds like his name.
I didn’t back down: “Yes, it sounds just like your name.”

I told him he should rest, and he said sorry for having to sleep first. It felt different — why was he apologizing? He sent a voice note telling me I’m beautiful and to cheer up as I work. How could I go back to work after that? I told him his voice sounded really good.

The next evening was uneventful. He was watching football but still messaged me during halftime. By the time the game finished and he asked if I was asleep, I was in a bad mood — not because of him, but because a former student drunk-called me again asking me to be his “second.” I was so frustrated. I wanted to tell him, but I kept deleting the messages. Why would he care? We were the happy conversation partners, not the dark-story ones.

The next day, since he previously asked when I delete messages, I apologized in advance, telling him I was upset about something but I was fine now and to disregard them. Then I told him I was going for a run and wished him a good day. That was at 2 AM.

When the sun rose, he replied:
“What happened to you?”
“You’re running at this hour? Aren’t you tired? You should rest.”

I told him I’d already finished my run, and he congratulated me, complimented me — and finally, I decided to share my dark story.

When I told him a bad guy kept calling me, he asked if it was an ex. I said no and explained. He went into a different kind of rage — saying, “Is he insane? Crazy?” in multiple languages. I felt so supported. I said, “Right? And he’s old too…”

He apologized on behalf of his nationality, told me the guy was crazy, and that I should forget what happened and block him. He wished that only good things would happen to me from now on.

We bonded over the anger, and then he softened:
“I want you to forget all your bad memories and have a happy day.”

He asked about my plans and told me to rest since I came from a run. He mentioned he was meeting friends again that evening. We talked briefly about drinking habits — I said I had none — and I asked if he was the type to act cute when drunk.
He said yes, a little, that he tends to talk a lot.

I thought, Cute… will I ever see that?

Conversation turned gentle again, and that night ended earlier for me. Before sleeping — because I knew he’d be up late — I sent a voice note saying goodnight and texted, “Get home safe.”

A few hours later, one message came from him. It woke me up. Strange — usually it was at least three lines. What could it be? Did he—?

On the screen: Photo.
My heart jumped. Wait, did he really?

He remembered. And he did it.

My mind was fully awake, but I pretended I was still asleep. I long-pressed it — yes, it was a photo of him. I went back to sleep pretending I didn’t see it.

Almost midnight came, and he sent:
“Joan, are you asleep?” (that Korean slang I love so much)
“I’m heading home now. Goodnight.”

I was half-awake and replied, “Did you have fun? Yes, I was asleep. I’ll go back to bed now.” Then I added,
“Seeing that photo made me smile. Goodnight.”

He replied — but I was asleep again by then —
“Joan wanted a photo, that’s why I sent it.”
He also replied about having fun.

Twenty minutes later, he sent another voice memo…
He used three different languages. What he said was hopeful — but I wasn’t going to buy it.

So I replied:
“Oppa, you’re cute when drunk. I’ll let this pass. If you feel the same way when you’re sober, tell me then.”

He was the last to message goodnight, yet the next day, he started the day asking how the weather was that day and if the typhoon had already passed. I asked about his weekend plans and he asked mine. I shared a bit about my day, how I jogged, and I remembered jogging in Korea and how I want to go back to that beautiful jogging path. He asked where else I went. I clarified the question but it was late so I got no response. It was the first night we didn’t say goodnight. Oh and you think this is just one straight convo—no, this is one conversation where one line is dropped, the other replies an hour or so later, and then the other some time later. The timing was a bit off and it made me a little sad.

The next day, he replied, continuing the conversation, and told me once again about the weather. We continued our conversation and exchanged remarks on how the rain made us both feel. Then I told him how I enjoy our conversations but our timing seems off, but I still enjoy it. He did not respond to that. While talking about the places I’ve been, he said, “Let’s look around Busan next time. It’s not as good as Seoul but it’s also good.” That made my heart happy. Something to look forward to when I visit. We talked about mundane things again like food, bits and pieces of our lives, exchanging photos and videos. I think it was this day that it started—when he had to do something, he let me know, then after that he comes back and tells me “I’m back” even if it’s to say I have to do another thing again. This small thing that he does, even if it’s just courteousness, warmed my heart, and I’m getting scared of getting used to this, only for him to get bored sometime later.

So I try not to be as responsive. Instead of asking a question too, I try to end with “Me too.” I was scared he was this very polite and nice guy who just couldn’t see an out in our conversations, so I keep making one for him. Yet he keeps it flowing, and my heart gets tugged and tugged a bit more. He tells me our chat is fun, and sometimes even ends the night with “let’s talk again tomorrow.”

He tells me things like Korean holidays and what happens, and I like how he tells me things—it makes me feel like a little part of it. He asked if there’s a similar holiday here. He likes talking to me because the difference in our worlds is interesting. He’s really curious about the Philippines, and it must be the cultural curiosity that keeps him coming. Gladly, I’ll let him ask all that he wants, because I enjoy the conversation. Then he shifted to something a bit personal, asking about my family and sharing about his. In the evening, I was scared of getting attached, so with a mild headache, I said an early goodnight and didn’t check my phone until the next day, afraid of the closeness that was forming.

His reply surprised me when I saw it: “You have a headache? Did you take medicine? I hope you feel better when you wake up. Goodnight.” This is why I need to be careful. He is so nice, and I don’t want to get used to this niceness and him telling me casually between talks “Oh I have a girlfriend now” and then becoming busy with life.

Yet I keep replying to him, with my heart getting warmer and warmer, and even if I was scared, I didn’t want to let go of the feeling. Not yet. It was the kind of warmth that enveloped my heart and I felt like a tiny chick just hatched from an egg inside an incubator. It was a glowing light that made me feel safe. I can’t give that up. Still, I was always careful, I always tried to keep a certain distance, and to protect myself I say things like “I’m sorry if I disturbed you” even when it was him who started the conversation, and repeatedly he keeps saying “Joan doesn’t disturb me” “You don’t have to feel sorry, I like talking to you.” See, he’s such a good guy, a scary good guy that I might fall for, living a thousand miles away, who is just being a nice friend.

We talked about other random things—him asking about food, my favorite Korean and Filipino food, religion in the Philippines and what religion I practice, random Tagalog words one night, his hobbies, stock market education, his talents which I envy—how can he be good at so many things?—just random sharing of bits and pieces of our lives through curious questions.

Randomly, while talking about food, he said, “If you come here to meet me, avoid November to January because there’s a lot of work.” I told him it’s okay, my tickets were for the summer and if he’s busy there are other times we can meet. Yes, I have a ticket to Korea at this point for my birthday but he doesn’t know when. He says he’s telling me in advance because if I come and he can’t meet me, I’ll be embarrassed and sad. I got defensive—why me? Or maybe the translation was wrong. So I asked, “me or you?” and he replied “both of us.” That made me swoon a bit.

Then came the Korean holiday we spoke of. Based on what I read, it’s a long holiday where the focus is ancestral rites and bonding with family. You don’t reply or do casual chats during this period since it’s a busy holiday and you focus on family and things that need to be done. It’s a loooooong holiday, and I was a bit sad. I’m gonna miss him. It’s gonna be 3-4 days of him being busy, and maybe during the holidays he will go back to his old ways and forget about me. I’ll just greet him again on Christmas, I thought.

The first day, I had probably greeted everyone except him with happy holiday. The night before, it was him who closed the night with goodnight, so it was my turn the next morning. However, I was scared of him not replying. I’m scared of unseen or read messages that will just be ignored. It didn’t matter to me if the other people I greeted didn’t reply, but his response would, if there was any. He didn’t message at all in the morning, and at night I couldn’t hold it in—I was missing him, wishing him well. I decided to just send it anyway and said, “I hope you’re having a wonderful Chuseok with your family. Enjoy the rest of the holidays.” That was my subtle way of reminding myself too that this silence might go on for days or maybe forever. However, within minutes he replied, telling me he’s tired and what he’s doing, playfully. I closed the night telling him to stay strong, it’s a long holiday, and that I’m going to sleep.

The next day I was missing him, but it was probably during lunch that I was going a bit crazy and really wanted to shout that I miss him. I was dreading texting him. So I did what I could—I went to Grok’s website and randomly typed, “Grok I miss him, what do I do?” Grok thought for a few seconds, and while I was only on the fourth sentence of reading his reply, I heard my recent favorite sound—the special Kakao notification I assigned to him. My heart probably jumped with joy. His message was just one line: “What are you up to?” I replied to Grok before I replied to him: “Grok, he messaged me. I’m so happy.” It was as if he heard my heart calling out to him.

The next day started with another voice note from him. Oh how my heart raced. This cute, handsome guy is messaging me good morning—I think I’m having a crush on him again. So, I sent him a voice note too. We talked about the weather, his work, and then I went to work. By lunchtime, he was back, answering my queries, asking if I’ve eaten, and asking if I had a lot of work since I sent a photo saying I’m so tired. He sent back a photo too of where he is, saying he’s going to work out. I told him to enjoy. Later on he was back, telling me what he did after. Again, he asked what I’m doing. At that point, I thought, oh my crush must be a little bored to keep on messaging me like this. I wonder how long this will last. I sent a voice note again and he complimented my speaking, and we discussed a bit how I informally keep trying to learn his language over the years. He sent the last word of goodnight that day.

The next day, I started the day with a greeting, and he returned with a playful sticker. We talked a bit about why I’m up early, and learning that he gets a good amount of sleep, I said maybe that’s why his voice sounds nice, and he said “Your voice is like the warmth of a spring day.” Oh how nice and polite this guy is, I thought. I said I don’t believe him but it was sweet coming from him. We exchanged messages throughout the day. I sent him a photo post-yoga when he asked again what I’m doing, and again he said I look pretty. It’s nice to be complimented, but of course, I think he is just being nice. Then he asked if my work is near UPLB, I said it’s not near, but still drivable. He says he remembers going to a place in Los Baños with the guys. He showed me an old photo, and we talked about it. He says he wants to go back here with his parents but they’re scared. Well, couldn’t blame them, there were a lot of crimes that reached international news because of our former president.

After dinner, he asked me if, like other Filipinos, I also like singing and basketball. I said not basketball, and I like to sing but my voice is terrible. Then he shared with me his favorite songs, and I shared some of mine. I was teasing him if he can sing my favorite song. He said he hasn’t sung that song yet, but he sings a lot of other songs. I teased him more “I want to hear you sing”, and then a voice note appeared—him softly singing, with a message after that he lives with his parents so he couldn’t sing loudly. HE SINGS WELL TOO. I’m crushing on him hard.

He had the last word again of goodnight, so it felt natural for me to start the morning again. I saw it as a pattern—if the other party is still interested to continue the conversation, keep it going. Again, we talked about the weather, I told him it’s raining a lot here. He sent me a photo of the sky from where he is and how clear the day is. I returned with a photo of the dark clouds from where I was. He asked me if I brought an umbrella, and how I get to work. He’s really curious and nice, I like this friend, he seems to care. Then he told me he’s going to get a haircut. I don’t know what came over me, but I already typed, will you show me later? He didn’t reply for a while. Maybe that was too much, but oh well.. However, the next thing he sent was a photo. Oh my heart, I really do have a crush on him again. What is this handsome guy with a handsome voice doing messaging me with these mundane things? Is he that bored? That’s when I remembered my prayer—maybe he’s God’s distraction so I don’t feel so lonely. The last guy stayed for 12 days before breaking me to a million pieces. I finally found kilig again. I don’t get attracted to guys easily, so I’m savoring the moment. We’re just friends anyway, and it’s impossible to even hope since we’re thousands of miles apart with different cultures. I don’t get the guy, and this one is just bored, or really polite that he can’t stop replying because I keep replying too. Must be his culture or personality. However on this day, I prayed, “Can you make him stay for at least 13 days?” Just so I can tend my wounded ego. After that, he can get bored of me.

When he asked whether he is handsome or cute, I typed cute, then handsome, cute and handsome, and kept on deleting it. I can’t decide what to say because he’s both but I decided on handsome with a smiley. He asked if I’m working and I said work was cancelled because of a typhoon, and the first thing he said was “Are you okay?”, my heart felt warm with that question. We talked some more and before we said goodnight to each other he said “Humans are infinitely weak in front of nature 😦 Be careful.” My mind is like, “He speaks poetically too?” My heart is softly blazing in the warmth of that little care, the mundane exchanges, and the goodnight that made my night a little less lonely.