This isn’t gonna be a nice post. So, if can only handle nice, you better stop reading here just find another page to read.

For a person who is more extroverted like I am, being part of something that involves relating with other people is very important. I love being in a group as well as I love doing group work. I love meeting people, old or new, spending time with them, get some drink and talk about everything, from deep shit to nonsense. I love the feeling of having someone (or some people) whom you can count on.    

The love of being connected to others has sort of changed as I grow older. I am still the extroverted and cheerful little (oops, am i still?) girl, but I realise as well, that I do love being alone. I do love spending time by myself, reading, studying, watching movies, or writing. I love doing things without people watching me, criticising me, or giving comments about anything. Sometimes, I just don’t give a damn, you know? 

It feels somehow very good when you are appreciated as one part of a big team, or if you related to some people who are actually very well-respected. But, it is more important that I feel appreciated as I am, as an individual, who actually means something to someone.

These recent days, I’ve been facing something that actually has made me very insecure about myself. About my well-being. I don’t think I can write it in here with detailed explanation, but this thing has surely hurt my confidence. Simple words expressed by someone can hurt me that much and make feel so much disrespected as a person. That’s a big shit, isn’t that? Or am I just being too sensitive? Or do I act too much upon that?

For someone who is very vulnerable and have a self-esteem issue, I might seem fine on the  outside. Well, but I guess, you would never know what is inside my mind or my heart, right? I’m terribly sorry. It’s just me being me. I know I’m a total mess now. 

I don’t think many people read my blog, so I write it down here, because I feel much better when I write. But just in case you read this, well, just behave normally. If you care enough to ask, then you could find a proper time and place to talk to me. You know, I’m a type of person who likes to have quality time with my friends and I can definitely talk about deep stuffs. So, find me and ask. Bring snacks if necessary, I prefer salted food though. Beer would also be nice, lol.

Hmmm… Make sure you bring some tissue with you. I might cry.
Good night.

If you ever heard about the 16 personalities test, which somehow can help you to really define yourself, and even give you some suggestions on what to do for your career or love life, it is actually based on the MBTI test develped by Jung and Myers. It has become so popular nowadays and that’s because the test is practically true. (Of course, it is based on some loooong and detailed researches in human behaviour. So, don’t you underestimate Psychology Students/Psychologist anymore for their ability on ‘reading people’ because it is all usually based on some evidences).

Anyway, let’s get back to this MBTI thingy.

The test categorises people into four big parts of their general traits:

1. Introverted or Exraverted ( I or E)

2. Sensing or Intuition (S or N)

3. Thinking or Feeling (T or F)

4. Perceiving or Judging (P or J)

As the result, people will get 4 letters that indicate their personality, e.g: INFP, ESTJ, etc. Check this website http://www.humanmetrics.com/personality/type for more detailed information about this four (or eight) letters.

My result shows differences in three MBTI tests. Yes, I did the test 3 times, but different medias (the first one was taken when I was in college, the last two were the same test from http://www.16personalities.com, but taken at different times). The first result was ESFJ, then ESTJ (2015), then ESFP (2017).

Why has it changed? While some friends of mine got some kind of same results though they retake the  test again and again at many different times.

I am trying to explain this as the only person knows best about me is me.

We must first know that every part of this test is shown by precentage. For example, the first part: introverted or extraverted. A person can definitely get 50% I and 50% E, but yeah, most of them get around 60-40 or 70-30, or so on. So are the other parts, shown by precentage.

When first I got ESFJ, I already knew that it described me best (that time). Every explanation about each part was correct and it suited me really well. It was only the I and E, I got the same precentage, 50-50, and still i was categorised as an E. However, it got me thinking that every part of it could also be balance.

I really believe that we better get ourselves balance in everything. That means, being flexible and open. We cannot just close our door to one possibilty because the world has so much to offer. When we don’t try to do everything we can, we are losing the chances and probably some precious ones. We might lose people too.

I once was a very strict and discipline person. I planned everything carefully and did all the plans in given times, as predicted when I was planning it. I was very strict with time as well (well, I still am). However, this sometimes made me totally stressed out and didn’t have really time to think about anything else, which could also be a great matter. That was horrible. So, I started change myself, loosen up a bit in everything. Especially, when it comes to things that have to do with other people, because we cannot control them!

My idea of balancing myself applies not only in this MBTI personality test, but almost in my everyday life. I really adore the concept work-life balance. I think, work hard is really good and beneficial in many aspects, but when you are fully occupied by your works, it doesn’t represent a good way of living life.We must work hard, but party hard as well. That’s the least we can do (especially when you have no kids).

I also really am a foodie, so I also apply this in eating. I can eat anything I want, but I really need to balance the healthy or unhealthy food. That comes from the fact, that the unhealthy ones are the more delicious ones. It is inevitably true! So, despite omitting the unhealthy and I feel no joy at all when I eat, I prefer to still eat them, as long as it doesn’t cause me death, but balance it with the good food. Good deal, isn’t it?

In conclusion, I am really holding this idea of balance life. This indicates that I am probably at the balance line in (almost) everything, or at least, I try to be. That’s why I’ve been having different results. Nothing is wrong with being an E instead of an I, an S instead of an N, an F instead of a T, or a P instead of a J, and vice cersa. Every aspect of this test is just the tendendcy people might do in processing and/or managing things around them.

However, if people ask me, what am I? I will prefer to answer: ESFJ. This the closest description of me compared to the others. Once again, I decide it because I want to, because it’s only you, the person who knows yourself best.

So, whatever the result, just try to make the best out of you, by doing everything nice and not hurting people. Focus on your strength, on what you are capable of doing, and it will be nicer if you can bring happiness to others.That’s what matters most, don’t you think so?

I am an ESFJ. What are you? 🙂

Here is a review about my 2016, what I accomplished, what I planned and actually worked, what didn’t go as planned, and so on.

I’ll use my 2016 resolution list to measure.

1. Take a German Language Exam

No, I didn’t take any of German Language Exam. That’s because I got some changes on my plan, especially my study plan. Due to some reasons, I won’t be studying in Germany next year, but will probably go to UK instead. That’s why I didn’t take the German Exam, but I was still learning German ’til the March though.

2. Take ABRSM Singing Exam

Yes, I took the exam in September. This is actually one of the requirements I should fulfill if I want to apply to York University in UK. However, I would still take the exam even though I didn’t apply to the Uni . I need to challenge myself though!

3. More piano sight reading practice

50-50. I still play piano but am not learning anymore. I do wish to have a piano lesson again.

4. Join at least a masterclass

Yes, I joined a masterclass from 2 singers from the USA. They were very good and very smart. I learned a lot from then was grateful to have taken part in that masterclass.

I did have some consultation lessons as well when I visited UK in June. I got the chance to learn from 2 teachers, 1 from Royal College of Music and the other one from Guildhall School of Music and Drama.

 5. Save up some money (1 million/month)

50-50. I did save up, but I used them as well when I visited UK, competed in Spain, and for vacation.

6. Visit a place in Indonesia (Semarang or Malang)

Yes! Visited Semarang in May (I forgot) with parents. Though the places we visited mostly were churches but I did see some other places.

I visited MALANG too! And also Batu and Yogya. That’s the latest thing I did, because the trip just ended yesterday. I went fora vacation with my friends and did some interesting stuffs.  

7. Join BMS competing Tolosa

This is probably the highlight of the year. Winning the Tolosa Choral Contest with BMS and being in one of the greatest team ever. Moreover, Spain itself is a very beautiful country. I really am thankful that I got the chance to experience the amazing moments and to have visited one of the best cities (I love Seville so much!) in the world.

8. Do more cookings

Yes, I helped my mum a lot in cooking. That made me do more cookings at home. Hahaha.

9. Have more students in vocal

Yes! Surely! In 2015, I had only 3 private vocal students, but now I have more than 10 private classes.

Those are a brief  summary about my 2016. I cannot thank God enough for the experiences. There were ups and downs, some things were amazing, some others tore my heart apart, some were exciting, some let me down. That’s life, somehow. It can’t be perfect, it doesn’t always go as planned, but to be (or not to be) grateful is your choice. 🙂

Goodbye, 2016! Welcome, 2017! *1,5 hours to go

1. My dog just died

2. Somebody is playing around with my heart

3. My study plan is not really well prepared

4. I am not needed anymore

5. I am tired of everything 

😦

Ich bin in einem Sommerferien. Ich mache in Großbritannien einen Urlaub und es ist bis jetzt ganz toll! Heute ist es mein zehnter Tag.

Ich möchte mehr sagen aber vielleicht auf Englisch, weil mein Deustch nicht sehr gut ist. Nächstes Mal schreibe ich auf Deutsch. XD

Entschuldigung für meine schlechte Grammatik und ich bedanke mich für ihre Aufmerksamkeit (hähähä wie in einer Präsentation).

Ich habe ca. 8 Monate lang einen Deutschkurs besucht und ich habe entschieden, dass ich ab jetzt etwas auf Deutsch in diesem Blog schreiben möchte.

(I have joined a German Course for around 8 months and I have decided to start writing some things in this blog in German language.)

👼👼👼

So. Here are some resolution I made for 2016.

1. Take German Language Exam

2. Take ABRSM Singing Exam

3. More piano sight reading practice

4. Join at least a masterclass

5. Save up some money (1million a month?)

6. Visit a place in Indonesia (Semarang or Malang are in my thought)

7. Join BMS competing in Tolosa

8. Do more cookings

9. Have more students in vocal

Well, those are the things I have in mind. Hopefully I have the chance to do it all.

Out of my resolution’s result, I want to share also some other stuffs that I did in 2015.

1. I quit my job (I posted this). Yeah it’s a big step, isn’t it? I want more in music career and I decided to start planning my next step in studying. So, I spend most of my times learning language, taking piano (and, still, singing) courses, joining music camp, teaching music privately or in a music institution or at church, singing in weddings and many more. That’s how I earn money too.

2. I visited Europe three times. 2 of them were singing things, 1 of them was holiday.

First trip was in May with BMS with an extended trip with 3 friends (also from BMS). This was the longest trip I’ve ever done with my friends. And we visited quite some countries and cities. The choir itself (BMS) joined 3 events in Varna (Bulgaria), Marktoberdorf (Germany), and Milan (Italy).

So, the route was… Sofia, Varna, Istanbul, Munich, Füssen, Marktoberdorf, Innsbruck, Milan (we stayed in Legnano), and the extended trip was to Rome, Lisbon (we visited Sintra), Amsterdam (transit only for 11 hours). And back to Jakarta.

Second trip was with my cousin. Actually this was supposed to be her trip but I was asked to be her companion. So, there we go. XD We visited Germany and Austria (Munich, Nürnberg and … one more city I forgot the name, and also Berchtesgaden when we had a Bayern-tour and visited Königsee, Salzburg, Hallstaat and Innsbruck). We made friends with some people there and tried to spend our times like locals, e.g. picnic or sunbathing in the park. XD

Third trip was (again) with BMS. We were asked to perform a dance opera composed by Indonesian composer, Mr. Tony Prabowo in Frankfurt-LAB. So, I went to Frankfurt. But before that, I had an advance trip and visited Prague before going to Frankfurt. I experienced my first opera (watched “Carmen” in Prague National Theater) and managed to meet up with my Czech friend, Jan and his girlfriend Lucia. In Frankfurt, I also met up with some 2 of my highschool friends and 1 UI friend. Sweet reunions with those people 🙂 On the last day of the, my friends and I also visited 2 cities in a day, which were Heidelberg and Würzburg. Such lovely cities as we could feel the autumn so very much there.

3. I started up a new blog with my friend, Ai. You can visit our blog at http://www.relungkhayal.tumblr.com. We tried to be more productive by writing stories, poems, songs, or so on. It started first from our one similar hobby: reading. We read typical novels and tried to develop our writings by doing this blog. And it was actually quite nice because people have given us good reviews. ^^

Can’t wait to experience more and more happiness,  adventures, music, challenges, lessons, and love in 2016. Happy new year, guys!!

1. Consistently do bible reading and devotion #workharderthanlastyear

50%
Not progressing any good. 😦

2. Reduce my rice portion, no rice for dinner (also means: more self control while seeing rice)

80%
I still eat rice at night, but I can say, i have more control over rice.. like, much much more control…

3. Take ABRSM examination

100%
Did theory music exam and passed with distinction 😀

4. Open up myself to new people, make (at least 5) new friends and maintain the good relationship with them

100%
I made new friends! A lot of them. And from them, I also learned a lot. Thanks guysss!

5. Save up, around 1 million/month

30%
Just did that in the first few months of 2016 and used the money for Europe Trip with BMS and also had an extended trip. I also didn’t really plan on quitting my job at first, so the last 6 months, I didn’t save up. Actually I was and am still trying to survive with the new ‘job’ I have.

6. Travel to at least 1 place in Indonesia (options: Pulau Kanawa, Pulau Rote, Pulau Bintan, Semarang, Medan…. where else?)

10%
Yeah if you count Hutan Mangrove PIK as one of them, I did go there.

7. To be able to fall in love again (still on progress), and hopefully this leads me to a (serious) relationship that I can handle 😉

…%
I don’t know. I think I’ve opened my heart but I could say that it wasn’t love. At least, not yeat. And it didn’t last. At least, not until the very end of 2015.

That’s all.

It’s funny how I have been dreaming of living in London, now it has sorta changed. Well, not exactly. I still do wanna live there, maybe some other times. But now the goal I’m pursuing is Germany.

So, here’s the story of my changed plan, it’s another step of my life that’s probably gonna change my life afterwards.

I resigned from work, if you haven’t known about that. So, in the new academic year, I won’t be teaching anymore. Not because I don’t like my job. I do love it. I love teaching, I love my students, I love the school environment, I love the colleagues.

But one day, I got an offer to continue my German Language course in Goethe. There is this one person who is willing to pay my tuition and else. The reasons? Because she thinks I’m potential and with that skill, it might lead me to another (hopefully, greater) thing in my life.

I felt really confused that time for I liked my job so much but I felt like it was an opportunity I gotta take. And for the love of learning (new language), how could I reject the offer? And finally, I decided to resign.

Decision had been made without any clear vision. But I was searching and searching. I shared my thoughts about this to my friends and they supported me on taking the next level of education. So, not only studying the language, but also go back to college. I can learn something continuing the major I’ve taken in the university before, or something new. Or even better, i can learn something that has been my passion all this time (of which I’m only able to pursue informal education of that), MUSIC!

The thought of taking music as major has been consuming my mind too, for I’m sure I won’t be able to make it with my level of musical skill. Especially, it’s Germany! I must have the skill of playing piano. I have to learn more and practice more. So, I decided to take piano lessons and join a vocal camp too (adding to my weekly singing course).

The major I’m planning to take is not vocal performance. I’d rather take Music Education (pedagogy) to fulfill my passion in teaching too. The good news is, in Germany there is also a special major (concentration) in music called Rhythmic, or Music and Movement in some universities. That’s the major for teaching music to little children. When I found out about that, I was filled with more excitement! I love little children. And this is perfect! Combining my passion in teaching and music, plus my experience in teaching very little children…. this major is perfect for me!

But still I have to catch up with the skills required (in language and music). As for now, I’m preparing myself, by having Germany Language class everyday, also piano lesson every week, and still vocal lesson too. I’m trying to catch up all the things in two years. Hopefully, I can manage it well.

If you ask me, why not England? You’ve been dreaming of London right? And you don’t need to learn the language and it could probably save your time.

My answer would be:
1. England is very expensive! We can apply for scholarship though, but getting accepted in a music school itself is very difficult. And now you ask for scholarship? You way too confident.
2. Learning a third language is, however, beneficial. I can use it for other matters. And just take the worse case, if I’m not accepted in any music school in Germany, still the language is useful for other things as it opens a wider chance to meet new people and extend your network.
3. If it’s not Germany, I might not have the thought of taking my piano lesson and wouldn’t have my parents buying me a piano (FINALLY AFTER 10 YEARS, yeah I have another story to tell about this piano), because Germany also requires a quite high piano skill of the applicants. And by learning piano, it helps me so much in developing my singing skill and the sense of musicality.

Well that’s the thing I wanna share. The point is, I’m taking another step. I still have no idea where it can lead me later on. But I believe God will make a way for me, whatever it is. I just need to put effort and pray, also taking the opportunities and never stop learning.

🙂