We All Must Change and We All Must Forgive

The Savior was the ultimate example and asked us to follow Him. As imperfect beings, we all make mistakes and some of us make more serious ones. Thank goodness for the Savior's atoning sacrifice that gives us ALL the opportunity to change, repent, and start fresh. What I don't understand is this: People who profess to be good Christians cannot give the "sinner" in their eyes a chance to change and be a good person and continually hold the past against them. Let me relate an experience that happened to someone close to me. I will not be using real names.

Shelly was a young mother with 4 children. She had married in the temple and hoped to have a happy life. Soon it became evident that her husband did not seem to follow the same values as she did and as she tried to explain this to her bishop but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. Later she found out that her husband had also visited with their bishop and had told him that his wife was depressed and was having problems and that things would be fine. As the result of this things got worse until all that was left to do was divorce. She took the kids and went to live with her mother. After the decision was made to proceed with a divorce Shelly went back to her home to get some belongings. She took the kids with her so they could say good-bye to their dad. After the truck was loaded up Don, the father refused to let her take the children. Pleading and begging and crying did nothing and not knowing what else to do she got in the truck and drove away without her children. She felt she had no choice but to leave. Of course Don told everyone that she abandoned them. Now the point of this story is coming. Her oldest child was going to be baptized in a few short months and she did not want to miss this. So Shelly and her mother went back to her ward, where she thought she had many friends and an understanding bishop, not realizing that Don had been playing the victim and spreading lies about her. When she walked into the font room to be there for her daughter people turned away from her and would not even look at her. Some even told her how dare you come back here etc. The bishop did not even talk to her. This happened to a person who had committed no appalling sin and who had just been trying to survive a marriage that her husband was making a farce of. As her mother witnessed this injustice to her daughter, she thought of the incident in the bible of the woman brought before Jesus who had been accused of adultery. As Jesus looked about and drew in the sand he said, "He who is without sin cast the first stone." Because of this incident, Shelly became disillusioned and felt that Christians and especially Mormons were hypocrites and that she wanted nothing to do with them and went off the deep end. The point of this story is as the Savior said, "He who is without sin cast the first stone."

As I stated earlier, we all make mistakes and some of us make bigger ones than others, but who are we to try and decide who can and cannot be forgiven? Before you make snap judgments look inside yourselves at your own past sins. Would you want someone to hold them against you for your entire life and shun you? I think not. So as situations arise don't be too quick to judge and slow to forgive. People all need a second chance and when there is loving support from others people are more willing to change.

Pray for guidance in your dealings with those you meet and remember the Savior and follow his example He will never lead you astray.

Selfishness is Out!

There is no room for selfishness or self-centeredness in a family. Quit thinking about our own needs and concentrate on what your spouse needs. Christ only thought about others and served others. It is time to become more Christlike and lose yourself in the service of your family. Don't be so selfish; there is no "I" in the word "Love." Serving one another does not mean being a slave to each other. It means that love motivates actions that help and sustain each other, to build each other up.

If you're a work-aholic stop now!!! Who is benefiting from this you or your family. You may answer that you are doing it for your family but to what expense. If you don't spend time with them who cares if they have a nice house or a fancy car. Get in some quality family time. Play some games, go to the park, watch a movie together. Usually every Friday or Saturday night Pat and I and the kids sit down to watch a movie and just to relax and unwind from the busy week we have all had. On Sundays we try to make it habit to sit down and play games together. When the older kids were younger it helped to build good relationships between them and Pat.

I can't say that everything is perfect, but because Pat and I put forth the effort to meet the other one's needs our relationship is so much better. Another thing to remember is think about why you married your spouse those many or few years ago. Every time I do this, I fall in love with Pat all over again. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want to make sure I do everything possible to keep it that way.

As always go to the one who knows you best and ask for help and guidance.

Communication - An essential part of marriage

Not too long ago one of our children came to Pat and I asking for advice on how to help their marriage, and this triggered the thought that maybe a blog would help others. Between Pat and I we came up with six areas of focus that could help strengthen a marriage or for those not yet married a relationship. I am going to expound on each of them in different posts. The first one is communication.

Open, sincere communication is an essential key to successful relationships. If the only communication you have with your spouse or companion is belittling each other or fighting with each other then you deserve the type of relationship that you have and yes eventually you will probably end up sad and unhappy and possibly divorced. If you truly care about your companion talk to them. How many of you know your spouses or companions favorite color, their favorite movie, or even what they really want to do in life. If you don't have an answer for all three of these questions there is something lacking.

Take time each day to talk about how your day was. If the children have been especially naughty let your spouse know. If work was stressful more than usual let your spouse know, but each of you do it in a way that is considerate to the other so you are not putting your "bad day" on the other, if you know what I mean. Come home and enjoy the fact that you are home and with each other. Speak to each other kindly and lovingly. Treat your spouse how you would want to be treated.

If you truly want to make your marriage or relationship better do something today that will help it become better.