Toad in the pond

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Scoopy gave me this for eidi  

err.. eid mubarak !

I was watching Afridi go boom boom on the windies when I heard Sofi say
“Argh, wassup with these Pseudo Photographers with there Fancy DSLRS?”.

“What happened?” I inquired, without taking my eyes away from the screen.

“These young toads think they are pro photographers if they own a Fancy DSLR. One of the toad has “photographer” writer in his profile. Give me a break “ she seemed quite agitated.

I couldn’t stop myself from chuckling.

“what is so funny?”  She gave me a fierce Look.

“Errm Nothing, just that if that makes them happy then what is the big deal? Let them enjoy the piece of equipment they have. Why are you fuming about it? what goes of your father?” I looked at her taking my attention away from the screen as Misbah got ready to face the next ball.

“but ….they are annoying….” she had an annoyed expression on her face.

I chuckled again.

“SHUTUP!” she yelled.

I sunk in my seat a little.

________________________________________________________

After the match was over. Scoopy was going through his Twitter feed.

“why is everyone praising that one trick pony so much” He exclaimed.

“Who? which pony?” I asked.

“That Afridi. Its like one in a millionth time he plays well and everyone is singing praises for him. So inconsistent. It is just stupid” He clearly didn’t seem like Afridis fan.

“Relax dude. It is a game. People are having fun and enjoying their country’s win. What is the big deal? What goes of your father “ I responded.

“They should thank God not Afridi” Scoopy Protested.

“HAHAHAHA” I just laughed out loud. 

“WHAT?!!!” He yells at me

I continue to laugh madly. He throws a tennis ball at me.

OUCH!.

____________________________________________________________
”why are you talking about falana falana TOAD. stop it ” Soopy tweets annoyed by someone’s comment on some current event.

“what is the big deal about burger king? Why are you all excited about it so much. Stop it” Sofi tweets.

“Why do you keep blabbering about your life on twitter” Scoopy is annoyed with someone.

This continues every day around me. Pointless criticism really makes me laugh as well as makes me wonder why People like scoopy and Sofi do it. What is so wrong in people doing what they like doing? They are not affecting us in anyway. Let them be. Let them learn through their own experience in life. If that makes them happy and they are doing it in their own bubble. what goes of your father? Be happy and let people be happy

Khair jis nay jo karna hai karay. What goes of my father?  

ok Stop throwing tomatoes at me. stop. *tries to block them with his hands”

*Fails miserably*. *HELP anyone?*  

OUCH!

So the month of Ramadan has arrived in Toadistan.

That means receiving Scoopy’s messages every other second about

• How tough it is to fast in this summer.
• How long the Fasting duration is.
• How people are such hypocrites for only abandoning ‘sinful’ things for Ramadan and not in other months.
• How he is going to eat only healthy food during this month to be fit
• How he is unable to act on the previous statement on seeing aftari dishes.
• How he is not going to fast the next day because he cannot bear it anymore.
• How it is ok to offer only 8 taraweeh instead of 20 and the references to support it.
• How I should join him after aftari hangouts at espresso  
• How he ate 2 desi ghee kay parathay with chicken qorma for sehri.

Yes that is how my Ramadan goes. 

PS: This Ramadan will be my last Ramadan as a single toad.

“OMG, my aunt added me on Facebook”.

I looked up from my kindle and saw Sofi fidgeting with her smart phone with a horrified expression on her face.

“hmm so ?” I solemnly inquired.

“so? what do u mean So?” she gave me weird look.

I looked at her from behind my glasses. “Yeah so? why are you getting so worried by the idea”

She gave me a stare. “you know what that means right? She’s gonna stalk me now on Facebook and spread rumors about me for being so out there and the focus of her gossips in family meetings”

“I have half of my family (distant or close) on twitter. Relax.” I replied, ignoring her killing stare.

“are you ashamed of who you truly are?” I asked her

“ermm no but…” she paused as to find the right word to explain it to me.

“then be who you are and stop worrying what people have to say.” I got my attention back to finish reading ‘The alloy of law”.

“you don’t know anything bus. forget it” She replied annoyingly and got her attention back to contemplating how to put in privacy settings for her Facebook profile as to limit her aunts access.

I still think that’s just being over paranoid about it.

but.. as scoopy would say. “you are a toad. what would you know.”

At least I am not hiding that.

hmmm

The other day Scoopy dragged me to the theatres to watch ‘Man of Steel’. I have been a batman fan long before Nolan’s Trilogy came out but I am not in the habit of dissing one super hero if I like another one more. All are super heroes in the end (keyword being ‘Hero’). I was excited about ‘Man of steel’ coming out because it was being hailed as a true-to-the-comics depiction of superman and that meant lots of fist fights and shattering buildings. Who wouldn’t wanna pay to watch man of steel wreak havoc like that so I went along. The toad theatre was showing it in 3d which, by the way, I am sick of. I am kinda over this whole 3d charade. I enjoy movies more in 2d now. 3d quality isn’t that great in toad cinemas here and makes the movie experience annoying rather than larger than life.

Nevertheless we go to our seats and watched the movie. It was definitely an amazing version of superman and was created in an excellent fashion.

Enough about the movie.

Now you all toad folks, you freakin listen to me.

I sound pissed right? Damn well I am.

You all need to learn how to watch a movie in theatre. Don’t look so astonished, I am looking at you. yes YOU!

Read the following lines carefully and may God give you the capacity to get your brain around these and act on this the next time you go watch a movie.

• First of all SHUT UP. Just freakin SHUT UP. Everyone is watching a movie they have paid for it. Stop talking in between. It is rude. We cannot hear the movie properly and it is distracting. If you have to talk why don’t you go to a café. Have a nice cup and talk about whatever the hell you want. Why in theatres? seriously jeez!

• All you guys using your cellphone just to see through your old messages? Come on man, you are half way into the movie and you want to read your old messages? The cellphone light is the only light apart from the screen and it is so distracting. Also please keep your phone on silent, we don’t want to hear your Eminem/Usher ringtone in the middle of the movie. We know you are cool that way but don’t.

• Moms. Please don’t bring your kids from the age range of 6 months to 10 years to the theatres. It is a bloody violent movie. Kids are not suppose to see it in the first place. Just because it is superman or batman doesn’t mean it is for kids. It is for adults.

• Also Moms. Please don’t bring your kids because they don’t shut up. They will ask questions about every single scene that goes by and then ask you when you will take them home. When you say not now, they know only one way to react apparently. Crying and whining to take them home.

• Also Moms. If, despite all that, you decide to bring your kids then keep their legs in check. The person sitting in front of them does not really enjoy his chair being constantly kicked by them. No that is not adorable of your kids.

• Guys (from 16 onwards) We know you have the emotional capacity of an ant to handle intense dialogues and emotional scenes but does not mean others cannot handle them either. Stop cracking jokes when you see a sad scene on the screen. There was nothing funny about (spoiler alert) Jonathan kent dying. You did not have to laugh out loud on that.

• Guys (from 16 onwards) It is a great scale to measure your stupidity when you keep talking to each other during the dialogues and then later go out and say “Oh I didn’t get the movie. It was so stupid”. If you actually had listened to what they were saying you may actually have had understood some of what the movie was about. You are stupid, not the movie.

• Folks. Be at the movie on time. Its not like you didn’t already know when the movie was starting. plan accordingly and then have the pleasure of watching the whole movie rather than picking it up from the middle.

• Folks get your pop corns and cokes before the movie starts. you constantly going back and forth while moving in front of other audiences is frankly quite distracting ( if you didn’t already know it that is).

• Couples. You want to get all romantic and cuddly? Get a freakin room. Stop saying sweet nothings and laughing like khe khe khe in the middle of the movie. This is not twilight.

Please. You have spent your hard earned money on this ticket. Appreciate the worth of your and others money and respect others right to watch the movie peacefully.

That includes you too Scoopy.

“Scoopy gives a surprised shrug”.

Disclaimer: This applies to the toads and toadesses that do it. Those who do not do this during a movie, why don’t you toads come more often to the theatres when I am there. *sigh*

 

My Facebook Status (After I read it on twitter obviously):

 “Dear Americans, Iran and Iraq are countries, not Apple products.”

Scoopy’s Comment: ‘how comes you forgot Pakistan in that list?’

‘Comes’ was not a mistake. That is how he writes.

My reply (after marveling at the monstrous proportions of lack of common sense in scoopy) :

‘largely because pakistan is not prounounced as i Pakistan I guess’