Today Kira is part of a church launch. Is this not what we hope for? Our children to fly? I am so proud of her..her compassionate heart, the way she makes a grey sky blue, her unending love and grace, and the list goes on.

As she is flying, I am falling. Falling into words I was never meant to hear. Falling into my own tears. I should be flying. I need to close my eyes and fall into the arms that made me. I need to fall into the words He wants me to hear. I need to fall into His love and grace. Because only then, I can fly.

Today I found these. I smiled and cried. Some of you may see these and do an eyeroll. They are worn, plain, and maybe even boring., and what would these flip flops have to offer?These are my Rwanda flip flops. They have traveled with me three times to Rwanda.

They were stuffed in a suitcase waiting to be released.They are stained with red clay Rwandan soil. They have walked dusty roads in villages and played on school grounds. They have served food and served people. They helped me create a cement brick, and help build ( a small portion) of a brick wall. They have been in homes the size of my bathroom, and homes that were  physically collapsing around families. They have seen hunger and sickness, and death.   They have gone back to my  room with me at night, while I laid on the bed, under a mosquito net, and cried at injustice.

These flip flops were the first thing to be released from my suitcase, because they were home. They love the red clay, dusty roads, and the beauty of the land of a thousand hills- Rwanda.They loved the simplicity of the villages, and the smiles of the children on the school grounds. They were fine being laughed at by parents who wondered why I would chose to wear them to build a brick wall. They felt the love inside these tiny homes, and remember the beautiful people they met. They were with me when hugging women and laughing with children.  They knew that God had those sick and hungry people in His hands, and He sees them and cares deeply for them. These flip flops would be with me to praise Jesus at New Life Bible Church.

Have you ever felt like you were stuffed in a suitcase, waiting to be released? Have you ever felt worn, worn out, plain, boring,  or that you have nothing to offer? Have you cried or felt like crying because of injustice, or maybe injustice that was done to you? Perhaps it is all of the above. Perhaps you cannot see the dusty road ever ending, or beautiful rolling hills ever appearing. Perhaps you feel like your home or your life is collapsing around you, and there is no hope.

God wants you to find your flip flops. He wants to walk along side you down that dusty road, wipe your tears, and whisper to you, ” I love you. You may feel worn, but I will give you life. You may feel plain or boring, but you are beautiful because I made you. You may feel like you have nothing to offer. Please stop comparing yourself and trying to be something I did not create you to be. Offer yourself to me, and you will feel complete. ”

You will be released from your suitcase. You will see and feel joy and love. You will embrace the gifts He gave you, and shine bright. Your flip flops will carry you to the beautiful rolling hills.

“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me, will never walk in darkness, but will always have the light of life.” John 8:12

Today I woke up and it was a bad day. I have been diagnosed with Neuropathy( nerve damage). I have pain from my feet to above my knees. Some days are better than others. On the bad days, the pain is frustrating. I want to stay in bed, cover my head, and cry.

Today, I began praying to God, and tell Him I was frustrated, not just because of the pain, but because of things I cannot do, things that are limited, or limited in time.

i prayed for a word:

Confinement

I told Him I feel confined in my physical limitations.

I feel confined in my head, that because of this, I cannot do some basic things.

I feel confined because I feel weak and sometimes useless.

I began to complain about all the things that are difficult, and make me feel weak and lame.

One of these, is that my house and yard need are not how I want them to look-disarrayed.

God said, “Your heart and mind are disarrayed.”

-Your strength is mine. Ask for it.

-You forget I am holding you. Embrace it.

-You are placing your value on what you used to do, and not what you can do right now, through me. You have gifts- use them.

YOU ARE VALUED

-You are my daughter

– I  created you

– Stop mental thoughts of of limitations. You are creative-use it.

They are calling this a “Medical Mystery.” Several doctors ran over 100 tests, and could not find a reason for this.

Ok, I love mysteries. I have a classic collection of Nancy Drew And Hardy Boys hardcover books. I love puzzles and anything that moves my brain to unravel something.  I love watching Criminal Minds and Law and Order, books by mystery authors, and games that require solving a puzzle.

I am frustated when any of the aboved puzzles cannot be solved.

My nurse( of 20 years in her profession), told me she had not seen that many vials of blood.

I do not know how much blood was taken from my body, but I do know this:

THE BLOOD OF JESUS

-was more pain thn I can compare to mine

– He gave it to give everyone life and value in who God created us to be

Tonight, our family was in the living room. It turned dark with time. My daughter randomly turned on a small light that illuminated her face for a moment. I told her she was a portrait.

I believe the mystery to be unraveled is that God wants each of us to know that we are all special, unique, and valued by his artisic design. We just need to embrace His art.

Today our team took on the adventure to travel to Kayonza, Rwanda, where we would be assisting to help build a brick wall around the New Life Christian Academy campus. The bricks had been purchased, and the parents of the school have volunteered to build the wall. We were coming alongside them for the  day to help.

This day was a great example that God does not call the equipped, but He equips those who are called. We were given some tools, introduced to the parent workers, and were left to build The Great Wall of Kayonza. None of the parents spoke English. We each were pointed to an area to work. We all stared at each other like a deer in headlights, as we had never built a wall before. I am certain for a moment each of us were wondering why on earth we ever thought this would be a good idea, as well as the parents were probably wondering why on earth they were sent a group of unskilled white people to hand build a brick wall.

After receiving our job assignments,  it became clearly apparent that we were new at this type of work.  We heard the word “no” several times, or someone would politely take our tool and redo our work. We were impressed by how careful and precise the parents were about this creation. After about 15 minutes, one of the parents shouted something to the other workers. We were then each given a slow lesson on how to precisely do each job.  Soon we began to get smiles of confirmation that our work was up to their high standards. I believe there was a heart connection, and realization that we were there to help.

After about 20 minutes, we were working like a well oiled machine with interacting moving parts. We traded jobs that included fetching and pouring cement, carrying bricks, layering cement, laying bricks, and fetching water. The hot day began to fill with laughter and encouragement. The parents began to point to things to learn the English words for  them, and we attempted to do the same in Kinyarwandan.

We closed the day with hugs, a team photo, high- fives, and great memories. As we were leaving, my work partner, John, shouted to me the words he had learned, ” Tennis shoe, hat, brick, Good Job.”

Brick upon brick, a solid wall of teamwork, love, and respect was built.

I am back at my heart place in the Land of A Thousand Hills. Today we traveled to the community of Kayonza, where I was able to visit our sponsored girl, Valentine.

Last year I wrote about my visit with her. Valentine is like a daughter to me. She is beautiful in many ways, and her spirit is like a colorful firework display. When I sat across the table from her last Fall, my heart was broken as she began to tell me she no longer wanted to attend school. When asked what her plans were, she did not have any, and was perfectly content going back to her life of poverty.

Valentine has no parents. Her siblings did not want to care for her, so she had moved in with her grandmother, who could barely supply food  even once a week. Without encouragement from family around her, she had lost hope, and her dream of completing school and becoming a teacher was dying. Without words even being said, this was evident as her once glowing eyes, were now dim. I tried to speak words of love and encouragement, and at the same time, express my disappointment to her siblings in their lack of support. I left feeling heart broken and helpless. She had given up on herself, her life, and her dream.

I spent the year sometimes in tears, writing her letters and praying like crazy for God to speak to her heart. She tried to go back to school, and then three months later, received a note that she decided to leave, but was going to try a vocational beauty school.

Today i was able to visit he. She was taller, even more beautiful, and most importantly, the spark had returned to he eyes and her smile. We had two hours without a translator, but enjoyed hugs, holding hands, and laughing at secret things we do that we think are hysterical.

When we arrived at her home, I discovered that her sister had taken her in to live with her family. Valentine shared with me that she had three months left of beauty school, she loved it, and already had a few paying clients.  I asked her if she had goals for when she finished school, and she shared that she will look for a job in a salon, save money, and open up her own salon. She looked at me in full confidence and said, “When I began primary school, I wanted to be a teacher. When school got too hard, I became sad. Now I have a new dream to have my own salon and beauty school so I can teach other girls what I have learned, and they can have a new dream, too.”

Elohim-Yachai, The God of Hope, was clearly present. As we dove back to Kigali, the song ” Beautiful Things,” resonated through my head and heart. “He makes beautiful things out of dust. He makes beautiful things out of us.” He is and will forever make all things new.

Please- if you have read some of my Rwanda blogs, please read on..even if you start reading, and think you may have read this, or just skip to the end:)

My first time to experience Rwanda was in 2009. I was excited, and felt so blessed to be on this trip, to serve in many ways, and one of these, was to bring food to a refugee camp in Kageyo, Rwanda. We set out on our 2 ½ hour van ride to the refugee camp, where the people desperately needed this gift. As we traveled out of the city and passed through the Land of a Thousand Hills, I was captivated by the country’s beauty, the lush land, it’s people, the desire to forgive and forget the sadness of the past, and the focus on the hope of rebuilding a nation, and the hearts of the people of Rwanda.
When we arrived, children and families ran out to greet us. The community leader had food organized according to their family’s need, and we were scooping rice, beans, and maize flour depending on the size of the family. The leaders from Kageyo knew what was coming and how much to allocate. My first family had 6 members. The amount of food in their bag was what my family of 3 would consume in a less than a week without meat, fruit, and vegetables. It broke my heart. I struggled to breathe with brokenness, prayed, and I fell in love with the joy of the people, and their heartfelt thankfulness , for what I felt, seemed like such a light gesture.
Hunger was obvious in empty eyes and swollen bellies. I knew God asked me to just play and love on the children, so I sucked up my tears again and embraced the joy they had over tossing balls and jump roping. I broke the rules of going back to the van to eat my lunch and encountered three beautiful children sitting near the van, and split up my lunch to share between all of them. They devoured it faster than my dog that is well fed twice a day. I fell asleep that night praying with giant tears rolling down my face that God would sustain them with food and a passion for Him.
Less than a year later, Africa New Life came into this community fully. They opened up child sponsorship, and began managing the school. The love of Jesus has provided children to be sponsored, a church to be built, clean water, and children and families to have hope for the future.
Children’s lives are being changed in five communities through Africa New Life Ministries by sponsorship, education, and learning about the love of Jesus. However, sponsorship may provide them with a lunch at school, which may be the only meal they receive each day.
Food gives life and hope. The lack of food takes hope, and often: LIFE. If you have not already visited the website, please visit http://www.foodisrwanda.org and consider giving.

The following is My Truth:

I knew this campaign was rolling out. I have been excited. I have been praying that friends that know my heart, and people I do not even know, would click on the link and feel inspired to give, to provide a meal for a child who needs it, to have a heart for hunger, for justice, and to love a human life they may never meet. and feel inspired to change a life.
As I changed my Facebook cover photo earlier today, I looked down on my “To do” list for the day. Tears fell and I had to admit that despite my passion and love, my selfishness or laziness became a priority. One of the things on my list was to clean out the refrigerator. I have to admit, I actually could not accomplish this task. I saw hungry faces, faces that smile despite their circumstances, and my own lazy face staring back at me through an empty spoiled container.
Although, I did not clean the refrigerator, I did look at what was wasted..a ¼ of a bag of spinach meant for smoothies or salad; three containers of just a bit of leftover dinners untouched; and random cut vegetables and fruits that did not get eaten or repurposed. I added up what was spent (although numbers are not my favorite, I can be a bit geeky with them for personal purposes). I could have written a check for 18 meals.

If you have not, please look at the video and the impact just even and .83 cent meal will make.
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 23:40

Earlier today I was at the store and a man was shopping with three kids. One of the kids ran in front of me, bumped into me and fell. The man gruffly told me to watch where I was going. I apologized, but in my head I was thinking, “Who wasn’t watching where they were going?” A few minutes later the same little boy was wandering by himself. I asked him if I could take his hand and find his Dad, so we did. When we finally found him, he shortly thanked me and began scolding this little boy. One of the kids was whining they were hungry and the other one was grabbing things off the shelves and putting them into  the cart, and Dad was taking them out of the cart and putting them back. I could tell he was about to snap and asked if I could help him.

He looked at me funny and said, “What do you mean?” So I answered, “Well if you have a list, I could get the things, and you could take the kids to look at toys or tv’s or something. I’d offer to take them, but I am sure you don’t want to leave them with a stranger.” He swallowed hard, looked down  and said, “My wife died of cancer last month. I wish I realized how hard things like this were when she was alive. It’s obvious I am not great a multi-tasking with three kids.” I told him I was sorry, but I would like to help, to which he replied, ” I have a hard time accepting help, but today I will take it if you have the time.” He quickly made a list and I shopped.
When I went to check out, a cashier ran over to me, and said, “A gentleman pointed you out to me and he wanted you to have this.” She handed me a $25 Bath and Body Works Gift Card, and then said, ” He said to tell you thank you and this was one of his wife’s favorite stores. ”

This was just a reminder that things on the outside aren’t always what they appear: smiles and unpleasantness on the outside can be tears and pain on the inside. We all need to remember to have grace. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and the day where we celebrate Jesus’ birth: the giver of unending grace.

Today we visited the Dream Boys and participated in Hope Visits.

The Dream Boys have had a rough start at life. There are varying stories from each of them from fending for themselves on the street because their parents cannot afford to feed them, not having parents, and the list goes on, but they are now in a place where they can learn basic life skills, discipline, but most of all, that they are loved by staff at Africa New Life and, most importantly, loved by the God who created them and has a great plan for their future. God uses Marie and Moses to pour into their lives, and their love and care for these boys is beautiful. Doug and Sal shared their journey with the Lord and how God loves each of them fully.  We did a craft of making gliders and I wish I had the capability of posting the video of the launch of the airplanes flying across the room, and the excitement of their first pilot flight. My regret is that our time was brief, but I treasure these boys. I love their smiles and energy and it is a reminder that no what our life circumstances are, God wants each of us to have a dream and He is right next to us to help us keep believing in ourselves , so  dream big, because His accomplishments in our lives are endless.

The rest of the afternoon was spent doing Hope Visits. This is where the staff has determined a need and we bring food to that home, spend some time with them, pray for them, and invite them to church. I will change the names of the ladies we visited, as I did not ask permission to share their stories.

The first home we visited was Janie. She is a young beautiful mother of a precious eight year old girl. Janie was a prostitute and gave up the only source of income she knew to attend the Dream Beauty Academy. Her home was tiny. The main room was about 8′ x 4′ with a small sleeping room attached. There were a few leaks in the ceiling and it is currently the rainy season, so she and her daughter have to try and dodge the dripping spots, but when it rains hard, it is almost unavoidable, and everything in their home becomes soaking wet.  Janie shared she was scared the roof would fall on them. She is about ready to graduate from the school. and was excited about completing her goal. When asked if she was nervous at all about looking for a job, she smiled, and said, “No. I am praying for God to give me a good job, so I can move out of this place into a better house for my daughter.” It was such an honor to pray with Janie and am confident God will honor her dedication to Him and her daughter.

Our next visit was with Christal. She has a 2 1/2 year old baby girl who has been attending the Dream Daycare while Christal attends the tailoring program at the New Life Family Center. Her background is unknown , but she looked exhausted and very overwhelmed by life. Her eyes were empty and our hearts ached for her. She did not want to engage in conversation and you could feel the heaviness and burden she felt. Her home was small, and the few things she did share with us is that she wished for a job and a better place to raise her baby. May God give her the confidence in herself to use her new skills to achieve her dream.

Our last visit was with Katie, who is about to graduate from the New Life Family Center in the tailoring program. Although I did not ask her age, she was definitely one of the youngest in the program. She smiled almost the entire time during our van ride, and with the help of our translator, she shared of her time at school and her dream to have her own sewing machine and own a business or be a part of a Coop. She was alive with hope and all things seemed possible to Katie. We traveled for a while to her home. We ended up at this long steep road that led to the beginning of the journey to where she lived. The path was thin and rocky-not rocky steps-just rocks embedded into the wet clay dirt. It had been raining and was slippery as we traveled down the long steep slope to her home. Neighbors waved as we went by, as well as I am sure were chuckling, watching us struggle down the hill they travel daily.  When we finally arrived, her small home was at the edge of the hill overlooking a beautiful green valley of farmland. Although the view was lovely, her home was small like many we visited and there were several holes in the metal roof, which meant  when it rained, it was raining inside. When asked who she lived with, she ran outside and brought in a sweet six year old girl. Katie shared with us that this beautiful girl was her sister’s daughter. Her sister moved away and left this girl alone, so Katie is now raising her niece. She is struggling to pay the rent for this shabby home and is at risk of losing it. She has walked two hours each way to attend school at NLFC and said she had never been late. She has to leave her niece at home because she cannot afford school fees. Her dream when she graduates is to get a job, a better home, or at least be able to keep the one she has, and send her niece to school. Despite her circumstances, she was full of life, hope, promise, and love.

“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord: they are plans for peace, not despair, to give you a future filled with hope. ” Jeremiah 29:11

The van was filled with small gifts and anxious friends as we headed to Kirehe Resettlement Camp. The long drive was beautiful as  we made our way over the roads and through the Land of a Thousand Hills with it’s lush greenery occasionally splashed with color from flowers, buildings, and people. We had been told a little of what to expect and were asked to “bless the children.”  We were bringing school supplies, jump ropes, balls, and our hearts.

Two months prior, in Tanzania, several people of  Rwandan descent, were asked to leave the country and go back to Rwanda, leaving almost everything they owned. Many of these encounters to send them away were not peaceful. They were placed on a bus and left at the border, most, leaving the only home they ever knew, and arriving only with the clothes on their back. The government has built long wood and tarp “blocks” to provide shelter for the families, and the World Food Programme is providing the families with food. Africa New Life has wood and tarp classrooms for the children, as well as a main area for church and meetings.

When we entered the classrooms, the children were smiling, but you could feel the pain blowing through the walls. Many of us had to hold back tears. from the heaviness we felt. We went from classroom to classroom sharing a bible story, and handing out school supplies. The kids were patiently waiting to receive them, and although they were grateful for them, their biggest prize was receiving a hug. Most of the kids were obviously still  hungry and lacking nutrition, but they were also hungry for a simple touch of love and hope.

We heard a story from a 10 year old boy who shared that his life in Tanzania had been good. He had a job as a house boy, and then his family was asked to leave. He shared that there was often violence in asking the families to leave their homes, and many people were hurt and put into jail. At his young age, he was placed in jail. He stared down at the floor and tears began to flow from his eyes as he shared that he had been there an entire week. He did not elaborate what went on there, but we knew it was not good and something that would take a while for him to share, if ever. He went on to say, that he was eventually let out and placed on the bus to Kirehe. Although, life was good before being sent away, he was now grateful, because he is able to attend school for the first time. In the midst of his pain and tragedy, he was able to see a silver lining in it all. We can only pray that God can strip away the pain that lines his heart.

It had been pouring down rain, but we were all blessed with a break in the rain just when it was time for them to go out and play. Richard, the camp director, divided the children into groups and we all had a great time playing “cow, cow, goat( our version of duck, duck, goose},” jump rope, volleyball, soccer, etc. It was fun so see smiles and hear laughter. Some children just wanted  a hand to hold: a little reassurance in the midst of a storm.

We went to take a tour of the camp. Our hearts were overwhelmed with so much need. Yes, they had shelter and a little bit of food, but there was so much more they needed. A recent storm ripped the roofs off of the shelters, and although they were repaired, there are still more storms to come with no promise that the structures will last through them. It also damaged the main building where church, meetings, and the preschool class is held. One hundred sixty three young children were standing in muddy puddles, most of them barefoot. One of the main cooking areas came down and was destroyed. As we walked down the row of blue tarp homes, you could feel the burden, and see it in the eyes of the adults as we walked past them. Many of their eyes looked empty, lost, and broken. Three older gentlemen sat on a bench expressionless, almost as if they still were not certain what happened to the only life they knew, and somehow they arrived in this place filled with uncertainty for their last days of life.  The list of basic needs is great, and we knew the biggest need is that of God’s comfort, as He is the only one who could possibly bring peace and comfort  to a situation that seems frightening and hopeless.

In the midst of all of this, we were able to encounter some beautiful people God has sent to Kirehe to pour His love into this place and these people who desperately need His Word and promises. One of these people, was a wonderful lady, Pinina, who is among the refugees, and upon their new fate, immediately began sharing the Word of God with them and trying to fill their hearts with His hope. Richard, who is in charge of the camp, has a compassionate heart and drive to love and serve and share the need to provide for them. There are six volunteers who are helping to teach the children (800 of them are currently attending classes); two of these people are a couple, who are refugees themselves. If you are reading this and are compelled to pray for Kirehe, please also pray for those who have risen up in faith to serve selflessly and that God would cover them in many ways. Pray for provision for all basic things needed and bibles to be sent to encourage broken hearts.

As a team, our hearts were heavy last night, tears fell as fast as the rain for some, but we knew it was because God washed over our hearts and blew in a seed that planted a desire for justice, love, and His glory to grow and reign over this place in Rwanda.

“So you see, we are shown to be right by God by what we do, not by faith alone…Just as the body is dead without breath, faith without deeds is dead.” James 2: 24,26

Today began with a promise to be special as i was traveling on the road to Kayonza to spend time with our sponsored daughter, Valentine. She is the same age as Kira, almost 16 years old. She is beautiful and her smile lights up the world. She is fun loving, strong, a bit stubborn, and  completely honest  with her feelings. Behind this beauty and smile, is a life filled with tragedy, hunger, struggles, and pain. A sweet innocent child who was handed a life that no child deserves. As she has slowly shared her past and current life with me, my heart has broken for her many times,  I did not physically give birth to her, nor can I adopt her into my home, but God clearly said to me that she was my daughter and he was entrusting me to pray for, and care for her anyway He asks of me.  I know I cannot take away the pain the loss of her parents, or any time she was hungry or felt alone and scared, I can love her, pray for her and ask God to supply the comfort and provision she needs.

We met at the school and it was beautiful to watch her and Kira hold hands, smile, and play together. They are sisters in heart, and do not need to speak the same language to love one another. As a mom, I smiled sweetly as they walked together, and although they have only met twice, their bond is natural and God gifted. We traveled to her home, and I was certain we had just driven past it when we turned onto a familiar road: the one that led to her grandmothers home. I asked the interpreter, “Did she move in with her grandmother?” His answer was, “Yes, some months ago she moved in with her.”

Valentine’s father died in the Genocide, and her mother died shortly after from malaria leaving Valentine, and two older brothers and sisters. We began sponsoring her 5 years ago when she was 11 years old. It was her first opportunity, and the only person in her family, to be able to attend school, so at this age, she entered first grade and we have loved watching learn, grow, and flourish into a beautiful, vibrant young woman.

We quickly arrived at her grandmother’s home where several family members were waiting, but I  noticed her home was not the same. There was always music playing from a radio transmitter on the side of her home, several chickens and goats, and the neighbor family to greet me. There was no music, no livestock, and no neighbors. I received the family’s hugs and went in the house to spend time with her. After congratulating her on her recent promotion to fourth grade, she looked down, and said, what was translated, as, “I no longer wish to attend school.” This is a life crisis for her, but I simply asked her to explain and she answered with, “It is a long walk, it is difficult, and I am old.” I turned to the translator and told him I could not respond to her until he told me what he thought about the situation to which he quickly responded with, “I am 50-50. Attending school until at least sixth grade gives her a better start at life, but she has to choose this for herself.  She has no one to support her going to school. Her family cannot provide, and at 16, she has to make this choice on her own. Her grandmother has taken in her sister, her three children, as well as the neighbor’s three children after her neighbor’s death. There has been little food.Valentine has until the end of the holiday break to make her decision.” I will not go into all our conversation, but I will share that I had to fight back the tears that were wanting to flood the room. On one side of this room were a group of people who are cheering her on, believe in her, and desperately desire a promising future for her, and on the other side, I knew she was looking into a mirror of her past. The people on the other side, in their own way, wanted the same thing for her, but because they never had it or knew how to achieve it, could not, and being consumed  in their own world, did not support her. My heart ached for this war in her mind and her heart.

We continued to talk and at her request, prayed for her decision and “peace” in her family.  As I prayed those words, her family began to weep and  when the prayer was over, they all enveloped me in hugs. At this moment, I experienced a personal crisis of faith: not faith in Christ, but faith in the fairness of life.  We were almost ready to leave, and  I heard our driver ask the people piling in the van to step aside, I looked up and her family was outside, and he shared that they wanted to say goodbye. They begin to climb in one by one and hug me tightly, and say, “Ndakukunda,” (I love you).  I am not sure if the return to the van was from the prayers for peace or because they knew what her decision would be. I fought back the tears until now when I could freely let them flow. I need to trust that she will listen to God’s heart, and as trustingly as He gave her to me, it may have been brief, and I may have to return her to Him and have faith He will change her life.