I’m in a tight spot at the moment. Last night, I found out some tough news about some close friends of ours and even through their story doesn’t involve me at all, I am so consumed by sadness about their situation that I’m having a hard time just getting through the day today because I’m so distracted. I have been fighting tears since I first heard the news, but I’m not totally sure why, because suddenly every problem I’ve had and everything I’ve complained about in the past year now seems stupid and irrelevant. So as usual, I have to write about it to sort out my feelings and see where I’m at.

Since it’s not my story to tell, I’m not comfortable sharing anything about what happened. But it has made me question my definition of friendship, of love, and what it means to be a Christ Follower. Luckily, the latter is giving me the strength to get through the other two questions. But I still feel so burdened. Part of me wants to just ask “WHY did you do that?!?” …along with many other ‘why’ questions. But the truth is, I either already know the answer, or it’s irrelevant because it’s none of my business.

Earlier this year, I casually started a reading plan to read through the Bible in a year. Much to my surprise, I’ve actually stayed pretty committed to it and am scheduled to finish it before Baby #2 arrives. (I start Romans today!) And reading this amazing book and trying to study it and remember most of it and learn as much as I can from it, I have learned one critical piece of information: We are all sinners. The degree to which one may sin in comparison to another is irrelevant. As a whole, humans suck. And the human nature of our selfishness is an ugly beast at times. And I’m no different. I’m working on the plank in my eye on a daily basis. So, sinners, take comfort. You are not alone. But you know what the good news is? We serve a very forgiving God. A God who gave His only son as a sacrifice for all of us to share in that forgiveness and be wiped clean. All we have to do is ask. And the situation with these friends is no different. None are completely innocent. Yet none are out of reach of asking for God’s grace.

But asking is so hard. Especially when shame gets in the way. It’s funny because, with my background in Psychology, I often fantasize about writing a doctoral dissertation. If I did, I could sum up the world’s woes in just a few sentences: So many problems of the human condition are caused by low self-esteem, and so many problems of the human condition are solved with communication. But that’s a post for another day.

Think about it, though. Why is it so hard to reach out sometimes? Sure, sometimes our shame is a huge burden and we don’t want anyone to know about our sins so we keep them secret. But what about when that shame is all in our head? I wrote a post a while back about why I quit Facebook and it had a lot to do with friendship and boundaries. For me, quitting Facebook has erased blurry lines and I am more clear about where I stand with many people. The friendships that were strong are now stronger without the distraction of Facebook, and the friendships that were weak are now nonexistent because the façade Facebook creates is now gone. And personally, I’m much happier with things this way. Yet, I still wonder if some of those weaker friendships would have survived if I had been better about reaching out. Or if they had. In college, I learned that helping someone through a crisis tends to bond those two people together. And it works both ways. Sure it makes sense that the one in crisis would be open to bonding, but the helper? Research says yes. If you want to get someone to like you, ask them to do you a favor. Could it really be that simple? I don’t know. Personally, I suck at this sort of thing so I’d probably be a bad example anyway. But I will say that it sounds an awful lot like prayer. God asks us continually to just get down on our knees and talk to Him and then we will know Him better. While it’s true that it might be easier said than done, that’s where I’m at today. Down on my knees, I want to give this burden to Him and pray He helps my friends through this rough time. And that everyone finds peace with it. Including me.

In the meantime, this song is on my heart today. I’m praying my friends can lay down their burdens with God and find closure through this crisis.