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@Weigard I think this is the start of a painful friendship. Tell the gf I’m incredibly sorry.
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I’m going to find an abyss to stare into. Thanks to @tweetdvds for sharing the pain!
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3 Mustketeers: No muskets, written, produced and directed on a dare to avoid taxation.
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Just so you’re aware, the only word in the title of this movie that isn’t a lie is “The.”
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Tough choice: Bed or Suicide. Just like the Dumas family must feel right now.
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I think the most memorable thing I’ll take away from this film are the fancyboy fashion arguments. And the name Mills Havoc.
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The end song is “Whoa-oh-oh, when we were young” repeated over and over. Nicely sums up the film.
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“Based on the novel ‘The Three Musketeers’ by Alexandre Dumas.” Playing kinda fast and loose with the definition of “based on” there, boys.
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Shot in Germany, for the vistas and tax breaks.
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OH GOOD THEY LEFT IT OPEN FOR A SEQUEL
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@Weigard That was simply a terrible film. As an experiment though, i think this was a success.
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Wait so the Musketeers’ whole plan was to make Richelieu look like an okay guy?
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Best. Coda. Ever. #waitforit
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If you take out all the parts that make no sense this movie is basically a male version of She’s All That.
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I’d like to point out that Orlando Bloom is still alive. and probably Mila Jovavich. Fingers crossed for a sequel.
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@Weigard 2 crashed blimps and 40 dead henchmen and 3 months salary
In reply to Michael Gallinari
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All this over a necklace.
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Guys let’s crash a blimp onto Notre Dame that won’t piss off UNESCO or anything.
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“Lets do all this cocaine and write a 3 Musketeers movie.” Should they use muskets ever?” “*Snort* Have you seen Oceans 11?”
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90 MUSKETLESS MINUTES
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Bad Guy just shot his blimp pilot for questioning orders. It’s okay, I’m sure France is just teeming with blimp pilots.
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@Weigard A blimp fight in a lightning storm. just like Empire Strikes back.
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70% of this movie is filler, which leaves 30% for the “plot”. Which was pieced from Oceans 11 and Marie Antoinette.
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“Hey @tweetdvds let’s watch The Three Musketeers. It might be bad but at least there won’t be a goddamn blimp fight.”
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“I hate air travel”-said by a man that is on the first air travel ship. Can we at least define our terms?
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Walk the plank. Off our airship. That’s over teh ocean. Which is something that will kill you. #she‘llbeback
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Theyre towing Mills Havoc’s carriage in their steampunk blimp they stole from the Tower of London and oh my god there’s still 35 minutes.
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@Weigard They also threw comically large, Spy Vs. Spy bombs. No muskets yet.
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WAIT, the whole “lets break into Buckingham palace” was a decoy? REALLY? they took a long time setting that up for no payoff
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The Musketeers still have not wielded muskets. A flamethrower yes, but no muskets.
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Wait, how did they steal the steampunk airship?Seriously, did they even allude to that?
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Orlando Bloom thought he was auditioning for “Velvet Goldmine 2: Electric Eyeliner.
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Whoever wrote the score just Danny Elfman’d the fuck out of it.
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@Weigard I kissed your mouth that way too. #notaburn
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FUN FACT: “Milla Jovovich” autocorrects into “Mills Havoc.”
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Where’s Don Cheadle? #oceans11mashedupwith3musketeers
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Sweet jesus, Milady has now put the hood up on her dress three times. #characterchoice
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“Go so you can come back.” This was a line. A line in a movie that cost millions of dollars to make.
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D’Artagian kisses like my gay friends kissed girls before they came out. What if they’re all gay? #moreinterestingthantheactualmovie
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Musket sighting! (Not used by Musketeers.)
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MINUTES: 60 MUSKETS: 0
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the crux of this film is that the musketeers have to retrieve a necklace. We get this at the 1 hour mark. #ohheresthatplotIwaslookingfor
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1 hour down, 50 minutes to GO??? This is Paul WS Anderson’s “Citizen Kane”.
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The only continuity this movie has shown is the revisiting of bitchy remarks about fashion.
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So I guess the Musketeers are trying to save the people of France. Problem is, every Frenchman in this movie so far has been kind of a dick.
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There are enough fashion jokes in this film that I’m sure Bravo is a sponsor. #watchwhathappensnext
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I think i’m in the minority, but Mila Jovavich does nothing for me. Maybe if she was a squirter…
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Can we see a pair of tits? I only ask because its the only thing that will keep me awake.
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I don’t think this movie has a bad guy. I mean everyone is kind of an asshole but nobody has shown any kind of agenda.
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Where is the sun? Milady said the sun was going to make her pass out, but there isn’t a light in the sky?
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Orlando Bloom’s character is a cross between Sir Walter Raleigh and every Orlando Bloom character.
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Congrats France you invented a shitty blimp.
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Orlando Bloom couldn’t look more like a female drag queen if he tried.
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I’m going to just assume this movie is a David Bowie video. It makes more sense that way.
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The costumes remind me of a brainstorming session where “No” wasn’t uttered. More is more is exhausting.
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Everyone looks like they can’t believe they’re in this fucking movie.
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The king looks like a guitarist in Skid Row. Which would be an awesome soundtrack to this POS
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@Weigard I’m sorry you won’t be getting laid tonight. The kings hat dries up all vagina’s.
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My girlfriend is on the couch in utter disbelief that we stopped watching Game of Thrones for this.
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I think D’artanion went to the Point Break school of accents. #IAMANFBIAGENT!
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Aaa and I think Athos just threw a sai. A FUCKING SAI
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30 minutes in. The Musketeers have wielded rapiers, crossbows, explosives, flails, daggers, pistols, and throwing knives. No muskets.
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This is just like Seven Samurai, except everything. #guninmouth
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Paul WS Anderson went to the Zack Snyder School for Sputtering Fight Scenes.
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Its not even like they’re trying. And is the implication that all these guards are dead? Musketeers are butchers, not heroes.
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Christoph Waltz is playing chess in a room with a Risk board for a floor. Which I have to admit is pretty ballin’ on Christoph’s part.
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The sets are left overs from Sophia Coppala’s Marie Antoinette? Is this some Uwe Bowel film/tax break?
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Christoph Waltz? are you fucking kidding me? Do villains come in bulk?
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So far this movie is indistinguishable from a trailer.
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This feels more like the cut scenes of a video game than an actual attempt at a script. #imfeelinglikedrinkingtonight
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In a world where all the Frenchmen have British accents, the actor that doesn’t even try to speak with any accent is king.
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The big bad from Casino Royale? SAG/AFTRA joined up just in time.
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@Weigard I’m not sure why musketeers use swords. shouldn’t they use muskets?
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It only took eleven minutes for this movie to completely baffle me.
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Orlando Bloom is the big bad? With a fake nose. #alanrickmanssloppyseconds
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is that oil or water? #badsfx #shitshow
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If every movie is to believed, then da Vinci was the busiest motherfucker ever.
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The 3Ms only kung fu around chicks with heaving bosoms. Actually maybe this flick is onto something.
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Anderson gives the Human Centipede guy a run for his money in shoddy direction.
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Mila Jovavitch plays Milady. Not M’Lady. Thank god English is mailable. Oh and showing the names of the characters=brilliant. #sarcasm
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Athos: Some sort of water ninja with umbrella crossbows. Glad to see we’re sticking to canon.
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First scene is a rip off of Assassins Creed. Even Public Domain properties have to be influenced by video games.
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This movie opens with the most boring game of Warhammer 40K ever.
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Released by Constantin Film. “Hey buddy. Buddy. You like make film yes?”
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Smart to open with a shot of a map. Lets us know it’s on Earth. #it‘snotboogienights
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Remember that movie where Sam Worthington played Kenny Powers on a ledge? Do you don’t.
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And pressing play…#muskiefest2012 Perhaps the worst hashtag of all time.
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Watching a featurette, Paul anderson is about as unattractive as you would think. And British. Which is like a -5 to all stats.
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Tweeting 2011’s The Three Musketeers with @tweetdvds. Hoo boy.
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Tonights films is 2011’s Three Musketeers, directed by Paul Anderson. Joining me is @Weigard in an experiment of dual tweetdvd’s. #goodidea?
tweetdvds 