It has been a while since I stopped updating my blog!
Well, here I am again!
This is the start of the new chapter of my blog. Here I come!
monday blues
My gosh!! it is MONDAY again!!!!!! i have difficult times whenever i need to go to the office. hell, i need to act like a lady..hmmm..a real lady persay…grrrrr..i hate wearing high heels..hmmmm..i miss the times when i just wear clothes whish is really so comfy for me.like wearing shorts ,shirt, or even sleeveless, and slippers on my way to english island. but,,,really this time its pretty different! the lady guard in the building always tease us that we cant enter the building unless i and the rest of the teachers are wearing that girly stuff! it is precisely monday blues!
how do you…???
~~~: “how do you heal a broken heart that feels like it will never love this much again…!!!”
comments please 🙂
hehehhe,,
one hello
i used to think i can’t meet anybody whom i would trust again after such an experience.for me, it isnt easyto trust. i always have doubts in my heart and in my mind when talking about “men.” my mind says it’s really ok to go on dates but my heart seems blocking my every senses.
i used to talk with this person after my classes. i am used to his jokes and his bein him when he is around. i feel something i really cant understand. it’s….wahhhhh!! i cant utter any!!!hmmmm..maybe……….safe! ah,,that’s it!!!! he seems a good person. i am glad meeting him today. he is the first who accompanied me in the gate of our office building! whatever….hehehe,,i feel so ew-ew..gosh!
time flies!
time flies.
it has been two months since i left my “writing career.” i missed the people whom i’ve been with for almost seven months..(probably seven months???? am not sure..)
hi guys:) i hope you’re all doing fine! i am doin pretty good as well. two months of thinking things over.,,i think i am contented with the kind of life i have right now. though problems are still there whether or not i am conscious about them. i also had lots of good times with my colleagues here..
last month, we went to argao. we did have an unforgettable night swimming there. i, together with the manager and co-teachers, enjoyed that night. i did have a relaxed mind when i was there. i thought of doing it again..[but with only one companion or two] ,,,,,,eeheehheehehe.
my last post
i want to save the best for last…as the song goes…but i am lost!!
my last day…ironically, i feel sad in one way or another.
i am sad coz i’ll miss the people..il’ll miss these really genius guys in the office.
but, i am happy for i will fulfill my dreams. i learned many things from these guys. These things leds me to discover what i wanted to do in my life.
though i can say that my feelings towards my family isn’t that good, i still need to go on. i have many questions but the answers are so few [from the line of a song].
some people might say i am too mean to my parents but they are leading me to it. i hate when coming home and just sleep for four hours or so and they are not doing something to help. when in return it is not my responsibility to do it. i may sound that i don’t care but it is really like a punishment for me.
personally, i like to help my sibblings. being the eldest, as what they are thinking, i need to provide the needs of “their” family. it’s making me nuts! i hate the situation and myself! coz i can’t do leave them. there’s a force holding me back every time i think of not going home. im so silly.
silly and always murmuring…i don’t understand! i don’t know where i stand now. i told them to help me but they aren’t doing anything.
sometimes, i feel guilty bec. i am treating them bad. i can’t help it! just Lord help me to overcome this kind of attitude. the feeling that you are helpless, huh! it sucks~!!! i can relate to the story i’ve read, it is better tolive not with your bloodlines. i am like using a weighing scale, as my sign says, a libra girl, i am making things in order. not too bad and not too good. just….just!!! i really cannot fathom how is it like when i am not..there…
when i am not existing..when i leave…when i choose to be away..what would their lives be???
i thought the situation would be better, but it is not. i mean me..i am more like out of this world. seems i am not me anymore. i used to be braver, full of hopes, full of life……but..time has come for me to discover the other side of my personality. i realize i am selfish and mean….to them.,…but hell i can’t stop myself!!!
can somebody help???? huh!!! but my heart says nobody can help me fully aside from myself…sucks really~!!!!
i wanna save the best for last…coz i know they are not going to help me in the future coz they are going to have
their own lives..so, i have to live on my own and i hope somebody will help…
leisure page..:)
my last two days in the company,,,waiting for my sets to be revised. i am just reading the script of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” i find it really interesting. i like stories of vampires, super heroes, and supernatural creatures. geeeee!!! i just love it! it is even more real than love stories i bet! i even read it while having classes..(bad teacher) yeah, really! i can’t just get enough of it! i am now in season 2 and i’m done with season 1. that’s how crazy i am if i love the story. i don’t get even if i can’t finish it as soon as possible. like last month, when i didn’t have any classes, i watched movies on “youtube” or “crunchyroll”( thanks to them.) if my memory serves me right, i’ve done watching these movies:1. The Devil Beside Me 2. Coffee Prince 3. Death Note 4. One More Chance 5. Autumn Tale 6. Fallen 7. Spring waltz 8. Sukob……….and a lot more!!! i just couldn’t remember the others. also, i did watch “georangers” (popularly known as “power rangers’) and x-men!!! i am still going to watch more movies…and read more “vampire” stories..
(am just bored..so, better to write…) hehehehe
anatawa ann sensei desu..sayonara
six more days to go and i am off.
things like making a “decision” isn’t that easy. you have to think of lots of possibilities that may come your way. i can’t really say whether i am making such a good decision or not. either it is a good choice or not, I just have to face its consequences. there are times that i think i cannot deal the situation or the problem itself. i need a space and a peaceful mind to think about “these” things.
i made a choice. …..
i suppose it is the bravest thing i made in my whole life…
staying here isn’t just an experience, i did get the only thing that i wanted to know best in life. it is something that I really would “WANT” to do. also, i have learned many things i did not even know before. in addition, i did learn the simple things in life that made great changes in my personality.
i couldn’t reckon what lies ahead but i hope i still can handle things out.
again…..
coz i think that being a sensei is what i want to do..
ate m: thank u for always being there..hehehhehe. ikaw nlng isa mag taxi padung office..
vet: thanks,,thanks,, see you sa ym,,ehehhhee,,if dili ka busy..uuu
rexxie, kendee, lex, ichel, kath, nash, jette, riz, justin, cj, and marche: – i’ll miss you guys – see you sa blogosphere nlng-:)
ps. kendee- u have to have another “coffee mate” na…ehhehehe
why?
january 31, 2007
10:30pm
i received a text message from my sibbling..another problem again,,,and i just had a miserable talk with the person i thought is a “friend”….i’m wrong…absolutely wrong..it made me feel like HELL!and….if there is a place worse than hell then it would be..
ps: why do i have to carry it all? i am not a superwoman! i can’t measure how long will the thread of patience go….i would want to get a scissor and cut it out but it seems like “scissors” do not exist! i bet i will call it a deep unspeakable suffering! why does it have to be like this? when work is pretty good then why in just a blink you’ll know something has gone worst than ever! i don’t understand! i guess writing is just the only this time to express how i feel…i am thinking of the ways how am i going to surpass all these things. my life whenever i’m not at work is all a misery itself. i hate it. i don’t understand why i need to experience such..i am like buried in the shadow of someone elses’ that i don’t know how to escape..
if only i can get the missing piece of this difficult puzzle then…i wouldn’t be like this……………..
they are making me their hope and refuge myself…but my question.is……..are they thinking who’s MINE? did it come to their minds?
but…. i think i would be so coward if i would just give up this way. i know there are lots of people who understand, who are there…and whom i consider as “reasons” to GO on……..
a beautiful disaster…
I think I’m lost for a century but this time I know where I’m heading. 🙂
I’ve always wanted to forget “you” but it seems scorpions stinging into my very soul.
When you hold me I feel the warmth I’ve been longing for..I’ve been trying to ignore the feeling but hell I can’t! Seeing you is all that matters because right then and there, I know it’s YOU I’ve always wanted to cling to.
An hour before I met you, a person sent me a message saying that he’s been missing me like hell. I didn’t mind it. He tried to call but Ididn’t answer. He’s doing it for ages already. I don’t want to hurt him because he is also a dear companion. I told him I adore somebody so that he would stop doing it. That I can only offer my friendship to him. He said it is OK as long as I won’t stop him expressing his feelings for me. I don’t know what to say or either do about him. I don’t want him to long for me as much as I do for you. If only I can teach my heart to fall for him I will. If only……
I think the path I am going through is just worth it. I don’t have any regrets. I’ve known why i am born and whom i am born for. I am not hoping that you do the same but what you are doing is just what I need.
Thank you…thank you for being the piece I need to complete the puzzle of my life! I will keep my hands holding on to yours….
Lessons:
1. Take risks but be careful when you fall….in LOVE!
2. “Expect the unexpected!”
3. There is such thing as “beautiful disaster!” 🙂 🙂 🙂
Unchained Sensei 