Life Moving On

Sorry, easier to do this here so I can find it easily when I need to.

The kids have been with the ex for the last two weeks. On Monday July 6 he took KB to the dr for ear pain. I couldn’t get an answer from him until the next morning what was wrong with her because his girlfriend doesn’t like him talking to me, even if it is about the kids’ health. She had wax buildup and it was irritated but not infected. He did not get the prescription the dr gave him filled. He says because she didn’t really need it, she is under the impression it was because he couldn’t afford it. She came home on Sunday night and has been in pain with her ear ever since. He told me when he dropped them off that he was putting a drop of olive oil in her ear instead of the prescription. So that night I ran down to the store and got medicine for swimmers ear because he said it only bothered her a little after swimming.

She had been swimming on Sunday and then swam Monday at a friend’s house. She took her drops with her and used them but called during the night because she was hurting. There was nothing I could do for her and I didn’t want her waking up the mom to leave in the night so I got her first thing this morning. When I asked him for the prescription so I could get it filled, he suddenly will take care of it. Rather than deal with me, he is going around me to my mother who has KB today so I can work.

And then there is the whole issue of WT working for him this summer but J decided to hold WT’s money rather than give it to him until they can set up a savings account. J already owes WT $1000 of money he borrowed from him years ago when WT had another job. J owes me $3000 in back child support. WT can have $100 in his wallet for over 2 months without spending it. Why not let WT have his money that he earned? The kid is 15, certainly of an age to handle his own money and he will do a better job of it than J ever would. So after I talked to J about it, he gave WT almost all of his money. Not surprising, J is a little short having all of it. J is an independent contractor so WT is technically working in a family business and many of the standard rules don’t apply to him. But WT wants to work with his dad so I’m letting him.

While the kids were with the ex, they had like seven kids at the house and WT felt like he was always being blamed for everything that happened. Then last night he was holding Ju-Ju’s little toy dog when he was needed for something. He admits he was kinda tossing the dog onto the furniture when she took a leap out of his hands. The combined actions made it look like he threw the dog and Ju-Ju absolutely lit into him. WT said that later Ju-Ju said that she was overwrought with the stress of so many kids and that J only kinda stood up for him. J is now trying to say that the reason Ju-Ju treats these other kids over there better than she does my kids are because she feels closer to those other kids because they are family (cousins and such). Gee, that’s a way to make the boyfriend’s kids feel really welcome and part of a family. WT doesn’t want to go over there much to begin with and I think these two weeks might have sealed the deal. I don’t have to sabotage his relationship with his kids. He does really well on his own. I used to try to defend him to the kids but I just can’t keep doing that.

J is still wanting to move out of Ju-Ju’s house but he doesn’t have a place to go. It is hard. His income is inconsistent and with his medical issues, he is afraid of trying to manage a rent until he knows more about how things are going to work on his own.

So I offered last year when he was in the hospital for him to come and live at my house. He could room with C as a boys’ room and KB could sleep in my room since she spends part of the night in there every night anyway. At the time, he didn’t want to take the offer but now things are bad enough he is considering it. There are definitely some boundaries and time limits to be set but there are pluses for me. He would be able to take care of some of my minor maintenance issues I have been avoiding. It would take some of the pressure off of me on dealing with the kids. He would be able to get the damn garage cleared out.

I know many would say I’m insane for doing this. But I don’t want him living with his parents because when he has the kids over there, they get yelled at by his father a lot. His brother’s house has as even more tension than he has in his current living situation. He deeply loves his kids and misses being with them more. We might not be what people think of as a family any more but we still are in many ways.

We lived together just fine in the past. No one realized we had problems because we were never the kind to yell at each other so when we told the kids, they were blindsided because they never saw any signs of problems.

Yup, he’s on the outs with his girlfriend. Big whoop. Since he is talking about living in his pop up camper at the local campsite, I’m betting his single nature won’t last long. One of the best lines about this came from my sister who said that is one step away from being homeless. Whatever. He likes to talk about being a camper and roughing it, but I bet life in the camper gets old really quick, especially since it has no restroom in the camper. I have to admit, I hope he doesn’t live there long because he won’t be able to take the kids any during the summer and I do look forward to my mini-vacations from parenting. It isn’t that I don’t love my children, but there is a reason single custodial parents need the kids to spend time with non-custodial parent. Being a single parent is intense and we need time to recharge our batteries. I miss them when they are gone and I can’t stop worrying about them. But I am not play the ref to all of their squabbles and I’m able to just relax.

I got a call from the State Attorney General’s office on Friday. They were going to be processing paperwork to get a court date. Woohoo!!! He’s of course wanting to work this out with the court. Duh. I tried to explain to him that it is not working for me to try to collect from him. He gets me emotionally involved with all of his reasons he can’t pay which isn’t fair to me. They will be an unbiased third party. They have experience about what is fair in the collection, especially in regards to his upcoming surgery(ies). He needs to understand the child support is not optional but mandatory. He blames his girlfriend because she gets so upset when he pays me before paying his share of the bills around there. Well, if she was waiting for child support, she would be singing a different tune. But she should not be a factor in the equation. And now that I’m paying health insurance out of pocket, the problem has grown.

He makes all kinds of promises and he really means it at the time he makes promises. He is just bad about following through with his promises. He lets other things (and people) control his life. He’s not a bad guy, he’s just clueless.