Guess Who’s Back?

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I’m backkkkkk!! I’m not even sure why I took a huge break from blogging, I guess I just wasn’t into it as much and I’ve created an Instagram where I kind of vlog which seems easier than writing it all down..

But I’m back, now 24. I’d like to say older and wiser but I’d be lying to myself and to you, just the same old me.

J HAS LEFT THE ARMY! Finally turned into a veteran in January and although it’s been so weird having him home most the time apart from when he’s being a tanker wanker (his words I promise), it has been so much better! Financially and mentally. Not having to worry about if he’s going to be deployed and miss special occasions, never been able to book anything etc. So of course we booked our first family holiday abroad, then Corona happened (thanks to the twat that ate a dodgy bat).

So instead of getting excited to go to Greece where I’ve wanted to go FOREVER, I’m trying to deal with a toddler that’s hit terrible two’s slightly early with a temper and an attitude that would make our ancestors turn in their graves, keep him entertained and occupied even though he’s completely out of routine, can’t see his friends or family. Did I mention Josh is a key worker so still working? Oh yeah, seems to be having to work a lot of nights out too so back to ‘single mummy’ mode even though I’ve never been a single parent..

On the up side, I found a job! I started working a pub I used to before I went to uni at the beginning of February but then lockdown happened. I’m still lucky to be getting furlough pay, it’s not much but it pays for the extra toys I’m buying (and snacks and gin for mummy) to keep the monster distracted for a while.

Regarding lockdown, we’re hanging in there. I admit, I’ve probably put on about 3 stone and turning slightly into an alcoholic (when J is home so don’t worry parent police). R is struggling with no routine and is missing Daddy too but with lots of Paw Patrol and making random shit that literally ends up in the bin or through my parents post box as well as baking – which I now have requests from J’s tanker team because, and I quote, ‘we’re neglected and need feeding’. I mean they have wives but a lot of them stay out during the week and the ones that don’t, very rarely go home so that’s my mission for this weekend. They always complain J is spoilt but it’s literally because I’m bored. Luckily the weather has been mostly nice so we’ve been able to go for lots of walks to burn off some energy (and cake).

We (meaning I) are also in the process of getting R into his own room in his own bed :O!!!!! Well night 1 went fairly decent, took about an hour to get him to settle. Night 2 was a JOKE. I very nearly gave in, 2.5 hours it took for him to finally crash, a whole 150 minutes of me singing, shhing, stroking his hair etc, it is exhausting. But night 3, he was gone in 35 minutes, before 8:30pm! He’s only staying in for 4-5 hours but after co-sleeping for 21 months, I feel like super mum and give myself a huge pat on the back and a big bloody well done.

I’m not even going to try to say I’ll keep up with blogging this time because I don’t know how true that will be although I have downloaded the app to my phone so I don’t have too much off an excuse now.. but if I still have readers, thank you for being patient with me🥰

Cadie xoxo

October🎃

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Ah I love the 1st October because the next three months are the best of the year! The autumn colours, colder weather, chunky jumpers, big soft blankets, fluffy socks and cute film days! As well as Halloween, Bonfire Night and Christmas🥰

I haven’t got much planned for October and November but December is jam packed – or it will be when I book everything🙄

I’m so excited to do different activities with R and as a family because J doesn’t have much time left in the army so we can do proper family things together too which I seriously can’t wait for.

Also December brings Blogmas! I’m going to use this month for planning because December seems to be the only month I can manage to properly blog without failing to keep up with it🙈

Happy October everyone💙

Cadie xoxo

Hello September🍂

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September means it’s nearly Autumn, my favourite season😍

Quick update on the summer goals:

I managed to smash most of them except try a new recipe and the time capsule wardrobe! J’s Birthday was kinda ruined because he got put on guard so we had a surprise big family (my side) meal instead then a few drinks which was a good night. R’s birthday went amazing, I still can’t believe I have a 1 year old, the time flies by so much! We’ve had an amazing summer and it’s just sad that it’s over so quickly and J is on guard yet again.. I’ve even managed to go past my first milestone and only half a stone off my actual goal weight🙌🏻 I don’t know how because J is a feeder and we’ve eaten out so many times😩 the new recipe just got lost, I completely forgot about it and the capsule wardrobe just went down the drain but I do need some new clothes seriously – but that’ll probably have to wait until next month.

CHRISTMAS!

I am so excited for Christmas, I’ve made a huge start, written lists, budgeted for monthly spends at certain shops and already halfway through buying😂 Christmas when it’s not just yourself and on limited money is hard but I got this💁🏻‍♀️ the struggle is finding gifts that are special to each person that they don’t already have especially when your family is so awkward! We also have the issue with J’s family at the other side of the country and our families not getting on so we have to split ourselves fairly which is stressful in itself..

But before Christmas, there is Halloween and Bonfire Night. R was way too young to understand last year and I LOVE Halloween, I can’t pick which is my favourite between Christmas and Halloween.. I feel like R is still a little bit young for trick or treating but I’m sure we’ll figure something out. For bonfire night, there’s always a huge display a 15 minute walk from where I live so I’m hoping to take the little monster to that!

I know, I’m awful at keeping up with blogging but I will try🙄

Cadie xoxo

June 2019🌸

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Every time I promise myself I’m going to blog more, life just gets in the way! I never realised how hectic being a stay at home Mum, practically army wife so pretty much a single Mum too would be!

Life is getting easier now R is getting bigger, he’s nearly 10 months and he’s so so clever. Everything kinda seems to be settling down and falling into place more or less as how it should be. My mental health is actually the best it has been in forever and J is home soon! It’s ‘summer’ lol I live in England, I’m not sure what summer is but the weather is genuinely better, I’ve got a 21st and 1st birthday to plan and a whole family summer ahead of us! So on that note, I’m going to do goals but this time, it’s gonna be summer goals instead of monthly😂

  1. Get to my first milestone in my goal weight. I’ve already lost quite a bit with J being away but he’s got a list of food he wants to have when he comes back, so watch it pile on🙃 but this mama is determined💪🏻
  2. Plan and host a successful 21st and 1st birthday party! 4 weeks apart, my boys just had to have big birthdays 4 WEEKS APART. I’m not even lying to say I’m panicking like mad!
  3. Visit somewhere new – I love travelling to a degree and since having R, we haven’t really been many places because J’s been away all the time but we want to make family memories and have so much planned!
  4. Try a new recipe – I’ve actually got one waiting to test out on J when he’s home, it’s a twist to a recipe I usually do so technically not new but watch this space👀
  5. Sort out my garden!!! – it’s a mess, literally like the amazon rainforest and I’m hoping to host at least J’s birthday party in it so I have just over a month😩
  6. Go to J’s parents anniversary party and not have a family drama lol – there’s been a big family mess since I got pregnant and the majority of the family hate me because I ‘trapped’ J with R and took him away because his home town is the opposite end of the country so I’m evil but I’m going to be civil and try not to kick off🙄😂
  7. Make a capsule wardrobe – I have way too many clothes that I’m like Na I’ll get back in that definitely, it’s not going to happen and I need to stop lying to myself but I need basics that can mix and match easily!
  8. Start planning Christmas presents – Sorry! I know it’s early but money is tight and we like to get creative with presents so start planning early! Like last year, everyone got a personalised wooden box with R’s footprints on which took some planning😩
  9. Enjoy summer😁

As usual I have all sorts of little goals here and there but these are my big big ones that I wanted to share! I’m so excited for what this summer is going to bring me after last year being so eventful and bringing my beautiful bubba into this world. Here’s to our first family summer💙

Cadie xoxo

Yoghurt Bark

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I’ve been searching for different recipes to try out for R with his teething and trying him on different foods now he can eat more and came across yoghurt bark. It’s sooo easy to make, can make so many different variations of it, it’s amazing for R’s poorly mouth and teeth coming through and it’s yummy!

I made a strawberry and banana version.

Ingredients

  • 1 standard pot of strawberry yoghurt
  • 1 sliced banana

Method

  • Pour out the yoghurt into a baking tray and spread evenly, it doesn’t matter if the shape is perfect or if it doesn’t fill the full tray
  • Top with the sliced banana
  • Pop in the freezer for 4-6 hours
  • Remove from the freezer and break up into different pieces, again they don’t have to be perfect!
  • Either serve or put into a zip lock bag and back in the freezer!

I’m awkward because I don’t like yoghurts with bits in and R is still trying out different fruit and yoghurt flavours as well as being so fussy so I need to look into different variations suitable to us. This can also be done with plain natural/Greek yoghurt and mixed with purée instead then topped with fruit. The possibilities are endless😱 it’s also a perfect treat now the weather is getting warmer.

Cadie xoxo

Mental Health Journey

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So I wasn’t sure about posting this and I may delete this at a later date but I’ve come on such a huge journey – which still has a long way to go but I’m proud of my self so far and wanted to share with you.

I have depression and anxiety, which to be honest a lot of people seem to have these days although some people self diagnose and don’t seem to understand the dangers of these illnesses. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, having both together just feels like you’re constantly sinking in a never ending battle. Like you’re in a box and can see everything going on and you’re screaming at yourself in this box but no one can see you or hear you or do anything to help you and let me tell you now, it sucks, big time.

I’ve been battling on and off with it since I was 14, I just couldn’t keep up with life and then my cousin committed suicide and my grandad was given two months left to live and was dead two days later as well as having to deal with the usual teenage struggles and being bullied on top of that even though I was a fairly popular girl in school but never fit into a specific category. Then my first boyfriend appeared and he did a number on me, it still affects me and bless J – he’s amazing, my rock. It just built up and built up from everything, I won’t get into it because I’ll be here forever.

It got worse when I fell pregnant, the constant worries and being anxious of motherhood which is normal but it just seemed to be heightened and didn’t even seem to go away when R came along. I love him with all my heart but I was so afraid that I now had this tiny human to depend on me for EVERYTHING when I couldn’t even depend on myself.

My health visitor and midwives saw the signs and pushed me to go to doctors which I did eventually and was put on medication which I felt like a let down to myself and R because I couldn’t pick myself back up from this, it just made me feel so worthless and useless but I also got referred for CBT. I’ve seen counsellors before and not one of them worked, they just didn’t seem to fit with me and I gave up, over and over again. I was very sceptical about CBT thinking it was just another crap therapist that I’ll give up with in a few weeks, a huge waste of time but my Mum and J pushed me to go and give it a try anyway.

I learnt that it’s a different way of doing things. She taught me that everything we do, think or feel affects the way we think, feel and act and that I needed to try and change the process. Instead of thinking I was failure, I had to think that ok so that went wrong but that it was fine for things to go wrong, human. I was trying to be the ‘perfect’ mum, sister, fiancé, daughter, friend, everything without even realising it and putting so much pressure on myself and punishing myself with my thoughts and emotions when I wasn’t perfect.

Today marks the day of my final session, I have literally just got home from it. I’ve come so so far.

When I first started CBT in December, I was hardly leaving my house, couldn’t ever imagine speaking to strangers or going to big crowded places especially ones I wasn’t familiar with. I was scared to get in a car with R after my car crash the November I fell pregnant, always overthinking and panicking. Me and J was getting rocky and arguing over everything because I was so paranoid and anxious and he just didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand how he could cherish me and be the best fiancé he could try to be, treat me like a princess and I still feel worthless and unwanted. Of course every couple argues but these were just so stupid but so horrific.

Today, I actually feel like a whole new person. Don’t get me wrong, my journey/battle is very far from over and I still have my stupid down days where I feel like shit and don’t want to get out of bed. I’m still on medication but I’m building, slowly, I’m progressing. I drove to Oxford which is a 4 hour drive by myself, well with R for the first time ever, which I never would’ve even dreamed off when I couldn’t even drive round the corner with R in the car. We’ve been to play groups, shopping once a week and breakfast together which is a huge deal. I have a list of things that I want to do just me and R and slowly building up to them as they get bigger and more scary for me to do.

I wouldn’t even say it’s just down to CBT and this isn’t an advert for it at all because it only works for some people, where standard talking therapy is fab for others. I have an amazing support system within my family, especially my Mum who is a star. And J, I don’t think I’d be here today without him and I really don’t give him enough credit sometimes. He’s a gigantic pain in the arse but I’m so thankful for him. Then baby R, my little cheeky chops, who was the reason I pushed myself to get the help. Who is the reason I can still get up to face the day even on my worst of days.

I’m lucky, I have something to keep fighting for even if I didn’t realise it before. But I know now, I don’t need to give up because I’m doing amazing. I’m a great Mum, sister, daughter, fiancé, friend, anything I want to be and it’s ok to make mistakes. It’s ok to mess up, it’s ok for things to go wrong because it happens and nothing can ever be 100% perfect.

If anyone ever needs someone to talk to about anything, my messages are always open. Please please reach out before it’s too late because I know, there will always be at least one person who you mean the world to💙

Cadie xoxo

Deployments

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Firstly I am so so sorry, everything’s been all over the place with J being deployed and signing off and then R got so poorly but now everything seems to be back on track including (hopefully) this blog!

I tell you what, deployments are the biggest shittiest thing ever in army life. It’s our first (and last) since R has been born with 7 hours time difference and limited contact and it sucks, big time. Everything and I meant everrrrrything seems to have gone wrong. We had R in hospital with dangerously low blood sugars, stomach bugs, colds, and that’s only the start. I never believed in the deployment horrors when people always say how much goes wrong just because they’re partners are gone but honestly, it’s real. We miss him so much and any contact we do get is a bonus. He’s missing out on R growing up like standing up by himself, saying more words, learning how to blow kisses and it breaks my heart. We’ve managed a few FaceTime calls and R’s face lights up every single time.

Not gonna lie, I’m struggling, biiig time but I’ve been trying to keep myself busy. 4 weeks yesterday gone down and I thought it was another 6 weeks until I had the best phone call ever yesterday saying that his flight had been brought forward due to being undeployable and R being in hospital, so we have 3 weeks left🙌🏻🙌🏻 I mean I do have to drive 4 hours down south to pick him up but I’ve managed it twice now which is an unbelievable achievement for me since I couldn’t even bring myself to drive 5 minutes to the shop with R in the car and there’s the added excitement of J coming home.

We’re hoping to go for a little family trip somewhere so watch this space!

Thank you for being patient with me if any of my followers/readers are still out there😘

Cadie xoxo

Mummy Beauty Essentials

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I’ve had a few people ask me how I get ready in the morning with a clingy baby, answer is – very bloody quick😂

I tend to do the basic minimum whilst he’s laid playing and talking to himself but now he can say mama so he’s back to having my undivided attention..

I rarely wear makeup anyway especially considering I’m allergic to EVERYTHING but here are my essentials.

  • Anastasia Beverley Hills Brow Definer – medium brown
  • This has literally been my life saver since having R. My eyebrows are that blonde, they’re pretty much non existent and I can pencil them on in 30 seconds with this and pretty much anywhere🙌🏻 I know makeup revolution do a dupe for this but I got three of these for Christmas so I’ll be good to go!
    • Lip balm
  • To be honest, I use literally any lip balm I can find. I have like 50 in my house (no lie) but I can only ever seem to find 1 at a time!
    • Trusty baby wipes
  • I have stupidly sensitive skin and I struggle with makeup wipes so I stick with baby wipes – also a perk of having a baby is that you always have a pack of these bad boys on hand😂
    • Johnson’s top to toe moisturising baby cream
  • Again, being allergic to everything I struggled to find a decent moisturiser that would flare my eczema up so enter baby moisturiser! Another bonus is it smells gorgeous and it’s good for R too!

    • That pretty much sums up my basic essentials. I do have factor 30 and 50 suncream for sunnier days that I put on instead of moisturiser and I have my proper makeup with all my palettes and eyeliner etc. I also use the Soap and Glory Thick and Fast mascara, best one I’ve found so far but I rarely wear that too!

    When I first thought about this idea, I though it would’ve been longer but thinking about it properly, that’s all I use day to day.

    Cadie xoxo

    Banana Pancakes 🥞 🍌

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    I’ve been feeding R a mixture of blw and spoon feeding, banana pancakes are perfect for the blw side😁 Such a quick and easy recipe, good for babies and mums too!

    • 1 mashed banana
    • 2 eggs
    • 2 heaped tablespoons of flour
    • Splash of milk

    Mix them all together and fry in a pan like you would pancake mixture!

    This recipe makes 4/5 decent sized pancakes.

    I usually serve him them with fruit but I need to go shopping so lacking on proper fruit side🙄 so this was with a drizzle of golden syrup (or honey if they’re over 1) and a banana yoghurt which is his favourite. He definitely enjoyed them and decorating the floor with them..

    I think they’re gorgeous too and usually have mine with chopped bananas and golden syrup with a yoghurt. I keep them in the fridge and he’s within two days although I’m not sure if you can freeze them so if anyone knows, please tell me!

    You can use different fruits such as raspberries, strawberries, blueberries etc but R loves bananas so I stick to them for now!

    Cadie xoxo

    Valentine’s Day

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    First off, Happy Valentine’s Day!💙

    Unfortunately J is away so I’ll have R as my valentine this year although we did exchange gifts and cards on Sunday, so used to this!

    He’s away until next Friday but we’ll hopefully be going on a date night or family day out so I thought I’d make this post about possible outfits for these plans.

    Outfit 1: Date Night 1

    I LOVE this dress! Boohoo curve is my fave. I’m a solid 16 but boohoo are known for shocking sizing which considering this dress is a 22, I know why🤔 but ignoring the size, I love the neckline and it’s one you can dress up and down. I’ll be pairing it with the choker combo in the picture, black tights and heels.

    Outfit 2: Date Night 2

    I’m still not entirely sure if I like this dress but this outfit has been worn for a date night before so I could recycle!

    Outfit 3: Family Day Out 1

    As you know, I’m a huge Harry Potter fan (Team Slytherin wooo). J got me this jumper for Christmas and it’s sooo comfy. Knowing us we’ll go somewhere where it’s cold so I want comfy and cosy clothes so what better than my standard Slytherin house combo🙄

    Outfit 4: Family Day Out 2

    I do like to make an effort for family days sometimes too.. casual denim skirt, long sleeved shirt, boots and scarf, what can go wrong🤷🏻‍♀️ R also loves cuddling into this scarf.

    What are your opinions? Need one for a possible date night and a possible family day out.. if you have anymore ideas, please share!

    Cadie xoxo