Vegetables for Lent

The trumpeters and singers joined in unison, as with one voice, to give praise and thanks to the LORD. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, they raised their voices in praise to the LORD and sang: “He is good; his love endures forever.”

Then the temple of the LORD was filled with a cloud, and the priests could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the LORD filled the temple of God. –2 Chronicles 5:13-14

My camera started working today! Jordan prayed for it and then tried turning it on, and it worked. I wouldn’t even let myself be in the same room when he made the attempt, because I get too frustrated about that kind of stuff. My sister-in-law and I got stuck in an awesome thunder storm with the girls while trying to play tennis with them. It was nice and warm. Did an Easter egg hunt and went to church–not too much else Easter-wise.

Daniel then said to the guard whom the chief official had appointed over Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah,  “Please test your servants for ten days: Give us nothing but vegetables to eat and water to drink. Then compare our appearance with that of the young men who eat the royal food, and treat your servants in accordance with what you see.” So he agreed to this and tested them for ten days.

At the end of the ten days they looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food. So the guard took away their choice food and the wine they were to drink and gave them vegetables instead. –Daniel 1:11-16

Oh, it is so hard writing this blog and admitting the lack of blogging I have been doing. I think the broken camera has wounded me in deep, therapy-requiring ways. Anyway, I didn’t cook much this week due to busy-ness, but I did make a really tasty stir-fry using some of Mark Bittman’s ideas (like adding sesame oil and soy sauce at the end) and some of my mom’s good Asian stir-fry training. I included cauliflower, broccoli, mushroom, carrot, onion, garlic, celery, and extra-firm tofu that I fried first. It tasted great. I am craving it again right now. I am tempted to actually just go recreate it, substituting edamame for the tofu, since I don’t have any right now.

Spiritually, I don’t think much monumental has happened this past week or over this Lent, in general. But I am feeling generally content, though I still have random days (probably tied to hormonal cycles) when I feel sad about living here when I could be living on a beach somewhere or (as I was imagining today) in a setting like where the lions in The Lion King live (especially when it is featured during the “Circle of Life” intro). Recently, some of these children’s movies have been making me emotional. So dorky.

Maybe I will blog tomorrow and wrap up this 40-day experiment with some wise words. I will say that at this point, I am really glad I invested the time in learning how to cook vegetarian, and I am pretty sure I will continue for the most part. I never imagined there could be so many satisfying, delicious, filling meals that seriously compete with, if not dominate over many boring meat dishes.

Immediately what had been said about Nebuchadnezzar was fulfilled. He was driven away from people and ate grass like cattle. His body was drenched with the dew of heaven until his hair grew like the feathers of an eagle and his nails like the claws of a bird.

At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever. His dominion is an eternal dominion; his kingdom endures from generation to generation.

All the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him: “What have you done?” –Daniel 4:33-35

I need to be doing work stuff right now, because my kids are at my friend’s house being babysat and I really need to get some work done. However, I am feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I feel like now, right at this moment, I have all these opportunities or doors open to me, but I don’t have the time to take advantage of them properly. It’s stressful.

A friend just offered me an ACT/SAT tutoring job that would be great to do in the evenings a couple times a week, but first I have to take a few tests to prove my skillz. My consulting job has lots of potential, but I kind of have to be pushy (which requires time and energy) to maximize it. It’s not like I am being told to do stuff specifically, so if I want to create something on my own, I have to work pretty hard to make sure it is packaged nicely as to be accepted.  I still have this academic paper I started over a year ago that would probably be published if I just had the time and guts to finish it. My grad school advisor just emailed asking about its status (which is basically non-existent) a couple weeks ago. And I have this interviewing artists thing I am doing for our church which I really enjoy and could be spending even more time on. And I want to be looking for jobs for me and Jordan in other places.

I don’t know how to find the time to do all of this. I am tired as it is, getting about seven hours of sleep a night and I hate using babysitters too much, especially when I already have to use them to go to meetings. I need some solution to ride up to me on a white horse, maybe in the form of my mother, offering her goddess-like babysitting services with open arms.

I made roasted vegetable soup stock last Friday that I have been meaning to write about, because it was a complex, fun process that I was able to do with kids around, but I probably won’t get to it. We have been eating lots of order-in (Chinese, Thai, etc.). And my camera–that I just bought in January after Iris broke my last one on Christmas day–the one with all my soup stock pictures broke after I idiotically touched the lens.

Then Joseph could no longer control himself before all his attendants, and he cried out, “Have everyone leave my presence!” So there was no one with Joseph when he made himself known to his brothers.  And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh’s household heard about it. Genesis 45:1-2

I somehow have forgotten about blogging. You know how usually things you are trying to do regularly haunt you the rest of the time until you do them? Somehow I just stopped remembering that I should blog.

We had a great day today. My ne’er-cooking husband made both breakfast and lunch today, just using the ingredients in the fridge. He made scrambled eggs with mushrooms, shallots, and cheddar cheese for breakfast and fried quesadillas filled with cheddar cheese and black beans, along with avocado and sour cream for lunch. Both simple and quick. Both delicious, especially with some of the good habanero sauce we just bought. It is some Louisianan brand we found at our grocery store for about one dollar.

We also made two park excursions with the girls today (all together, which we usually don’t do–one of us generally tries to stay home and be productive) and we both competed in the first ever Annual Henry Family Day-Before-Palm-Sunday 1-Mile Fun Run RACE. While we were at the park late this afternoon, it was Jordan’s idea. I had been planning to go on a jog all day, and I had been teasingly trying to get him to join me for a family run (knowing he would never agree because he makes fun of couples who jog together and because he is afraid to run because he thinks he is out of shape). He won the race.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. -Ephesians 3:17b-19

I had a meeting downtown this morning and I have to head downtown again at 3. Sigh. I had to have two different babysitters for three hours each.

I really believe my reason for working is to help people who don’t have the same opportunities I do and don’t have the choice to be with their babies all day, but it is still hard. I never want me being away to be bad for them. But then there are other things that I do that are bad for them on a regular basis that I don’t even think about–not being consistent, not telling the truth, not giving them my attention when I am with them, etc. In some ways, like when I got home at 10 this morning, knowing I would have to say goodbye again in five hours, I gave them all of my attention and PLAYED with them for a couple hours before Sophia went to preschool and Iris took her nap.

So I don’t know what the right balance is. I don’t want to be the mom that never sees her kids, and I know I am nowhere even near that, but I don’t even want to be the mom who is pawning her kid off on anyone or to anyplace so she can work done. It’s just not that important. To me. And someone else who is willing to do that could do it instead of me if that was what was required. I just know from experience that unless you are extremely conscious about it, you never treat other kids like your own, which can sometimes be good. But most of the time it is not.

The other side of it is that I know I have codependent tendencies, and those now seem to be expressing themselves through my relationships with my daughters.

Enough about that. It probably isn’t that interesting to the vast majority of the world.

Jordan has been really in love with me recently. He is almost the least romantic person ever, so I enjoy what I can get. I don’t know why I am sharing this, but it is really nice after 5+ up and down years of marriage. I wonder how to maintain it. Am I doing something different? Is it even within my control?

I still have not cooked since the mole. We ordered out Thai food last night and tonight we are probably doing leftovers.

People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” -Luke 18:15-17

Got to go to bed. Blogging just to say I did. The more random Bible verses I do, the more like a mysterious old tome the Bible sounds.

Sophia in Michigan.

Iris in Michigan.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. –Proverbs 13:12

Today I spent babysitting for two different children, one in the morning, and one in the afternoon. We went to a funny story time at an ice cream shop in the morning. The woman who does the story time is hilarious. She should be famous. I feel so self-conscious there because the whole time I am listening/watching her, I am so into it that I am either laughing, making sympathetic faces, surprised, or basically responding in whatever way her little story or game is trying to get the kids to do. Iris, who is not yet two years old, sits there mesmerized or belly laughing hysterically. Sophia, who is four and half, is either laughing or turning to me to say, “Mom, she is so silly,” about Miss Tracey, the story time story teller.

Something about it is very inspiring. Maybe it is the way the lady has embraced her gift in life (doing story times for kids) so passionately. And she really seems to love it. And I like that she almost always seems to be wearing workout clothes, like she just went for a jog. It is my preferred style. Read: very casual.

We spent all afternoon with the other child we  babysat at our favorite park. I think I am possibly even slightly sunburned on my face, which is quite lovely.

Tomorrow, I have to be ready to go to a meeting downtown at 7 am. I will wear one of my new suits, and Jordan will stay home for the morning and watch the girls. When I told Sophia that this was going to happen, she said, “Mommy will be Daddy, and Daddy will be Mommy.” It is so interesting that she has us so caged into our little roles. Then she asked if we could call us by the other’s names.

I have been aware of the strangeness of juggling a professional/career life and children since Sophia was one and I was in grad school, but it never grows normal. It just feels so weird to be dressed like a slob eating snacks or taking a kid potty in the morning, and acting as intelligent and knowledgeable and organized as possible in the afternoon. Every single thing about your behavior is opposite, from your dress to your posture and language. Even the way you relate to people is opposite. With children your effort is to be accessible, simple, relaxed, warm and understanding, while with the working place adults I find myself trying to keep my jolly side under wraps and to act as intimidating, serious, and Type A as possible.

I hate that the world is so compartmentalized. What if we treated each other like kids, in the best way possible? Maybe we would actually get more done since we would do away with all the time-wasting phoniness.

Mole frying.

Mole boiling.

I went down to the grove of nut trees to look at the new growth in the valley, to see if the vines had budded or the pomegranates were in bloom. –Song of Solomon 6:11

That used to be the craziest Bible chapter to me as a child. It was like porn. Later, it goes on to describe arousal, the beloved breasts looking like fruit, the navel like a goblet, legs like jewels, etc.

I didn’t get to do this blog last night, but I did cook something I have been anticipating for a long while yesterday–mole enchiladas. I have never made mole before, so it felt pretty exciting. The ingredients I used for my mole were based on Mark Bittman’s vegetarian cookbook, and they included: pine nuts, onion, tomato, a whole head of garlic, cocoa powder, sesame seeds, ancho chiles, bay leaves, allspice, and I can’t remember what else.

It was very labor intensive. The whole enchilada process was extremely labor intensive. It probably took about four hours over the course of the day, which was honestly not worth it. It was nothing insanely tricky, so if you have the time and ingredients I would recommend it for fun, but not if you have other stuff you should be doing. Even the cookbook warns that it is a meal you should have company over for. We invited our friends last minute, but they couldn’t come.

However, Jordan and I did have fun analyzing the tastes ourselves. It tasted wonderfully deep and complex, which is the point of good cooking in my mind, but it didn’t seem like each flavor was overtly featured enough. Like I couldn’t really taste the enchilada filling of beans, spinach, mushrooms, red peppers, onions, sour cream, and cheese. So these were some of the parts of the process, just so I can vent about the labor: seeding peppers, toasting peppers, soaking peppers in boiling water, draining peppers, pureeing all the mole ingredients, frying, boiling, and simmering all the mole ingredients, roasting red bell peppers, onions, and mushrooms (for enchilada filling) in olive oil, sauteing spinach in butter and garlic and onion (for filling), frying corn tortillas in oil, filling tortillas, baking tortillas and mole. I think that was about it.

Mole: fun to do, labor intensive. Kind of like a Thanksgiving dinner, which I guess is a similar sort of thing you would prepare moles for in Mexico. It reminded me of this Mexican restaurant we used to go to a lot, The New Rebozo, where the chef had one special of about four different enchiladas with four different moles, and you could choose the filling. I don’t remember what all of his different moles were. I know one was pine nut, another was peanut, maybe another was pistachio… I don’t remember. But you can basically use any nut. The result is a very, very rich, thick, almost meaty sauce. Amazing. I was eating the leftovers by the spoonful.

Well, the girls are trying to get my attention, so I should probably be a good parent and go be one. I was just looking at this blogsite this morning (Kimberlee Soo) where many of the posts were just fiction blurbs and writings which you couldn’t tell if they were fictional or not… It didn’t happen exactly that way, but it could have. Maybe after Lent, that will be my next blog endeavor–to just write a paragraph of fiction everyday.

I also discovered what happens when a disposable diaper (it was clean) gets in the laundry. It becomes a very heavy balloon that almost breaks your washing machine. And when you try to pop the balloon, you discover that it is full of scary gel. And this is why I chose to use cloth diapers for the majority of my babies’ babyhood–VERY disturbing.

Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.”

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”

And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” –Isaiah 6:6-8

Have I already done those verses? I don’t think so, because I don’t remember trying to decide exactly which ones I was going to use. I love that chapter.

I really need to go to bed. It is two minutes till midnight. I had a good excuse to work for the last three hours, but now that I have been drinking coffee to help me through those hours of work, I am overly into surfing random stuff on the web at this late hour. And once Jordan goes to bed before me, I lose my rush to try to make it bed with him at the same time.

We made Mexican tacos for breakfast (with lots of avocado), but mostly just ate leftovers and food at our friends’ house for the rest of the day. I was really craving some Thai food for dinner. Even basic stirfry. But work got in the way. I did get some grocery shopping in today–more mushrooms, leeks, parsnips, zucchini, cauliflower, etc. Lots of vegetables. I feel like I am back on track, excited about cooking and visualizing lots of stuff. Only two more weeks of Lent though, and it does feel like I only get about two good meals of cooking in a week, what with leftovers and random meal surprises.

Today Jordan and I did yoga together (good old Rodney Yee), and Sophia joined us for the first fifteen minutes or so (Iris was napping). It felt so good to be doing it as a family. She doesn’t even know her left from her right yet, but it was adorable seeing her copy our moves. She definitely knows what “Downward Dog” means though. She eventually quit because she said her legs hurt. She was fascinated by the fact that doing yoga made us sweat.

I also went to another church naming meeting today… Fascinating. So many churches these days are going for these catchy one word names, like Prism, Mosaic, etc. (my sister mentioned three in Chattanooga–The Rock, The Net, and I forget the last one–Melissa?). I really hope we do not go that direction, though I think it is possible. Yikes. I am hoping we can come up with something with a little more depth. We were talking about the name Nike–the fact that Nike is the Greek goddess of speed and agility or something, but how Nike adopted that name and turned it into so much more. I hope we pick a name with some older meaning. But I still like the name “The Vineyard” best, though I guess even that is one of those one-worders.

By the way, all this church naming talk does not mean I am any more into our church. But, nevertheless, any church name ideas?

After he was weaned, she took the boy with her, young as he was, along with a three-year-old bull, an ephah of flour and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the Lord at Shiloh. When they had slaughtered the bull, they brought the boy to Eli, and she said to him, “As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord.  I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there. -1 Samuel 1:24-28

I just went shopping for pant suits and found the brand my friend likes, Tahari… at the Burlington Coat Factory. Awesome. I love buying stuff where the service and venue isn’t great and looking like I shop where annoyingly wealthy people shop. I got a couple suits for $40 and $50 each. Now I feel like a man when I put them on, which was exactly a goal.

Our daughter, who seems to have some gender identity issues, thinks it is wonderful when I wear suits (or anything remotely professional, like Jordan does to work) and wants me to wear them all day once I put one on. I can’t wait to try these on for her. It really makes me think that her desire to pretend she is a boy or man all the time has more to do with gender roles than anything else–she wants that power and confidence that men have, which is something I should encourage. She doesn’t want to be Ariel or Jasmine, she wants to be the prince who saves the day. That’s cool. And if you think about it, it makes sense.

Last night I made another mushroom and shallot quiche because I still had so many of the same ingredients and we wolfed it down last week. I also tried to make sliced, roast beets in olive oil (the way I make sweet potatoes) based on a suggestion from the book by Mark Bittman, but again, another flop. I was going to try to eat them, but every single one made me just want to gag. And I love beets. I hope that didn’t ruin them for me.  It seemed like such a sad waste too. There was something about how sickly sweet and crusty and bitter (if they were at all overcooked) the roasting made them. Not pleasant.

I talked to a friend on the phone yesterday who has had her second house fire in 1.5 years of marriage. Her husband has been working on building their house since before they were married, and random stuff (not really associated with the fact they are building their house) keeps happening. During the first fire, they lost their dog to smoke inhalation. The dog had been so beloved to them, it was even a part of their wedding reception. Anyway, she talked about how hard the stress has been on their marriage and how she has been blaming her husband for all the problems they have had, even though they are not his fault.

I feel like she and I have a lot in common about our views on life. We are super-idealistic and view life as a world full or possibilities. But we have a really hard time making decisions. We want to somehow let things happen naturally, but we want them to be perfect and beyond our wildest dreams when they do happen naturally. We can’t find the right balance between 1) letting life happen and being content with what does happen; and 2) grabbing life by the horns and charting a course, which leads us to that same tendency of blaming someone–God, or more easily even, our husbands, for everything disappointing thing life brings. We feel like somehow we would have done things differently or that if we were not in a relationship, we could just start anew and do something crazy and exciting and different any time we wanted or any time things started to get crumby.

Anyway, I think it is almost more of a personality issue that anything else. I wonder what behavior modification exercises I could do to manage it.