When Tim and I met (2004) I weighed 110 lbs. I then lost a few pounds due to anxiety. After we settled into a healthy relationship I started gaining a little weight. I was 145 lbs when we got married (a little pudgy, but still healthy for my 5'5" self). After our first pregnancy loss I gained some more weight so I was up to 165 when I got pregnant with the twins. You'd think hyperemesis would have kept the weight off, but it didn't. As soon as I found something I could keep down, I did just that. I weighed almost 200 lbs
after they were born. I was able to lose down to the 160's with some help from Weight Watchers. Then we decided to try for another baby and had our second loss. I put on a few more pounds. By the time Aedan was born I weighed 200 lbs again. And I kept gaining. At 215 lbs I decided I'd had enough.
I've dieted over my lifetime, but that doesn't quite work for me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life counting calories or points or anything like that. What I do want to do is kick in my self control and only eat when hungry and watch my portions. There's no reason for me to eat two servings of dinner just because it tastes good! I want to drink more water (not that I drink a whole lot else anyway). I want to be the better example for my children!
Weight issues run all through our families, so they have that working against them already. We can see from Jack's build he'll fight weight, but if he's anything like his Daddy he'll stay so active he'll be able to eat what he wants as long as he doesn't mind being built like a bulldog. Trip seems to take after the men in my family (lucky duck) and will probably be able to eat any and everything he wants and stay stick thin until he's in his 30's. Then he'll have to watch it a tiny bit and make sure to stay active. Aedan is such a mix that I can't begin to guess.
But me? I gain weight just thinking about a cracker. I fought anorexia throughout my late teens and twenties. Then I fought overeating. Food is just too much of a crutch for me. And that has to stop. Now.
So I'm losing weight! I started pushing my plate away after one serving or when I was full whichever came first. I stopped finishing what the kids didn't eat from their plates. I drank a glass of water instead of eating a snack when it was close to meal time. I'm making myself do what is healthy and right. For me. For my husband. For my kids. But mostly for me. I've lost 20lbs so far!
Just a few days ago I signed up at MyFitnessPal.com. It allows me to track my caloric intake, my excercise (hahahahaha), and my weight. It allows me to connect with my friends to give and receive much needed and appreciated support. Most of all, it helps me hold myself accountable for what I eat. I use the calorie counter as a guide (instead of a goal). I love it!
So soon, I'll be saying goodbye to all of my fat pants and hello to a healthier and happier me!
