Because I haven't shown or said much about the boys lately...
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Blog? What blog?
Ohhhhh....This blog!
I'm so sorry I've been a slacker. I could give you tons of excuses, but they're just that. I have been pretty under the weather for a while, but I finally took the jump and decided to blog. So here goes!
And because I can't mention I've had two ultrasounds and not share at least one picture...
I'm so sorry I've been a slacker. I could give you tons of excuses, but they're just that. I have been pretty under the weather for a while, but I finally took the jump and decided to blog. So here goes!
- Everything is fine with Thumper as of my last u/s October 25. He was so active it was almost surreal! Yeah, you read that right, HE! I had my NT scan on the 22nd and the tech guessed it was probably a boy due to having too much stuff between the legs to be a girl. I had another free scan on the 25th (love it that MUSC is so big into studies, there's always someone that needs to get certified for something) and the tech agrees with that probability.
- Yes, I would have loved a girl, but I'm equally excited for another boy. I know what a joy they are. Plus, he's healthy, that was my biggest desire!!
- Hyperemesis is the devil. I had started feeling a little bit better, but then it all went to hell. The vomiting became so violent that it was freaking me out, hurting me, and causing blood vessels to burst in my face. (let me tell you how beautiful my complexion is right now.) My doctor prescribed Reglan for me with the warning that it could increase my anxiety or depression symptoms. 24 hours after starting it I was vowing to never take another one ever again due to the panic attacks. Luckily a little over 24 hours and I'm almost completely back to "normal".
- My psychiatrist tweaked my meds a little and I finally feel like my old self, again! Hooray!!!
- Does anyone have any advice for night sweats? I've been having them since almost 8 weeks. They're wreaking havoc on my sleep!!!
- Thank God Tim's mouth is almost completely healed!!! Within a few days you could see a noticeable difference in the discolored tissue. Almost a month later there is ZERO discoloration and only two small patches where the tissue isn't smooth, yet. He's planning on giving it a few more months then he'll schedule an appointment to have everything checked out. I mean it, Thank you God! And thank you to everyone who offered prayers and thoughts for him!!
- They only sent Tim out of town for 4 (I think) days. It was exhausting, but my HG was lighter than it is now, so everything went smoothly. He even came home to a clean house!
- Charleston seems to have forgotten there's a season between Summer and Winter. It also seems to think the seasons are supposed to mix on the same day. The other night it was 33 degrees at night and 75 the following afternoon. Get with it weather!
- I've been horrible with reading blogs, so please tell me what I've missed!
And because I can't mention I've had two ultrasounds and not share at least one picture...
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| Profile |
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| 4d missing the top of his head...creeeepy! |
Friday, October 15, 2010
October 15th
Today I'm remembering the little lives I've lost. My first and third pregnancies. I never held them in my arms, but I'll always hold them in my heart.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Trembling
Last night I held my husband's hand as he trembled. His face was ashen. His fear was very evident. It terrified me.
Tim has used tobacco products in one form or another since he was a teenager. So has everyone in his family except one grandparent. As long as I've known him he's used smokeless tobacco, he's dipped. He quit before our wedding and didn't pick it back up for almost 6 months. He quit again a few months ago, but picked it back up when the depression and stress became too much for him. He quit again last night.
Every night he brushes his teeth and uses mouth wash. Last night he inspected his gums and mouth and was horrified at what he saw. There are patches inside his cheeks that look like they've been shredded and his gums are discolored and oddly textured. This could be bad. This could be very bad.
Tim's going to give himself a few days to see if the "magic mouthwash" he's using will help his mouth. If not, it's off to the doctor he goes with prayers that this isn't cancer.
Because it could be.
And we're both terrified.
Tim has used tobacco products in one form or another since he was a teenager. So has everyone in his family except one grandparent. As long as I've known him he's used smokeless tobacco, he's dipped. He quit before our wedding and didn't pick it back up for almost 6 months. He quit again a few months ago, but picked it back up when the depression and stress became too much for him. He quit again last night.
Every night he brushes his teeth and uses mouth wash. Last night he inspected his gums and mouth and was horrified at what he saw. There are patches inside his cheeks that look like they've been shredded and his gums are discolored and oddly textured. This could be bad. This could be very bad.
Tim's going to give himself a few days to see if the "magic mouthwash" he's using will help his mouth. If not, it's off to the doctor he goes with prayers that this isn't cancer.
Because it could be.
And we're both terrified.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
:-)
Friday's appointment went beautifully! My OB walked in dragging the portable ultrasound machine behind her. I was very relieved I didn't have to ask for it. She was also very nonchalant about my week at the mental hospital. Another sigh of relief for me. She was also so wonderful about the fact that the boys were running around the exam table like the little heathens they can be. Everything was wonderful!
I think this may be part of my mental issues right now, but I've been getting a little paranoid that I haven't seen the heartbeat at either one of my ultrasounds. I did get to hear the heartbeat and see Thumper in all his/her gummy-baby glory, but I've never seen the heart flickering. I know Tim saw it at the first ultrasound and the doctor obviously saw it because she timed it at the second ultrasound. So why haven't I been able to see it? I can usually identify everything on an ultrasound, but not these. It's getting under my skin a little and I need to let that go.
My OB wanted to see me back in two weeks. She is AMAZING! I'm pretty sure she's trying to keep me reassured to keep the anxiety at bay. Unfortunately the anxiety has very little to do with my worries and fears about this pregnancy. Of course I am worrying about the pregnancy a little, but no more so than is normal I think. I actually declined the two week visit because I have one already scheduled in three weeks. I'll also have my NT scan that morning. I'm sure if I'm getting overly freaked out before then, she'd fit me in.
I just realized Tim is going out of town for two whole weeks soon. I knew he was going out of town, but I didn't realize it was for two weeks. Ummmm.... Luckily his brother (the least troubled of the two) is going to come stay. The boys love him and he's willing to change diapers and cook simple meals. I'm very grateful for this, but it's going to be a little weird. Luckily he's stayed with us before so it shouldn't be too weird.
Oh yeah, I haven't changed a diaper since some time before my first OB appointment. The smell of urine almost makes me vomit...even my own. And I can't even be around a stinky diaper. It's been interesting to say the least. I'm so very grateful for Tim. He's been super supportive through all of this and hasn't complained once about how little I've been able to do.
I'm also so very grateful for all of you that have been so supportive. It's meant so much to me. It's amazing how good it can feel to know that I have friends out there that don't judge me and are there for me. Thank you.
I think this may be part of my mental issues right now, but I've been getting a little paranoid that I haven't seen the heartbeat at either one of my ultrasounds. I did get to hear the heartbeat and see Thumper in all his/her gummy-baby glory, but I've never seen the heart flickering. I know Tim saw it at the first ultrasound and the doctor obviously saw it because she timed it at the second ultrasound. So why haven't I been able to see it? I can usually identify everything on an ultrasound, but not these. It's getting under my skin a little and I need to let that go.
My OB wanted to see me back in two weeks. She is AMAZING! I'm pretty sure she's trying to keep me reassured to keep the anxiety at bay. Unfortunately the anxiety has very little to do with my worries and fears about this pregnancy. Of course I am worrying about the pregnancy a little, but no more so than is normal I think. I actually declined the two week visit because I have one already scheduled in three weeks. I'll also have my NT scan that morning. I'm sure if I'm getting overly freaked out before then, she'd fit me in.
I just realized Tim is going out of town for two whole weeks soon. I knew he was going out of town, but I didn't realize it was for two weeks. Ummmm.... Luckily his brother (the least troubled of the two) is going to come stay. The boys love him and he's willing to change diapers and cook simple meals. I'm very grateful for this, but it's going to be a little weird. Luckily he's stayed with us before so it shouldn't be too weird.
Oh yeah, I haven't changed a diaper since some time before my first OB appointment. The smell of urine almost makes me vomit...even my own. And I can't even be around a stinky diaper. It's been interesting to say the least. I'm so very grateful for Tim. He's been super supportive through all of this and hasn't complained once about how little I've been able to do.
I'm also so very grateful for all of you that have been so supportive. It's meant so much to me. It's amazing how good it can feel to know that I have friends out there that don't judge me and are there for me. Thank you.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Of crazy thoughts
Thank you to everyone that has been praying for, thinking of, and supporting me. It means more than I can say.
The day after my OB appointment everything went to hell. My anxiety was finally more than I could deal with. I wanted to die. I couldn't think of a way to kill myself that wouldn't leave my husband and children traumatized. I couldn't think of a way to kill myself that wouldn't ruin a room of the house for them. But I so badly wanted to end the hell I was living in my mind. If you've never experienced severe anxiety or depression I know this sounds crazy (and crazy is exactly what it was).
After a few hours of not finding a solution to my dilemma I called my therapist and my OB for help. They both agreed that I needed inpatient treatment and sent me to the local mental hospital for evaluation. After meeting with a staff member and answering 1,001 questions, they agreed. They said I'd probably be there 3 days.
To say this is the most terrifying thing I've ever done is putting it mild. All I knew to expect was the portrayals I've seen on TV. I even admitted to my therapist that I was scared they'd tie me to a bed and let me suffer until my meds kicked in since there's no immediately effective drugs I can take right now.
The whole experience was so surreal. I feel like any minute I'll wake up and this whole pregnancy and the myriad of issues it's brought with it will have never been.
My doctor at the hospital was wonderful. He upped my nausea medicine and added another one (which also helped me sleep). He added another medication to help ease the anxiety and also help me sleep. He then added another medication that would take a little longer to kick in but would help with the anxiety.
My social worker was a complete waste of time. She actually said to me, "Aren't you concerned about all the medicines you're taking affecting the baby?" I told her I trusted my doctor and that the meds are better than the alternative. When we realized all the phenergan I'd been taking was building up in my system and having a bad reacting, she said, "See. You don't need all those meds!" She also told me, "You have to figure out what triggered your anxiety. There's a good chance the meds won't help you and you'll have to just deal with this." She also wrote down an appointment with my doctor, but never scheduled it. She sucks. Big time.
Seven days later, I was allowed to go home. Seven days later I finally saw my children again.
So now I'm still dealing with hyperemesis. I haven't thrown up in a couple of days, but the nausea is always present and frequently overwhelming. I've also been diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I'm also having some issues with my blood pressure.
Right now I'm working on being able to take care of the boys again. Food is a near impossibility at the moment. Luckily Tim is off work until the 11th. And he's been doing an absolutely amazing job with the boys and the house!!!!
I have another appointment with my OB tomorrow. I'm sure they'll reassure me Thumper is OK. I'm truly excited about this pregnancy and am worried about what all this stress could have done.
Oh yeah. My MIL has been trying to convince Tim to bring the kids to her for a few weeks. Seriously lady? No freaking way!!! I may be crazy, but she's INSANE!
The day after my OB appointment everything went to hell. My anxiety was finally more than I could deal with. I wanted to die. I couldn't think of a way to kill myself that wouldn't leave my husband and children traumatized. I couldn't think of a way to kill myself that wouldn't ruin a room of the house for them. But I so badly wanted to end the hell I was living in my mind. If you've never experienced severe anxiety or depression I know this sounds crazy (and crazy is exactly what it was).
After a few hours of not finding a solution to my dilemma I called my therapist and my OB for help. They both agreed that I needed inpatient treatment and sent me to the local mental hospital for evaluation. After meeting with a staff member and answering 1,001 questions, they agreed. They said I'd probably be there 3 days.
To say this is the most terrifying thing I've ever done is putting it mild. All I knew to expect was the portrayals I've seen on TV. I even admitted to my therapist that I was scared they'd tie me to a bed and let me suffer until my meds kicked in since there's no immediately effective drugs I can take right now.
The whole experience was so surreal. I feel like any minute I'll wake up and this whole pregnancy and the myriad of issues it's brought with it will have never been.
My doctor at the hospital was wonderful. He upped my nausea medicine and added another one (which also helped me sleep). He added another medication to help ease the anxiety and also help me sleep. He then added another medication that would take a little longer to kick in but would help with the anxiety.
My social worker was a complete waste of time. She actually said to me, "Aren't you concerned about all the medicines you're taking affecting the baby?" I told her I trusted my doctor and that the meds are better than the alternative. When we realized all the phenergan I'd been taking was building up in my system and having a bad reacting, she said, "See. You don't need all those meds!" She also told me, "You have to figure out what triggered your anxiety. There's a good chance the meds won't help you and you'll have to just deal with this." She also wrote down an appointment with my doctor, but never scheduled it. She sucks. Big time.
Seven days later, I was allowed to go home. Seven days later I finally saw my children again.
So now I'm still dealing with hyperemesis. I haven't thrown up in a couple of days, but the nausea is always present and frequently overwhelming. I've also been diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I'm also having some issues with my blood pressure.
Right now I'm working on being able to take care of the boys again. Food is a near impossibility at the moment. Luckily Tim is off work until the 11th. And he's been doing an absolutely amazing job with the boys and the house!!!!
I have another appointment with my OB tomorrow. I'm sure they'll reassure me Thumper is OK. I'm truly excited about this pregnancy and am worried about what all this stress could have done.
Oh yeah. My MIL has been trying to convince Tim to bring the kids to her for a few weeks. Seriously lady? No freaking way!!! I may be crazy, but she's INSANE!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
All is well
Well, for the most part all is well. We have a heartbeat!
Tim picked the nickname. He said as soon as the picture came up on the screen all he could see "was that heart thumping away".
My appointment today went really really well. I go back in 2 weeks for a re-check due to my anxiety then 3 weeks later for my 1st trimester screening. The doctor was very pleased with all the measurements and with how I looked.
For those of you that aren't on Twitter, yesterday was a crisis day for me emotionally. The anxiety has reached a level I can't deal with alone. Tim was (still is) my night in shining armor and got me an appointment with a doc and therapist on base. Unfortunately there wasn't much they could do to help, but they did make it plainly clear that I need help with the boys right now. I'm unable to to function without vomiting, I can't fix food, I can't stand any smells...I can't function. I'm not supposed to be using the term "can't" and am supposed to be saying, "it's hard to", but right now it's can't. The anxiety isn't omg-is-my-baby-ok anxiety. It isn't omg-how-am-I-going-to-take-care-of-3-children anxiety. It's hormones-are-flooding-my-system-and-my-brain-isn't-coping-well-with-them anxiety.
So as of today I'm on Zoloft. I'm praying the medicine helps because I don't know what to do if it doesn't. For this week Tim is off work to take care of the boys and me. Next week my Mom is taking off work to come take care of the boys and me. The doctor and therapist were crystal clear about the need to get this anxiety under control before I end up hospitalized...so we're working on it. Seeing a heartbeat today did seem to help a tiny bit. It's completely gotten rid of the thoughts I'd been having of not wanting to see a heartbeat. Knowing that my OB is taking my anxiety seriously has helped a tiny bit, too. Knowing Tim is here to step up to the plate (and is completely rocking his temporary position as SAHD) has helped. Knowing my Mom (MOMMY!!!) is coming Sunday has helped, too.
Another help I've had? The love and support I've received here and on Twitter. You guys are absolutely amazing!!! I honestly expected some back-lash on my last post and was so pleasantly surprised with the love and support I received instead.
I've also contacted the local support group for www.postpartum.net. I never knew before how common depression and anxiety are during pregnancy. I also never knew that the same people who give you support for PPD can help you through depression/anxiety during pregnancy.
I so badly want to love where I am right now. I want to be better. I want to be me again. I want to be the mother I know I am. I want to be the wife I know I am. I am getting help.
Introducing "Thumper"
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| Blob being measured = Baby |
My appointment today went really really well. I go back in 2 weeks for a re-check due to my anxiety then 3 weeks later for my 1st trimester screening. The doctor was very pleased with all the measurements and with how I looked.
For those of you that aren't on Twitter, yesterday was a crisis day for me emotionally. The anxiety has reached a level I can't deal with alone. Tim was (still is) my night in shining armor and got me an appointment with a doc and therapist on base. Unfortunately there wasn't much they could do to help, but they did make it plainly clear that I need help with the boys right now. I'm unable to to function without vomiting, I can't fix food, I can't stand any smells...I can't function. I'm not supposed to be using the term "can't" and am supposed to be saying, "it's hard to", but right now it's can't. The anxiety isn't omg-is-my-baby-ok anxiety. It isn't omg-how-am-I-going-to-take-care-of-3-children anxiety. It's hormones-are-flooding-my-system-and-my-brain-isn't-coping-well-with-them anxiety.
So as of today I'm on Zoloft. I'm praying the medicine helps because I don't know what to do if it doesn't. For this week Tim is off work to take care of the boys and me. Next week my Mom is taking off work to come take care of the boys and me. The doctor and therapist were crystal clear about the need to get this anxiety under control before I end up hospitalized...so we're working on it. Seeing a heartbeat today did seem to help a tiny bit. It's completely gotten rid of the thoughts I'd been having of not wanting to see a heartbeat. Knowing that my OB is taking my anxiety seriously has helped a tiny bit, too. Knowing Tim is here to step up to the plate (and is completely rocking his temporary position as SAHD) has helped. Knowing my Mom (MOMMY!!!) is coming Sunday has helped, too.
Another help I've had? The love and support I've received here and on Twitter. You guys are absolutely amazing!!! I honestly expected some back-lash on my last post and was so pleasantly surprised with the love and support I received instead.
I've also contacted the local support group for www.postpartum.net. I never knew before how common depression and anxiety are during pregnancy. I also never knew that the same people who give you support for PPD can help you through depression/anxiety during pregnancy.
I so badly want to love where I am right now. I want to be better. I want to be me again. I want to be the mother I know I am. I want to be the wife I know I am. I am getting help.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Brutal Honesty
I remember having an issue with anxiety in the beginning of my pregnancy with the boys. I do NOT remember anything like this, though. It's almost debilitating. My skin is constantly crawling. My entire digestive system is in knots. I'm not 100% sure the vomiting and nausea are even halfway related to the pregnancy...it's my anxiety. And my thoughts are a horrible mess.
I've decided I don't want to ever try to get pregnant again. Even if this pregnancy doesn't make it, I don't want to get pregnant again. I can't function! I can barely take care of my children!!! I've already told Tim about this decision...he hasn't responded.
Tim took care of all of us this weekend. I was so grateful to have him off work Friday and home all weekend. He made sure we all ate and did his best to keep the boys from bouncing on me.
For the sake of honesty, I'll admit things here that I can't say outloud.
I feel like a total waste of space and pretty much hate myself right now. What person in their right mind has these thoughts? I don't even want to be around my own children right now. WTH??
I'd appreciate any prayers or thoughts or chicken-dances or anything else you can offer up for me right now. My children need me and I need to be able to be there for them.
Also, if anyone has ever had any issues with severe anxiety in early pregnancy, I'd really like to know I'm not alone. Please.
Disclaimer: No, I don't want to hurt myself or anyone. Yes, I've talked to Tim about all of this. I have numbers to call if things get beyond my control.
I've decided I don't want to ever try to get pregnant again. Even if this pregnancy doesn't make it, I don't want to get pregnant again. I can't function! I can barely take care of my children!!! I've already told Tim about this decision...he hasn't responded.
Tim took care of all of us this weekend. I was so grateful to have him off work Friday and home all weekend. He made sure we all ate and did his best to keep the boys from bouncing on me.
For the sake of honesty, I'll admit things here that I can't say outloud.
- I don't want to be pregnant.
- If I could transfer this pregnancy to someone else, I would.
- I'm terrified that I'll feel this way the entire pregnancy.
- How the hell am I going to take care of a newborn and two rambunctious toddlers??
- I can't stand being in my own skin right now.
I feel like a total waste of space and pretty much hate myself right now. What person in their right mind has these thoughts? I don't even want to be around my own children right now. WTH??
I'd appreciate any prayers or thoughts or chicken-dances or anything else you can offer up for me right now. My children need me and I need to be able to be there for them.
Also, if anyone has ever had any issues with severe anxiety in early pregnancy, I'd really like to know I'm not alone. Please.
Disclaimer: No, I don't want to hurt myself or anyone. Yes, I've talked to Tim about all of this. I have numbers to call if things get beyond my control.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Bulletsssss
- I feel like a total douche for bitching about this pregnancy.
- I'm really grateful that I am where I am.
- I'm really jealous of my BFF who's pregnancy was the most beautiful thing in her life next to actually raising her daughter.
- The anxiety is worse. I guess it's my body's reaction to the hormone overloads going on?
- The puking started today.
- The puking gives me even more hope that things will be OK and I'll have a THB in late April, early May.
- Tim asked me if I've been thinking of names. I wanted to slap him.
- I finally have some Zofran!! I'm hoping to eat later today. :-)
- My children think the sound of me puking is hilarious.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
All she does is bitch & moan
Yup. That pretty much sums it up. I've decided...wait, I'm pretty sure I decided this a long time ago...I don't enjoy pregnancy*. Sure, there are parts of it that I love, but those parts are few and far between. I thought maybe it was just the boys pregnancy that was so not fun for me, but this pregnancy is following the same path as that one so far.
One of the worst things about this crap (beside the obvious difficulties of taking care of rambunctious twin toddlers) is the anxiety that comes along with it. I was so glad that I documented my anxiety during the beginning of my pregnancy with the boys so I know this is routine for me.
On a good note, I'm pretty sure things are progressing as they should. I know I could be this sick and things could still go south, but really? I'm thinking good things.
And, No, I don't think it's twins. I think it's just my lot in life to have some nasty morning sickness (please no HG again!!!) with healthy pregnancies.
*I am very grateful for what I have, but that doesn't mean I have to like everything about it.
- Twin pregnancy - Around 5w3d I started feeling "queasy", but nothing that couldn't be cured with some food.
- This go-round - 4w5d I started feeling that old familiar feeling only food doesn't seem to help.
- Twin pregnancy - Around 6 1/2w the vomiting started. It was only slowed down by copious amounts of Zofran and Phenergan. I ended up getting 3 different IVs and many bags of fluids and other stuff and was only kept out of the hospital by a very determined doctor (no, she wasn't really a doctor, but who really is a doctor at the base medical clinic?) that understood we were switching insurance.
- This go-round - Today is 6w1d and I am doing my best to function. I haven't thrown up, yet, but...It's been rough. I'm currently waiting to hear from my doctor's office to hopefully get a fresh prescription for Zofran. At the rate things are progressing, tomorrow could bring copious amounts of vomit. I know I sound all Debbie-Downer, but this all-day-unrelenting nausea is only getting stronger.
One of the worst things about this crap (beside the obvious difficulties of taking care of rambunctious twin toddlers) is the anxiety that comes along with it. I was so glad that I documented my anxiety during the beginning of my pregnancy with the boys so I know this is routine for me.
On a good note, I'm pretty sure things are progressing as they should. I know I could be this sick and things could still go south, but really? I'm thinking good things.
And, No, I don't think it's twins. I think it's just my lot in life to have some nasty morning sickness (please no HG again!!!) with healthy pregnancies.
*I am very grateful for what I have, but that doesn't mean I have to like everything about it.
Friday, September 3, 2010
5w3d
Today marks 5 weeks 3 days in this journey. Almost 3 years ago I lost my first pregnancy at this time. I woke up this morning from a dream about blood and cramps. Luckily it was only a dream.
It's amazing how far I've come in 3 years. It makes me almost speechless to really think about how much I've lost and how much I have.
Tim and I are both referring to what's going on in pretty benign terms. "Things" "It" "You-know" We're both doing our best to not get too attached until we see proof-of-life. I can't say losing everything wouldn't hurt, but maybe it wouldn't hurt as much if I'm not as attached...if it's not as real?
I got a perfectly timed and super sweet card in the mail today. It said, "To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing." It reminded me to keep hoping and quit waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It's amazing how far I've come in 3 years. It makes me almost speechless to really think about how much I've lost and how much I have.
Tim and I are both referring to what's going on in pretty benign terms. "Things" "It" "You-know" We're both doing our best to not get too attached until we see proof-of-life. I can't say losing everything wouldn't hurt, but maybe it wouldn't hurt as much if I'm not as attached...if it's not as real?
I got a perfectly timed and super sweet card in the mail today. It said, "To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing." It reminded me to keep hoping and quit waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Show & Tell - What??
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Trip is definitely my climber. He attained the new nickname of Spiderman at a recent birthday party when he figured out how to climb all through the bounce castle they had. If you've never been inside one of these things, it's not really easy for even an adult to climb up the "ladder" inside. If this hadn't been enough, he then proceeded to climb back up the slippery slide!
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| The jump castle was very similar to this one |
The other night Trip climbed up a large stuffed giraffe in his room and into his brother's crib. He happily sat there reading Jack's favorite book. We got him out and let the boys play for a few minutes then told them it was time for bed. Trip immediately ran over and climbed back into Jack's crib. (Luckily he still hasn't climbed out of his new crib...even though I'm sure he could if he wasn't afraid of the fall to the ground.)
Well, this morning he proved I know nothing about baby-proofing a living room. I stepped out of the room to begin lunch prep and was summoned back by Jack to this scene:
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| What's wrong with this picture? |
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Still plugging along
As far as I know, everything is still holding strong. I haven't peed on a stick since 15dpo (I'm 19dpo now). I actually developed a symptom today, and I must admit I'm not too happy about it...I'm nauseous. I know most people would welcome some morning sickness, but I didn't have just morning sickness with the boys (history here).
I got a call the day after my last post letting me know that I was pregnant. (No shit Sherlock.) They then rambled off a bunch of stuff way too fast for me to understand and said they'd send my referral in to the insurance company.
Two days later the referral showed up online, but it didn't say who I was being referred to. Upon calling the insurance company I learned they hadn't actually referred me to anyone. This worked in my favor since they then asked me who I wanted to see, then approved the referral to that practice!!!! Woo-hoo!!!
So now I have an appointment with the same OB office I saw for my last two pregnancies on Sept 15. Until then I'm still taking it day by day. Some moments I'm more hopeful than others. Some moments I don't even remember anything has changed, then it hits me and I'm happy and scared all over again.
I really want this to work, but am trying to not get my hopes too far up until I have proof of healthy life. I know that sounds morbid, but I also know too many of you understand. I really am doing my best to enjoy the time I have this, though. I'm still happy. :)
I got a call the day after my last post letting me know that I was pregnant. (No shit Sherlock.) They then rambled off a bunch of stuff way too fast for me to understand and said they'd send my referral in to the insurance company.
Two days later the referral showed up online, but it didn't say who I was being referred to. Upon calling the insurance company I learned they hadn't actually referred me to anyone. This worked in my favor since they then asked me who I wanted to see, then approved the referral to that practice!!!! Woo-hoo!!!
So now I have an appointment with the same OB office I saw for my last two pregnancies on Sept 15. Until then I'm still taking it day by day. Some moments I'm more hopeful than others. Some moments I don't even remember anything has changed, then it hits me and I'm happy and scared all over again.
I really want this to work, but am trying to not get my hopes too far up until I have proof of healthy life. I know that sounds morbid, but I also know too many of you understand. I really am doing my best to enjoy the time I have this, though. I'm still happy. :)
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TODAY IS MY BLOGOVERSARY! Thank you Courtney for pointing it out to me; I would have never noticed. I can't believe I've been blogging for 3 years. It seems like just yesterday and a lifetime ago that I first put that post out there. Wow. And 403 posts? Another wow. Thank you to everyone that's been here for me!!!!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Show & Tell - Sound of Sunshine
Got something to show and tell? Click on over and join up!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
3 days later...
Thank you so much for all your support on my Not This Time post. Between here and FB (I double posted, I'm an attention whore like that) I received so much love and support. It's amazing the amount of closure I felt by that afternoon!
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On August 19 I closed a chapter of my life.
3 days later a whole new chapter revealed itself to me. On a whim I POAS.
I tried to get my doctor to order blood tests, but he wouldn't. Since I'm showing no signs of this being ectopic (I didn't show signs when I did have an ectopic pregnancy), he's not concerned. So I presented myself, peed in their cup, and should hear from them within three days regarding their test. Welcome to the military...a 3 minute test takes them up to 3 days to interpret (yes, I know it's their response time and not their test-reading time).
The idiot that I spoke with yesterday morning asked me, "How do you know you're pregnant? Did a doctor tell you?"
"No. I took a home pregnancy test."
"Yeah. Some people do that."
Really? This isn't an episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant and I was trying to get pregnant. Once again...military.
So, for today I'm living in the here and now. I'm happy with what I have and trying to not think about what the future may or may not bring. I'm happy. :) And cautiously optimistic.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Show & Tell: Accessories
Got something to show and tell? Click on over and join up!
I wasn't sure what I wanted to show and tell about this week, but this morning Trip gave me some inspiration. This child LOVES hats and shoes and accessories!
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| He's hiding! |
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| Can you tell what he's wearing as a "hat" today? |
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| And what about that "backpack" he has on? |
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| And now he's done with it all and it's back to basic pajamas. |
In case you couldn't' quite figure it out, he had a clean diaper on his head and a baby carrier on his back. This morning he pulled a bunch of stuff out of the bassinet I still have in their room and found this baby carrier we used once. He came down the stairs with it around his neck...he was so proud he'd managed to get it on! The diaper is actually something he put on his head yesterday that I pulled back out to finish his costume. He walked around for a good 5 minutes tickled pink with his outfit grinning at the camera and saying, "cseeeeeesssseee" (there is no "ch" sound in cheese, just a "cs" sound).
I'm still trying to get a picture of him with his bucket hat and his Daddy's boots on. That seems to be his favorite outfit!
Now head on over to Suzy's and see who else is playing along!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Not this time
Today was your estimated due date. If life had been fair I'd be holding you in my arms right now. I'd be figuring out how to juggle you and your brothers. Your Mammaw and Granddaddy would be fawning all over you and spoiling your brothers and me and your Daddy. I'd have you dressed in all sorts of handmade goodies that I would have been working on for the past 9 months. Today was supposed to be our day.
Instead, I wonder if you would have really been a boy or a girl (you were sick because two sperm fertilized one egg...a male sperm and a female sperm). I wonder if I would have seen your brothers' faces in yours or if you would have had your own uniqueness. I've made a ton of things for babies, but none for you. Your Daddy doesn't mention it often, but I know he thinks of you too.
I'm so grateful I got to see your little heart beating that one time. I know you fought and tried to survive, but genetics were against you.
So today I sit here missing you just a little more than I did yesterday and probably a little more than I will tomorrow.
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The doctor told me my baby was a little boy, but it's never stuck in my mind. From the time I found out I was pregnant, I was convinced it was a little girl. When the doctor read the genetics report, they told me two sperm had fertilized one egg causing him to have an extra set of DNA. 3 of those genes were sex genes and those were XXY. That means the egg was fertilized by one male sperm and one female sperm. That means if only one sperm had fertilized the egg, it could have been a girl. Since that day it's stuck with me that I lost the possibility of having a healthy baby girl.
The other night as I lay in bed thinking about it all, I just went with what the doctor said. I'd lost a baby boy. It hit me. I will never hold that little boy in my arms. I will never learn how he needs to be burped. I'll never know if he likes a pacifier or not. I'll never get to figure out where his tickle spots are or if he likes his bath. There is so much I'll never get to know about that little boy. And that hurts even more than the loss of the possibility of that healthy girl. Because I've held my beautiful boys in my arms and I know how amazing that first time was.
So now I'm finally mourning the little boy I lost. Having three boys would have been so wonderful.
Instead, I wonder if you would have really been a boy or a girl (you were sick because two sperm fertilized one egg...a male sperm and a female sperm). I wonder if I would have seen your brothers' faces in yours or if you would have had your own uniqueness. I've made a ton of things for babies, but none for you. Your Daddy doesn't mention it often, but I know he thinks of you too.
I'm so grateful I got to see your little heart beating that one time. I know you fought and tried to survive, but genetics were against you.
So today I sit here missing you just a little more than I did yesterday and probably a little more than I will tomorrow.
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The doctor told me my baby was a little boy, but it's never stuck in my mind. From the time I found out I was pregnant, I was convinced it was a little girl. When the doctor read the genetics report, they told me two sperm had fertilized one egg causing him to have an extra set of DNA. 3 of those genes were sex genes and those were XXY. That means the egg was fertilized by one male sperm and one female sperm. That means if only one sperm had fertilized the egg, it could have been a girl. Since that day it's stuck with me that I lost the possibility of having a healthy baby girl.
The other night as I lay in bed thinking about it all, I just went with what the doctor said. I'd lost a baby boy. It hit me. I will never hold that little boy in my arms. I will never learn how he needs to be burped. I'll never know if he likes a pacifier or not. I'll never get to figure out where his tickle spots are or if he likes his bath. There is so much I'll never get to know about that little boy. And that hurts even more than the loss of the possibility of that healthy girl. Because I've held my beautiful boys in my arms and I know how amazing that first time was.
So now I'm finally mourning the little boy I lost. Having three boys would have been so wonderful.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
What gives, body?
CD14 and I've got a peak fertility reading on my monitor? This is not normal for me. I've been a true-blue CD17 ovulator since I started peeing on things a while back (before the boys). I wasn't peeing on sticks when we got pregnant last time, but the EWCM doesn't lie and it didn't show up anywhere near CD14. And I didn't even get "high fertility" on my monitor until yesterday, which is also odd. All the times I've used my monitor the latest "high fertility" showed was CD11.
So really, what gives, body?
So really, what gives, body?
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I will survive or Monkey Butt!
I had two titles for this post, so you can choose which one you like. (I kind of like Monkey Butt!)
Last summer I brought my almost-teenaged nephew to stay with us for a week. It worked out so well we decided to try it again. This summer he's 12 years old with little to no home training...can you say attitude? But it's going pretty well as long as no one else is around (other family or neighborhood kids). I think he likes to give a little 'tude when others are around to show off for. You think he'd learn that I'm always going to put him in his place, friends or no friends standing there.
Well, yesterday I had the grand idea of taking him, my 9 year old nephew, and the boys to the zoo 1 1/2 hours away. Why yes, I am a little crazy. Why do you ask?
The trip actually went pretty well. No one asked me "are we there yet" until we were only 20 minutes away. The big boys had a really good time, even though they didn't get to see everything. We ate at the zoo (ewe!!! disgusting overpriced cafeteria food) and even did a little souvenir shopping. Even in the 95 degree weather it wasn't too bad. The zoo has sooo much shade! There's even a carousel and playground (which we didn't make it to). The big kids are already planning their trip for next year!
And you can't go to the zoo without taking at least a few pictures, so here you go:
Last summer I brought my almost-teenaged nephew to stay with us for a week. It worked out so well we decided to try it again. This summer he's 12 years old with little to no home training...can you say attitude? But it's going pretty well as long as no one else is around (other family or neighborhood kids). I think he likes to give a little 'tude when others are around to show off for. You think he'd learn that I'm always going to put him in his place, friends or no friends standing there.
Well, yesterday I had the grand idea of taking him, my 9 year old nephew, and the boys to the zoo 1 1/2 hours away. Why yes, I am a little crazy. Why do you ask?
The trip actually went pretty well. No one asked me "are we there yet" until we were only 20 minutes away. The big boys had a really good time, even though they didn't get to see everything. We ate at the zoo (ewe!!! disgusting overpriced cafeteria food) and even did a little souvenir shopping. Even in the 95 degree weather it wasn't too bad. The zoo has sooo much shade! There's even a carousel and playground (which we didn't make it to). The big kids are already planning their trip for next year!
And you can't go to the zoo without taking at least a few pictures, so here you go:
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| There's so much to see! |
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| They spent almost an hour in the aquarium/reptile house!!! |
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| Who doesn't like pink flamingos? Think they'd let me take one to put in my yard? |
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| This is NOT a zoomed photo. The thing almost hit one of my nephews in the head. Ha! |
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| All my boys! |
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| Monkey butt! Well, gorilla but to be exact. :-) |
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
No big deal
13dpo & it's a BFN. I know it technically is still early to call the game, but I'm doing it anyway. Even if I were to get a positive after today, I wouldn't have any faith in that pregnancy. My first pregnancy didn't show up until at least 15dpo, but it failed before it even got truly started.
But it's no big deal, at least that's what I keep telling myself. It's only the second month we've actually tried since our last loss. This is nothing in the grand scheme of things. This doesn't prove any secondary infertility. This is normal. That's what I keep telling myself.
In reality I'm hurting. I was convinced I was pregnant. I wanted to be pregnant. This was my last chance to get pregnant before my EDD with my nugget. I didn't want to sit through that day without knowing hope was growing inside me. But now I don't have a choice.
Maybe I wouldn't be so upset today if I hadn't had dreams the past few days of getting a BFP. It's always a shock to wake up from such realistic happy dreams. You wake up not realizing it was only a dream at first, then it hits you it was. And reality is great, but not quite a good as the dream was.
Last nights dream contained a BFP and my Dad's dog. It was amazing! I called my parents to give them a boat load of good news. I couldn't remember what a few things I had wanted to tell them were, but I remembered to tell them that I was pregnant and that I'd found their dog. I was confused why they hadn't told me he was missing, but he showed up at the end of my driveway (which was actually at my childhood house in the dream). I was going to feed him good food to get him healthy then have my neighbor groom him before we saw them again. It was such a happy dream! In reality my Dad's beloved dog drowned in the pond behind my sister's house while my parents were at the hospital waiting on the arrival of the boys. And I'm not pregnant.
It really is no big deal, but just for today, maybe it is for me.
But it's no big deal, at least that's what I keep telling myself. It's only the second month we've actually tried since our last loss. This is nothing in the grand scheme of things. This doesn't prove any secondary infertility. This is normal. That's what I keep telling myself.
In reality I'm hurting. I was convinced I was pregnant. I wanted to be pregnant. This was my last chance to get pregnant before my EDD with my nugget. I didn't want to sit through that day without knowing hope was growing inside me. But now I don't have a choice.
Maybe I wouldn't be so upset today if I hadn't had dreams the past few days of getting a BFP. It's always a shock to wake up from such realistic happy dreams. You wake up not realizing it was only a dream at first, then it hits you it was. And reality is great, but not quite a good as the dream was.
Last nights dream contained a BFP and my Dad's dog. It was amazing! I called my parents to give them a boat load of good news. I couldn't remember what a few things I had wanted to tell them were, but I remembered to tell them that I was pregnant and that I'd found their dog. I was confused why they hadn't told me he was missing, but he showed up at the end of my driveway (which was actually at my childhood house in the dream). I was going to feed him good food to get him healthy then have my neighbor groom him before we saw them again. It was such a happy dream! In reality my Dad's beloved dog drowned in the pond behind my sister's house while my parents were at the hospital waiting on the arrival of the boys. And I'm not pregnant.
It really is no big deal, but just for today, maybe it is for me.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Well that's not so bad
I took Jack to his pediatric ophthalmologist appointment Friday. It went really smooth! We were there for a few hours, but thanks to some of you ladies and my optometrist, I was expecting it.
And the verdict is? The kid is in desperate need of glasses! There is no noticeable muscle weakness, but there is very noticeable farsightedness. The exact words of the doctor were, "He's severely farsighted with a distinct difference between the two eyes." After googling his prescription I'm going to add he has an astigmatism in his left eye as well (R +7.50 SPHERE / L +8.00 +0.75 X 090). He was crossing his eye trying to focus.
With further reading I learned this is very common in children this age as their eyes haven't matured. As they grow things are supposed to fit better (the components of the eyes) and therefor focus better.
I ordered his glasses that afternoon and will hopefully have them later this week (due date is 07/29 at the latest). The doctor explained Jack will have to adjust to having them on, but as bad as his eyes are that may happen within a week. After he adjusts he probably won't want to take them off even for bath time.
We go back in 2 months for a check to see how things are going. Hopefully it won't be too long before the prescription can be changed to something not quite so strong. If, after a good time in the glasses, we still notice his eye crossing then we may have to add some time with an eye patch to help strengthen the weak eye.
OMG it was so fun taking the boys to try on glasses! Jack loved me putting the frames on him. It was so cute!!! Trip began to melt down when he realized he wasn't getting a turn in the frames, so I tried a pair on him. I only wish the picture I took could convey the look he gave me when I did. He didn't try to take them off or anything; he just looked at me like "I am the cutest thing you have ever seen. You know it. Admit it!" (that kid is so full of himself. no clue why. it's not like we tell him he's one of the cutest babies in the world or anything...heeheehee.)
And because I can't talk about little guys in glasses without sharing pics, here you go:
And the verdict is? The kid is in desperate need of glasses! There is no noticeable muscle weakness, but there is very noticeable farsightedness. The exact words of the doctor were, "He's severely farsighted with a distinct difference between the two eyes." After googling his prescription I'm going to add he has an astigmatism in his left eye as well (R +7.50 SPHERE / L +8.00 +0.75 X 090). He was crossing his eye trying to focus.
With further reading I learned this is very common in children this age as their eyes haven't matured. As they grow things are supposed to fit better (the components of the eyes) and therefor focus better.
I ordered his glasses that afternoon and will hopefully have them later this week (due date is 07/29 at the latest). The doctor explained Jack will have to adjust to having them on, but as bad as his eyes are that may happen within a week. After he adjusts he probably won't want to take them off even for bath time.
We go back in 2 months for a check to see how things are going. Hopefully it won't be too long before the prescription can be changed to something not quite so strong. If, after a good time in the glasses, we still notice his eye crossing then we may have to add some time with an eye patch to help strengthen the weak eye.
OMG it was so fun taking the boys to try on glasses! Jack loved me putting the frames on him. It was so cute!!! Trip began to melt down when he realized he wasn't getting a turn in the frames, so I tried a pair on him. I only wish the picture I took could convey the look he gave me when I did. He didn't try to take them off or anything; he just looked at me like "I am the cutest thing you have ever seen. You know it. Admit it!" (that kid is so full of himself. no clue why. it's not like we tell him he's one of the cutest babies in the world or anything...heeheehee.)
And because I can't talk about little guys in glasses without sharing pics, here you go:
My future's so bright
These are the frames I'm getting! Only add thick lenses...
ADMIT IT! I am THAT cute! You know you think so! ;-)
As a side note, that is the same frames in each picture. It amazes me how different they look on the boys (to me at least). They look so much bigger on Trip's little noggin!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
SWAK
- Thank you soooo much for all your love and support on my last post!
- Tim thinks things will get better over the next few months. He's weaning himself off the meds they gave him to quit smoking (zyban). I told him if things weren't better than we'd need to see about counseling. He said OK.
- Tim and I kissed and made up. We still have a lot of issue to work through, but things are better at the moment. And I'm not joking about the kissing...he kept randomly kissing me all day. I think that helped our attitudes towards each other. You can't underestimate the power of physical affection.
- Against my better judgment, we chased the egg before he left. This could have many outcomes. If we don't get pregnant, nothing lost nothing gained and the decision to TTC can be put off for a couple of weeks. If we get pregnant and lose the baby (I'm a little bit of a pessimist on this at the moment) the depression and pain from that won't help us at all. If we get pregnant and end up with a THB, the stress of a newborn and toddlers could be enough to break us. Damn I really should have listened to my head instead of my uterus.
- On a completely happy note, I love the fact that Jack "sings" along with a certain TV show that I won't mention because I'm ashamed we let him watch it (nothing horrendous, but definitely not education or age appropriate). And if Trip gets to watch Elmo's World, he waves and says "HI!" and "Bye!" to Elmo. I love the way these boys laugh when I chase them around. I love that they have so much fun playing with each other and chasing each other around (sometimes). I love walking into their room in the morning and seeing them jump up and down in their cribs, then running from me and falling into the corner as they break into fits of giggles.
- Hopefully I get to hang out with Courtney from Connecting the Dots (sorry, she's private) early next week!
- Oh yeah. I suck. I never did blog about hanging with Courtney or Suzy a few months ago. Oops. For that matter I'm not sure I blogged about hanging out with Farah or Jen last year.
- For that matter, I haven't finished my blog-you-very-much (I started it before the boys were born) post or my sock-it-to-me post. Boy, I really do suck!
- Tim is in VA Beach until Saturday afternoon. I've enjoyed my little break from him, but do miss him. I have the hardest time getting to sleep when he's not in the house. The boys seem to have a rough time going to bed if he's not here to tuck them in, too. It would be sweet if it weren't so exhausting trying to calm them down.
- Oh yeah! Jack has his peds ophthalmologist appointment tomorrow morning. I probably won't update until tomorrow evening. They said to expect 2 hours, my optometrist said expect 3. My optometrist also said to expect the docs to push for surgery. That won't be the first route we take, though.
- And I guess that's all for now. I really must get back to cleaning my house.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
A Change of Mind
Last night I told Tim I didn't think we should be trying for another baby right now.
We've been bickering (not really fighting, but constant bickering) a lot lately. It feels like he's angry at me all the time, and I don't know why. He makes constant comments about things I'm doing wrong or not doing, but won't come right out and tell me what it is he thinks I should be doing. On the other hand, his constant negativity is about to drive me up a wall. He is constantly working on one project or another then complaining because he doesn't think he spends enough time with the kids. Whenever he sits down long enough to do anything with the boys he ends up laying down and falling asleep on the couch. His tone and attitude are poisoning the house.
I expressed a lot of this to him last night and his response was that our sex life sucks. Why yes, yes it does! The combination of my low self esteem and his complete negativity kills any sex drive I could ever muster up. Who wants to get all romantic right after their husband has finished slamming a door because "nothing ever goes right!!!!"? Give me a break! And as far as my self esteem goes? Well...my weight isn't helping (or going down because I just don't want to diet right now). You know what else doesn't help? Having a husband that gets pissed off because I haven't gone to the grocery store (did I blog about that yet?) then turns around and grabs my ass like I'm a piece of meat? Kind of makes a girl think the only reason she's around is to cook and put out.
So we had a long talk last night and didn't seem to get anything resloved. He said he still wanted to try for another, but feels the only reason we have sex it to conceive (ummm...sure...because sex 6 days before earliest possible ovulation has a chance. yeah). I told him that I didn't think adding another baby would help our stress levels. I'm concerned about our marriage and don't want to add anymore to our plates.
Then today I get this:
Tim was supposed to be out of town for my peak fertile days this month, but it didn't happen. I don't know of another cycle that I ovulated before CD17.
My last miscarriage happened 6 months ago yesterday. I would have been 35 weeks tomorrow. I wonder what state our marriage and my mental health would be in if the baby had been healthy.
We've been bickering (not really fighting, but constant bickering) a lot lately. It feels like he's angry at me all the time, and I don't know why. He makes constant comments about things I'm doing wrong or not doing, but won't come right out and tell me what it is he thinks I should be doing. On the other hand, his constant negativity is about to drive me up a wall. He is constantly working on one project or another then complaining because he doesn't think he spends enough time with the kids. Whenever he sits down long enough to do anything with the boys he ends up laying down and falling asleep on the couch. His tone and attitude are poisoning the house.
I expressed a lot of this to him last night and his response was that our sex life sucks. Why yes, yes it does! The combination of my low self esteem and his complete negativity kills any sex drive I could ever muster up. Who wants to get all romantic right after their husband has finished slamming a door because "nothing ever goes right!!!!"? Give me a break! And as far as my self esteem goes? Well...my weight isn't helping (or going down because I just don't want to diet right now). You know what else doesn't help? Having a husband that gets pissed off because I haven't gone to the grocery store (did I blog about that yet?) then turns around and grabs my ass like I'm a piece of meat? Kind of makes a girl think the only reason she's around is to cook and put out.
So we had a long talk last night and didn't seem to get anything resloved. He said he still wanted to try for another, but feels the only reason we have sex it to conceive (ummm...sure...because sex 6 days before earliest possible ovulation has a chance. yeah). I told him that I didn't think adding another baby would help our stress levels. I'm concerned about our marriage and don't want to add anymore to our plates.
Then today I get this:
Tim was supposed to be out of town for my peak fertile days this month, but it didn't happen. I don't know of another cycle that I ovulated before CD17.
My last miscarriage happened 6 months ago yesterday. I would have been 35 weeks tomorrow. I wonder what state our marriage and my mental health would be in if the baby had been healthy.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Eye hate waiting
I got Jack's referral for the pediatric ophthalmologist June 16. I immediately called their office to schedule it (the referral was sitting on their freaking desk and they couldn't call me earlier???) and the first available appointment was July 16. So right now we're waiting. Some days his eye looks OK and others it doesn't.
Here's a pic from when it wasn't doing so good. At least he has his new favorite food!
There's a possibility Jack will need glasses. If he does, I already know how he'll be dressed on Halloween...
Here's a pic from when it wasn't doing so good. At least he has his new favorite food!
There's a possibility Jack will need glasses. If he does, I already know how he'll be dressed on Halloween...
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Um
I really don't know what to blog about right now. I could talk about W.W., but I don't feel like it. I am down a little bit more in weight (you can track me here).
The boys are growing like little boys will and learning new things every day. They figure out new ways to melt my heart and drive me up a wall all the time.
We're trying to get pregnancy, but I don't really want to focus on it too much. This is the first month we've tried to hit possible days and I've got sticks for my fertility monitor starting next cycle.
I've been crocheting a lot lately. Tim seems to have calmed down about it some (he felt it took up too much of my time for a while). I guess since I really have nothing to say, I'll leave you with a picture of something I finished yesterday.
The boys are growing like little boys will and learning new things every day. They figure out new ways to melt my heart and drive me up a wall all the time.
We're trying to get pregnancy, but I don't really want to focus on it too much. This is the first month we've tried to hit possible days and I've got sticks for my fertility monitor starting next cycle.
I've been crocheting a lot lately. Tim seems to have calmed down about it some (he felt it took up too much of my time for a while). I guess since I really have nothing to say, I'll leave you with a picture of something I finished yesterday.
Friday, June 11, 2010
*Wednesday, June 2, 2010
What you lookin' at?
Our peds office has been closed for 5 days. Really people? I know you're a military clinic and all, but come on! I really want to talk to you!!! (yes, if it were a seriously urgent matter, there is someone on call.)
There's been a development in our household, or should I say in Jack. His left eye seems to be a little...um...off. Let me show you.
Do you see it? How his left eye seems to be a little off center...or something*? I'm calling his peds office as I'm typing this (started this Tuesday and finishing it Wednesday morning).
You see, there's a family history of having a lazy eye. Let me show you.
You can click on the picture to make it larger, and unfortunately Grandad must have not used his drops that day because his eye isn't even open. Let's just say it doesn't point in any useful direction. (and OMG check out Trip's chunky things!!!! He was such a chunk for such a short period!)
Oh yeah, and I was informed yesterday by our nutritionist that Trip is considered at risk due to being underweight because his height/weight ratio is less than 20%. Seriously? It's called genetics, people! My brother is scrawny and my sister was until her thyroid decided to crap out. And let's not forget one of Tim's brother is also scrawny. Plus, if I wasn't feeding my kids, don't you think they'd both be skinny? Get a grip, people.
Aaannnndddd we have an appointment for tomorrow at 11:10 am. Have I mentioned how tight our schedule is? And that lunch is precisely at noon with nap precisely at 12:30 or else all hell breaks loose and naps may or may not be had. I'm crossing my fingers and toes that they get us in and out with a referral to a pediatric ophthalmologist (hoping they just refer us to the children's hospital).
*I'm aware I may be overreacting, but this is my son and anything I can do to prevent him being teased in school...you get it, right?
There's been a development in our household, or should I say in Jack. His left eye seems to be a little...um...off. Let me show you.
You see, there's a family history of having a lazy eye. Let me show you.
Oh yeah, and I was informed yesterday by our nutritionist that Trip is considered at risk due to being underweight because his height/weight ratio is less than 20%. Seriously? It's called genetics, people! My brother is scrawny and my sister was until her thyroid decided to crap out. And let's not forget one of Tim's brother is also scrawny. Plus, if I wasn't feeding my kids, don't you think they'd both be skinny? Get a grip, people.
Aaannnndddd we have an appointment for tomorrow at 11:10 am. Have I mentioned how tight our schedule is? And that lunch is precisely at noon with nap precisely at 12:30 or else all hell breaks loose and naps may or may not be had. I'm crossing my fingers and toes that they get us in and out with a referral to a pediatric ophthalmologist (hoping they just refer us to the children's hospital).
*I'm aware I may be overreacting, but this is my son and anything I can do to prevent him being teased in school...you get it, right?
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Updates Updates Updates
Honestly, there's not much to update on.
The boys are doing well. At their 15/18 month appointment the doc said so. Trip is holding on to the 3rd percentile for weight and up to the 50th percentile for height. Jack is sticking to his 33th percentile for both height and weight. From the way they've grown to date it looks like they're each picking a side of the family and sticking to it. Trip looks like my side of the family and is doing our traditional male thing of being average height and thin. Jack looks just like Tim and is built so much like him (short and stocky and muscled). Trip is just a little behind in his speech, but everyone keeps telling me it's OK. It seems babies/toddlers prefer to focus on either physical or mental and Trip is really focusing on climbing. He can almost pull himself onto the changing table/dresser in his bedroom. What?!?!
It's been 4 months since I lost my Nugget. While the pain is still there, it's not too bad. I'm having some trouble with depression, but I think it has as much to do with my weight and my lack of happy-pills as it does my loss. Out of those three things, there's only one I can change at the moment.
My weight. Oh boy, is that a touchy subject right now. When I got pregnant last year (boy does that sound weird to me) I started putting on weight. I wasn't too concerned about gaining a little; after all, I was pregnant. Then I lost the baby and used that as an excuse to eat. What's a little grief eating between friends, anyway? Then I just ate. Now I eat because I'm bored, hungry (not really, I'm rarely hungry because my stomach is rarely that empty), angry, depressed...etc. I'm one huge bag of emotions and the way to deal with that seems to be eating. This isn't a new story for me, but instead a different chapter of the same lame story. Binge eating, Anorexia, now just constant eating; food and I have a rough history.
So I'm on the verge of starting Weight Watchers again. I say "on the verge" instead of just doing it because I have to make a full grocery trip before I can do this. And making a full grocery trip is something this is dependent on Tim either taking care of the boys or Tim going with us. This means Tim would have to take time away from building his precious shed (if you know me on FB, you may have seen a picture of his latest project).
Tim's shed. Ugh. We've had so many fights over whatever it is that's taking the majority of my non-child related focus. Whether it's blogging, gaming, crocheting, reading...whatever it is, it gets on his nerves. It takes my focus away from whatever it is he thinks I should be doing. The majority of the time we fight about my hobbies, it's because I don't want to drop whatever it is I'm doing to come "mark a board" or "hold a board" or "eyeball something" for him. You see, my husband is a work-a-holic of sorts. He's not so into his for-money job that he's there all the time, but he's so into keeping busy that he ALWAYS has something going on at home. If it's not rebuilding an old car (sold that project THANK YOU GOD) it's remodeling something. If it's not remodeling something it's building something new. He never sits still. And everything he does is more important than anything else going on in our house except for the boys bedtime (he gets very upset if he misses bedtime). For example, he can't bring the trashcan back from the street after the can is emptied (even though he walks past it) because he's too busy; he can't take his dirty socks upstairs (even though he goes upstairs at least 3 times a day) because he's too busy. OK...I could go on and on about this, but it's just pissing me off even more so I'm going to drop it here.
On the baby front...well...I'm not pregnant. And of course I shouldn't be right now. BUT I am off my birth control pills. First off, I started some breakthrough bleeding on week 2 of my last pack. Then on week 3 I started a full fledged period. I don't feel like messing with pills if they're not going to stop a period, so there. Plus, we DO want to add one more kid to the lot, so , yeah. But this month, I avoided all encounters with Tim until it was either wayyyy too early or too late to get pregnant (I hope).
I know5 4 women that are pregnant right now (one had her baby last week) totaling 4 girls and 1 boy so I've been super busy crocheting baby gifts. One of the blankets was originally started for my first ill-fated pregnancy. I finished it and gave it to Tim's boss & his wife. They're 41 and 42 and this is their second pregnancy...their first successful one. This was the hardest blanket to give away, but it seemed to be the perfect couple to give it to. No clue where I was going with this paragraph, but I'll share some pics:
Well, that really seems to be it for now. Oh yeah, teething sucks and the fact the boys' mouths are already crowded isn't making it any easier. The doc says they've more than likely inherited my omg-your-teeth-are-so-crowded-you-had-to-have-EIGHT-teeth-removed-to-have-enough-space issue. Yay. Hopefully the next time I post it will be to tell you how much I'm loving being back on WW (because I really do enjoy it once I get on it).
The boys are doing well. At their 15/18 month appointment the doc said so. Trip is holding on to the 3rd percentile for weight and up to the 50th percentile for height. Jack is sticking to his 33th percentile for both height and weight. From the way they've grown to date it looks like they're each picking a side of the family and sticking to it. Trip looks like my side of the family and is doing our traditional male thing of being average height and thin. Jack looks just like Tim and is built so much like him (short and stocky and muscled). Trip is just a little behind in his speech, but everyone keeps telling me it's OK. It seems babies/toddlers prefer to focus on either physical or mental and Trip is really focusing on climbing. He can almost pull himself onto the changing table/dresser in his bedroom. What?!?!
It's been 4 months since I lost my Nugget. While the pain is still there, it's not too bad. I'm having some trouble with depression, but I think it has as much to do with my weight and my lack of happy-pills as it does my loss. Out of those three things, there's only one I can change at the moment.
My weight. Oh boy, is that a touchy subject right now. When I got pregnant last year (boy does that sound weird to me) I started putting on weight. I wasn't too concerned about gaining a little; after all, I was pregnant. Then I lost the baby and used that as an excuse to eat. What's a little grief eating between friends, anyway? Then I just ate. Now I eat because I'm bored, hungry (not really, I'm rarely hungry because my stomach is rarely that empty), angry, depressed...etc. I'm one huge bag of emotions and the way to deal with that seems to be eating. This isn't a new story for me, but instead a different chapter of the same lame story. Binge eating, Anorexia, now just constant eating; food and I have a rough history.
So I'm on the verge of starting Weight Watchers again. I say "on the verge" instead of just doing it because I have to make a full grocery trip before I can do this. And making a full grocery trip is something this is dependent on Tim either taking care of the boys or Tim going with us. This means Tim would have to take time away from building his precious shed (if you know me on FB, you may have seen a picture of his latest project).
Tim's shed. Ugh. We've had so many fights over whatever it is that's taking the majority of my non-child related focus. Whether it's blogging, gaming, crocheting, reading...whatever it is, it gets on his nerves. It takes my focus away from whatever it is he thinks I should be doing. The majority of the time we fight about my hobbies, it's because I don't want to drop whatever it is I'm doing to come "mark a board" or "hold a board" or "eyeball something" for him. You see, my husband is a work-a-holic of sorts. He's not so into his for-money job that he's there all the time, but he's so into keeping busy that he ALWAYS has something going on at home. If it's not rebuilding an old car (sold that project THANK YOU GOD) it's remodeling something. If it's not remodeling something it's building something new. He never sits still. And everything he does is more important than anything else going on in our house except for the boys bedtime (he gets very upset if he misses bedtime). For example, he can't bring the trashcan back from the street after the can is emptied (even though he walks past it) because he's too busy; he can't take his dirty socks upstairs (even though he goes upstairs at least 3 times a day) because he's too busy. OK...I could go on and on about this, but it's just pissing me off even more so I'm going to drop it here.
On the baby front...well...I'm not pregnant. And of course I shouldn't be right now. BUT I am off my birth control pills. First off, I started some breakthrough bleeding on week 2 of my last pack. Then on week 3 I started a full fledged period. I don't feel like messing with pills if they're not going to stop a period, so there. Plus, we DO want to add one more kid to the lot, so , yeah. But this month, I avoided all encounters with Tim until it was either wayyyy too early or too late to get pregnant (I hope).
I know
Well, that really seems to be it for now. Oh yeah, teething sucks and the fact the boys' mouths are already crowded isn't making it any easier. The doc says they've more than likely inherited my omg-your-teeth-are-so-crowded-you-had-to-have-EIGHT-teeth-removed-to-have-enough-space issue. Yay. Hopefully the next time I post it will be to tell you how much I'm loving being back on WW (because I really do enjoy it once I get on it).
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Randomness
- Trip has been crawling out of his crib off and on for a couple of months. Due to this, his crib was converted to a toddler bed. A big boy bed. :(
- The boys cribs got recalled. The boys have been sleeping in their pack-n-plays for the past two nights and will continue for the next two weeks, or until their new cribs arrive. Trip HAS NOT tried to escape from his pack-n-play.
- When we get their new cribs, we WILL be purchasing a "crib tent" to put over Trip's crib so he will stay in. I've decided he IS NOT ready for a big-boy bed. Before the conversion he was mostly sleeping through the night. Now? Not so much. Unacceptable. Plus, on more than one occasion I've found him sleeping in the floor when I've gone to get them out of bed.
- My Aunt almost died last week. She had an upper intestinal blockage and was refusing treatment (tube down her throat for a few days before they could do surgery to remove the blockage). She's only 64 but has had numerous strokes and was just told she's no longer allowed to live alone...plus she broke her arm the week prior. The day after all this went down my Aunt started Hospice care and was given a couple of days to live. Her kidneys had already started to shut down two days prior. My nephew (Aunts lousy son) asked her, "What are you waiting on, Mom? God to perform a miracle?" (he's an atheist and feels it necessary to constantly mock her very strong faith.) Her response was, "He's still in the business." That night my Aunt somehow managed to pass the blockage on her own. She has since been moved back to her rehabilitation facility to recover from her latest stroke and broken arm. It won't be long before she'll be back at her own home (with a friend moving in to help her out) and will hopefully enjoy many more years there! God really is still in the miracle business!
- Tim just repainted our house. It was a color called "cloudy amber" (read: bright yellow). Now it's "mississippi mud" (read: brown-ish-tan-is). Everyone in the neighborhood is very pleased with the results. Tim's sick of painting trim, though.
- We also built the boys a swing-set. They LOVE it!
- I was on my 3rd pack of BCP (since deciding I wasn't sure if I wanted to ttc again) and started spotting 1 1/2 weeks into it. Last week (week 3) I started my period. Ummm...that's annoying. I'm not sure what was going on, but my body seemed to decide it was going to do what it wanted to do regardless of the hormones I shoved into it. Let's hope this doesn't become a habit. (for the record, I had no spotting during the first two packs.)
- Have you seen my Little Monkey Toes Boutique page on Facebook? Check it out!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
It's a family tradition
No, I'm not talking about drinking or rolling smokes. I'm talking about infertility.
Let's start with my Mom. Her and dear old Dad got married fresh out of high school. He joined the Navy then she joined him in Jacksonville, FL. A year or so after they got married, and before they knew it they had my sister.
A little ways down the road, they wanted another (honestly my Mom wanted 10, but dad had some sense in his head). Three losses and 4 years after my sister, it wasn't happening. My parents decided it was time to get some help, so they went to a specialist. From what they could figure, something wasn't working quite right with my Mom so they tried this newish drug called Clomid. Let me tell you how freaked out my Mom was when she started her first round of Clomid and was then informed by her Mom that fraternal twins run in our family...she was convinced she was going to have a litter!
After round three of Clomid my Mom had another period but dutifully went back to try again. After round four she heard those magical words from the doctor, "You're pregnant!" Come to find out, round three had worked and she was already two months pregnant with me...and my twin brother. :-) Of course she didn't find out until much later that she was pregnant with twins and even then they were convinced it was identical twin boys. Since I was born second, I really threw the room for a loop. Surprise! It's a girl! My sister and I are 5 years apart in age.
[side note: When my Dad found out my Mom was pregnant and it was sticking he said he was getting a vasectomy. His reasoning was that he was not letting her go through this any more (harsh, but that's love). Her response? "I HOPE IT'S TWINS!"]
Now let's backtrack a little and talk about my Mom's Mom...Grandma. I didn't find this out until my Grandma wasn't lucid enough to talk about it, but it seems she had fertility problems, too. Her and Grandpa got married right before he went off to boot camp (military men seem to be what the women in the family go for, huh?). She got pregnant with my Aunt and her twin on his first leave...their honeymoon. She was devastated since she wasn't ready to be a mother (18) and her husband had just been shipped off for WWII. Unfortunately my Aunt's twin didn't survive the pregnancy.
A little while later my grandparents decided they wanted to have another child. It didn't happen as easily as the first time and my grandma had to have "painful treatments" to conceive my Mom. She always told my Mom how hard they worked for her. I have no clue what sort of tests or treatments they had for IF in the late 40's early 50's but Grandma did something. As far as losses go, I have no clue. Besides my Aunt's twin, I don't know if Grandma had any other losses. This woman only talked about sex to try and terrify my Mom (then my sister, then me) of it. Pregnancy was something you didn't want, but would get if you kissed a boy (or rubbed against, or got naked in front of). My Aunt & my Mom are 6 years apart in age.
So I guess you could say infertility and twins are a family tradition for us!
*************************************
I didn't know anything about my family's history if infertility until Tim and I started having issues getting pregnant. When time kept going by and I kept talking about it to my Mom it came out. "You and your brother were conceived on Clomid." Want to talk about jaw dropping? I think I learned about my Mom's losses when I had my ectopic pregnancy.
Today Mom and I were talking about National Infertility Awareness Week. We talked about our family's history of IF. We talked about our shared history of losses.
Decades later, three children later, grandchildren later, a lifetime later she still feels the pain of Infertility and loss. Even as I listen to my Clomid twins waking up from their nap, I still feel the pain of Infertility and loss.
Let's start with my Mom. Her and dear old Dad got married fresh out of high school. He joined the Navy then she joined him in Jacksonville, FL. A year or so after they got married, and before they knew it they had my sister.
A little ways down the road, they wanted another (honestly my Mom wanted 10, but dad had some sense in his head). Three losses and 4 years after my sister, it wasn't happening. My parents decided it was time to get some help, so they went to a specialist. From what they could figure, something wasn't working quite right with my Mom so they tried this newish drug called Clomid. Let me tell you how freaked out my Mom was when she started her first round of Clomid and was then informed by her Mom that fraternal twins run in our family...she was convinced she was going to have a litter!
After round three of Clomid my Mom had another period but dutifully went back to try again. After round four she heard those magical words from the doctor, "You're pregnant!" Come to find out, round three had worked and she was already two months pregnant with me...and my twin brother. :-) Of course she didn't find out until much later that she was pregnant with twins and even then they were convinced it was identical twin boys. Since I was born second, I really threw the room for a loop. Surprise! It's a girl! My sister and I are 5 years apart in age.
[side note: When my Dad found out my Mom was pregnant and it was sticking he said he was getting a vasectomy. His reasoning was that he was not letting her go through this any more (harsh, but that's love). Her response? "I HOPE IT'S TWINS!"]
Now let's backtrack a little and talk about my Mom's Mom...Grandma. I didn't find this out until my Grandma wasn't lucid enough to talk about it, but it seems she had fertility problems, too. Her and Grandpa got married right before he went off to boot camp (military men seem to be what the women in the family go for, huh?). She got pregnant with my Aunt and her twin on his first leave...their honeymoon. She was devastated since she wasn't ready to be a mother (18) and her husband had just been shipped off for WWII. Unfortunately my Aunt's twin didn't survive the pregnancy.
A little while later my grandparents decided they wanted to have another child. It didn't happen as easily as the first time and my grandma had to have "painful treatments" to conceive my Mom. She always told my Mom how hard they worked for her. I have no clue what sort of tests or treatments they had for IF in the late 40's early 50's but Grandma did something. As far as losses go, I have no clue. Besides my Aunt's twin, I don't know if Grandma had any other losses. This woman only talked about sex to try and terrify my Mom (then my sister, then me) of it. Pregnancy was something you didn't want, but would get if you kissed a boy (or rubbed against, or got naked in front of). My Aunt & my Mom are 6 years apart in age.
So I guess you could say infertility and twins are a family tradition for us!
*************************************
I didn't know anything about my family's history if infertility until Tim and I started having issues getting pregnant. When time kept going by and I kept talking about it to my Mom it came out. "You and your brother were conceived on Clomid." Want to talk about jaw dropping? I think I learned about my Mom's losses when I had my ectopic pregnancy.
Today Mom and I were talking about National Infertility Awareness Week. We talked about our family's history of IF. We talked about our shared history of losses.
Me: You, of all people, know what it feels like. You remember!
Her: I remember crying every month when my period would come. I remember wondering why my body was killing babies. I remember thinking, "Why ME?!?!?!"
Decades later, three children later, grandchildren later, a lifetime later she still feels the pain of Infertility and loss. Even as I listen to my Clomid twins waking up from their nap, I still feel the pain of Infertility and loss.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Perfect Moment Monday
I wish I had a picture to go with this, but I don't. Oh well! You'll have to picture it for yourself.
Tim, the boys, and I were driving back from Western NC/Eastern TN Thursday morning. He had both the boys in his truck (he missed them so much he wanted them to ride with him...works for me!). We stopped in a parking lot so he could re-situate something in the back seat. I could hear the boys "talking" but all I could see of them was Trip's feet swinging and kicking as he giggled about something his Daddy was doing. It just kind of hit me how blessed I am and was all I could do to not jump out of my van and grab him out of his seat to smother him with kisses.
Definitely a perfect moment!
Tim, the boys, and I were driving back from Western NC/Eastern TN Thursday morning. He had both the boys in his truck (he missed them so much he wanted them to ride with him...works for me!). We stopped in a parking lot so he could re-situate something in the back seat. I could hear the boys "talking" but all I could see of them was Trip's feet swinging and kicking as he giggled about something his Daddy was doing. It just kind of hit me how blessed I am and was all I could do to not jump out of my van and grab him out of his seat to smother him with kisses.
Definitely a perfect moment!
I Capture
Perfect Moments.
Perfect Moments.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Honesty today
Tim and I talked a little about TTC today. I think he's a little worried that I'm putting a ban on the baby factory that will never be lifted. I'm not doing that...I don't think. But we were able to listen to each other and it was good.
For today we're not going to TTC. We can revisit the topic in a couple of weeks (May 1 to be exact...since that will be the the last active pill of this pack).
What would Tim like? If time and money weren't a factor he'd have as many kids as possible! Since they are a factor he'd like to have one more.
What would I like? If time, money, and miscarriage weren't a factor? I'm in the same boat that he is.
But time, money, and miscarriage are all factors so we'll discuss this more beginning May 7.
For today we're not going to TTC. We can revisit the topic in a couple of weeks (May 1 to be exact...since that will be the the last active pill of this pack).
What would Tim like? If time and money weren't a factor he'd have as many kids as possible! Since they are a factor he'd like to have one more.
What would I like? If time, money, and miscarriage weren't a factor? I'm in the same boat that he is.
But time, money, and miscarriage are all factors so we'll discuss this more beginning May 7.
Friday, April 9, 2010
What IF?
If you haven't read about what Mel & Resolve are up to, well...why not? Have some tissue handy if you're going to read through the comments.
My what IF? What IF I spend my childrens' hard earned childhood miscarrying their siblings?
I didn't even realize until I typed it, but this is one of the main reasons I'm hesitant about TTC again. I AM terrified of losing another pregnancy. Yes, I have had a successful pregnancy (immensely successful if I do say so myself). I have also had unsuccessful pregnancies. Three of them, by my count. 1st one, no clue what happened...2nd one, ruled ectopic but barely missed being ruled chemical...3rd, triploidy natural miscarriage. 4 pregnancies, 4 outcomes, 1 positive, 3 negative. Luckily it looks worse on paper than it is in real life, because I think we can all admit that 1 positive outcome is amazingly positive and gets better each day.
But do I want to risk the emotional and physical trauma of more losses? The pain isn't overwhelming now, but each loss dredges up the old pain and compounds it. My boys are young right now, but as they get older they'll see what Tim and I are going through. Do I want to do that to them? Do I want to do it to me or Tim?
Of course this is only one of the reasons I don't want to TTC right now, but it's definitely the most emotional and physical reason. The other reasons are purely time and money.
So what's your What IF?
My what IF? What IF I spend my childrens' hard earned childhood miscarrying their siblings?
I didn't even realize until I typed it, but this is one of the main reasons I'm hesitant about TTC again. I AM terrified of losing another pregnancy. Yes, I have had a successful pregnancy (immensely successful if I do say so myself). I have also had unsuccessful pregnancies. Three of them, by my count. 1st one, no clue what happened...2nd one, ruled ectopic but barely missed being ruled chemical...3rd, triploidy natural miscarriage. 4 pregnancies, 4 outcomes, 1 positive, 3 negative. Luckily it looks worse on paper than it is in real life, because I think we can all admit that 1 positive outcome is amazingly positive and gets better each day.
But do I want to risk the emotional and physical trauma of more losses? The pain isn't overwhelming now, but each loss dredges up the old pain and compounds it. My boys are young right now, but as they get older they'll see what Tim and I are going through. Do I want to do that to them? Do I want to do it to me or Tim?
Of course this is only one of the reasons I don't want to TTC right now, but it's definitely the most emotional and physical reason. The other reasons are purely time and money.
So what's your What IF?
Friday Night Leftovers
Head on over to Danifred's for what might be the last Friday Night Leftovers. (Boooo!!!)
- I am soooo glad to be home. The boys and I left last Thursday and the boys, Tim and I returned last night. Woo-hoo for having everyone home!
- I'm so proud of Tim for graduating from Non Commissioned Officers Academy.
- Trip was so traumatized by the days of travel and by being left with my Mom for 24 hours that I had to hold him until he screamed himself to sleep last night. Don't misunderstand, he LOVES my Mom & she's great with the kids, but he's been super clingy since Tim left and I think it was just too much that I left him for a night, too. And this kid NEVER wants to be held when he's tired, he would much rather be in his bed.
- I really really don't want to finish unpacking and doing all the laundry. Boo!
- Tim asked me last week on the phone when I wanted to start TTC again. I told him to not ask me while I was being left alone with two toddlers for six weeks...he would not like the answer. I can't even answer the question right now. I almost freaked out the other night when I couldn't find my new pack of birth control pills. And I do mean freaked out...as in near panic attack. Yeah, it'll be at least another month before I revisit the topic of TTC.
- The boys are at a really odd time right now. And by "boys" I really mean Trip. He is super clingy and emotional. I'm super hesitant to take him out in public right now due to the fits he's pitching. Honestly, if he'd been acting this way a couple of weeks ago, I would have never gone to Gatlinburg.
- Speaking of Gatlinburg, I took the boys, met up with Tim, and went there a couple of weeks ago. This topic deserves its own post, but just in case I don't get to it, I got to meet some super wonderful bloggers! Courtney at Connect the Dots (private blog, sorry) and Susan at Not a Fertile Myrtle. They are both wonderful people and we had an amazing time! I only wish we all lived closer (and that Suzy & I had brought yarn & hooks & needles & had time to teach Courtney how to knit or crochet so she'd be as addicted as we are)!!!
- Oh yeah, during Tim's award and graduation ceremony I ended up sitting next to this guy. It made me just a little nervous since I get a little stupid in public some times. (yeah, yeah, yeah, I get stupid in private, too.) He's a pretty important thing in Tim's world since he's his boss' boss or something like that. He was really nice, though. He drilled me about what the base can do to get spouses and families more involved. I really didn't feel it was appropriate for me to tell him there really isn't anything he can do to get me involved. I'm just not a "military wife". I'm married to a man in the military, but it's not our life. I'm sure if we ever get stationed somewhere else or he gets deployed for more than 6 weeks our view will change, but as it is I live in Charleston and my husband works here, too.
- Did I mention how much I don't feel like unpacking?
- It seems there was a lot more I wanted to talk about on here, but it's gone, now. I was reading but rarely commenting before all my travels over the past 6 weeks (the boys and I weren't home for about 1/2 of that) and now I'm planning on getting back into the reading AND commenting game.
- OK...yeah...now I'm just rambling. So I'll stop.
- Hopefully coming soon: a post about Gatlinburg and the sisterhood I found there & a Sock-It-To-Me post & a Blog-you-very-much post!!!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Say Yes to the Dress!
Tim's semi-formal graduation dinner is coming up very soon. As in 11 days away, soon. What? I didn't mention he's been away at school all month? Yeah. Gotta love the military when they give you 3 days notice that your husband is leaving for six weeks.
But the important question today is, which dress should I wear??? I ordered a bunch of dresses and decided to let my internet buddies pick one out for me. Please ignore the hair, lack of makeup, and fact that all of the dresses are wrinkled. Please also forgive the blurry shots and bad lighting...self portraits suck.
Please vote, even if you've never commented! The poll is on the right and will be open for a week. :-)
[caption id="attachment_1526" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Dress 1"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_1527" align="aligncenter" width="163" caption="Dress 2"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_1528" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Dress 3"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_1529" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Dress 4"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_1530" align="aligncenter" width="291" caption="Dress 5"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_1531" align="aligncenter" width="278" caption="Dress 6"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_1532" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Dress 7"]
[/caption]
[caption id="attachment_1533" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Dress 8"]
[/caption]
But the important question today is, which dress should I wear??? I ordered a bunch of dresses and decided to let my internet buddies pick one out for me. Please ignore the hair, lack of makeup, and fact that all of the dresses are wrinkled. Please also forgive the blurry shots and bad lighting...self portraits suck.
Please vote, even if you've never commented! The poll is on the right and will be open for a week. :-)
[caption id="attachment_1526" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Dress 1"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_1527" align="aligncenter" width="163" caption="Dress 2"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_1528" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Dress 3"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_1529" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Dress 4"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_1530" align="aligncenter" width="291" caption="Dress 5"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_1531" align="aligncenter" width="278" caption="Dress 6"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_1532" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Dress 7"]
[/caption][caption id="attachment_1533" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Dress 8"]
[/caption]
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