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I’m BAAACK!

April 6, 2009

It has been over three months since I last posted and I doubt if anyone will be reading this but I thought it would only make sense to start back writing. Nothing has changed since I last posted but here is an update. I am still in school, I will graduate in May 2010. I cannot wait to finish. Not that I do not like school but it can be a bit overwhelming with working full time. Once I am done, I will really begin to focus on adopting. Speaking of adopting, I have met so many women online who have encouraged me and have giving me so much great advice. I have a slew of ladies that I can just email and they will tell me, honestly, exactly how it was for them. I am forever greatful for them. My husband is still the greatest man around! He has really made my life so great. He is one of the most thoughtful people I know. Okay, so I have to talk about an experience I had last week. So, my friends are opening a store and instead of helping, my friend, who is due in July, asked if I could take her two kids to family fun night that was free in the mall. Let me paint the picture for you. A small area in the mall full of kids from birth to preteen with their parents, running and screaming everywhere playing. Yes, I thought I was going to go crazy but I didn’t. I love our friend’s kids. They are so cute and well mannered. They waited their turns and line and just had a blast. But then it hit me, they are not my kids. I want to be a mommy and bring my kids to the Free Family Fun Night. While waiting in one of the many long lines, I text my husband and all I said was, “I Want A Baby” and pressed send. He text me back and said, that he does as well. Its amazing how little moments like those can make you want to break down and cry. But I didn’t, I just sucked it up and enjoyed the time with the kids.

Okay, that’s all I am going to write right now. I must go back to work. Tootles!!!

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On Break

December 21, 2008

So, today was the first day of my break. I do not have to go back to work until Jan. 5. I finished my final paper for class and emailed it to my professor at about 12:00 pm today. It was such a relief, a total of about 8 pages. I washed clothes, made my store list and put up my tree, finally. I talked to two of my sisters for a little while today and talked to my big brother. I wasn’t feeling well so I ate some chicken noodle soup that my neighbor made. Thanks Julie, it was the BOMB!

Anyways, I watched Drake men’s basketball team beat Iowa. It was just wonderful to watch, wish I were there. I am sure there are some very upset Hawkeye fans, too bad, so sad. LOL! Not too much going on with me right now. Just enjoying my time off and I can’t wait until Christmas. Oh yeah, I made cookies and got Christmas cards for some people at church. I cannot wait to get to church and hand them out. Well, that’s about it, I hope all is well with everyone reading this! Tootles!!

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Bad Evening

December 16, 2008

So today I stayed home from work, just so I could rest up a little bit more before going to work. I felt better but I wasn’t 100% yet. I finished my paper for class and answered some emails for work. Not a bad morning and afternoon. We went over our close friend’s house and did the usually. I played with their four year old son and two year old daughter, it was nice, hadn’t seen them since Thursday. That is a long time for not seeing them. Anyways, we ate dinner and were watching footbal when the wife hands me some pictures of the kids. I look at the picture and BAM, Big Brother and Big Sister shirts on the kids. It was one of those moments that I just didn’t know how to handle. On the inside, I wanted to cry. But then, I was so happy for my friend. And she stated that she felt bad because of everytihng we had been through. And I know she does, she has cried with me and had truly been awesome through the whole process. I had seen her last week and I thought she was pregnant but you never ask a woman that so I didn’t say anything.  I am truly happy for them. They are great people and are great parents. I am glad she got that third child she had been wanting.

But then, there is that void. That void that I am missing and everyone around me are having no problem with. Though my desire is not to adopt, I think I need to be at a better place; mentally, spirtually, financially. It is so hard when everyone around you is pregnant. My neighbor just had a baby, the girl I went on the fertility website is pregnant, a childhood friend is pregnant and now my friend here. I really try not to question God but it is so hard. On our ride home, I tried to act as if nothing is wrong but its so hard. I turned my head every time a tear would fall so my husband wouldn’t see it. He knew about their pregnancy on Saturday. I asked why he didn’t tell me. I know he probably didn’t want to hurt me, not that he would have been hurting me but the information might have. Its such a hard situation because you are SOOO happy for your friends. I have to just pray and pray some more for healing in this area. Well, I have written enough. Time to watch tv and go to bed. Start another day tomorrow. I have to remember that life could really be so much worse.  Tootles!

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Head Cold

December 14, 2008

So, I have had a head cold for about three days and I cannot win this battle. I wish it would go away. I am really not sure if its just a head cold or a sinus infection. I have this headache that will make anyone scream. My husband has been great. I feel bad that I really cannot do anything around the house. Yesterday, I had to go and talk to some football recruits for work. I probably shouldn’t have left the house. And my friends had us over for dinner, spaghetti and fried chicken. Not the best for you, but it is so good. Thank you Mosely and Bre! Anyways, I missed church today and that doesn’t happen often and I will not be able to serve at the late night breakfast for the students, so mad. Oh well, I have to get better and my husband said not to over do it, so I won’t. That’s about all going on with me. Tootles, HEAD COLD!

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Not Feeling Well

December 12, 2008

I had to leave work today because I am sick. I hate being sick. But thank God I have the best husband in the world. He went to store and got me Chicken Noodle Soup, medicine and he made the best sandwich a girl has ever eating. What have I done to be blessed with this wonderful man. I am spoiled, I know, its hard to say but I am. But that is what I prayed for, a man who would spoil me and he does. Not too much is going on with me. I am sitting in my bed, watching tv and taking medicine here and there. No fun, there are two basketball games I want to go to tonight and I can’t. Not a happy camper about that. Oh well, Tootles!

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Life Goes On

December 11, 2008

So we tried again and my ovaries just will not respond to the medicine. They have just been too damnaged by the Endometrosis. Donor egg was recommended but I think we will just adopt. Honestly, I was wreck for a while. How could a heathly young lady, who hardly drinks, never smokes get into this situation. I questioned God, why? Why me? Once I got over myself, my husband said something to me that had kept my sanity. He said, I didn’t marry you to have pretty children, I married you because I love you. I had to tell him how much that did for me. I am so blessed to have such a loving husband. I am so blessed that when I was on my way out of town, I met a couple who had adopted and they shared their story with me and now we are email partners. The Lord really does watch out for you. He has blessed us with a couple at church that has adopted and they shared their story with us last night. It was amazing to be to talk with them. You know, I could be so unhappy right now, but why. I am so in love with my husband. This experience has drawn us closer. I love my job and I am doing well in school. And I have a church family that cannot be beat. What else could I need or want……a baby! But that will come in due time. Oh, and my family. I went home for Thanksgiving and just had a wonderful time. I spent time with my beautiful neice, okay she is eight but I just love her to death. Not too many people can say they love their family and they are just happy, but I am. So, we will look at adoption in the future.  For now, we going to focus on each other, school and we are taking a nice vacation next year. I cannot wait for that. Tootles!!!

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My Schedule

September 24, 2008

So, my office called me yesterday at about 3:30 and said that they had my schedule all together and I could come and pick it up when I was ready. I was so excited, I left work right away. I knew I wouldn’t have time today to go and get it. I called my wonderful boss but she didn’t answer so I left her a message saying that I had finished all of my appointments and that I would be leaving to pick up my schedule. I knew she wouldn’t mind so I left. While driving, I kept thinking, who could I call to tell this exciting news? I had already gone to lunch with my internet friend who is now 12 weeks pregnant after her FET. She knew I would be getting it soon but i didn’t want to call her yet. So, I called my good friend back home TH. She had done several IUI’s and we have shared stories upon stories so I knew she would be excited, and she was. At this point, I have decided not to tell anyone in my family or friends. I don’t want to have to deal witht that stress right now of them calling me everyday with questions. I made it to the doctors office and I walked right into a class they were doing so I had to go around. I was so embarrassed. I get my schedule and open it in the car. I cannot wait any longer. When I opened it, to my surprised, I would not be doing my ER/ET until late October and early November. Bummer but everything happens for a reason. I will start Lupron around the 18th of October and Follistim a few days later. My doctor knows what’s best so I will leave it up to him. My husband was in class so I waited with anticipation for him to get out to let him know about the schedule. He was excited, because that will give a little bit more time to get out medicine then original planned. Which is nice. So, I stopped by Younkers which is a clothing store here. Sort of like, Riches-Macy’s, Dillards or Parisan, depends on where you live. They had mens Polo shirts on sale for 24 dollars so I bought my husband one.  Just because he is so great and he wears Polos almost everyday. I went home read for my class after looking at my schedule again. I am so excited. Last night, my husband and I were in bed, I was cramping of course. And he said, I am so excited. I told him that if everything goes according to plan, we should be have a little one in August of 2009. So, what does he do of course, tells his mom. He was like, its my mom. But when I talked to her last night, she just said she was planning her wedding for August of 2009 and she wants me in it and now she is stressed. I told her to go ahead and plan it and don’t worry about us but you know that didn’t work. So, we will see what happens. I hope I didn’t bore you today. That’s all the exciting news I have today. Tootles!

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She Has Arrived!

September 23, 2008

So, I called my doctors office last week to find out on what day I am supposed to start my birth control, the first day of my cycle or the first full flow day. It is the latter. I have never been on birth control before, maybe for a  month a while back so this is farely new to me. The nurse also informed me that the physicians will be gone the last week of October and the first week of November. Of course I got worried because I have yet to receive my calander and I was not sure if that would be a problem. So, AF arrived yesterday, about two days early but I am not complaining.  I called the nurse yesterday and she said we will be fine with getting things done before they leave and she will create a schedule for me and I can come and pick it up when its done. So, I will tak my first BC today. I was going to do it this morning but I wanted to make sure I was truly flowing, fully. And I am so I will take one this evening. Then tomorrow take one in the morning and in the morning for here on out. I really feel good about this. I am positive and I just sit back and think about how I will tell my family. NOTE: As of today, we are not telling anyone about what we are doing. They know its something we have to do but they don’t know when we are doing it. We want it to be a surprised when we get that BFP especially for my dad and my DH’s mother. They are the only living grandparents and this will be the first for my DH mom and I don’t know what number for my dad, I have six older siblings.

Other things going on in my life, I started back school last week, Friday to be exact. I went on Friday from 5-10 pm and Saturday from 8-5pm. I know that seems long but it actaully goes by fast. You know, I could never understant those people in your class that have to  comment on everything the teacher says. And they are an expert on the world basically. This one lady in my class, let’s call her, hmmm, Big Mouth. She is an older lady who has to always make sure to tell you that she has not kids and she is married. Big Mouth talks so much that I think even the teacher gets annoyed. And what makes it worst, she wears this perfume that will clean out your sinuses with no problem. She wore a bright outfit each day. One day is was yellow and the other day it was pink. I am like, come on Big Mouth, calm it down, in all aspects. OKAY SORRY I HAD TO VENT!!

Well, I hope whomever is reading this is doing well. Please comment and I will see you soon. Tootles!

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The Waiting Game….Tic Toc

September 12, 2008

So, I am playing the waiting game right now. Waiting for AF to show up in about two weeks. Most people are not looking forward for her to show her ugly face but for me, that means I am one stop closer to Mission Baby!. So, here is what my protocol will be, AF shows up, start BC for two weeks, then Lupron for three days (this part could always change), then start my stims with Follistim. My doctor stated that I will not be using Repronex this time. I will do Follistim in the morning and the evening. Which is fine because the pen for Follistim is not that bad, I can handle that. So, now I just wait and continue to exercise. I have decided that I will give up sweets as a whole during the week. Not just chocolate which will be everyday but I will always give up sweets Monday though Friday and on the weekend, it them at a minimal. 

Side Note: I worked out as hard as I have ever had. I sweat so much, my bandana was wet. I am not one who sweats often so I was amazed and proud of myself.

Well, there is really not much more to talk about. I live in Iowa and everyone is excited about the Iowa/Iowa State game that is coming on tomorrow. Because there are not any professionals teams here, the locals get extremely excited about college sports. Which is great and entertaining for everyone. Our friends are having their sons birthday party tomorrow and we will watch the game as well. I will go to prayer at 6:00 am, work out then shower and go to the party. Then that evening, I have another game to go to at 6:00 pm. It should be a fun filled day. Well, Tootles!

PS Hope4tomorrow, I would love to read your blog and comment but I need to get permission. Please send me a request. slh17@hotmail.com

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Just Waiting

September 11, 2008

So, I thought it would be nice to drop a few lines and to talk about what I have been up too, which isn’t much. I know I don’t have avid readers who are checking my blog everyday to see if I have written something but I like to do this just to destress and just to keep up with my life. I hope one day I will be able to show my children this blog and they will be able to see what Mommy was thinking about before they were born. So, here I go!

First Topic, My Weight-Though most women obsess about their weight because that’s what we do, I have never really been one to talk about my weight or be self conscience about it, until this year. Note to husband: You always hear about it but I have never talked to others about it. When my husband and I moved to Iowa a little over a year ago, I wore a size 7/8. Yes I am almost 5’9 and I wore a 7/8 but that came from stressing and now eating like I was l supposed to. After being here for a little while, I was a 9/10 and I was happy about it. Still had my flat stomach and tight jeans still looked good on me. In January, I was put on Lupron Depot and that’s when the beginning of the end occured. I started eating like a horse. I could never get full. I was tired all the time so working out was not an option, it was awful. Then I started taking the stims for my IVF that got cancelled. So, here it was June or maybe July and I said to myself, “Self, you are going to have to start working out.” So, a coworker of mine who is over the wellness program suggested I do a six week program they were doing this summer that included working out and eating right. I was so excited, I began working out. I even took a before picture. Needless to say, I lasted for about two and a half weeks. After a while, my 9/10s didn’t fit, then my 11/12s didn’t fit. My poor husband, I know he was so tired of me complaing about my size and how I cannot fit any of my clothes and how i refuse to buy anything because I am going to get pregnant and I don’t want to but clothes twice. So, I finally broke down and went and got some pants from TJ Maxx and Marshalls for 7 and 11 dollars each. The said thing is the 11/12s are a bit to small and the 13/14 are too big. So, I got the 13/14s and my husband wasn’t happy because I think he felt like I was settling. So, I have worn the pants and they waist is extremely to large but I deal with them. So, on September 1, I decided that enough it enough. I will refuse to buy anymore clothes until I get pregnant and I will work out and give up my first love, CHOCOLATE! For those of you who know me, know that this is hard but I will deal with eat. I am not going to eat three chicken wings at a time, just two. I vow to just cut back on my eating habits. I am working out just about every day now. I am made that I went two days without working out but that’s okay. Evening though my weight has not changed, I can tell a difference already. My 11/12s are fitting a little bit better now. Note: I told my sister that I am in an 11/12 last night and she nearly freaked out. I am glad I didn’t tell her almost a 13/14, she probably would have had a heart attacked. Then she yelled to her boyfriend, “S is in an 11/12 now, can you believe it.” I wanted to say, “Thank you for broadcasting my size to your boyfriend, now he thinks I am big cow.” She cleans it up by saying, “I like you that size though, because she always have a flat stomach so it looks good.’ NO MORE FLAT STOMACH SISTER, NO MORE! Anyways, That’s about it for my weight, the journey is just beginng. I am really just trying to get in shape before I start IVF in October, not so much about losing all this weight.

I was going to write on another subject, but because I have written so much. I will leave that for tomorrow. Tootles!

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