Well, “Hello”. Hope y’all are well and the new year is moving along. A random comment had me here, searching, for a moment so….

Do have an odd thought though. Several things have recently gained definitions in my world. One really helped with understanding and handling stroke and the other came when I finally got annoyed enough to pursue getting information on a lingering problem from my accident nine (!) years ago. (See? I eventually get around to it….) In both cases defining the problem was more than half the battle. Oftimes we forget how important this step is and we sell ourselves short but not pursuing that bit of data. Bad us. Stop to ponder, define and understand the challenge before you. Sometimes the impossible mountain is a silly molehill. Even if (such as mine) the problem has no magical cure you’ll still be much better for the knowledge.

Ok, babble done, y’all have a good evening.

A thought, a nebulous thought, has rattled around recently. Things of the past, knowns of the future and fleeting events of the present, they all come together into an oddity. It’s an oddity because I usually arrive with a thought. Type it, hit “publish” and log out, “There, excised that demon!” Today? Well, were you to ask I’d lack a clear summation yet the thought remains so….. Might as well share a garbled something that’s probably worth nothing. Let’s see.

I see cars whip by, 20mph over the limit and it annoys me.

It’s a fabulously gorgeous time of the year here. Serendipity sees me really getting to enjoy it. From the ridges leading into West Virginia, back through the Valley, over the mountains and through the Piedmont to the coast, it’s an ever changing kaleidoscope. Those western hills are mostly bare now, Piedmont and the eastern side of the valley are in full swing. Tidewater is getting primed. You can literally see the change in climate as you cross the terrain. Kind of cool if you see it. A couple of particular rides stand out….

39 north out of Bergen then onto 6 as you go towards the Artic Circle is a global favorite. It’s simply spectacular.

Some roads east of the Adriatic come to mind. They always seem close kin to West Virginia.

Speaking of which, those old, seldom used Mountain State roads. You know there’s little traffic when trees are reclaiming the road.

That hour before sunrise on a desert. Pick a desert. They all feel special then.

Coming into harbor by moonlight. Wondering how anyone could sleep when it’s this pretty.

Ever been to a funeral?

Finding a bit of leeward shelter on a path. Resting for a moment as you watch the crystals blasting off of the peaks as the wind continually scours the ridgeline.

The enveloping feel of jungle. The sounds.

So, why are they driving so fast? Everyone is talking about how pretty it is. Those who’ve never seen it envy those here and yet too many of those here never stop to look. That failing is repeated worldwide. Haven’t any of these folks pondered their hurry? Have they wondered what is missed as they rush EVERY day? Have they pondered the simple fact that, at the end, there’s a funeral. THEIR funeral. Shame to rush past beauty to reach one’s funeral. Maybe, while vertical, slow to see the leaves falling.

So, my apologies to those now hearing Daft Punk. You’re close and I like where your head is at but we actually need to go back yet another couple of decades. Yep Tipper, I’m looking at you.

Recently a icky, smelly girl babbled on and on in https://kitncaboodlesite.wordpress.com/2025/10/05/character-of-a-dominant/ . She had a good point as always. Oftentimes I purposefully stay quiet there as I want her to have her place, her voice and her freedom to interact and yet I can be left with thoughts. Such was the case here as a certain W.A.S.P. classic was suddenly pounding on the mind’s boom box. Once more it was yesteryear and a good soundtrack for a good….. Actually, maybe Tipper & Co. had a point. Hmmm, anyway….

Now it’s almost 40 years later. Even without a stroke it is inevitable that relationships of every sort grow and change. It’s inevitable that, if we are blessed with longevity, “Harder, Faster..” gets redefined. That’s ok. Why? The relationship is much deeper, much more nuanced. I would be disappointed if it weren’t. I’ll grant you that this certainly all sounds very self-centered in a way outside my norm but that misses the point. ALL relationships grow and adapt unless parties die young or split. I’ll still hear Blackie occasionally but I’ll also enjoy a calmed girl prattling on while I watch another sunset.

Now, three years on I’m ok. How are you?

Yesterday annoyed me. I needed to be “medium acceptable”. I’d much rather do damage. It’s fun to watch a smirk dissolve into horror and it’s quite satisfying to know you’ve just bettered the human race but my role was different so…. So I was calm.

Later I was looking about the world when I noticed something missing. Something I’d had my eye on for a couple of years. It was a small something, the sort of thing adults rightly consider an extravagance. It was something that I looked at almost daily as it reminded me of the enduring nature of love. It was gone. I may search for it yet I know that it could have been prioritized differently and remain. That will haunt me.

Last week I rode a road again for the first time in close to a decade. It was something of a distracted ride as I remembered comments, observations and giggles. It’s still a good road and a pretty ride and the rumbling soundtrack was the same yet something was missing….

The road curved up and down just as days and lives do. It’s tempting to hold on to the past so tight we are unable to grab tomorrow’s possibilities. Shame though, it is tempting to let anger, regret, melancholy or any number of emotions retain my attention but I’d hate to trade my tomorrows for yesterdays

I started to watch a movie. I’m home and “…’twas a dark and stormy night.” Doesn’t hurt that I hurt but I’m used to that. A possible driver is the luck of recent days. Is it misfortune or does the universe want to see what I can take? Unsure, I sat. Now a little known fact immediately came into play. You see, those who tell me to rest are part of a secret organization dedicated to making me pay for prior sins. As such, the member on duty tonight called as soon as I hit “play”. By golly they are efficient at making sure I suffer!

That call was a useful chat though. It naturally involved a discussion of whose gear broke, where and how. By the time we finished I’d other things rolling in my head. Having seen a movie this year the interest for another wasn’t high anyway so…. So, figured I’d share a story and a thought all at once the sleep better for it. Besides, it’s a dog story and those are always good.

Some years ago I had an “old dog” who wasn’t too terribly old (9?) and a young pup of maybe a year. The older one was a good dog and normally it would be teaching the pup daily. Now I could spend hours here but a very simple overview is that the play fighting definitely has a purpose. They are teaching in so many ways and pups need this but life isn’t fair is it? It wasn’t fair here either. Old didn’t do as much with new as would be normal. This was the result of a rather sudden tumor you see. So many lessons are harder when you are physically limited. The mind knows but the body is more Bambi than Jordan. I find myself there daily. Today was another day of thinking of that old girl’s struggle.

One day pup was raising a ruckus, ceaselessly barking as only pups or poorly socialized dogs do. A glance revealed a pup that had cornered a ground hog and simply stood barking, totally unsure what to do now. Well…., after a couple of minutes a girl with a good bit of experience wearily got up and slowly headed over. Walking up, she wobbled past the pup that was bravely staying back so that the ground hog might more fully enjoy its bark. There was a drunken feint and a (surprisingly) quick second short strike. Two seconds, game over. She turned back for the porch and walked past a silent, dumbfounded pup. It was time to nap some more on the porch you see.

Oh my……, a convert. The pup had taken really good notes because it suddenly had a new purpose in life. Within the month every undesirable critter on the farm was gone and the pup sought permission to hunt other properties. This I remember fondly. I remember the holding the elder after ending her pain and I remember the exploits of that younger mutt. I remember that we can be rickety and accomplish difficult tasks. We can struggle yet teach. We can wobble yet lead and we all can grow. We just need to continue getting up and returning to the fray.

Earlier I was in a new (to me) eatery. Well done decor, a lot of well chosen posters and such from the late 70’s and early 80’s. Nice layout and it made for an enjoyable look as I headed to wash up after ordering. Trying to stretch as I looked around thinking of days past. Then the walk got more enjoyable.

She looked good sitting in the corner alone and quickly memories of prior games of all sorts came back. Been a good while since I even remotely gave certain urges any thought. Immediately after the stroke a long list of things would have been laughably beyond me. I’ve kept working though, slowly improving day by day, week by week. Slowly things are within my grasp once more, “oh my”. With another sidelong glance as I passed I was suddenly wondering if maybe it was time.

At first I laughed at the thought but then I found myself drawn to the thought of how she looked in that light. As I dried my hands I considered her size. A bit on the small side yet my preferred size and easily about as big as I could safely work over nowadays. By the time I walked out I was determined to try. A word with the waitress saw me at a new table. Right away I knew it had been a long time but…. After a week opening shot I realized I could do this without making too big a fool of myself. Lacking competition at the moment it was easier to work around my weaknesses and focus on her. Size, complexion and a few other appreciable attributes made for a comfortable, familiar feel even when I stumbled along.

All too soon it was time to step away for the time being. As nice as the interlude was it was an unexpected encounter that left me with the knowledge that future encounters were welcome and doable, that I could get yet another kind of therapy with her. Too often we fail to see what is possible, where we may extend and expand our circle and abilities. So it was today when I pushed myself again. I don’t see myself forgetting her soon and I find an “accidentally” encounter far more likely. Besides it isn’t often that one finds a 6 1/2′ oak Valley bar table with straight cues sitting just so and wide open, begging to be used. Speaking of pool, do you shoot?

Bit early to be inside isn’t it? Not even dark and here I am sitting. Sitting with knee deep grass outside and a pile of “to-dos” wanting to sleep in the “to-done” pile. Oh well….

Had a the chance to attend a mighty nice gathering earlier. It was a swell reminder of the good all about. Afterwards I did a bunch of small things enroute to the big thing of cutting on some grass. Usually that is a rather peaceful time for me to be productive while also getting to enjoy the outdoors and yet be seated all the while but…

This day, this week, this…., this period sees many melancholy things amid so much positive. Pushing harder means more pain yet…. I can’t work quickly but I can work long once again. I could grouse about the grass but we could be in a drought. I could grumble about not being able to fix equipment with one hand after spending an hour on the ground trying. I could grumble about many things that spent the afternoon building. My annoyance with bad behavior last night already had both sides of my personality on edge. That western sky and I both had a thunderhead building.

But you know what, I’m here, we are here. Me and we need to control ourselves but it can be mighty hard once those clouds build. I certainly won’t lose my temper yet I could easily let tunnel vision creep into play. For whatever reason some conversations from the past crept in. That other, rarely seen, side started to survey the scene as he replayed those conversations and the lessons therein. A very good girl learned many things before having a bad day at work. Among the lessons was constantly analyzing one’s position and comparing it against knowns. Then it clicked.

The last time I let the cauldron reach this point (plus a degree or two) I had a massive stroke. She rightly blessed me out while laughing at me. The action would be lost on the vast majority of the sheltered population but it was humorous given her tenuous situation as she laughed at the absurdity of my overreach and the resultant just desserts. She also lambasted me for attempting to get dead when I needed to keep her stay alive. Like so many understudys, her rightness hurt.

So, the obvious path was obviously followed. I got things up as well as I could and limped inside to clean up and come here to clear my head a bit. Hopefully my system will ease down but at least I’m aware and trying. That matters. It would be bad enough to work myself to death but I’ll be danged if I want to hear her laughing as I walk in Heaven’s door.