Maybe God sometimes squeezes souls too tight and He bruises them

I’m feeling buffeted, bruised and in pain as are her daughters and family.   But more than our pain I wonder, what is my beloved sister feeling?  Is she in pain?  Is Love holding her so tight that He is bruising her? Or is it a tight embrace with an assurance that this is a work of Divine Love?  

I have not and dare not ask my Lord Why?  ‘Ours not to reason why, ours but to do and die’ as the soldier said. But I confess that I often ask ‘What!’  “What do you want me to do Lord? What are you trying to teach us?  How should we respond to “this”?

“THIS” – being my beloved younger sister semi-conscious for around 8 months   following a ruptured aneurism. She spoke to us soon after it happened and through pain of MRI scans. She was then put into a medically induced coma. Many surgeries later, she is not responsive in body although there is eye response; precious handholding and indications she is trying to communicate. Sometimes tears.

We have tears too. Our hearts are filled with tears – but we try not to be negative in her presence. Her daughters follow her ‘Pollyanna’ philosophy and strive to be cheerful and positive around her.  At all times we keep up the faith.

Why am I writing all this? 

I was listening to a homily by Bishop Fulton Sheen this morning. The words Sometimes lovers squeeze too tight screamed at me. Something clicked. That must be the reason for this?! He must love her to extremes for she has certainly been a faithful loving daughter.  Her profile statement on phone “BOJ without you I am nothing” is self-explanatory. BOJ being an abbreviation for Blood of Jesus.  She had two plaques in her house that read “As for me and my Household we will serve the Lord”.  She gifted me one such plaque for my first home but it was admittedly some time before I appreciated the meaning. She prefixed every document she wrote (and she wrote many in her fights for social justice and environmental issues) with BOJxxxx . She was conscientious in not starting her day until she completed her bible reading and prayers . These included the prayer card she printed and distributed which has the Our Father, Psalms 23 and 91, Prayer of Rebuke and a Prayer to Win souls for Christ. 

I have never ever prayed to win souls for Christ.  Yet for 35+ years my younger sister has said this prayer twice daily!

I often whisper to her ‘Mich, you are fulfilling your mission of winning souls for Christ Michele.  Our siblings have come closer to Him; Your girls too cling to Him for hope, strength, comfort and MERCY!    Your husband does not say much but I’m sure he too has sought comfort in prayer. Your Godfather prays more than he used to before and says he does not sleep until he has said a rosary for you. You’ve brought so many to pray for you Mich, aunts, family, friends …. amazing how so many around the world, even those you’ve never met, are praying for you. Through this I think you are winning souls for Him like you prayed.  

The stories of people you went out of your way to help can fill another volume, Michele.  We were the ‘rationale’ ones guided by the standards of the world.  We discouraged you when you distributed Bible Calendars each year telling you it was unfashionable even foolish, but you persisted to spread His Word.  

And lived His Word too Mich.  You always sought to be a peacemaker, putting estranged families together, saved many marriages even though we considered it ‘meddling’. You always encouraged family and friends to forgive, to move on.

We thought you were ‘pushy’ when you proffered medical advice to all and sundry. We joked about Kevin’s slogan “Enna leding Yanna Honding” (Come sick, go well) for his barefoot doctor sister, but there are so many who tell us now how you visited them or the elderly, took the time to help resolve simple issues, and even accompanied them to doctors consultation if you felt they were being exploited.  You helped students who were challenged; autistic children, stroke victims and others and opened your heart and home to so many. Michele’s prodigies we called them.

You had time for people Michele. In a nutshell – you cared!  You saw a need and ‘connected’. So many resources, equipment and supplies have flowed in from people whom you touched. Too many to mention and some may wish anonymity for such immense generosity.

Darling sister, you tried to live the gospel values, taking His commandments seriously and walked close to Him. As your profile says, “BOJ without you I am nothing”.

And so I reflect today on Sheen’s words.  LOVERS SQUEEZE SO TIGHT THEY CAN HURT.  I pray you are not hurting Mich but are being comforted by HIS embrace.  Of course you must be darling sister.  Who am I to question or try to understand Divine Love!

The analogy of the mouse that Sheen mentioned in the same homily also fits. Just as a mouse nibbling at the piano keys would not understand why a gifted pianist could sit at the same keys and play Tchaikovsky whilst the mouse is unable to produce any music from his nibbling … we too can never hope to understand the mind of God – the Eternal Plan.

We can only beg, plead, cry for mercy, for miracles. And even as we wait in faith and hope, we surrender all to Him.    

I have more of Sheen’s words to ponder: “Over many of us He just raises his hand in blessing, but over other souls he lays and presses His hand, and when he presses His hand, he leaves a scar.  And as we go before Him on the last day that is what He will look for” – the scars of crucifixion that led to Resurrection.

Sheen elaborated: “Love does not destroy pain, but love makes it bearable.”

Lord, envelope us in your Love. Envelope Michele; hold her close, caress her, comfort her.  Assure her that her daughters are turning out just the way she prayed they would. Assure her we will care for them.  Nay, Lord. Assure her that YOU will care for them, for her family, for her!!  Let her know and feel your presence and your unending Love.  Let your Love make her pain bearable. This is our prayer.   

Also Lord I whisper … can you wake her up soon …. please. Healed!