Temper and Loss

Temper, usually associated with losing one's head, is self explanatory.

It is a term usually used in narratives, interchangeably with "giving a piece of my mind" or "lost it". Used in first person terms, it is a blatant refusal of self-responsibility. When I refuse to take blame for my actions, blaming my temper is an easy way out.

The root of the temper? Oh, my parents were always hot headed. I got it from my mother/father. It was the harsh environment that I was raised in. Oh, how easy it is to blame one's bloodline or childhood.

What about "I could not control myself sufficiently and do not feel like being a responsible adult I am expected to be. I felt like regressing to childlike behavior and ignore all manners of civility because I did not get what I want"? That's temper, isn't it?

Witnessing it as a third person made the situation seem almost hilarious. How self-righteous we all can be sometimes to defend our childish behavior.

Tux

This is Tux, my virtual pet. Taking care of Tux takes minimal time and effort, and it does not take money (except electricity consumption).

The more I pet Tux, the happier he gets. His mood has improved from "hazy" to "admired by Emperors" in this couple of days.

Food provides speed, which gets pretty useful for winning races. Tux wins consistently now.

False humility is not a virtue, is it? Hear me gloat

Dear Uncle

Dear Uncle,

Thank you for inviting us over for lunch today. You have been visiting us for Chinese New Year for years, traveling the distance to spend a few hours with us. It is nice to be able to visit YOU now for a change.

Our families have always been there for each other, haven't they? Grandma tells me stories of how your mother used to visit the house with food to feed the hungry children. Your family treated mine with great respect and love during the difficult years when Grandma wasn't held in very high regard in society.

As the wife of a thieving man whose children had to work after school to put food on the table, Grandma knew hardship more intimately than any one of us can claim. Society was a little more primitive then, and charity was not as common as it is now. Grandma said that the company and support of your family meant more than luxury of life.

One of my sweetest childhood memories is spending an evening with your family in the fishing village. It was so cool that your house was also a candy store from which I was free to take anything I wished. Three square meals meant nothing because we were munching away the whole day. In hindsight, I wonder how you managed a bunch of kids on sugar highs.

You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your relatives. I'm just glad that I have your family as relatives.

Dear House-mate

Dear House-mate,

This is a direct result of your suggestion to continue my blog.

It was discontinued for various reasons. First and foremost, there were readers who felt compelled to past judgment. The type that leads one to question, "did my back hurt your knife?". Then, just as it is impossible to paint a picture of a dinosaur's life from a simple fossil, it is near impossible to construct one's identity from a single blog post. Yet many attempt to do so, even kindheartedly trying to help with dire consequences... due to lack of information on the situation in hand.

People are not content to let blogs be blogs. And I am a slow learner in how to expect people be people.

It is Chinese New Year. As you know, I went home for some family time this year. You had to spend time in the apartment alone to prepare for your exams. I salute your determination and admire your family's understanding. Very few families, if any, would respect a son's decision to not join in the celebrations. I wonder if mine would.

While spending time here at home, conversations from the older generation become a daily routine. Although the government considers us old enough to be trusted to make decisions on the future of the nation, aunts and uncles will forever view us as children. So our participation in usually involves the simple art of eavesdropping clearly audible discussions.

It is then that one notices that cousins are inevitably compared like slabs of meat in the market. Each is weighed, measured and valued according to scales not found in any imperial or metric system. Medical students score lower in the scale due to lack of contribution to the family economy at our age. In fact, we are seen as no different from parasites still tied to our mama's apron strings, incapable of simple independence embraced by our peers.

Fortunately, supportive family members (thank God for them) exist. However, it still doesn't hide the fact that medicine is a selfish pursuit. It sacrifices not just our personal time but more importantly, our family time and efforts. It makes me question if any one of us is putting enough effort to rival that of our families'. None seem sufficient to be compared with the value of their understanding.

You and I are both very fortunate. If I ever do forget this, do remind me. Over and over again.


Tired from babysitting,
-house mate-