Xreinx's Blog

“Nilla”

The lone figure sat in damp tundra, ankles crossed in a sloppy Indian style, at the edge of the deep green blue river, swirels of water broke the placed surface just feet below her, betraying how dangerous its seemly calm waters were. Her hands lay palms up on her thighs, lax and fingers dirty as she sat gazing blankly at the river, features slack with her head cocked slightly back and to the side.

“Nilla!”

She jumped, then turned her head to the right, only to hear the laughter of her ‘friends’ and hear the soft whispers of just how strange she is, and quiet wonders why she was alone, on the edge of the river. Mumbling to herself, she turned and put her hands on the ground, grunting softly, she pushed her self up, rump first, he knees ached even though she had grew up and lost her childhood weight, she still carried herself as if she had a second body wrapped around her person. Standing, she looked at the snickering former members of her school days, the same people she had been with all her life, school was out, they were adults. Looking at their smirks and soft words hidden behind their hands, she tried to remind herself that they were all grown up, but it still felt like high school. Turning, she started walking off into the woods, heading for a hidden trail that would take her to her ATV, parked off in the woods, safe from prying eyes and the rest of the village.

“Hay.. Where… are you going? …” she didn’t bother answering, they didn’t think much of her… she didn’t think much of them either, she was strange in their eyes, she couldn’t change their minds now, rubbing her dirty hands along her baggy jeans, she pushed her tangled hair out of her eyes and disappeared threw the thick brush, nats buzzed her eyes and ears as she tried to ignore the sounds of dissapporvial at the dissapparance of their latest object of amusement. Tried to block out the stinging words as they agreed that she was weird without bothering to keep her from hearing them.

Unhappy, she mumbled intelligible to herself again before she paused and looked up as a gray jay that clung to a branch just above eye level,  let out a scolding cackle, its beady black eyes glinted darkly as she inched closer, she was slow, human slow as she reached up to snatch at the bird, seconds too late, the bird jumped out of reach with a flutter of its wings and lit on another branch as it let out another, almost joyes scolding cackle, smiling she mumbled again before she reached out and tried to touch the bird again, this time it let her poke its chest before it flew away, wings brushing her fingers in a breef contact of wild freedom, and for a moment her heart flew with the bird before landing achingly back in her chest as it flew away, taking with it, her pain from the earlier contact with her own kind.

Sighing she climbed on the stinking hunk of machinery and turned it on with a roar, in seconds she had the mechanical monster growling and was out of the trees and onto the main road that led away from the river, leaving behind those “friends” that had parked for a day of fishing, and ruining her… gazing. She had never been part of the village. She doubted now, seeing as she just spent 3 years sense graguation trying to find her place in the world, that she would ever be accepted. Leaving behind a telltail dust cloud she headed in a direction that would have had people thinking she was going home, and headed for a secret trail that led into the burn and would insure that she would be alone.

The trip took just minuets with the machine that was far supperer then many of the others around the area, one that people could hear for miles off, but she was useto it… and loved it. Reaching a hill, she sped up a trail, she parked at the top and gazed out over the entire area. She could hear the rivers rapids and see for miles. Turning to look back towards the village, she wondered at the meeting the elders were going to have. Everyone was invited, but only those who everyone felt comfortable with, accually were invited. Sighing softly she looked down and wondered alittle at how it would be to be part of the meeting, nothing much happened, usually it was just a gathering of clan and family, to tell stories and share a meal while the adults spoke of adult things while the kids ate, played or slept.

She was hungry, and she wanted to listen, she knew they were gathering, they had been gathering all day, she could feel it, turning to look at the sky, she watched with her weak human eyes and thought she seen movement in the distance. She was hungry.. And she was going to listen. Without really thinking about it, a female goshawk lifted into the air, her red eyes spotting a artic hare moments before the animal gave a short squeak of surprise before the bird began feeding.

Gliding in, she flew over the wooden structure, it resembled a large Indian longhouse rather then a Alaskan sod house and noticed the smoke from the wood fire rising up from the rather large square in the center of the roof. She could hear the muted voices and noticed that there were no more incoming or outgoing people, feeling a tinge of fear and a muted shiver of excitement, she gently lit on the far end and slowly made her way closer to the opening. Pausing frequently when she thought she could understand some of the hummed voices, ready to stop just far enough from the hatch to hear what they were saying, though each time she had to inch forward again.

Carefully lifting her clawed feet and inched silently even closer to the opening when she couldn’t understand anything they said. After a time she reached the edge of the hatch and leaned forward to peer into the shadows when she stumbled and found herself tipping forward as her form left her, reaching out, she tried to stop herself only to have the edge of the hatch gave way under her weight. Grunting in fear, she tumbled forward threw the opening and landed face first in the middle of the dark interier, knocked breathless and stunned.

She squeezed her eyes shut past the stars that flashed before her eyes as she gasped only to cough a moment later on the dust she breathed in, lifting her head she blinked into the darkness, finally noticing the stunned silence that greeted her. Silence buzzing in her ears like a deafening roar, she pushed herself up slowly, gazing around at the surprised faces and relized nearly the whole village had joined the gathering. Unable to change and in the middle of an entire village that had just witnessed the impossible, she gazed around helplessly, afraid of the looks she was getting from the people around her, before she spotted the offending bone belt being held by the only person who had never had a problem with her when she was younger.

The only person who had never made her feel the outcast, her only friend in the village was now running the bone .. rope.. threw his hands slowly, mindlessly working his fingers over the aged brown bones and hair, bits of fur and string, as he gazed at her too in stunned silence. Moving to her hands and knees, she crouched gazing at it trying to make sense of what she was seeing when she relized that it was strong magic, reaching out, she ripped it out of the scarred hand of the elder and with a swift movement, grabbed a line that was above her head and attached it before she threw it out of the hatch. Looking around quickly, she made eye contact with her friend, the man. Elder, father, they called him, She called him, now she knew why.

A moment later, a red eyed female goshawk lifted out of the hatch and flew out of sight, taking with her, the bone necklace attached to the long line, long enough from her to keep her from changing… Change… that had happened the moment she fell threw the opening, sprouting feathers on her hands and red eyes…. How was she ever going to explain this.

——–end—-

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My name is Balian, this is my story.

sitting in a 5 by 8 cell, color coded blue in a row with 9 other dogs, I sit and listen to them howl and bark mornfully. the chain link fencelike gate is locked and the smell of dog shit fills the air as one of the muts in the cell beside my own lets go his load, gagging alittle, I wave away the scent and try to sip my cooling tea without thinking about anything much, the tiny table that held my breakfast accually was a dog crate with a rug over the top of it, my chair… a fold up camping chair. compleat with drink holders. sighing, I sit back and watch the public walk by, pointing at me, some accually finger the paper in a little plasic sleeve put on my cage door, Adoption fee for me was standard, where as the Neuter was going to be waved. I still was human, they really couldent Take All my rights as a american citisan.  sitting helplessly in a loincloth, I close my eyes and try to remember what it felt like to be normal. the last three weeks were a living hell, sence the judge dubbed me a walking nightmare and stripped me of most of my rights.

confused? let me start from the beganning, My name is Balian spade, and Ive had one of the worst days in history, my long time girlfriend, the babe of my dreams, my soon to be wife.. dumped me.. called off the wedding and left on a plane to New Mexico. with her causen. twice removed.

I spent a few days sitting in dumb shock when my friends invited me out, to have fun out on the town, I went, when I should have never gone. Great fun huh? they were just trying to cheer me up by drinking my pain, shock and tears away. Problem is.. I have this condition.. noone knows about it.. well.. No one Knew about it.. but…now.. Everyone knows about it..

my 12 foot high, muscle bound, furry white condition..

it started on the dance floor, I can usually handle myself when it comes to drinks and fun. dancing with friends and strangers alike, the music was blasting and everyone seemed to be having fun, I know I was tanked and dancing with a pretty blond who was giving me her rear againt my crotch in a sudgestive way as we rocked with a pounding beat that sounded like a second heartbeat in my ears. 
I had forgotten myself, forgot to remember why I should have stayed home, forgot why I was feeling like I was… forgot everything.. Until the screams started.  well.. I still didnt remember.. I usually do, and I never really was drunk in my altered form…it was a new experence, and I was lucky noone was hurt.. Otherwise Id probily be somewhere else other then the pound..

it started out as great fun, I remembered it still being great fun even when everyone was running for their lives, I had never remembered being in a crowd like this before in my altered form, I had always been in careful control of myself.

It Felt good to let go.. and man.. Did I ever let go. howling, I staggered around, pouncing after the forms that darted in and out of my sight, bright glittering forms, dark ones smelling of leather and lace, the screams were music to my ears as I let out  cackling like howls and banchie screams while trying to catch something.. Anything at all, yet as I plowed into tables and sent chairs flying as I stumbled after the screaming pray, each and every one got away, even as I scrambled clumbsily up the steps behind a writhing mass of them. snapping at arses and trying to pull them down to me by way of tripping them up, I could never seem to sink my claws or jaws into anything until we got onto the main street, where I spent the rest of the evening knocking down lamp posts, chaseing cars and howling after people who somehow managed to get beyond my grasp and dissappear into closed doors. I think it was near dawn before the first signs of cops appeared, in the end though, 3 tazzers and a handfull of drugged meat brought me down, and I was loaded into a cramped end of a van, brought to the local animal shelter, muzzled, and dumped into a tiny cage that I could barly turn around in, woozy and high off drugs and alchol, I managed to get the muzzle off before I threw up, and spent the last hours sleeping in my own mess before I changed back.  only to be arrested  some 20 minuets later. (not done yet)

Ive Tended all these cats.. I’ve come to know All of them.. and in time, over half have gone into a sleep from witch they never wake from. Thankyou cat guy.    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LY92S5xw-w&feature=player_embedded

gazing out the dusty yellow glass, the world beyond the domes is gray, dusty gray, it’s never really Dark.. .but there isn’t any Light either. the storm like clouds boil high above the earths surface with nonexistent wind, and it’s always eerily calm outside. even when its raining like water through a strainer. there’s almost never any sound, the landscape is composed of bare soil, or rocks, like a plow had gone through a field and simply left it unturned, just disrupted. broken stones and bare ground for as far as the eye could see, until you noticed the roads, just trails really, paved but still rough, as if no one bothered with it, what you do see though… is the rails.  For as far as the eye could see, this single jetting ..rail, or tube….. with posts every 8 to 12 feet holding it high above the ground, sometimes as high as 50 feet above the ground, extended like a pipe or taunt line between cities. sometimes you see lighted pods floating along them, sometimes slowly, other times as if it were flying along like a firefly. human-powered bicycles, with no way off except in the next port. sometimes there were more than one human in a pod, or there was an entire line of humans, like a convoy. then they moved fast, with many legs pushing the same pod along, they could afford to go faster.  sometimes you could see some coming from two different directions, then one would have to pull off onto one of the many tiny platforms every mile along the tracks and wait for the other pod to go past. but you rarely seen them getting out of the tiny pods, most platforms were 2 by 4 feet long, and had no railings.  sometimes you would see mangled pods with body’s, or bones under these platforms, most stayed away from them, and only stopped long enough to let the other pass.

this was our world now.. this.. was earth.. the acidic rain slid down the glass turning it yellow, and burning any human stupid enough to be out in it without tough hide, or a rain jacket made from dog skin, once, it was said, that people had dogs for pets, used them for everything, including eating, but I couldnt see how one could have ever wanted a hairless beast with raisins for eyes, and claws that never retracted, their shriveled ears folded against their head in an effort to keep the water from draining into them, and their floppy lips didn’t completely contain their dagger like teeth looked like..a croakadile, of the old era.

sighing my breath fogged the glass a little before I backed up and looked twords the gardens under guard, the vast domes extended for as far as the eye could see, towers were connected to the main garden dome by use of tubes, or walled glass walkways, each building had its own life support system. vast engines purified what air the plant life couldnt take care of, and the animal and human waste that were created, were used to make fuel for the lights that resembled the sun, strung up everywhere, making it Seem like the tiny bit of earth they huddled on was bigger then it was.

my weekend was a bust, as usual.  My mother is in town so I spent the day waiting on her, its her birthday tomorrow so I made up a quick lie about the snakes I was getting in. The damn FedEX people were so damn slow getting them to me, it wasent funny. I thought they were dead in the box. I am so glad they didnt expire, well that was my Morning.

Recap on the last three days, I spend my monday running around looking for the Church where they had the service for my aunt, during the funerial it was Pouring down rain, horrable cold weather, and talk about clash of the clans, family from the entire state of alaska, all forms of Inuit and indians were everywhere, my sisters and I were about the only ones who used the english language like it was meant to be used, who dressed nicely and didnt feed my sisters kids Cake and Soda… yesterday I spent the morning waiting for my snakes, then the rest of the day scowling at my damn sister, who boldly asked if I were helping our mother, who says I have to do the heavy packing? just cause shes a Mother now dosent mean she can be fucken lazy.  I have my own life, and Gawds I hope someday she figures that out.

anyway, this evening, I finally got my bloody snakes in. damn that was a Ordeal, the topper for the damn evening was my sister getting a bitchy attitude with me when I said I didnt have the keys to my mothers car. I told her Fucken FINE, be that way, im not coming.

so … I ate dinner from a paper bag while my damn sister got to spend time with my mother and uncle in a sitdown restrant. I spent most of the evening alone, waiting for a friend, who never showed, but im not upset, shes got a boyfriend.. I just hope I get to see her again someday. I want a boyfriend…

I work early in the morning tomorrow.. back to the grind. noones going to read this. just wishful thinking when I blog chit over the net. at least I can send the idea into the world.

not like anythings going to come of it. life sucks, I suck.. and I am a nobody.. well, goodnight world. the only plus of today.. I got new snakes. yea.. small comfort though. the only friend in the world there at the end of the day, is the reflection in the mirror.

I am Now 65 years old, my mother expired last year, when her Symbiote withdrew for her annual 3 week break. My mothers tired heart simply quit beating when her symbiote simply was no longer there to keep her alive. During the funeral I had looked across to my 87 year old father, and my 62 year old sister, with her family around her, her two grown kids, and 4 grandchildren, who were helping with our father, I didn’t know why they came. The other half of my family on one side, my mothers family on the other, and all manor of hosts I had never known, or met before standing just off to the side. I couldn’t help but wonder at the age, I still looked in my late teens, early early 20s, my sister has her family around her.. Taking care of our ailing father, she glares at me across the coffin with our mother in it, our mother… who looks to still be in her mid 30’s. I had no Idea she was 338 years old, but her my uncle, who’s still alive.. And has embraced his Symbiot more then my mother has, said shes nearly 20 years older then him. I couldn’t help but feel amazed at the age, but my “other half” assured me, We’d be living for a lot longer if we stick together, that was the first time I ever felt her feel Happy at our bond, content that she found Me.