Today I was driving to school to pickup my daughter. The drive takes about 40 minutes one way so it gives me time to think or listen to music. Today was a thinking day. I am in the process of selling my house in Pennsylvania and moving to Boulder CO. I decided to move in July regardless of whether my house sold by that time or not. I have found a perfect house to rent in Boulder that makes my heart sing. I have a creek running through the property. That is priceless to me.
The decision to move to Boulder was not difficult but the decision to move while my house is up for sale has taken up a bit more of my thinking time. My thoughts swing between, ‘I should stay in Pennsylvania until my house sells because it makes more financial sense’ and ‘ no, I know my purpose is in Boulder so I am moving now and all will be fine’. I have a tendency to second- guess my intuitive decisions and that creates all sorts of angst in my life. Sometimes I feel like I am swinging on a pendulum.
As I was driving down the winding, tree covered road that ran next to the creek my mind began to swing through these thoughts. I became stuck on the thought that made financial sense, ‘staying in my present house until it sells’. My heart felt very heavy. I deeply desire to move now. This thought stuck with me as I drove through the two scary tunnels (going under the railroad), out the other side and to the red light. My thoughts and heart began to argue until I heard the words, “read the license plate”. I was now driving and I thought, ‘What license plate?” I heard the words again, “read the license plate.” I saw a car far ahead and drove quicker so I could catch up. Soon I could see the cars license plate and I thought it said ‘min van’. I thought, “ Mini Van? that makes no sense, maybe I need to get closer.” I got up quite close, read the plate again and began to smile. The license plate said, ‘mtn man’. Mountain man! That was my answer. I looked up, laughing, and said, “Got it!” I am moving to Colorado and now I know all will be well.
Our questions, concerns and decisions are always answered or addressed by the universe. It is a wonderful feeling when we are awake enough to see or hear the answers we are searching for. I am always joyful when I receive an answer I like!
Life is an adventure and when you say, “yes” to your journey you will always find gifts along the way. Enjoy your life and just say “YES”
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Answers, Intuition, journey, Universe, Yes | Leave a Comment »
This is simply another way of saying, “ Be you”. Why do we need to be told to just be ourselves? One of the answers is that many of us try so hard to hide whom we truly are because we fear that our power (love), if unleashed, will scare people away. So we go through life living half passionately, missing opportunities that are in place for us to grab and hold onto creating an amazing life that you choose to live.
In order to fully and passionately be yourself you will want to have all of your pieces. I did not realize until about 4 weeks ago that I had left pieces of myself scattered all over my life. At first I was surprised and then I realized that since I lived my life with partial passion that I had missed most of it because I was not fully present in every moment. No wonder I have a difficult time remembering past experiences!
So what to do next? I knew in that moment it was time to make a life changing decision. Now let me share about life changing choices… They absolutely change your life from the inside out. When you make the conscious choice to live your life with passion you are letting go of your life of half passion therefore you have made room for something new. In the beginning it can feel chaotic because everything is changing and you are beginning to vibrate at a higher level and attracting something new in your life. It is in the arena of chaos that you begin to explore what pieces of yourself you have left in the care of others. You will want to reclaim those fragments of self, reintegrate them within you creating a your whole self. I will reiterate the words that got me moving because they resonated so powerfully on a cellular level; “ You cannot have peace until you have all the pieces”.
The first step I took was to share with all of you my blog on Owning or acknowledging who you are (an internal dialogue) by pushing the publish button. After the button was pushed I could no longer hide and be invisible.
The next step was to acknowledge that I had left fragments of myself with many people who had come into my life and deeply felt into that statement. What does it feel like to not have all your pieces? For me it was seeing the fabric of my life with many little holes where strands were missing. There were little black holes scattered everywhere. I did not feel I could address all of them at once because I wanted to explore each part of me so I decided to choose a place to begin. I chose my heart.
I sat very still and began focusing on my breath and asked my Higher Self/ God/ Source to help me explore and guide me on what to do next. I found that much of my heart had black holes and the rest of it seemed a bit faded from all the years of hiding my true self from the world. I felt sad and mourned the loss. Then I took a deep breath and asked for help. The first answer I received was to make a list of all the people I had left pieces of my heart with. I then proceeded to list everyone who came into my head and when I ran out of people I would ask if there were more. I continued this process until there was no more. I will share that the people I received were all males that had touched my life from the time I was 5 years old.
I then wrote down every memory I could think of related to that person, every thought, every feeling and every judgment I could possibly remember. This process took me about 2 days because I would think of people as I was doing dishes or cleaning or writing. Spirit does not stop working just because you stop meditating. She will send you what you asked for until you ask her to stop.
When the list was complete I put it away for 24 hours. Then I took it out and was feeling very curious about what I would uncover. The words,” be careful what you ask for” just jumped into my mind. As I read over the list I became quite surprised at what I found. I discovered that every male that I had left a fragment of my heart with had been emotionally unavailable. I thought about this and then realized that I had attracted them into my life as a mirror for me. I was emotionally unavailable throughout my life up until about 4 weeks ago. That shocked me. I always thought I had shared love from my heart when in reality I shared from a hidden heart. A heart that is hidden cannot share passionately. I looked at the list again and realized it was time to let go of everyone on that list.
I asked Source for help and this is what I received:
MY PRAYER OF LETTING GO
To all those with whom I have left a part of my heart to hold and care for. I thank you. I am deeply grateful for the care you have shown for the pieces of my heart and now I am releasing you all from any responsibility. I am now requesting that you return to me that which is mine so that I may become whole. I apologize for any pain I may have caused you. I forgive myself for mistakes I have made that have caused pain and suffering in others.
To all of you whom I have loved, connected with, married and lusted after I thank you for showing me the patterns that are in my life. I choose now to let go of those patterns and of each and everyone of you on a soul and cellular level. If we are meant to be together we will be and if not I am grateful for what you have shown and shared with me in this lifetime.
I choose to let the past go, reclaim all the bits and pieces of me that I have left behind through out this lifetime.
I love you all enough to let you go.
I read this prayer for each person on my list. I cried through each one. When I was complete with the list I began to feel a new and very powerful energy flow in and the need to write an affirmation for myself going forward arose. Here is my affirmation:
I choose now, in this moment, this instant in time, to forgive myself for being emotionally unavailable to all those around me for 50 years, for not being honest with myself about how I deeply felt, for fearing vulnerability, for not taking a risk of expressing what I truly felt, for being ashamed about who I was and for not seeing myself as I truly am. I have been taught that if you have one foot in the past you cannot be present nor can you walk into the future. I am ready now to be present in my life and with all those who choose to come into my life. I choose to live life passionately.
Since I wrote that affirmation my true life has begun. I feel as though I am perfectly balanced on a surfboard riding the most amazing wave forward and nothing stopping me.
I have never felt so alive. I am filled with this incredible passion for life flowing through me. I feel more whole then I ever have in my conscious life.
What is going on in your life? Are you noticing any holes in the fabric of your being?
Do you have pieces of you lying around your life forgotten and or missing?
If so, are you ready and willing to take action and reclaim all of your fragments and create wholeness in your life?
Life is the gift you chose to give yourself when you decided to come to earth. At that time you could see the beauty and potential for your soul life. So many times when we get here and grow up we become caught up in all the day-to-day stuff and we forget where we came from and why we are here. We came from love and are here to bring forth that love and share it with whomever we come into contact with. This love shines through when we are whole. Love is who you are.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Creating Wholeness, Gratitude, Heart, Letting go, Love, Soul | Leave a Comment »
Love is what we are. Love is what we strive to be. Love is what we feel deep within our hearts. When we are present to the love we are miracles happen and we are there to notice them. So many times in our lives we get so caught up in the have to’s of life that we forget who we are and therefore miss out on experiencing the amazing opportunities that occur.
Gratitude is the key to becoming present in life. When we are grateful for every moment of every day and for each experience (good/ not good) and every being that touches our lives our eyes become opened to the miracles that occur each and every day. Gratitude is the gift giver within our lives. It creates awareness, love, joy, compassion and healing. If you can take 1 minute each day to say Thank You for yourself, your life, all those around you and all the experiences you attract. It will change your life!
Some miracles are very personal and are only meant for you. Other miracles are for the masses such as people walking away from a plane crash alive or escaping from the buildings on 9/11.
Today I want to talk about a personal miracle that has brought me intense joy. For me the past 4 weeks have flowed. I feel like all my prayers are being answered all at the same time. That in and of itself is amazing and makes life worth living. One caveat is to be clear about what you are asking for otherwise what you get may surprise you!
I received a surprise, a wonderful one.
It all began with me complaining to my coach that everyone is offering what I offer and I was feeling very discouraged and my confidence was ebbing away. She asked how I had come to this conclusion and I explained that I was receiving e-mails from so many different people who were advertising their “how to” seminars. There were so many offerings in my e- mail that I became tired and discouraged just looking at them. I would get so frustrated that I would stop working on my “how to” seminar. She suggested that I might want to clean out my e-mail box and unsubscribe from all these people and groups. I thought it was a great idea and went to work.
There were 1800 e-mails in my in box! I felt a wee bit embarrassed after all who keeps 1800 e-mails?? Apparently me! So I began to go through them either filing or deleting them. All of a sudden I saw a name I had not seen for 30 years! It was from a person who had impacted my life very powerfully when I was in college and who I had looked for off and on in between living life for 30 years and never found. This e-mail had been sent 3 weeks prior and I never saw it until now. Timing is everything! I now understand that statement because I was ready to receive this miracle 2 days ago. I looked at the e-mail and my heart began beating so hard. I opened it and read it. This person was looking for me and that alone made me feel so good. I took a deep breath wanting to write back and yet not sure if I should because of what it might open up within me. Another deep breath and I began writing. Another deep breathe and I hit the send button praying that I was not too late and that he would respond. He did and we now have a conversation of discovery going. The miracle is how I am feeling inside. I realize now that when we parted ways peacefully in 1978 that a piece of my heart went with him and now I have found that piece. Someone recently said, “ You cannot find peace until you have all the pieces” and that is so true.
I am so deeply grateful that I have found this piece of me and the possibility of a new deep friendship from the heart that comes with it.
So, be the love you are, be grateful for everything and be open to the miracles of your life. The miracles may show up as something as simple as e-mail and you having the courage to say, “yes”
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Coach, Courage, E-Mail, Gratitude, Love, Yes | Leave a Comment »
I love the fact that we are now in a new decade. 010110 feels like new fallen snow. It is fresh, crisp, peaceful and fills me with a sense of hope and possibilities. It is like a new canvas upon which you can paint or a fresh page on which to write. Words are like paint brushes as they flow across the page creating a new experience for me and for you, the reader. I never know what is going to show up when I write because I have finally learned how to “let go” of my need to be in control and of the need to be perfect. Below is my story of letting go.
I was talking with a friend the other day and voicing my concern that I was writing from my head instead of from my heart. Where I write from seems to fluxuate and I want consistancy. I find that when I write from my head that I am not able to connect with anyone and that upsets me causing me to lose focus.
I know when I write from my heart or from a soul level I will connect with others at the same level. It is that connection that creates the passion I feel within my soul when I write and it is what I wish to share with all of you.
My friend asked me a simple question; “Do you ask for help prior to writing?” I thought about that, felt slightly embarrassed and said, “No”. I could hear her smiling because she already knew the answer and I simply affirmed it for her. She suggested that I ask for help from Spirit, Arch Angel Gabriel andArch Angel Jophiel and ask them to be my co-writers so that I can share the message I am to bring( my whole reason for being here) to all of you. I thanked her for the help and sat down to put this into practice.
I had never asked for help from Source or angels to help me write so I felt a bit awkward. This is what I did:
I focused on my breathing for 3 long, deep breaths.
I created a prayer that expressed my gratitude to all for co-creating what I write.
I trusted that this process would work.
I then began to write. I began to write so quickly that I did not have time to think about what was coming through and it began to frighten me. I stoped writing. I had never had an experience like this. Then my head got involved, Yippie! I began to hear the questions,” How do you know that what you are writing is correct? How do you know it is Spirit helping you and not some other entity? I began to feel very uncertain about my abilities and those feelings began to over come me until I had this thought,’ Stop! I always have a choice. What is my choice here?” and ” What am I feeling?”
Those simple questions stopped all the thoughts charging through my brain and all became quiet giving me a space to contemplate the answers. The answer for me was,” Let go”. I wondered what I was letting go of and then the answer hit me. “Let go of control”. Ok, I got that. Now, how do I let go? The answer I received is,” You let go by giving your message as an offering to all those who want it, let go of your attachment to the outcome, it is fine to not be perfect (perfection can be rather boring, it is through our imperfections that we create our greatest changes in our lives as well as those of others). It is through the intent of ‘letting go’ that you will receive exactly what it is you desire. Leting go is not only a conscious intention, it is also a feeling on a cellular level.
I will give you an example that occured yesterday on 010110. I decided that it was time to remove all the monitary change I had collected over the years in jars. I had saved every penny and silver change that I found on the street, in my pockets, car, purse, washing machine, and dryer. I decided that this was my year to care for, pay attention and love my money so that it will grow. As I was cleaning out my money bunnies I found that I was missing 2 jars. I felt a sense of loss for one contained silver dollars and gold coins my husband had given to our daughter 10 years ago and the other was filled with quarters. I tried to let it go but the feeling of loss just stuck with me. I finally asked my children if they had taken the jars and they all said, “no”. I thought again,” just let this go, it is only money”. Then I had this feeling that I had put these 2 jars away in a special place. I looked everywhere I could think of that I hide things but to no avail. Then the thought came back that maybe one of my children had taken it. I thought maybe my son because he is out of work and living at home. I did not like that thought and so I kept looking for hiding places.
Finally, because the thoughts were not going away I asked Spirit for help and was given the message,”let go”. I thought, “How do I let go of this?” I became very quiet inside and suddenly thought, “if I simply give my son the money energetically then I will let go of my attachment to all of this” This thought resonated through every cell in my body so I sat down and expressed my gratitude that I had this money to give freely to my son. In the moment of giving I saw where I had put the 2 jars. I thanked Spirit, jumped up and went to the cabinet and there they were front and center. In letting go I received what I desired within a second.
‘Letting go’ is an intent, a thought, a feeling and an action all wrapped up in one. It is truly a present that you can give youreslf whenever you want it. When we hold onto that which we desire so tightly there is no room for more to come in. When we let go gratefully we are opening up space to allow great abundance to flow in.
My wish for all of you in the coming year and decade is that it is filled with blessings, abundance, prosperity, love, joy and peace. I am grateful for each and everyone of you.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged decade, Gratitude, Letting go, possibilities, trust, writing | Leave a Comment »
2009
Today is Christmas 2009, the last Christmas of the first decade of the 21st century. I began this decade with a very traditional Christmas. Traditional for me was trimming the tree alone with high hopes that my husband would join me but it never happened. My husband simply loved to watch the craziness. He would sit back and smile and take a sip of wine. I remember the first year we were married I thought it would be so romantic to trim the tree together. I handed him the tinsel and asked him to help put it on the tree. My wonderful husband crumpled up all the tinsel into a ball and threw it at the tree. At first I was shocked and then I began to laugh realizing that we would have to create our own traditions and I learned to let go of my old ones. I learned how to compromise and yet at the same time I felt like something was missing and I did not know what. It has taken me 10 years to become clear, be strong enough to change and be willing to create a completely new Christmas celebration. This is the year of our last traditional Christmas with stuff.
I loved Christmas back when I was a child. It was my favorite holiday that was filled with the feelings of love, peace, gratitude, joy, sadness for the loss of those who were no longer with us. Christmas was filled with special smells of fresh pine in the house, cookies baking and singing Christmas Carols. There was a secretive excitement in the air the whole month of December because we were all making our gifts. I always made each person in my family something I knew they would cherish and knowing that made me feel so good from the inside out. This was the Christmas feeling that I wanted to share with everyone. I wanted to be The Ghost of Christmas Present who sprinkled joy and peace everywhere. As you can see I love The Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. My father read it to my sister and me every Christmas as we grew up.
In 2001 all of my feelings surrounding Christmas changed. I lost my beloved husband that year. I deeply wanted Christmas to go away so I would not have to deal with it. No matter how much I tried to avoid the holidays they still had to be celebrated because of my small daughter. She became the catalyst that brought forth the magic that was hidden within the core of my being. I would draw on that magic for the next 8 years. Christmas of 2002 was as traditional as I could make it but it felt empty and I realized that life had changed again and I could no longer carry on traditions because no matter how much I tried to keep things the same they still changed. 2003 was the Christmas of letting go. I had to let go of everything I thought I was. I almost died in the hospital that December and in choosing the gift of life I had to let go of the old me. It was also the year of my first upside down Christmas tree. Totally perfect!! In 2004 I chose not to be home. I celebrated Christmas at Taos Pueblo watching the Deer Dances. That was the year I was filled with gratitude for my life and all those who fill it. The Christmases of 2005, 06 and 07 were spent in my heart home of Boulder CO. It was there that I really began to create the Christmas I wanted and the magic slowly began to flow to the surfice, flowing over my barriers and warming my heart. There is a part of me that thinks the magic would have died had I not had a young child who believed in the magic and the wonder so powerfully that I began to believe (in the Spirit of Christmas) again.
Now it is 2009, the end of a decade ,a time to reflect with gratitude, love, forgiveness, joy and a time to let go of what no longer serves my highest good. It is a time to make room for what is yet to come. I am making tons of room! I am curious and excited about the rest of my life. I have planted some amazing seeds this past year and am looking forward to seeing the plants grow and sharing with you what I reap. I have decided to forgive myself for each time I was judgmental of others as well as myself , of the anger I felt in tough moments and I am letting go of all the “ have to’s”,”shoulds” and “ supposed to’s” that create the stressful moments and the silly choices I make from sad places. I also let go of my control of decorating the tree and the house this year. I had done it for 30 years! My children loved it! I love it too because letting go allowed me to let go of a lot of stress. One person cannot do everything for everyone and stay stress free.
I am filled with gratitude when I realize how lucky I am that I chose to come to earth at this time, living the life I am living filled with miracles everyday in the form of people who touch my life, situations that change the direction of my life, choices I make and the people whose lives I touch. I feel an intense love in my heart for everyone on this planet. It is one of those moments where I can feel the words,” We are all One”.
I received a wonderful gift today from a very special person. She gave me a gift that has aligned with all my values creating the feelings of peace, joy, love and gratitude all at once! Whoo Hooo! The gift was given through Heifer International. She donated a goat in my name and that of my daughter to a child and their family that is in great need. I have been feeling more and more joyful all day and I wanted to share it with you all. This type of gift transforms the life of both the giver and the receiver. Christmas of 2009 is, for me is the year of transiting from “stuff” to that which creates joy and love in my heart.
I remember the Christmases from my childhood and am filled with a feeling of completeness or wholeness. I have found that I have not been feeling it in the recent past Christmases and I began to wonder about it. It felt like Christmas was missing something very important but I was not sure what it was. Then I realized that all the shopping I do and all the stuff I buy, give and receive represents a “ have to or a supposed to” and does not reflect what is in my heart. This stuff is void of any emotion .I have been wanting to celebrate Christmas less and less again and my daughter who is 12 now will not let that happen. The gift we received from my friend via Heifer International has given me the way out of the Christmas of stuff. This gift gave me the feeling of wholeness and filled me with joy. From now on I will give from the values I hold dear; truthfulness, peace, forgiveness, gratitude and love.
I wish you all the most joyful of holidays. If you are feeling like something is missing take the time to write out a list of what creates the feeling of wholeness within you around the holidays and then create the gifts you wish to give from that feeling. It is the energy from which we give our gifts that creates the feeling of wholeness in ourselves and others. When we give with love and gratitude we are giving of ourselves.
As Tiny Tim said so clearly; “God bless us everyone.”
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Change, Choice, Christmas, Gratitude, Love, Peace | Leave a Comment »
Saying yes to your life’s journey can bring up many opportunities for change. They can be a complete redirection of your life or as simple as making a different choice that makes your life smoother now. I am in the process of rewriting my biography for my website, blog and coaching practice and have come to a huge boulder blocking my way. I know the boulder or block represents, to me, an opportunity to make a choice.
The block I am dealing with is the word “authentic”. It is a word that is used frequently within the world in which I live. Authentic is a word that I have not consciously addressed until a month ago when Kristin and David Morelli of Everything is Energy suggested in a teleconference that the group authentically celebrate. I immediately wrote these words on a board in my office so that I would not forget. They have become the irritating piece of sand within my oyster forming a pearl. I began to wonder what it feels like to ‘Authentically Celebrate’ and what does it feel like to ‘be authentic’. I spent my childhood wishing I was someone else, you know, parents financially wealthy, life is great, no worries, etc. I was ashamed of my background (parents were private school teachers, poor financially, hand me down clothes from family friends, all food homegrown in the biodynamic way, and no TV). I thought I was so deeply deprived that I did not see or feel what was really authentic in my life. In retrospect I was deeply privileged with parents who did not judge, that loved me unconditionally, helped prepare me for life by letting me make my own decisions and allowing me to take charge of my journey long before anyone else was talking about it. Anyway, enough about that, It was simply to help you understand that I have spent a lifetime hiding the ‘authentic me’. I was different from everyone I knew and all wanted to do was to fit in so I picked up habits and beliefs from those I wanted to be like and those beliefs crated a wall around my “I Am” and dimmed my light.
I now have question upon question pouring through my thoughts, “What is the definition of authentic? Am I doing it right?, Is there a right way? Is the way I am feeling really my feelings or something I picked up from someone else? Are my beliefs true and are they mine?” I am in the process of exploration and feel like Julia Roberts in Run away Bride. You know, The part where she lines up all the plates of eggs cooked differently so she can figure out how she like her eggs cooked rather then always having her favorite be the ones her present boyfriend likes.
So.. Am I a fake and a fraud? No, I am simply someone who is learning to be open and on my journey to find the ‘authentic me’ that is hidden somewhere behind all the likes, dislikes, beliefs and choices of others that I have picked up along the way. I choose now to discard them and to speak with my own voice, using my own thoughts and words to celebrate my life authentically by saying yes to life everyday and be grateful for the blocks that come my way and am forgiving towards myself when I stumble.
I believe that when thoughts, words, feelings and beliefs are in alignment and come from deep within us clarity is created and then our authenticity is revealed and shines brightly. So, to all of you who read this and thank you for doing so, check out the blocks in your road, what opportunities do they offer you? Are you feeling clear? If not ask questions (As Neal Donald Walsh stated in Conversations With God; “Questions are the answer”) and explore where your authenticity is hiding. Enjoy the adventure!
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Authentic, beliefs, Conversations with God, Everything is Energy, journey | Leave a Comment »
Last night I was reading The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks and in it he talks of being in the ” Realm of Genius” instead of the “Realm of Excellence” which is where we are most comfortable. That is where everyone expects us to be and is very predictable and safe. It is the status quo of life. To reach your “realm of genius” requires one word. That one word is YES and for many of us, yes me included, it can be a huge stretch because it takes us out of our zone of comfort. When I say yes to that which I am passionate about I have to move out of my comfort zone and really push myself into what I used to call The Unknown. The unknown, has always been quite frightening and requires a risk on my part with an uncertain result. Well, that was in the past. What I have become very clear about is that when I say yes to what I am passionate about it requires me to stretch into my “relm of genius”. This is now my new term for the unknown. When I am in this realm and work from this place I feel powerful, strong, no fear and willing to take a risk. This is where I am most couragous and most able to be of service.
Doing the stretch, saying yes to your life and your passions pushes you into your ” realm of genius” transforming you into a couragous, powerful and amazing being who helps others step into their genius realm and transform and so on and so on…
Say YES… Stretch and Transform. Live life passionatly and love the life you live.
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Today a close friend of my husband came to my office door to say good-bye. He had been visiting for 5 days. I jumped up and gave him a hug and wished him a safe and joyful journey and then I walked back into the house. All of a sudden a feeling of emptiness and saddness washed over me. My first action was to push it away with the thought’ “I’ll feel better if I go and……” Then I stopped myself and thought; I am saying yes to life so why am I not saying yes to this experience? I realized I am not saying yes because I will feel pain, saddness and tears. Then I thought, ‘what if I simply say yes and actually feel all my feelings in the moment ? What then?” So I said yes. All of a sudden I began to cry and I realized that the tears were there for a purpose, because having this friend with me brings back my husband for a short period of time and all feels normal. As soon as I shed my tears and acknowledged my feelings and what created them the feeling of emptyness and pain went away and a feeling of wholeness and peace came in.
So… I have learned that pushing my feelings away over my lifetime has contributed to the creation of the great wall of china around my heart. Awareness of what I have created is what allows me to knock the wall down brick by brick. Right now I am doing this slowly so that I have time to feel and acknowledge each feeling and then letting it go.
The thought I wish to leave you with is to feel your feelings in the moment in which they occur and honor them. They are a part of who you are. If the feelings are painful then cry and If they are joyful then authenticaly celebrate. Be brave.. Be vulnerable and your life will blossom.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged feeling, tears, Vulnerable, Yes | Leave a Comment »
Sometimes saying “yes” can open up the Pandoras Box that we tend to keep closed. This is the box that contains all that we have said ‘No” to or that we think ” I’ll deal with that later” and we never do. We hope to put off dealing with these things because we have decided that they are very painful and who wants to deal with pain? I would rather be happy and joyful and love life then to feel the painful parts of my life. My life has been joyful to a point but there has always been an underlying feeling of unfinished business that was never clear. The feeling simply existed.
When I decided to simply say ‘Yes” to life and to new experiences I did not fully realize the enormity of what I was doing. I am now a bit clearer. I opened up the box containing all the feelings I had repressed and avoided. I am now grieving the loss of a marriage 24 years ago, an abortion 21 years ago and the loss of my second husband on 9/11. I thought that through all these difficult parts of my life I had to be strong and that meant not crying or showing outward grief. I was told to not cry as a child and I learned that lesson well. I never let anyone see my pain and by doing that I realize now I shut people out of my life simply because I wanted to appear stong. I now understand that by saying “yes” to living my life it means accepting and acknowledging my feelings, being vulnerable because that is truly who I am.
I am also realizing in this moment of writing is that when I say yes to living my life it means all the parts of my life, even the ones in my Pandoras Box and by doing this I am finding the intense joy I have always wanted without the underlying feeling of something unfinished. So, Open your Pandoras Box, face what you have been avoiding and find the joy your are wanting.It takes courage and I know you have it! Say “YES” to your life!
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Grief, Vulnerable, Yes | 1 Comment »
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