PhoeNixie

March 2018 was terrible. I can’t put into words how tiring, depressing and suffering it was. It really was the rock bottom. It was impossible for things to go further downhill. But somehow March 2019 is worse. There is nothing to make us feel like that. Actually, there isn’t anyone. Or more specifically, someone.. BadePaa. He was in pain this time last year. Totally in bed. Nothing could make him feel better and so he gave up. Life without him is worse than I imagined. How come I still feel his presence? How come I hear his voice in others? The sound of his footsteps, the way he teased me, the way he used to pat my head. His smell. His talcum powder. The way he used to remove my socks and shoes after I came back from school every single day. And more importantly, he never felt it as a burden or never got irritated because of it. It amuses me how excited he always was to do it. His every little thing is felt deep inside my heart.

He loved me. More than I loved him.

It’s crazy how you realize someone’s worth only when you can’t make them feel worthy. All his life he was made to feel unimportant. Then suddenly he vanishes and makes us realize how important he was for us.

Badapaa I’m just sorry. I don’t have anything else to say. I don’t think I’m worthy to say anything else. I love you and I wish you had a better life here. I wish these tears came in front of you so that you could see how loved you are. Everyone misses you here. But we don’t tell each other because we want to remain strong.

I will forever be incomplete without you. You have impacted our lives in such a big way. You really were an angel sent from above. And even though the conditions this March are way better than last year, I would happily go back to those days. Just so I could tell you how much I love you and how important you are to me and all of us here. We will always be a family of five. And that middle seat will always be yours. I miss you.

I’ve been trying to write this for months. But every time I started writing, I felt as if no amount of words can do justice to him and his life here. There are still so many things I wanna say to him. I hope some miracle could give me a chance to see him again..even for one moment. Until then..I’ll just spend my life in the wait to see him again in Heaven

When I was a little kid I thought that I have to love everyone and be compassionate towards everyone. Growing up, I always wanted to be a caring person who could always be there for everyone. Even now I want to be just a people’s person.

I thought I was compassionate. Or was I acting like that? Was I lying to myself that I care about people?, I could empathise with them?, I could cry with them in their sorrow? Is it just a mask I was wearing even in front of myself?

Have I really fallen so low? How could a thought like that cross my mind? How, even for a split second, could I think about his funeral while he’s still alive? How could I just watch movies all day sitting beside him, knowing that he’s in pain and is laying on his death bed, according to everyone. How can I ever fake my love? Was I being a hypocrite all this time? Am I not compassionate?

I’m not alone bad family but a bad person. Why am I not empathetic?

Am I not a good person? Look at me…trying to fake all of it again? Is this post an another example of my hypocrisy?

Waiting is such a weird activity. (If it’s even an activity.) The meaning of “wait” is relative. People wait for someone, people wait on someone,people make someone wait. I am waiting right now. Waiting for the perfect man to enter my life. Waiting for my life to start. Waiting for my college to reopen. But presently, waiting for an old friend in a cute little cafe. 
I don’t mind waiting if there’s a guarantee that the wait will be worth it. That the thing or person I’m waiting for is worth the wait. I’ve been used to waiting for now. I’ve waited for my first love to love me back. I thought that the wait was worth it.  But now,I don’t want to wait for him anymore, knowing that the wait isn’t going to be beautiful nor the end result is assured. Because as Hillary Duff said, “waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing (Dramatic much?)

We often forget that the one we’re waiting for has to be worth the wait.  And sometimes the wait is more exciting than actually getting it. But walking towards a non- existent destiny is more devastating than seeing a fly in your coffee. 

The wait is so pointless when there’s no guarantee. But then again, as I said, its relative. Sometimes waiting without knowing the end result can be the most dramatic and exciting thing. 

As for now, l don’t mind waiting because I know it’s gonna be worth it. I’ll be meeting my friend after over a year and I know that the wait will be worth it.

Hey, she just came! Told you it’s gonna be worth it. OK, toodles now xxx

And then one day everyone will get tired of listening to your pointless dramas over and over again. No one wants to know what’s going in your mind at every single minute. And I guess that’s the challenge. To find someone who would be your human diary. The person who’d never ever get tired of you. No, I don’t think that it has to be a person you’re romantically involved with. But this person can be your family member, a friend or just a stranger you find on the street. 

I don’t even know if that’s even possible, to find a person who’d want to know about your thoughts of every minute-sensible or pointless. But what if that person is you yourself. Life is just a journey of finding things that we don’t even know if exists.
That’s all for now, gotta go and continue my quest to find that person.
Toodles xxx.

And sometimes we close our eyes to see.

To see what we normally can’t.

To see what nobody can.

To see the things we feel.

To see that which doesn’t exist.

You want to show your love for me

You want to make me feel special

You want to embrace me in your arms

You want to shout out that we’re together

You want to love me forever

You want to fight for me

You want to stay with me

You want to gift me things

But.. why a dead thing? 

Book Name– Stargirl

Author– Jerry Spinelli 

 Genre- Young Adult Fiction

Background Setting- Arizona(United States)

Publication Date- August 8 2000

Sequel- Love, Stargirl

 “She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to a cork board like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew.”

This beautiful paragraph from this book perfectly describes the female lead.She is everything you’d wish for but still not something you’d want….

 The story starts with Leo talking about his porcupine necktie. This necktie is a significant part of this book and it is from where all of it started and where it ends. The book has an interesting storyline and gives out the message “Dare to be different.” This is a  must read for teenagers to experience and understand how shallow our social norms and ethics can be sometimes and that we shouldn’t care about other people’s opinions about us. 

Even though this book deals with many of the problems faced by kids and teens regarding popularity and fitting in, what I focused on and admire the most in this book were the idealogies , theories and just the little things about life that the writer, through his characters, has tried to portray. And how we can relish the little and often overlooked things in life. It encourages you to stop for a minute and look around yourself .Spinelli beautifully gives out the message that life is beautiful, and that we just have to pause to enjoy. The universe is just calling out our name but we can’t hear it between all of our chattering.

  This is one of my favorite books not just because of the engaging storyline but because of the leading lady.
 No, she is not what we say, the most perfect representation of the female gender with jaw-dropping looks and ladylike habits. In fact, her ideologies, beliefs and the overall outlook on life makes you want to be more and more like her after every page. She has her flaws but she is, without a doubt, totally unexpected and amazing. It’ll make you fall in love with her. 

And I will NOT reveal her name and her theory behind it. You have got to read it and find out yourself. 

Have fun reading it and you’re welcome to share your thoughts about the book in the comments section.

Toodles! 🙂

xxx

Hey guys! How have you all been? Yes, I’ve been inactive for quite a long while because of studies, exams, new semester and life in general but I’m back with the same amount of energy and enthusiasm! 

Its good to be back. I missed blogging so much but I just needed this break to figure out some things. So, feel free to fill me up about what’s been going on in your lives. I’d really love that. 

See you later

Toodles! 🙂

xxx

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RULES

 Display Award Logo On Blog

 List The Rules

 Mention Creator Of Award & Provide A Link

 Thank The Blogger(s) Who Nominated You & Provide A Link

 Say 3 Things About Yourself

 Nominate From 10 To 20 Bloggers

 Notify Nominated Bloggers By Leaving A Comment On Their Blog

 Answer 5 Questions From Nominee

 Write 5 Questions For Your Nominees

 Share Your Best Post

This award was created by Okoto Enigma to give unseen bloggers a chance to show yourself a world.

 

Thanks Alot to SmilingDreamer for nominating me for these awrds. You’re great. Please check her out. It will be totally worth it.

 

3 THINGS ABOUT ME

 I love spending time with my family

 I love FRIENDS (the sitcom) and I’m a weird combination of Phoebe, Chandler and Monica

 I don’t really like dogs and cats but I love insects.(especially lady birds and butterflies)

Answers to 5 questions

1. What is 1 question you hate to answer? 

I get extremely confused when people ask me ” tell me about yourself.” I hate to answer that question.

2. Are you usually late, early or right on time?

Mostly, on time.

3. What are the top 3 apps you use on your phone?

 Instagram, WhatsApp, WordPress.

 4. If you could be any age in a week, what age would it be and why?

 Probably 13. I’d like to feel the excitement I felt when I became a teenager again.

 5. What’s the worst punishment you had as a child?

 All  Punishments are bad. Hence, they are called punishments.

 Extra Hard Bonus Question: Nutella Or French Fries? 

 Nutella! 

 My best Post – I love all of my posts. And all of them are special to me.

 Questions for my nominees – 

1. What super power you would want if it was possible?
2. What is your best feature according to you?
3. Two people you can’t stand.
4. Favorite movie genre. And also the favorite movie.
5. Most amazing thing about your blog that you love.

Rules

 1. Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.

2. Post about the award.

3. Share 7 facts about yourself.

4. Nominate bloggers

5. Tell your readers good news!

 

7 facts about me

1.  I don’t have a sweet tooth but probably sweet gums. I love sweets. ❤

2. I really love Full House (sitcom). It is a classic, I think. And the new Fuller House is a real treat for me.

3. I love to Hoola-Hoop and I’m glad that atleast there’s something I can do better than most people.

4. I’m a procastinator.

5. I have OCD.

6. I don’t like “bad boys.” Infact, pure gentlemen.

7. I’m an amateur guitar player and I love to sing.

And the nominees are…

 avocadosucker

 xXAlwaysDreamingXx

 From my life 

 P.P.S it’s Peri. 

 ChaoticShapes

 nita0216blog

  Iriz Chan 

 wortharticlesblog

 FantasyDuke

 Uniquely Rosie 

All of these bloggers are nominated for both the awards and are amazing and totally deserving! 

That’s all for now. Hope you liked this post. 

Toodles! xxx

Hey guys! How are you all doing? I hope everything is fine and if it isn’t then I’ll pray for it to get better. 

I was just lurking and stalking people I know but don’t  like much on the internet. And while I do this a lot(sorry 🙈) I realized something today. One thing has always bothered me and that’s probably the reason I dislike them for no reason that they are so much better than me in everything I do. I realized today that even though this is true, still there won’t be any one else like me. I promised myself today to appreciate myself.

I like to play guitar but I’m not that good. I’m a decent singer but there are so many girls who are so much better than me. I like to write stuff but still I’m not the best. ( I’m just talking about the people I know personally, mostly from my school.) Many times I feel so bad that why is that girl so much prettier than me, or better singer than me, or better writer than me, or better guitarist than me or even more popular than me. I’ve wasted so much time of my life on self-pity. But I really should learn to appreciate and love what and who I am and accept the fact that there will be so many people out there who are better than me in everything I do. But I’m the best me. And no one else can be better “Me”.

What about you guys? Do you feel like this sometimes? If yes, then do you want to give any suggestions?