Crocodile Tears

Wailing away the minutes, the days, the hours,
Crying in rhythm - to your own beat -
Of "no regret";
Asking for help of people and of the Powers -
Stocking your prey,
Checking your traps,
Weaving your net.

Nature is honest. People are blind and stupid.
After the kill, the crocodile has to cry.
Animals know - the beast
Is overcome by neither sadness, nor pain, nor cupid, -
He's digesting his meal.
He does not need help.
Don't even try.

This has just "ran out" of me after about 30 minutes of thinking. It is not finished - I know it could use more work - but I like it, so I decided to show it. I have not been writing much - except for in my diary. This is the second thing I have written since the attack six years ago.

Until next time,
 

Partial Translation - The Meaning of Life

As always, during tough times in life my muse wakes up and starts singing/dancing/creating... I have been listening to this song by Andrei Makarevich  for the past couple months, and I have always wanted to convey its meaning into English.

It's still a work in progress, but this is what I have so far...



The purpose of this life is that I ought to

With all my strength, my body, soul and mind

To go forth, to love, and do what I am meant to

And never ever leave myself behind.



Don't wait for death to come, don't wonder why -

And up until the end you'll breathe without fear.

The bullet that is meant for you you'll never hear -

And all the rest of them will have to pass you by.



Until next time,

Poem

One day, I will run out of the words.
My mind will not abide
By all the rules and barriers set inside
To keep my hidden thoughts.

One day, I will run out of the time to hide.
My voice will speak the truth, untamed and uncontrolled, -
All is revealed, no treasure is in sight, -
And, naked and ashamed, I'll stand before the world.

But on that day
You won't be there to hear it, I pray.

Language Barrier

Same motions, expressions, word combinations,
Lather-Rinse-Repeat conversations.
Replacing quality of feeling
With quantity of words 
Used in their proper meaning, -
Turning art of human connection
Into science of communication
And, in great effort to protect our own tender skin - exchanging soul for skill.
Gliding on the surface of
                  the question,
Never breaking through the ice
                           of separation,
Never coming through,
Never reaching you
Across
The language barrier

Another Poem

In this unreal world only my dreams are real.
They speak of living truth that's sacred to my heart
And keep me sane through this insane ordeal -
My life - a mediocre play in which I'm forced to play my part.

A play that's full of actors: fickle friends,
With their forceful hugs, their insincere praise.
The whole script is based on "means and ends":
They stick around - while the "friendship" pays.

I do not know you. Leave me alone. Forget me.
For, conscious that I live, I'm not afraid to die
In hoping that death could be the portal
To greater Truth - after the lies of life

Stitching Thoughts

From the completed canvases I see
My stressful moments looking back at me -
The mess of life is sorted, squared, outlined.
It may be dead, because it's pre-designed -
But the design brings order and makes sense:
The final outcome is known - at no expense.
I can un-live, re-live each moment many times
In nervous agony - that's pleasant to the eyes.

From Daniil Harms - Translation

Your dreams will play a cruel joke.
Your interest in the real life
Will disappear like the smoke.
The Messenger of God won't come.
Your passions and your zeal will wither,
The youth of ardent thoughts will flee...
My friend, leave dreams for the believer -
And free your mind of death - for me.

Daniil Harms.
Translated from Russian by me.

Chance Encounter

I stand, like a thief, trying to pick
The lock of your privacy - your mind.
It's the knowledge of you I seek.
I am willing to take the chance
And pay in advance
For the treasures I may not find.
You hear me talk, and you watch me squirm
Under your silence, like a worm.
You play with me, like a mouse plays with a cat...
Maybe, it's all in my head.

The Nicest Person He Ever Met

Why me? Because you are the nicest

Person I ever met, - he says. - After Grandma.

He must have misspoken, I think. I am

The vicious enforcer, I come from

The land of "No," I never

Let him do what he wants, I always

Make him do what he has to. At dinner, I 

Holler at them: " Put your feet

Down! Sit up 

Straight!" Each evening, I check their

Homework, backpacks, reading, showers. 

I used to think that being mom means 

Giving them hugs and kisses

 Holding them when they are sad,

Being happy when they  are happy. Now

The main thing seems to be 

Telling them what to do, checking, and

Hoping that

Some day it will

 Make a difference.