Diary

I have a brother,John,an older brother who takes care of me when i was young after our parents pass away in an car accident. I was only 9 then and my brother was 14. Both of us were still schooling, but John stopped schooling to work, dad didn’t leave us any inheritance as he did not forecast that they would die so early, ko(big brother) told me that the house was the only heritage. Ko work as a waiter at Mr.Ho’s restaurant. He was always strong in front of me, and never showed the slightest weakness even though our living conditions were really poor. I knew that his salary was not enough to cover all the dept. Every night when he thought that i was asleep, he would go to the table and take out the bills that he would hide from me always. He would count the sum of all the dept and take out his remaining salary and give out a sigh. I had no tuition then, i wanted to as i couldn’t really understand what the school was teaching, thus i was a quite boy. I didn’t want to trouble my ko. But one day when the report card came out, i had to go to him for his signature as ko was my only guardian.He held up my report card and then put it down and showed the expression of despair. ” Danny( my name), it’s all ko’s fault, i didn’t think of giving you tuition, so your results are poor, i will look for a tuition centre for you ok?”, he gave a smile. ” But ko~…”, i tried to reject his offer, but he cut in , ” Listen to me ok? , go for tuition.”. ” Oh.” i replied. He was like that, we were poor, i knew he didn’t had enough money, i knew he was going for night shifts and will look for extra jobs to cover my tuition fees. And that is what really went, he worked all day but would find the time to come home to take a look at me. When we dine together, he would say ” I’m not hungry, you eat first ok?”, i knew he was lying, he hadn’t eaten the whole day, but i couldn’t say my worries i feel for him , coz he would hide it and say that he is ok. One night, i couldn’t sleep, though i was on a comfortable bed that my ko had let me sleep into while he take the cold hard floor. I’ve lost my one and only pen , and exam is starting tomorrow. I didn’t want to tell him about it. But.. Next day when i was about to go to school with a rotten pencil in hand, i saw a pen on the table with a blue ribbon tied as a knot. There was a note, ” Ko know you lost your pen, coz i saw you using a pencil to do your homework last night, take this pen ok?, do well in exam. From, Koko”. With that note, i smiled, it gave me motivation to give all i have in the exam. During the test, ko will help me in my revisions, through his guidance in my revisions, i knew that he miss schooling. He was smart, he knew every question i asked him, he just has to read the note once and he could master it. Years past, we live as usual, ko worked hard , i study hard. By then my age was 15, and he was 20. I pass my major exam that year with straight As. I was chosen as an exchange student to go to America to study. For some people, this might be a good news, for me, it was both happy and sad. I had to leave my ko . I worry that bad things will happen to him when i’m gone. I hid my invitation for an exchange student plan. But as i thought, he found out. He wasn’t angry, he understood. So he said, ” When you were young, you always ask me what is my dream rite?”, i nodded. ” Well , i didn’t answer you, ko’s dream is for my little brother to go to university and live a good life.”, he place the invitation on the table. ” Danny, o for it, ko will be ok here, listen to ko ok?”, he was so nice, i didn’t have the heart to reject him, so i agreed. I went five days later, Ko accompany me to the airport . Before that he bought some snacks for me to eat. Then i left, looking at my responsible, kind and smiling brother , i wave at him before entering the departure gate. In my heart i said ” Ko, thank you for everything.” Then i went away.

Seven years past, i am graduated from University of Harvard . I am now a doctor, i came back to Kuching to search for my ko, i went to the old rotten house that ko own. He wasn’t there, the house was much more empty then it use to be. I didn’t know what happen, we didn’t keep in touch since i left for America. Then there was an old lady who came out to dry her clothes. She saw me and came towards me. ” Ah, Danny right?just how the boy John said you will be, just got back from America?”. ” Errm, yes, excuse me , who are you?”. ” I am a companion of your older brother since i moved here, wondering where your brother is?, he knew you would come looking for him.” ” Can you tell me where is he?”, her happy expressions turn to morose. ” Sit down boy”, she sigh, ” Your brother had met with an accident, I’m not sure that his alive or not, he told me not to tell you this, but i pity him,  , after you left, , a few gangsters  beat him, but he , they forced him to drink a cup of poisoned wine for him to die so that they can get the insurance money, i called the police in time, they caught them and send John to the hospital, after that, i never heard from him again.” I was startled, regretting i had ever left him, why didn’t he tell me that he was in such trouble, he thinks by doing this i will not be worried, well how does he think I’m feeling when i found out now. I was angry and sad at the moment, i love my brother, he gave so much to me and not once i give to him, not even a thank you. I search for him for one weeks to look around every hospital. Then i receive a call from Normah hospital, ” We found the person your looking for , sir.”. I thank the person, i can’t wait to see my ko so i went there as fast as possible. They told me which room he was in and brought me there, I went in slowly, seven years past, did he change after the accident?…….

Continued in John’s memoirs