Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I can't lie that I have been affected by the death of a contemporary who is only a few weeks younger than I am, yet has accomplished so much more than I have. Her death was at her own hands. We weren't close. Hadn't ever met, but had talked on the phone. She was standoffish. Thought she was above giving me a hand with my little venture on her climb. So when she took her own life it was and continues to be a shock. She seemed to have it all. Except the marriage and the kids. Yeah, kind of like me. So it has been nagging at me. In any event someone had this posted and I thought it might be interesting to try it since I haven't posted anything like this in years. Apparently I need to travel more. But we already knew that. Things you have done during your lifetime: 1 (x ) Gone on a blind date 2 (X) Skipped school 3 ( x) Watched someone die 4 ( ) Been to Canada 5 ( X) Been to Mexico (as a child...barely remember) 6 ( ) Been to Florida 7 ( ) Been to Hawaii 8 (X) Bee...

Can you believe that it has been two years since I decided to leave my old job and seek out new opportunities. Well, it has been two years. And I am ready to move on again. I want to stay in this area. I am happy with where I live - finally! But I definitely need a new job. I want to get out of my field all together to be honest, but I want to be able to maintain my current lifestyle. So that is where I am right now. I have decided that for each new job I have I will only give them a two year commitment and if it works out that I can tolerate more than two years that is fabulous! I just think that two years is enough time to determine whether or not you are a good fit for that job and what opportunities are available. From what I have seen on my current job, the sooner I get out of there the better for my career opportunities, my mental well-being, and my health in general. I just want to get myself established here, get my bills paid off, and then work a regular job where I can just...

Some behaviors have been ingrained since childhood. For example I never feel "right" about going out to have fun when my house is not clean. Not that my apartment was filthy but it needed some TLC. When I was a child our weekly routine was to get up on Saturday and clean up before we headed out of the house. When my friends (who had the same routine) would come over to see if I could out to play my mother would tell them "no" because I had to finish my chores. I am the same way as an adult. Today I got up and started my chores. I knew how free it would feel to be able to go outside after to enjoy the gorgeous spring weather. But something deep inside just wouldn't allow me to go out until I finished my all of my chores. There are days when I literally will stay in the house all day because I am too lazy to finish (or start!) my chores. I feel like I don't "deserve" to go out to play. Well, now my chores are pretty much finished so I am going to...

The events that recently took place that involved the accidental death of a toddler that lead to the homicide of 2 others, and the suicide of another reminds me of something that I experienced after college. I might have mentioned this before but I'm sure I never told the whole story. So here it goes. I was dating a guy named D.J. in college. We were pretty casual but people knew that we were a couple. D.J. was up and down the coast. He was from Watts and I was in the Bay. We attended the same college in the Bay. He was a member of Phi Beta Sigma, a basketball player, and though not good looking he was a fairly popular guy due to his connections. But he was dirt poor. He came from a very large family (he was either the youngest or one of the youngest) and they migrated to Cali from Mississippi where they were sharecroppers. So that's his backstory. After I graduated from college D.J. and I lost touch because one night when I was over his house another girl showed up! Surpri...

Before Freeman passed away he pretty much begged to make a CD for me. At first I turned him down thinking that he would bet the cancer despite the odds, but as he got more ill I relented. A few weeks later a package arrived from Florida with its neat handwriting containing two homemade CDs of music selected by him. The day I learned he passed I played his CDs in honor of him. I don't play them often because loss is something that is all too familiar to me. Both my mother and brother died within 11 months of each other in the mid 90s, yet I still miss them as if it was only a couple of years ago. Freeman was one of my favorite boyfriends. I can't deny that at all. He treated me like I was made of glass. Why we broke up I will never understand. We never fought. If I was being difficult he was just laugh and joke until I stopped. I loved him so much. We were so different but he loved me so much and in return I loved him back. Even after we broke up I still loved him. I ne...

It is Easter Week and I am feeling blessed to have been given Monday off as well. I slept all day Saturday, lounged all day Sunday, and am having a relatively productive Monday. I need to clean my apartment (what's new?), return items to the post office, and do laundry. I also need to complete a project for work that I have been putting off. I colored my hair, showered and dressed and I am about to start a load of clothes now. Then I will head out to run errands, then tackle this work. I probably won't do a deep clean of my apartment today since my priority is to get this work related project completed or at least started. It will take a lot of pressure off of me during the week if I can get it finished. I am thinking I will work in the business center so I can stay focused. It is a lovely spring day and I have all of the windows open which is airing out my stuffy apartment. Once I get everything all washed and the floors vacuumed it will make a huge difference in how my apar...