Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I did something that was really selfish. And I don't feel bad about it. I'm so sick of feeling indebted to people. It is taking  toll on my soul. The thing about vacations is that they remind you what feeds your soul. I need to feed my soul. I spent the day job hunting. I need to have something lined up by April. This is my mission.

I returned to New York on Thursday. What should have been a 4 hour trip turned into around 7 hours. Of course when I am driving I like to lolligag, but the real issue was traffic. It was horrible trying to find a river crossing from New Jersey into New York that was less than an hour wait. I normally take the G.W. Bridge into the city, but I'd heard on the radio that there was an hour delay so I opted to take one of the tunnels instead. I am not a fan of tunnels. What I didn't know at the time was that the tunnels also had an hour wait. I would have preferred to take the bridge had I known that. In any event I took the Lincoln tunnel in and sat, and puttered, and idled as the sun began to set over the Manhattan. The skyline was stunning, but I was ready to be home at that point. Once I was in the tunnel, we continued to sit in stop and go traffic. At this point, I began to get sick from the carbon monoxide building up from the exhaust fumes and started to have a panic attack....

I am in the midst of change. I know. I know. I say it all the time. But my spirit was so restless yesterday. Ready to make moves. Big moves. Ready for the next adventure. With that comes the realization that I need to know what it is I want exactly. I needed to remember who I was so that I can become who I want to be. I feel like I am living a life that isn't mine. Like I am living someone else's life. It doesn't fit. I make it work to the best of my ability because that is what I do, but it is not healthy - spiritually or physically. So, who am I? I am a simple woman who likes the simple things in life. I got to thinking about this now that the holiday season is in full swing. Invitation to these swanky New York events where everyone is so superficial with their expensive clothes, gadgets, and made up lifestyles. It was fun when I first came to New York, but hell, I've been her for years now and I long for the mundane. I'm the one who gets up leisurely on a...

Wrapping up this very strange day with a hot bath, Kem , and a cup of tea . Remembering how to honor myself and treat myself well. I need to make this my daily nighttime ritual like in the Brooklyn days.I was so balanced back then.