(particularly for topping (women)). see i closed all my parens there.
1. she must be enjoying herself as much as she possibly can at every second
2. you are supposed to make her come as quickly, intensely, and as many times as possible. until then, you have failed. if you don’t fulfill rule 1, you will be tapped out before you can even fulfill rule 2, and you have *really* failed.
3. you must at all times look fully engaged and turned on (this rule is slightly flexible to the level of attention the person is paying to this). really, this is only as much as is necessary to fulfill rules 1 and 2.
4. gets angry. who wrote that? clearly, that is not a rule. (sighs). although you can be angry on the inside, you just can’t show it on the outside. this is particularly important with women, who want to feel like the sex means something about them, that it means they are more worthwhile. so there is a lot you need to communicate subtlely to make that happen. to make them feel as happy as possible. that’s why you’re there. that’s why you’re there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there
our fucking back hurts our fucking neck hurts mostly right but now left but we can’t fucking use the pain tracker cuz we’d get it WRONG and when we look at our pain it dissappears like in the doctor’s office and we just can’t really feel it any more and if we feel it we don’t know what it is
i want to die i skip skip skip arounda dn skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip and skip
the craziest thing is realizing that things can NOT FEEL TRUE and still BE true. for other parts. for what people would call “objective reality”, which i suppose is what someone with a camera in the room would judge to be the situation. i don’t know. i don’t know. i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know i don’t knoe i don’t know i don’t know i don’t i don’t help help help help help help help they found me they always find me always and hotels and climbing and floors and walls and allover carpet and allover allover carpet allover its allover its allover she needs to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to ditttttt ditttttt ditttt dttt dtdtdtdtd die she needs to die once we went to a work party with mommy and she was at a work party and we went int he house and played scrabble no trivial pursuit i dont member mommy was different then then now then now then now then now then now then now then now then now then now then now then now then now then now then now then now then now then wno nwownwoonwwo helphelp helphelphelphelphelphelp help her eyes are closing closing closing tired tired tired out put her mind to sleep sleep sleppsleepsleepsleppsleepsleeeppsleepsleepsleepsleepslepslepslep keep her body awake put her mind to sleep keep her body awake put her mindt o sleep body awake awake wake wake awake awake awake the room downstairs awake awake awake awkake awake she needs to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die perchance to sleep dream sleep dream sleep dream her bodys awake but her mind is alepp asleep asleep asleep asleep asleep we all look like dolls in our head we all look like dolls in there we are all dolls in there in our head we are all dolls inside there we are all dolls we are all dolls in there we are all dolls we are all dolls in there we are all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolls all dolsl dolls dolls dolls dolls dolls dolls dolls dolls dolls dolls dolls dolls dolls dolls dont let anybody near not safe not safe but myriads not safe not safe not safe not safe not safe not safe not safe we yell at them but they are what kept us safe so we could be at all not safe not safe not safe she wants to die go sleep not wake go sleep her bodies awake but her minds asleep she wants to die she does she does
cry scared die cry scarred die cry scared die cry scared die cry scared diecry scared die she dies dhe dies she dies she dies she dies she dies she dies the bodies asleep but the minds awake the bodies asleep but the minds awake the bodies asleep but the minds awake asleepawakeasleepawakeasleepawake asleepawakeasleepawakeasleepawakeasleepawakeasleppawakeasleepasleepaslep help she is dying help sh is scared not safe stay away help she is alone adn scared and colcoldcoldcold she needs to die to die to die to die to die to die to die to die want to die and die and die and die and die and die and die and die hrut so much in chest want die and die and sleep and never wakeup and never wake up and rest and rest and rest and rest and rest and rest and rest and rest and reast and rest and rest like buffy when she was dead and she knew everyone she loved was safe and cared for and she was warm and safe thats what we want we want we want we want we want we want we want we want we want we want help help help help help help help help die die die sleep and never wake up and never wake up like she said she said she said like she said she said she said she said she said she wants to die to die to die to die to die to die
help please help her she is so alone please help her please help her be gentle and love her and dont hurt her or want anything from her please just hold her and be happy just that just that just that please it is all she needs
Filed under: stream of consciousness | Tagged: anger/angry, body pain, coping mechanisms, dolls, inner world, inter-system communication, lists, littles, littles and sex, repeat and repeat and repeat, rules, sex and being a top, wanting to die, what they tell us | Leave a comment »
your subtext is showing 